Early 2018, I visited Nigeria from the US and decided to visit my Uncle and his family at Auchi. On getting there, I met one guy who came to see my cousin and He introduced himself as Florida based IT expert - I asked my cousin jokingly when we got talking - "hope this guy is not just trying to play you, is he serious on marriage or he is just dating?" - because I can tell he is a play boy from his behavior. My cousin swiped at me - abeg bros, no put bad mouth... abi you no want make me too come America - I was like wow... no vex ooo - we laughed but I know that is what was going through her mind- so I didnt want to be seen as enemy of progress, so I let her be.

Fast forward, late in 2018 - at Christmas she gave birth in Nigeria and I called to congratulate her on the delivery of her baby daughter and asked her to let me know when she arrives the US so I can come visit her, and that was when she opened up to me that the guy is not serious about marriage or taking her to the US - HE just made her pregnant, that' s all - I managed my response well so she wont say I am the wizard causing her bad luck - she claims the guy sent her money monthly some 30-40k for her upkeep but doubts he will marry her - i told her to keep the faith and pray and I encouraged her

But the reason for this thread is what happened over the weekend, my cousin told me over the phone that this dude visited Nigeria last year, brought things for her and their 3 year old daughter but wont even visit my Uncle's house. He just came, did a DNA on their daughter and after seeing her a few times (no love making or outing) - he returned back to the US... and when he got to the US - he told her he wont marry her bla bla bla - but will take care of the child and he started sending her $100 a month - an upgrade from the 40K Naira he sends for their daughter. I sympathized with her and honestly I saw this coming from the things I heard from other family members regarding this guy but I just hoped it wont materialize


From the look of things - she obviously is having communication issues with the guy but she appealed to me - to plead with the guy that N55K ($100) is not enough to care for the child monthly -- and that because we both live in America he will feel ashamed and increase the money - IF I call him to speak to him regarding the matter - hmmmmm

she said that the guy said that is all he can be sending to her ($100 monthly) - Now my cousin works as secretary in a private company in Auchi and thats all i know about her means of livelihood although she lives with her grand mom - (maternal) in the same Auchi - she claims to be making minimum wage so I figured that could be N30K monthly

My question is .. As a man, is it proper to tell a fellow man that the money ($100) he sends to take care of his daughter monthly is not enough?

And BECAUSE of the way she talked to me like I was jealous of her relationship in 2018, wont it be wise I just steer clear ? If I do steer clear and not talk to the guy about it, will she not conclude I dont mean well for her ?

My Uncle is GOOD guy and I want to help but I sincerely dont know what to do - and I really do not want any stress too

Please honest and sincere advise

What if the 55k is what the guy can afford, she should improvise and manage things because she knew well she wasn’t married but was having unprotected sex. Nothing bad if you help her talk to the irresponsible man

Iyaebe:
What if the 55k is what the guy can afford, she should improvise and manage things because she knew well she wasn’t married but was having unprotected sex. Nothing bad if you help her talk to the irresponsible man

talking to the man is not the problem - but that is his daughter - not mine, no be tafia be that ?

okuta007:



talking to the man is not the problem - but that is his daughter - not mine, no be tafia be that ?

You said DNA was already conducted na, so why should he have problems taking care of his daughter

okuta007:
Early 2018, I visited Nigeria from the US and decided to visit my Uncle and his family at Auchi. On getting there, I met one guy who came to see my cousin and He introduced himself as Florida based IT expert - I asked my cousin jokingly when we got talking - "hope this guy is not just trying to play you, is he serious on marriage or he is just dating?" - because I can tell he is a play boy from his behavior. My cousin swiped at me - abeg bros, no put bad mouth... abi you no want make me too come America - I was like wow... no vex ooo - we laughed but I know that is what was going through her mind- so I didnt want to be seen as enemy of progress, so I let her be.

Fast forward, late in 2018 - at Christmas she gave birth in Nigeria and I called to congratulate her on the delivery of her baby daughter and asked her to let me know when she arrives the US so I can come visit her, and that was when she opened up to me that the guy is not serious about marriage or taking her to the US - HE just made her pregnant, that' s all - I managed my response well so she wont say I am the wizard causing her bad luck - she claims the guy sent her money monthly some 30-40k for her upkeep but doubts he will marry her - i told her to keep the faith and pray and I encouraged her

But the reason for this thread is what happened over the weekend, my cousin told me over the phone that this dude visited Nigeria last year, brought things for her and their 3 year old daughter but wont even visit my Uncle's house. He just came, did a DNA on their daughter and after seeing her a few times (no love making or outing) - he returned back to the US... and when he got to the US - he told her he wont marry her bla bla bla - but will take care of the child and he started sending her $100 a month - an upgrade from the 40K Naira he sends for their daughter. I sympathized with her and honestly I saw this coming from the things I heard from other family members regarding this guy but I just hoped it wont materialize


From the look of things - she obviously is having communication issues with the guy but she appealed to me - to plead with the guy that N55K ($100) is not enough to care for the child monthly -- and that because we both live in America he will feel ashamed and increase the money - IF I call him to speak to him regarding the matter - hmmmmm

she said that the guy said that is all he can be sending to her ($100 monthly) - Now my cousin works as secretary in a private company in Auchi and thats all i know about her means of livelihood although she lives with her grand mom - (maternal) in the same Auchi - she claims to be making minimum wage so I figured that could be N30K monthly

My question is .. As a man, is it proper to tell a fellow man that the money ($100) he sends to take care of his daughter monthly is not enough?

And BECAUSE of the way she talked to me like I was jealous of her relationship in 2018, wont it be wise I just steer clear ? If I do steer clear and not talk to the guy about it, will she not conclude I dont mean well for her ?

My Uncle is GOOD guy and I want to help but I sincerely dont know what to do - and I really do not want any stress too

Please honest and sincere advise

make she getat joo

Make she no pin her misfortune for your neck. Na wetin hin dey find hin see, am sure she dumped her bf for this americana just cus she wan visit America.

See oga, las las u wil have ursef to blame if u dont mind ur business, and besides, wetin the pikin dey chop or wear wey 50k no reach am??

If na twins she con born nko?? She for dey collect 200k for their upkeep per month.



For this life eehn, make everybody carry hin load, wen u chop wetin u sabi chop belleful den try to drink water put.

He sends 55k she earns 30k that's 85k.

She also got willing pregnant because she wants to leech off the guy.

If 85k is not enough for her, her daughter and grandmother then....

This post should be in the crime section...



Lalasticlala

Iyaebe:
You said DNA was already conducted na, so why should he have problems taking care of his daughter

my cousin said he sends $100 a month and she said that’s all he can give because he can barely pay his bills here in America - i think he takes care of his daughter just that she is saying the money is not enough

okuta007:


my cousin said he sends $100 a month and she said that’s all he can give because he can barely pay his bills here in America - i think he takes care of his daughter just that she is saying the money is not enough

He has done his best , let her take care of the rest, she should have thought about all these before having unprotected sex outside matrimony

reedone:
He sends 55k she earns 30k that's 85k.

She also got willing pregnant because she wants to leech off the guy.

If 85k is not enough for her, her daughter and grandmother then....

This post should be in the crime section...



Lalasticlala

my uncle takes care of his mom and she is a retired nurse so she is it the one taking care of her grand mom to the best of my knowledge

The guy is a bad person. So all he cares about is his child? What of the person taking care of the child. Her needs and upkeep too are important because if she dumps the child and he were to employ a caregiver to look after her, he'll have to pay the caregiver. So, he needs to also cater for your cousins needs as well.

Those shouting that the guy has tried. Try fire!
55k cannot cater for a childs needs because things are annoyingly expensive these days.
You'll collect money thinking its big, before you know it, its gone and you'll be wondering what you bought with it. Its that bad. 500 naira now is like 50 naira. Just hold it to go and buy snacks, its gone! No be better snacks sef. Snacks from aboki kiosk. Not to talk of going to a proper store to buy things.


I blame your cousin too for getting pregnant when she's not sure about the guy yet. I don't know when some girls will have sense and know that sex/pregnancy doesn't keep a man.

Tell the man just once and face front. If the guy doesn't do anything about it, let her go and dump the child with his family. Simple!

Op, pls mind your business. The guy has tried his best. The lady should hustle too. She should even be happy the guy is sending something every month, some baby mamas were abandoned.
Advice her to cut her coat according to her size so the money will be enough.
If you call the guy and you get insulted, you deserve it.

okuta007:


my uncle takes care of his mom and she is a retired nurse so she is it the one taking care of her grand mom to the best of my knowledge

That is enough for you to remove your hands from her case.

She should be happy she isn't abandoned.

Many single mothers are doing it alone.

Stupid girls that always thinks pregnancy will keep a man.

Neither will sex makes him love you.

You could speak to the guy and hear him out.If he says that's all he can afford,then so be it.

Your cousin is the one that has to tie her wrapper well.She should manage what he sends and what she makes as salary.
Plan your life well,they no dey hear.

When they hear abroad...their sense of reasoning would disappear and if u try to advice them,u will become their enemy number one.

These ladies should stop this trend of being baby mama without a proper plan. The guy in question tried,if it is some stupid home based guys,them for even deny the pregnancy and even remove u in their agenda for life.

This is a text book example that pregnancy can't keep such men.

However,I will also advice u to stay your stay before the Florida man starts seeing u as one of the persons she is using to either keep an eye on him or gingering your cousin to demand for more.

Whoever use in hand cause wahala,go use em head carry.

It's not enough,considering the state of the country,I know Auchi very well,things are very expensive there.He should increase the funds to like 70k.E no easy to feed pikin,make e no jonze by sending 55k

It's not that easy anywhere even abroad if you're working and trying to make it legitimately....she should find work to do on her own and the 50k will just be bonus to take care of her daughter....and you can help talk to him to increase it a bit for the sake of his daughter....

if you're seeing this or someone else also going through erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation,weak erection,reading this right now,I'll treat you permanently and you won't have any reason to be buying 200naira road side alcoholic mixture to perform Everytime, damaging your penile natural strength and self esteem.... Are you a smoker or alcohol drinker,lung,liver and kidneys cleanser straight from the farm and herbal market.... embrace herbs, embrace nature and natural ingredients....health is wealth

OlawaleBammie:
make she getat joo

Make she no pin her misfortune for your neck. Na wetin hin dey find hin see, am sure she dumped her bf for this americana just cus she wan visit America.

See oga, las las u wil have ursef to blame if u dont mind ur business, and besides, wetin the pikin dey chop or wear wey 50k no reach am??

If na twins she con born nko?? She for dey collect 200k for their upkeep per month.



For this life eehn, make everybody carry hin load, wen u chop wetin u sabi chop belleful den try to drink water put.

abi ooooo

Mercychen:
The guy is a bad person. So all he cares about is his child? What of the person taking care of the child. Her needs and upkeep too are important because if she dumps the child and he were to employ a caregiver to look after her, he'll have to pay the caregiver. So, he needs to also cater for your cousins needs as well.

Those shouting that the guy has tried. Try fire!
55k cannot cater for a childs needs because things are annoyingly expensive these days.
You'll collect money thinking its big, before you know it, its gone and you'll be wondering what you bought with it. Its that bad. 500 naira now is like 50 naira. Just hold it to go and buy snacks, its gone! No be better snacks sef. Snacks from aboki kiosk. Not to talk of going to a proper store to buy things.


I blame your cousin too for getting pregnant when she's not sure about the guy yet. I don't know when some girls will have sense and know that sex/pregnancy doesn't keep a man.

Tell the man just once and face front. If the guy doesn't do anything about it, let her go and dump the child with his family. Simple!

advise taken

for the man - i do not know his finances and here in the US most folks are having a hard time due to the inflation and all that after math of covid but that does not excuse or absolve him of his responsibilities - however, the child in question is for both my cousin and the man, dont u think it is a bad idea to pin the child's responsibility and that of my cousin on the man solely? if the child becomes a millionaire tomorrow will my cousin not want her daughter to care for her ? now i am not taking sides with the man but why must the man take care of my cousin who is NOT handicap? just asking

Aaaaarghmed:
It's not enough,considering the state of the country,I know Auchi very well,things are very expensive there.He should increase the funds to like 70k.E no easy to feed pikin,make e no jonze by sending 55k

well the man should try and do more i think but what about couples who make N70K and N50,000 a month and they have a child... does that child care take N55K from that N120K ? If yes, how do the couples take care of themselves. Here on nairaland, I see people begging for N40K work ....I ask these so I can be confident when talking to the guy

Lastly, I think the guy should marry my cousin - to make things easy.. i will talk to him about that but if he declines, i go just leave them alone - i have my own to solve

dobnina:
Op, pls mind your business. The guy has tried his best. The lady should hustle too. She should even be happy the guy is sending something every month, some baby mamas were abandoned.
Advice her to cut her coat according to her size so the money will be enough.
If you call the guy and you get insulted, you deserve it.

the bolded, na my fear be that ooo - make the guy no go insult me... hmmm wow

okuta007:




the bolded, na my fear be that ooo - make the guy no go insult me... hmmm wow

You are yet to tell your cousin the truth

Your cousin is a thief, a glutton, a lazy motherfucker and one of the reasons some nairalanders refers to ladies as good for absolutely nothing

If the person who impregnated her is Nigeria based will she claim almost 200% of her monthly networth is not enough

The reason the best job she can land is that of 30k is because she brings nothing of more value to the table of her office

Your lazy cousin just want a man that will be financing her good for nothing life, her plan is to use the money buy cream, make her hair, fix useless eye lashes and bobrisky eagles long nails

That's the main reason why she clinged to an American based unserious guy and drop her sense in dustbin against sensible advice from you, she thinks her pussy is all she needs to get the good life and poping children like shit for men who shows no sign of being responsible


If you don't have any self worth go and call your cousin pussy-smasher and be discussing nonsense with him, tell him to send a million dollar per week to your beloved cousin who offered him cheap pussy, you will probably get the insult of your lifetime, enough to last you multiple lifetime and generations

The fact that your cheap cousin can send you on such mission shows what she thinks of you and how she regard you ...as errand mumu elder cousin

okuta007:



advise taken

for the man - i do not know his finances and here in the US most folks are having a hard time due to the inflation and all that after math of covid but that does not excuse or absolve him of his responsibilities - however, the child in question is for both my cousin and the man, dont u think it is a bad idea to pin the child's responsibility and that of my cousin on the man solely? if the child becomes a millionaire tomorrow will my cousin not want her daughter to care for her ? now i am not taking sides with the man but why must the man take care of my cousin who is NOT handicap? just asking

He should because he put her in the family way. Saddling her with a child she didn't plan to raise as a single parent.

However, like I said earlier on, let her take the baby to the man's family and start her life afresh. Let's see if he'll not send something for those helping him to look after his child. Afterall, a child belongs to the man.

okuta007:
Early 2018, I visited Nigeria from the US and decided to visit my Uncle and his family at Auchi. On getting there, I met one guy who came to see my cousin and He introduced himself as Florida based IT expert - I asked my cousin jokingly when we got talking - "hope this guy is not just trying to play you, is he serious on marriage or he is just dating?" - because I can tell he is a play boy from his behavior. My cousin swiped at me - abeg bros, no put bad mouth... abi you no want make me too come America - I was like wow... no vex ooo - we laughed but I know that is what was going through her mind- so I didnt want to be seen as enemy of progress, so I let her be.

Fast forward, late in 2018 - at Christmas she gave birth in Nigeria and I called to congratulate her on the delivery of her baby daughter and asked her to let me know when she arrives the US so I can come visit her, and that was when she opened up to me that the guy is not serious about marriage or taking her to the US - HE just made her pregnant, that' s all - I managed my response well so she wont say I am the wizard causing her bad luck - she claims the guy sent her money monthly some 30-40k for her upkeep but doubts he will marry her - i told her to keep the faith and pray and I encouraged her

But the reason for this thread is what happened over the weekend, my cousin told me over the phone that this dude visited Nigeria last year, brought things for her and their 3 year old daughter but wont even visit my Uncle's house. He just came, did a DNA on their daughter and after seeing her a few times (no love making or outing) - he returned back to the US... and when he got to the US - he told her he wont marry her bla bla bla - but will take care of the child and he started sending her $100 a month - an upgrade from the 40K Naira he sends for their daughter. I sympathized with her and honestly I saw this coming from the things I heard from other family members regarding this guy but I just hoped it wont materialize


From the look of things - she obviously is having communication issues with the guy but she appealed to me - to plead with the guy that N55K ($100) is not enough to care for the child monthly -- and that because we both live in America he will feel ashamed and increase the money - IF I call him to speak to him regarding the matter - hmmmmm

she said that the guy said that is all he can be sending to her ($100 monthly) - Now my cousin works as secretary in a private company in Auchi and thats all i know about her means of livelihood although she lives with her grand mom - (maternal) in the same Auchi - she claims to be making minimum wage so I figured that could be N30K monthly

My question is .. As a man, is it proper to tell a fellow man that the money ($100) he sends to take care of his daughter monthly is not enough?

And BECAUSE of the way she talked to me like I was jealous of her relationship in 2018, wont it be wise I just steer clear ? If I do steer clear and not talk to the guy about it, will she not conclude I dont mean well for her ?

My Uncle is GOOD guy and I want to help but I sincerely dont know what to do - and I really do not want any stress too

Please honest and sincere advise

Bros, you sure say you dey US so, as you dey ask this kind simple question? Is very basic na. No be the man go dictate wetin he go pay na. Don’t contact him directly. Help her file at his states child support agency. They will determine how much he should pay and garnish his wages and send her the money directly until the child is 18. This will also establish the child’s citizenship and the child can get a US passport whether the father likes or not. US no dey play with deadbeat parents.

Go to this website and read up:

https://www.acf.hhs.gov/css/faq/frequently-asked-questions-about-international-cases#q11

Q11. How can I get child support from a person in the U.S. if I do not live in a Hague Convention country or a Foreign Reciprocating Country? Collapse
First, check to see if your country of residence has state-level reciprocity with the U.S. state where the person owing support lives. To find this out, contact the child support agency in your country. Or, you can check on OCSE's Intergovernmental Reference Guide. From the State drop-down, select your state and press "GO", then from the "Program Category" drop-down, select “C. Reciprocity” to see which countries that state has child support reciprocity with. If your country has state-level reciprocity with the state, contact the child support agency in your country for assistance.

If your country does not have federal or state-level reciprocity for child support, you may be able to apply directly for services with the child support agency in the U.S. state where the person owing support lives. Contact the state's child support agency to find out if they can provide services. You can find a state’s child support website and general contact information on our interactive map. From the map, click on the state. There will also be a link to the state’s website.

You do not need to be a U.S. citizen, or be living in the United States, to contact a U.S. state child support agency and ask for services.

Mercychen:
The guy is a bad person. So all he cares about is his child? What of the person taking care of the child. Her needs and upkeep too are important because if she dumps the child and he were to employ a caregiver to look after her, he'll have to pay the caregiver. So, he needs to also cater for your cousins needs as well.

Those shouting that the guy has tried. Try fire!
55k cannot cater for a childs needs because things are annoyingly expensive these days.
You'll collect money thinking its big, before you know it, its gone and you'll be wondering what you bought with it. Its that bad. 500 naira now is like 50 naira. Just hold it to go and buy snacks, its gone! No be better snacks sef. Snacks from aboki kiosk. Not to talk of going to a proper store to buy things.


I blame your cousin too for getting pregnant when she's not sure about the guy yet. I don't know when some girls will have sense and know that sex/pregnancy doesn't keep a man.

Tell the man just once and face front. If the guy doesn't do anything about it, let her go and dump the child with his family. Simple!

What if he didn't send at all and abandons her to cater for the child herself?

Person wey get head no get cap

okuta007:
Early 2018, I visited Nigeria from the US and decided to visit my Uncle and his family at Auchi. On getting there, I met one guy who came to see my cousin and He introduced himself as Florida based IT expert - I asked my cousin jokingly when we got talking - "hope this guy is not just trying to play you, is he serious on marriage or he is just dating?" - because I can tell he is a play boy from his behavior. My cousin swiped at me - abeg bros, no put bad mouth... abi you no want make me too come America - I was like wow... no vex ooo - we laughed but I know that is what was going through her mind- so I didnt want to be seen as enemy of progress, so I let her be.

Fast forward, late in 2018 - at Christmas she gave birth in Nigeria and I called to congratulate her on the delivery of her baby daughter and asked her to let me know when she arrives the US so I can come visit her, and that was when she opened up to me that the guy is not serious about marriage or taking her to the US - HE just made her pregnant, that' s all - I managed my response well so she wont say I am the wizard causing her bad luck - she claims the guy sent her money monthly some 30-40k for her upkeep but doubts he will marry her - i told her to keep the faith and pray and I encouraged her

But the reason for this thread is what happened over the weekend, my cousin told me over the phone that this dude visited Nigeria last year, brought things for her and their 3 year old daughter but wont even visit my Uncle's house. He just came, did a DNA on their daughter and after seeing her a few times (no love making or outing) - he returned back to the US... and when he got to the US - he told her he wont marry her bla bla bla - but will take care of the child and he started sending her $100 a month - an upgrade from the 40K Naira he sends for their daughter. I sympathized with her and honestly I saw this coming from the things I heard from other family members regarding this guy but I just hoped it wont materialize


From the look of things - she obviously is having communication issues with the guy but she appealed to me - to plead with the guy that N55K ($100) is not enough to care for the child monthly -- and that because we both live in America he will feel ashamed and increase the money - IF I call him to speak to him regarding the matter - hmmmmm

she said that the guy said that is all he can be sending to her ($100 monthly) - Now my cousin works as secretary in a private company in Auchi and thats all i know about her means of livelihood although she lives with her grand mom - (maternal) in the same Auchi - she claims to be making minimum wage so I figured that could be N30K monthly

My question is .. As a man, is it proper to tell a fellow man that the money ($100) he sends to take care of his daughter monthly is not enough?

And BECAUSE of the way she talked to me like I was jealous of her relationship in 2018, wont it be wise I just steer clear ? If I do steer clear and not talk to the guy about it, will she not conclude I dont mean well for her ?

My Uncle is GOOD guy and I want to help but I sincerely dont know what to do - and I really do not want any stress too

Please honest and sincere advise

She is very lucky the guy didn't abandon her financially and still sends money for the child's . With her salary and what she gets monthly from him,she can still save a little.


I hope if you intervene,the guy wunt get upset and stop sending money. You wouldn't know the situation of the guy in US.

She should be grateful and hopeful. Most single mum's don't have the grace of the man contributing for the child's welfare or upkeep.

No matter how small,if i have such,I will appreciate and manage with my salary and still save little.it can only get better

okuta007:



talking to the man is not the problem - but that is his daughter - not mine, no be tafia be that ?

guy to b sincere with u 55k won't b enough cos I expect a 3 year old to b enrolled in school already n she will pay school fee coupled with daily expenses like snacks,t.fare n other daily upkeep which could b more than 1k per day.

As a guy,just try to make d guy understand that he needs to do more even if it's to take care of d child alone cos it's obvious 55k won't b enough as regards d level of inflation in Nigeria presently

realtalk19:



What if he didn't send at all and abandons her to cater for the child herself?

Person wey get head no get cap

That's their headache abeg.

Nana4ever:


Bros, you sure say you dey US so, as you dey ask this kind simple question? Is very basic na. No be the man go dictate wetin he go pay na. Don’t contact him directly. Help her file at his states child support agency. They will determine how much he should pay and garnish his wages and send her the money directly until the child is 18. This will also establish the child’s citizenship and the child can get a US passport whether the father likes or not. US no dey play with deadbeat parents.

Go to this website and read up:

https://www.acf.hhs.gov/css/faq/frequently-asked-questions-about-international-cases#q11

Q11. How can I get child support from a person in the U.S. if I do not live in a Hague Convention country or a Foreign Reciprocating Country? Collapse
First, check to see if your country of residence has state-level reciprocity with the U.S. state where the person owing support lives. To find this out, contact the child support agency in your country. Or, you can check on OCSE's Intergovernmental Reference Guide. From the State drop-down, select your state and press "GO", then from the "Program Category" drop-down, select “C. Reciprocity” to see which countries that state has child support reciprocity with. If your country has state-level reciprocity with the state, contact the child support agency in your country for assistance.

If your country does not have federal or state-level reciprocity for child support, you may be able to apply directly for services with the child support agency in the U.S. state where the person owing support lives. Contact the state's child support agency to find out if they can provide services. You can find a state’s child support website and general contact information on our interactive map. From the map, click on the state. There will also be a link to the state’s website.

You do not need to be a U.S. citizen, or be living in the United States, to contact a U.S. state child support agency and ask for services.

my brother, thanks for your contribution and I am grateful for your passion and advise on this matter. To answer your question, I live in the US and I have lived here for decades and I am fully aware of all you said here. Honestly I wish we didn't get to this point and that, all is good and happy with my cousin and her child in a sweet matrimonial home. But such is life, it is not always as we hope for it.

However, while your advise all looks good on paper, kindly permit me to play the devil's advocate - to justify the reason why I did not suggest the "child support" route with my cousin.

1. The US state department tells every American citizen to obey the local laws of the country they are travelling to, because America will never impose her will on any sovereign nation. This relates first, to the ownership of the child. In the Nigerian constitution, the child of an unmarried couple belongs to the man, because Nigeria and most African countries are patrilineal societies. In this case, the US based guy did not marry my cousin so he has the right to take that child away from my cousin without sweating it in the courts and give that child to his family in Nigeria. Where will that leave my cousin?

2. The child today is not a US citizen, because she has not been registered or reported as CRBA, so the child does not even have a social security number - so how will that work out? we all know that without a social security identification, no person, (even those living in the US) can be taxed. Child support is a form of family tax and that is an uphill task

3. In this case, child support does not apply because the guy has been supporting the child, according to what my cousin said - even when she was pregnant, he sends her money monthly. So how do you convince a child support adjudicator that that man does not mean well for my cousin and the child?

4. $100 may not be a whole lot in the US, BUT there are (poor) people in the US based on their income and how many women they have to support who pay exactly $100 or even less as child support. For instance, If a guy makes minimum wage or say $1,400 a month and has 2 kids from 2 women, he can not pay more that 15% of his entire wages for both kids - that is $105 EACH for both kids (which is a total of $210) because he has his bills to pay and he has to feed himself. What about IF this guy is a low wage earner and he has another kid here in the US or even in Nigeria?

5. Another thing to consider is the "standard of living index" in every country. Nigeria's official minimum wage is N30,000 and we all know that is not the reality on ground, as most people earn way below that in both private and public sector. Here on Nairaland the other day, someone posted that a recruit in the armed forces earns N12,000 a month! While she is complaining of $100 not being enough, it is almost twice the minimum wage of the Federal Republic of Nigeria. So how can she make a successful case for that in the courts? The other day Chevron workers were demonstrating they do not earn enough, in naira, as compared to their colleagues in America because they are being paid based on the Nigerian standard of living index - that is an American company in Nigeria! Even the US consulate does not pay their Nigerian security guards up to $7.25 (an hour) that will easily be $1,160 which is N661,200 a month - you know why? because they know what "standard of living index" in every country means. So I can not say the US based guy is not trying considering the Nigerian standards because no average guy in the US pays the minimum wage as child support to any baby mama. So I can only hope the guy helps more if he has extra, not trying to "ENFORCE" anything on him since he is supporting already.

6. Lets even consider that such "child support" petition is granted, against the odds I stated above, do you realize that Child support comes with certain obligations? In the US, it is called visitation rights and all that and most times it is done weekly or bi-weekly depending on the agreement. What if the guy says, since my cousin has made him pay through legal means, and he wants to punish my cousin, requests that my cousin should facilitate the child visiting his family house in Lagos every weekend from Auchi - so his own representatives in Nigeria can see the child for one day every week. How much in cash will that cost my cousin? and with the way insecurity is everywhere in Nigeria, will she be able to make that trip without encountering road hazard (robberies, kidnaping, etc) like most Nigerians experience? is it really worth it?

7. Talking about insecurity, lets even assume against all odds stated above, she is awarded child support, with the way Nigeria is today, human life is worth nothing. What if the guy starts complaining to his extended family in Nigeria that my cousin has used the law to take all his money he is earning and its like he is working for her. Hmmmm, even if the man does not intend harm, you think some of his overzealous and evil relatives will spare my cousin? what if they do the unthinkable? have you considered that? Is the child support worth that? or the people awarding her the child support will award her security too? hmmm - my brother, I considered all that before - that was why I did not open a thread about "how to collect child support in Nigeria" BUT a thread on "how or IF to talk the guy about increasing the money a bit"

8. My cousin's child can not get a US passport based on emotions (let us assume the guy is even a US citizen). There are laid down rules to a child born overseas getting US citizenship and the US parent of that child, in this case the man - will have to tender a host of supporting documents when called upon. What if my cousin decides to play dirty with the child support thing and the man refuse to assist in the process of extending citizenship to their daughter? Then the child becomes one of the millions of kids born by western parents who can not lay claim to western citizenship. IF you are familiar with the coastal areas of the Niger Delta, you will see a lot of mixed race kids whose fathers worked in the ships and impregnated their mothers. How many of them have the citizenship of their dad's country today? You know why? because their dads probably did not pursue it. I do not want that for my cousin. The ones I know personally do not have foreign citizenship and they have not received a dime from their father since they were born. Many have not even seen their father since they were born and they are now adults.

9. The child getting a US passport (assuming all odds favor her) is not a privilege that will extend to my cousin. Why, because even illegal aliens on US soil who gave birth to US citizens, still get deported - in some cases, the (US) kids may have to follow them IF they insist they want their kids with them until the child gets to 18 and can fend for themselves then they return to the US because they are US citizens by birth and then when they are buoyant financially can petition to bring their parents with them. My cousin can not benefit in this regard IF he gets confrontational with the guy - because being a parent of a US citizen (in this case a minor) does not guarantee automatic immigration benefits

10. Lastly, the child in question is female. Will it be proper to alienate her father when we know in the African society when that child gets to age of marriage, she will need the father to play an important role in her life?

So my brother - your advise looks so good on paper and I am grateful for it, but one needs to apply wisdom.

Thank you

Bounceboune7:
guy to b sincere with u 55k won't b enough cos I expect a 3 year old to b enrolled in school already n she will pay school fee coupled with daily expenses like snacks,t.fare n other daily upkeep which could b more than 1k per day.

As a guy,just try to make d guy understand that he needs to do more even if it's to take care of d child alone cos it's obvious 55k won't b enough as regards d level of inflation in Nigeria presently

Yes, I quite agree with you, that 55k is insufficient. But even if he gives her 100K it will still not be enough based on the inflation. No amount of money is ever enough in Nigeria - So, What I am considering telling him IF I feel comfortable to call him is to send her money to open a business - maybe a little provision store so she too can fend for the child equally. The kid belongs to both of them and whatever the child becomes tomorrow will favor my cousin more than the man because while the man is paying from the US, my cousin is bonding with the child more and the man may look like a stranger to the child later - so I get all that . so I am trying to be fair to both parties.

Mercychen:


That's their headache abeg.

i kinda agree with you ... me sef i don tire

realtalk19:



What if he didn't send at all and abandons her to cater for the child herself?

Person wey get head no get cap

you are right, how many men in Nigerian marriages even dedicate that kind of amount to cater for their child when de never see that money to cater for themselves wey work the money? i kinda agree with you