wirinet:


Yes. Within the limits of my culture.

Let me tell you another story of cultural clash

When my first cousin wanted to marry an Anambra Prince. He refused to wear wrapper which is a must in warri tradition marriages. He said that in his culture it is a taboo for a Prince to wear wrapper. After arguing a bit with my uncle, it was later agreed that he can wear trousers, cap and beads. And the marriage went on smoothly.

They are still married till this day after 30 years

Bros, culture will remain no matter what you say. It's only understanding and compromise they will show you as done to me. However, this guy's issue is far beyond what you will say, i won't do. He can be arrested with trump-up charges sef.
A man has no claim to a woman or the offspring of a woman unless he has been duly accepted to have ownership of the woman by her family through dowry and other marital rites.

Diveystore2017:
Please please and please, do as the family said. My Uncle has experienced this. The girl was pregnant and died while giving birth. The family insisted in marrying her corpse. Which he gathered some family member and did as they said but begged them to bury her in father's compound and his own because he does not want my grandfather who is his father to know.

There is no garagara in this, do as the family wants for peace to rain. Besides, as long as you did pay bride price, your son belongs to the girls family. It's only the bride price that will give you custody of your son.

If you choose to follow it in court way, they might follow it spiritually with you. It has repercussions.

False. He is not from her tribe and so not bound by their culture. Furthermore he lives in the city and not the village. If they come and take his child by force, he will charge the parents for kidnapping. According to the Nigerian constitution a father and mother has absolute rights to their children unless they are proven unfit to be a parent.

If OP is spiritually strong, Christianwise, Muslimwise or otherwise, he has nothing to fear.

PastorFire:
Bros, culture will remain no matter what you say. It's only understanding and compromise they will show you as done to me. However, this guy's issue is far beyond what you will say, i won't do. He can be arrested with trump-up charges sef.
A man has no claim to a woman or the offspring of a woman unless he has been duly accepted to have ownership of the woman by her family through dowry and other marital rites.

I don't understand why you guys believe everyone in Nigeria is bound by igbo culture. Bride price does not determine paternity in most other Nigerian cultures. You cannot force igbo culture on others.
In yoruba culture once a woman gives birth for you, the children are automatically yours and entitled to family inheritance.
According to English common law, paternity is determined by DNA.

Arrested on what charges? Was she a minor or was she kidnapped? I don't also know why you guys like to employ extra judicial means to impose your culture on others.

wirinet:

I have gone through the court system twice and won. Mid last year police seized my car that was involved in an accident with was not the fault of my driver. My car was badly damaged and its was deteriorating because rain was entering as the windows were broken. The DPO said I should bring N150,000 to release my driver and another N150,000 to release the car. In fact he drove me out of his office. I contracted a lawyer. We first filed for the released of my car and then the release of my car. In one week my driver was released. I got a court order for the release of my car in 4 weeks.

The country will not move forward if we give up without any attempt. That's why I idolise Gani of blessed memory. He always tested the law and the courts to asset his rights and the rights of Nigerians.

Did you spend money fighting the case or not?

Do you think an average Joe with a debt like the op and no meaningful income could have put up the same fight that you put up?

I never said you can't find system but you can't if you are a poor broke ass individual. Your chances of getting it as a poor broke man is very slim and getting it on time is another story.

McTominay:


Boss good evening, I'm still a small man of 28.

The money you borrowed to take care of the lady, you could have used part of it initially to do traditional marriage for the lady.

Baba. Read this your statement again.

Person dey sick, instead of him to save her life, he should take the money and approach her family for her hand in marriage.

Omo. Omo. Omo. I Don read things for this thread today sha.

StilmaVsBorn2w:

I informed them for the burial arrangements not for marriage ceremony

You informed them for burial arrangement as your wife or daughter?, Oga you are insane....You are just too arrogant to admit your Fu*cking mistake to start with, you are busy talking tr*sh that your mum said as advice, if is ur sister or your mums child will you feel and be saying the same nonsense, you are the one with tribal sentiment and bigotry...I think you are so wicked....a lady birthing ur kid is not a must that u will marry her but keeping her is another thing, African and Nigeria is a country that has culture, if u want to quote the whites and 21st century nonsense you better travel out there

flexyrule:

Baba. Read this your statement again.

Person dey sick, instead of him to save her life, he should take the money and approach her family for her hand in marriage.

Omo. Omo. Omo. I Don read things for this thread today sha.

Don't mind them. Its all money money and money. No regards for human life or dignity. When their daughter was sick, shi shi, they did not contribute to save her life. Now she is dead, they are looking for excuse to cash out.

wirinet:


I don't understand why you guys believe everyone in Nigeria is bound by igbo culture. Bride price does not determine paternity in most other Nigerian cultures. You cannot force igbo culture on others.
In yoruba culture once a woman gives birth for you, the children are automatically yours and entitled to family inheritance.
According to English common law, paternity is determined by DNA.

Arrested on what charges? Was she a minor or was she kidnapped? I don't also know why you guys like to employ extra judicial means to impose your culture on others.

This is not exclusive to Igbo culture but a cultural norm everywhere. As far as her family is concern, he is a stranger and not a family member regardless of whatever transpired between him and their daughter. Moreso, something tells me, he is indirectly responsible for her death. He wouldn't go so far to loan millions to save a woman he is betrothed to. Neither will the family sit back and watch him take up all the responsibility.
There is something he is not telling us.

It is their tradition and you cannot run away from it. It's either you pay the bride price now or later but you MUST pay it. It's your load..carry it.

PastorFire:
This is not exclusive to Igbo culture but a cultural norm everywhere. As far as her family is concern, he is a stranger and not a family member regardless of whatever transpired between him and their daughter. Moreso, something tells me, he is indirectly responsible for her death. He wouldn't go so far to loan millions to save a woman he is betrothed to. Neither will the family sit back and watch him take up all the responsibility.
There is something he is not telling us.

Which cultural norm everywhere? I have never heard any one marrying a dead baby mamma or girlfriend in Yoruba land, so also ijaw, itsekiriland and urhoboland. In fact in these areas, baby mammas are the order of the day. If you are to marry every girl that gives you a child, most men in warri or yoruba land will have multiple wives.

I also don't think this also applies in most northern tribes.

PastorFire:
This is not exclusive to Igbo culture but a cultural norm everywhere. As far as her family is concern, he is a stranger and not a family member regardless of whatever transpired between him and their daughter. Moreso, something tells me, he is indirectly responsible for her death. He wouldn't go so far to loan millions to save a woman he is betrothed to. Neither will the family sit back and watch him take up all the responsibility.
There is something he is not telling us.

Yes Pastor. My spirit also testifies he is also responsible for death and knows this truth

PastorFire:
Bros, are you married? My wife is from another tribe and i'm bounded by their culture, tradition and ways of marital rites. Same for most cultures.
If you are it interested, then take your leave. Their daughter was not forced upon you. You came to kindly plead her people for her hand in marriage.

God bless you Pastor

You see mistake people make, bros this is not something to be stubborn on, even the bible is against your act. You didn't do the right thing, how would you live with her for a long time without doing the needful? even when she has given you a child. You would have paid the bride price only leaving the other ones pending. Tradition is brutal when you fail to respect it, they may mess you up if you don't take time.
Do this: go to any some elders in your family and explain this to them, they will direct you on what to do. The way you are handling this is childish, they may make your life miserable if you don't handle it wisely.

goziem1982:
You see mistake people make, bros this is not something to be stubborn on, even the bible is against your act. You didn't do the right thing, how would you live with her for a long time without doing the needful? even when she has given you a child. You would have paid the bride price only leaving the other ones pending. Tradition is brutal when you fail to respect it, they may mess you up if you don't take time.
Do this: go to any some elders in your family and explain this to them, they will direct you on what to do. The way you are handling this is childish, they may make your life miserable if you don't handle it wisely.

You people quote bible for every diabolical act. Did the Bible recommend anyone marrying a corpse?

StilmaVsBorn2w:
Back then when my mom was warning me not to go that far when our relationship started She kept on insisting I should go for the girls in my tribe, I thought she was just been a tribalist bigot. If only I had listened

She bore me a son, he's 3years now... though her people knows me well from normal visitation..but I haven't been able to pay her bride price yet due to the hardship this regime has on us. life happened, unfortunately she got sick since February, ever since then from one hospital to another..I took several loans from people for hospital bills to the point of me looking sick myself.so sad for us we lost her last night.

I informed her elder brother who knows about all thats happening, he called me back this morning to tell me that his people told me to be prepared to marry her corpse. He went further and said if I don't pay her bride price, my boy will be taken from me and I should be ready to withstand the consequences.
I was surprised, I called for the burial arrangements not for a marriage ceremony

I blantly told him, I won't, why would I get married to her corpse. He was angry and cut the call on me.

Am more concerned about my son, please lawyer's in the house do they have any right to take my son away from me?
Even if they do am ready to give it to them, but spending money to Marry her corpse I will not.

I only brought this here, if had chance for my son whose still in my custody.

Since you said you won't marry her, please give their daughter's son back to them. He is not your son since you didn't marry her. This is the danger of cohabitation. You are lucky they didn't frame you that you kidnapped their daughter. From my own angle, I wouldn't advice you to marry a corpse either but you can't eat your cake and have it back. Nothing goes for nothing. Give them the child because he isn't your son (you didn't marry his mother)

How I wish you listened to your mother or better still paid her bride price when she was alive. You didn't have to do all the ceremonies. Just the small payment and tell them you will come later for the main thing.

This is a very serious issue. Nobody will be happy for losing their daughter.

Since some people claimed you can use court to retain your son, please do that.

In your next life, you will learn to listen to your mother and also learn to do the right thing.

This is warning case to men who are keeping people's daughters without marriage

VULCAN:
@OP StilmaVsBorn2w

I gleaned so much from reading your post and your replies. They are as follows:

1. You were not in love with the lady. That's clear by the absence of any pain for your loss in your write up. Rather you blame the girls tribe for their tradition that existed before your grandfather was born.

2. You do not have a deep bond with your son. That's why you are so ready to give him up so that you can move on as someone else will take up your responsibility.

3. Your only reason for resisting their demand is because you are already in debt. Nothing more. If you were rich you would have done transfer by now if you don't want to go for her burial

4. You are rather proud of your stubbornness even though it hasn't yielded good dividends in your life.

5. You are comfortable shirking responsibilities although you tried by fighting to keep her alive.

6. You have an aversion for wise counsel. There is no way the woman did not mention this tradition to you even though you are pretending now that it's sounding strange to you.

So let me share my advice:

Finally paying the Bride Price for a dead woman who has a child for you and "marrying a corpse" are the same thing but one sounds revolting while the other just sounds strange. You have overblown things by continually referring to the latter meanwhile it is just another way of saying you should pay your old debt that you have been running away from.

Let me share an analogy to explain your present predicament.

In countries where Tax is a way of life, there is a repercussion if you spend that money that should have been paid to the govt.

You might get away with it for a year or two but eventually the law will catch up with you and you will be asked to pay your "arrears".

You earned the money and spent it all now the govt comes for you.

They will demand you pay the arrears at once.

Something that you could have done conveniently before they raised their head in your direction, you will now do by force or go to jail.

The girls family is asking that you do immediately what you should have done much earlier at your own convenience.

You have eaten a big meal. Now it's time to pay up.

Since you are already in debt you better just go a bit deeper and fulfil your obligations.

The alternative means many things.

1. You dishonour your woman's memory.

2. You initiate spiritual battles that you cannot say for sure that you will win in the end. If you lose then they will come and take your boy as next of kin.

Let me stop here

Too much wisdom

chaloskyx:
First of all change your phone numbers and house address then bury your wife and move on however if your wifes corpse is already with your in-laws let them bury her and don't attend the wedding simple

Which wife is he burying? The lady is not his wife because he didn't marry her, they are cohabitating. He should bury someone's daughter that he took without permission?
We play too much in this country walai!

StilmaVsBorn2w:
Back then when my mom was warning me not to go that far when our relationship started She kept on insisting I should go for the girls in my tribe, I thought she was just been a tribalist bigot. If only I had listened

She bore me a son, he's 3years now... though her people knows me well from normal visitation..but I haven't been able to pay her bride price yet due to the hardship this regime has on us. life happened, unfortunately she got sick since February, ever since then from one hospital to another..I took several loans from people for hospital bills to the point of me looking sick myself.so sad for us we lost her last night.

I informed her elder brother who knows about all thats happening, he called me back this morning to tell me that his people told me to be prepared to marry her corpse. He went further and said if I don't pay her bride price, my boy will be taken from me and I should be ready to withstand the consequences.
I was surprised, I called for the burial arrangements not for a marriage ceremony

I blantly told him, I won't, why would I get married to her corpse. He was angry and cut the call on me.

Am more concerned about my son, please lawyer's in the house do they have any right to take my son away from me?
Even if they do am ready to give it to them, but spending money to Marry her corpse I will not.

I only brought this here, if had chance for my son whose still in my custody.

It is not about tribe..She isn't legally your woman.

No dowry, no court wedding..

You are on your own..And she died in your hands, double wahala for dead body.

You will pay in multiples.

Better start finding ways to buy her brother over, no be by gra gra o, If They involve police, you are going to kiss freedom good bye for some time.

As a family boys, my Dad ring this issue like a bell to us, don't go and keep somebody's daughter without paying her bride price at least..The consequences outweighs the pleasure and so called love..

This is you cross...You must find way to buy her family to your side.

You will lose everything even your son..Except you negotiate things with them.

Jsaviour:


Since you said you won't marry her, please give their daughter's son back to them. He is not your son since you didn't marry her. This is the danger of cohabitation. You are lucky they didn't frame you that you kidnapped their daughter. From my own angle, I wouldn't advice you to marry a corpse either but you can't eat your cake and have it back. Nothing goes for nothing. Give them the child because he isn't your son (you didn't marry his mother)

How I wish you listened to your mother or better still paid her bride price when she was alive. You didn't have to do all the ceremonies. Just the small payment and tell them you will come later for the main thing.

This is a very serious issue. Nobody will be happy for losing their daughter.

Since some people claimed you can use court to retain your son, please do that.

In your next life, you will learn to listen to your mother and also learn to do the right thing.

This is warning case to men who are keeping people's daughters without marriage

Give them their daughters son back? You must be very wicked. You want to punish the innocent child because his father cohabited with his mother without marrying her? Do you think the grandparents in the village are capable of taking care of the boy? Are they financially capable enough to take care of the educational requirements of the kid? They would just direct the anger that they have for the father to the kid. If you abandon the kid now, he will never forgive the father when he grows up. It's easy for you to move on, marry another woman amd have kids. But it would be very difficult on the kid, growing up without a mother and father.

Please don't abandon the kid. Fight to keep and educate him.

I don't understand why Nigerians love punishing innocent children for the supposed sins of their parents.

OP, Please and please do not involve yourself in that devilish act. Those asking and threatening you to go and do it are from the same tribe you're talking about. Stand your ground and just do the necessary thing for the burial.

God be with you.

Your Mother advice you you refused to listen. You requested for advice here , good hearted fellows are advising you you still don't want to listen. abi dem do you?

PastorFire:
Bros, are you married? My wife is from another tribe and i'm bounded by their culture, tradition and ways of marital rites. Same for most cultures.
If you are it interested, then take your leave. Their daughter was not forced upon you. You came to kindly plead her people for her hand in marriage.

She got pregnant out of wedlock. The guy did not beg to marry her. If he did, this story will not arise. So stop over rating your daughter.

If he refuses this your culture of marrying the dead, nothing will happen. Are you Christians or Traditionalits? Igbos cannot scare Yorubas with Juju. You no fit, and you know it. Except if the guy is not Yoruba.

Person may no dey hear word no need advice
Oga instead of showing your arrogance and stubbornness in here
Why then did u ask for advice
Since u knew u don't want anyone to advice u should have kept it to yourself yourself
After all you were warned!!!!

aneka785:
Your Mother advice you you refused to listen. You requested for advice here , good hearted fellows are advising you you still don't want to listen. abi dem do you?

Are you Christians or Traditionalists?

ginabarry:
Person may no dey hear word no need advice
Oga instead of showing your arrogance and stubbornness in here
Why then did u ask for advice
Since u knew u don't want anyone to advice u should have kept it to yourself yourself
After all you were warned!!!!

You need to convince him. You don't just give advice without reason. It is not objective question where you choose 'A' or 'B' or 'C'. Your advice should be with convincing reason(s)

StilmaVsBorn2w:
Back then when my mom was warning me not to go that far when our relationship started She kept on insisting I should go for the girls in my tribe, I thought she was just been a tribalist bigot. If only I had listened

She bore me a son, he's 3years now... though her people knows me well from normal visitation..but I haven't been able to pay her bride price yet due to the hardship this regime has on us. life happened, unfortunately she got sick since February, ever since then from one hospital to another..I took several loans from people for hospital bills to the point of me looking sick myself.so sad for us we lost her last night.

I informed her elder brother who knows about all thats happening, he called me back this morning to tell me that his people told me to be prepared to marry her corpse. He went further and said if I don't pay her bride price, my boy will be taken from me and I should be ready to withstand the consequences.
I was surprised, I called for the burial arrangements not for a marriage ceremony

I blantly told him, I won't, why would I get married to her corpse. He was angry and cut the call on me.

Am more concerned about my son, please lawyer's in the house do they have any right to take my son away from me?
Even if they do am ready to give it to them, but spending money to Marry her corpse I will not.

I only brought this here, if had chance for my son whose still in my custody.

You never ready. Not your son yet until you perform the rites on the mother. Dem no dey born pikin for friendship

If you are the biological father, her family has no right over your son. That's the law. Forget about tribe or culture crap.

I've read enough reply here to see how heartless we have all become as a people. Some of the immature people here don't know what it does to someone to lose a loved one. This guy lost the mother of his child, none of you knows his emotional state, even if his replies to some of your comments is unfavorable to you lot, you should cut him some slack and just provide advice to what he's asking for or console him, instead i see some even going as far as insulting a grieving father. What has become of us? Do you ask feel better after bringing others down with your words? What's wrong in taking a vacation from insult for a minute and try and understand his emotional state? Guys i tire for some of una..

StilmaVsBorn2w:

You here for the tribe only?
Or to give me reasonable advise?

this ur response alone sef show say na lie and you don’t want to make the mistake of mentioning a tribe so they don’t come and call you out for lying

Sorry for the lost .But, if you refuse to tell the house where the lady came from, you can not get the solution. But I believe that , the lady might come from south south. If so, you cannot escape what her brother told you, because it's there culture that you need to abide with or else you will face the dance alone both spiritually, mentally , physically and financially .The corpse spirit will be tormenting you until wen you do the right thing. Forget that you are a real Christian or Muslim . It is a big lesson for you guys that if you are dating calabarian, deltan and other side of SS. Do the proper.

wirinet:


Give them their daughters son back? You must be very wicked. You want to punish the innocent child because his father cohabited with his mother without marrying her? Do you think the grandparents in the village are capable of taking care of the boy? Are they financially capable enough to take care of the educational requirements of the kid? They would just direct the anger that they have for the father to the kid. If you abandon the kid now, he will never forgive the father when he grows up. It's easy for you to move on, marry another woman amd have kids. But it would be very difficult on the kid, growing up without a mother and father.

Please don't abandon the kid. Fight to keep and educate him.

I don't understand why Nigerians love punishing innocent children for the supposed sins of their parents.

You are being emotional like normal Nigerians always do. What I told him is facing reality.
Except he has law by his side or is ready to fight dirty or the lady's family doesn't pursue this hard, he will have to let him go eventually.

Do you know what that boy will go through in the hands of any wife the man will eventually marry? With the kind of evil women we have who will believe the boy is there to take their own children inheritance as first son?

The boy is better off with the family of the lady if they can take care of him believe me.

After this event he will learn the lessons to avoid cohabitation

PastorFire:
They are right. Marry her or return that boy to them. Under customary law, you have no right to the custody of that boy until you pay her bride price.

Your a fake pastor of gutter water