.

Are your family members aware of your situation? If yes, they should give you emotional (mental) support. If they are not aware, tell them.

As for the man, you yourself know a marriage with him will mean hell. I do not need to say much. Try to establish yourself financially. Then, try to get a good man for marriage.

But your pitiable condition cannot stop me from calling a spade a spade. You claim you are reserved. It is not true. You are sheepish. You attained the age of 23 before you became a baby mama. You are even in America which is more enlightened than Nigeria. Yet you fooled yourself. Those who advocate for sex education cannot claim lack of it is the reason for your mistake. Those who claim poverty pushes girls into harmful relationships with men cannot claim poverty is your reason. Life might be hard for you but as long as you live in the US, life will not be so terrible for you to resort to dating such a man.

Is it me or my imagination that something is wrong with you

You're not married to him and yet living together, don't you think that might facilitate him seeing you as cheap and what ever you do he easily pick offence?

You have baby for him, yes.... Who told you you must marry him even if your sanity is dwindling as a result of his actions?

He doesn't respect you in the presence of his friends?? That alone doesn't tell you the deep shiit you're into?

You saw funny characters in him, you thought you might change him. As in you're the almighty God that has the power to change anyone you choose to?

Ask your self this question, "will my parents be proud of me on hearing this story"? Which ever way the answer goes, " Na you wear shoes na you know where the shoes dey pinch you"

Just think of yourself and think of late OSINACH the ekueme singer, and suit yourself.

Shalom....

What advice do you need? Is it how you'll come back to naija andstart afresh?
Or how to be the best mother to your kid, so your baby's daddy can stop pushing blames on you?

People say things they don't mean when they're angry, but if he keeps repeating these things each time he is upset, aunty, use your tongue to count your teeth.

I seriously don't know the kind advice u need with all u have said, I don't see that relationship going anywhere plus this person jas called u unprintable names and u are still waiting! Waitng for what exactly! Better dump him or he gonna dump your ass when u least expect!

This is gaslighting and it will only get worse.

You are being blamed for everything that goes wrong.

Your man can do no wrong.

From what you've said the man is not 'making it' and he is placing the blame for this on you.

The choice is up to you.

Life, relationships, and marriages are to be enjoyed not endured.

You dey America still dey ask what should I do?

You better extrovert yourself and wake up before one guy use you play ov 4.5.

You have a job, what is stopping you from leaving him? This life is not hard, we humans just make it difficult for ourselves,

Get an apartment for you and your child, go to court for joint custody, then make an arrangement for him to pay child support, you are in a society where the system works, take advantage of it.

JovialJune:
You have a job, what is stopping you from leaving him? This life is not hard, we humans just make it difficult for ourselves,

Get an apartment for you and your child, go to court for joint custody, then make an arrangement for him to pay child support, you are in a society where the system works, take advantage of it.

LMAO

Why any Nigerian wey get sense no go ever carry wifey go abroad without pre-nuptials. Otherwise we continue basing in Nigeria and eating ofe nsala when we can afford.

Ebubu:


LMAO

Why any Nigerian wey get sense no go ever carry wifey go abroad without pre-nuptials. Otherwise we continue basing in Nigeria and eating ofe nsala when we can afford.

You guys can rant and cry online till oblivion, facts still remains that men will keep on taking their wives abroad and living happily ever after, in fact a friend of mine will be joining her husband in USA in two weeks time, your wailing ends here, simple.

JovialJune:



You guys can rant and cry online till oblivion, facts still remains that men will keep on taking their wives abroad and living happily ever after, in fact a friend of mine will be joining her husband in USA in two weeks time, your wailing ends here, simple.

I’m not against men taking their wives abroad o

But the rate at which women want to take advantage of the legal clime there makes a man want to be cunnier by getting pre-nuptials first which clearly states the financial terms of a break up; to his advantage or at least “take what ONLY belongs to you then go”.

Men should continue taking their wives abroad, I’m all for it. But a man shouldn’t listen to a woman’s blackmail that him insisting on getting pre-nuptials is a sign he doesn’t love her; no. It is just modernity.


He has to insulate himself before making that leap; then he can make that leap.

I could likely live abroad too. So I’m not in anyway suppressing the movement of both couple to the other side of the sea. But some legal things have to be done.

Ebubu:
I’m not against men taking their wives abroad o

But the rate at which women want to take advantage of the legal clime there makes a man want to be cunnier by getting pre-nuptials first which clearly states the financial terms of a break up; to his advantage or at least “take what ONLY belongs to you then go”.

Men should continue taking their wives abroad, I’m all for it. But a man shouldn’t listen to a woman’s blackmail that him insisting on getting pre-nuptials is a sign he doesn’t love her; no. It is just modernity.


He has to insulate himself before making that leap; then he can make that leap.

I could likely live abroad too. So I’m not in anyway suppressing the movement of both couple to the other side of the sea. But some legal things have to be done.

See, only the guilty are scared of divorce and what it entails when you haven't even gotten married, you cannot give what you don't have, you men will leave Nigeria, a patriarchal country, to an equality induced country, then you go and display your domineering spirit over there and feel all will be fine? It doesn't work that way, you treat you wife badly over there, then expect her not to react? Even neighbors will report you to the police if they notice it

And you make it seem like Nigerians over there are all divorced, when I went to L.A to give birth, the Redeem church over there is like a Nigerian extended family, see old Nigerian husbands and wives celebrating 40, 50 years wedding anniversary, how were they able to live peacefully with each other in that kind of environment? Do they have two heads? I think I've mentioned it here before, my uncle schooled there, brought his wife from Nigeria, trained her through nursing school, he is in his 60s now and he's not doing anything, the wife is the one taking care of all the bills at home, and they are doing fine, how were they able to do it all these years? Because they worked together to make it work, they recognized that no one is above the other, and they respect each other and lean on each other against all odds

Even the prenuptials you guys scream about everytime, it most times doesn't change anything because it all boils down to the judge and his/her decision, how many Nigerians do you know over there that have something of worth to cry over during divorce? Most have nothing, so they only lament because of child support and wives getting the home, abi shouldn't husbands pay for their children's upkeep? Prenuptials most times work for millionaires because of their worth and assets, still the wife always gets close to half of his worth, and she most definitely will get the house, he will still pay spousal support to maintain the lifestyle she is used to, and pay child support if they have kids, so I see nothing wrong with it

The point is, do your part and be a good husband, so you won't have to run helterskelter when divorce sets in.

The guy is all shades of bad for you....and you should never start a relationship with someone you think you can change.

Meanwhile, about your son, you need to let him socialise please so he can learn from his peers. Untill them, cartoons to the rescue. Good luck.

Reservedwoman96:
HiSo I have a problem here. I’m 26. I had a child with a man, we are yet to get married because he had some issues with documentations, we live in the US. We have a son together and we are living in the same house.I’m Yoruba he is from delta.
......
I’m just in a state of confusion about the next step to take because I feel used. I feel stuck. I feel depressed. I feel like I have no hope where do I go from here.

Please make an appointment with a psychiatrist or mental health counselor immediately. You should relay to a therapist all you have here so as to get yourself the treatment you need to help make better decisions where it concerns your mental safety and quality and that of your child abeg!

If na fear of cost dey bother you, apply for medicaid. Begin today today to get your life, and your child's, in the direction it should go which is away from toxic relationships and individuals. You are too young for all that!

Reservedwoman96:
Hi

So I have a problem here. I’m 26. I had a child with a man, we are yet to get married because he had some issues with documentations, we live in the US. We have a son together and we are living in the same house.I’m Yoruba he is from delta.

I’m a very reserved introvert naturally but unfortunately my personality is becoming a problem. My son is 2 almost 3 and I’m being blamed for his developmental delays. He claims I’m the reason my son is the way he is, because I don’t take him out and socialise and it’s affecting my son. Granted I could try harder but to be totally blamed is unfair. I believe his dad can help me in that aspect and step in. Im a good mother, and a good housekeeper and I still try my best to work. This man makes it a point to abuse my personality, he says I act weird around his family and friends and that I’m an emotional liability onto his life. He has let it be known that he is waiting for the right time to leave me. Sometimes I give him the benefit of the doubt… maybe he says this when he is angry but I don’t trust this man because he has a very shady character. To the public he is a born again Christian saved man, behind closed doors he is something else. This man is not perfect, I am managing a lot of his flaws. He drinks and smokes and other things, when I met him I thought I could change him, a mistake I made. Maybe he thought he could change my reserved nature too.

I’m just in a state of confusion about the next step to take because I feel used. I feel stuck. I feel depressed. I feel like I have no hope where do I go from here.

Are you getting help for your child’s developmental issues? Parents with children who have special needs or developmental issues like autism and ADHD need a lot of information to help them cater for the children. Don’t rely on your instincts alone, communicate with as much people and professionals as possible and get help.

I don't know what to advise about your relationship issues other than talk to people who know your true story and situation. There's nothing much we can do with the limited information you gave us. From what you wrote, it seems you're not just an introvert but you're also antisocial, so maybe see a professional to help you with that

JovialJune:



See, only the guilty are scared of divorce and what it entails when you haven't even gotten married, you cannot give what you don't have, you men will leave Nigeria, a patriarchal country, to an equality induced country, then you go and display your domineering spirit over there and feel all will be fine? It doesn't work that way, you treat you wife badly over there, then expect her not to react? Even neighbors will report you to the police if they notice it

And you make it seem like Nigerians over there are all divorced, when I went to L.A to give birth, the Redeem church over there is like an Nigerian extended family, see old Nigerian husbands and wives celebrating 40, 50 years wedding anniversary, how were they able to live peacefully with each other in that kind of environment? Don't they have two heads? I think I've mentioned it here before, my uncle schooled there, brought his wife from Nigeria, trained her through nursing school, he is in his 60s now and he's not doing anything, the wife is the one taking care of all the bills at home, and they are doing fine, how were they able to do it all these years? Because they worked together to make it work, they recognized that no one is above the other, and they respect each other and lean on each other against all odds

Even the prenuptials you guys scream about everytime, it most times doesn't change anything because it all boils down to the judge and his/her decision, how many Nigerians do you know over there that have something of worth to cry over during divorce? Most have nothing, so they only lament because of child support and wives getting the home, abi shouldn't husbands pay for their children's upkeep? Prenuptials most times work for millionaires because of their worth and assets, still the wife always gets close to half of his worth, and she most definitely will get the house, he will still pay spousal support to maintain the lifestyle she is used to, and pay child support if they have kids, so I see nothing wrong with it

The point is, do your part and be a good husband, so you won't have to run helterskelter when divorce sets in.

Forefeit my house and keep paying for mortgage where as I won’t live in it?

Good story lines. Aunty we die here in Nigeria if that’s the case or prenuptials before we travel otherwise we die here oo

People quickly forget that the women who grew old with their partners in USA are our old generation mothers who even back here in Nigeria can’t be compared to modern Nigerian women whose eyes have shayo’d and looking for the earliest opportunity to wreck a man.


Even you, can’t compare our mothers and grand mothers to this generation of women.


And also, when a man is even in his kindest disposition towards a woman, a fraudulent woman will look for various means to trigger him to overreact or make the home toxic for him all for an opportunity for her to file for divorce and acquire properties she didn’t labor for.


You’ll directly claim that no sane woman will treat her husband in such manner and that if she ever does, he must have deserved it or was shit back in Nigeria. And then you forget there are INSANE WOMEN who are greedy and your wealth is their desire.

I mean why share it with him, when you can make the environment ripe for divorce, get it, and enjoy his property while never bothering to work much for a long time to come; if not the rest of your life.


This are the category of women which are in this generation; that many reasonable men are afraid of. E no dey tell for face!

JovialJune:
You have a job, what is stopping you from leaving him? This life is not hard, we humans just make it difficult for ourselves,

Get an apartment for you and your child, go to court for joint custody, then make an arrangement for him to pay child support, you are in a society where the system works, take advantage of it.

Any sane man knows he ought to take care of his child. You talking about child support makes it feel like you only care about his money and you trying to pay him back by being a b*tch

Ebubu:



Forefeit my house and keep paying for mortgage where as I won’t live in it?

Good story lines. Aunty we die here in Nigeria if that’s the case or prenuptials before we travel otherwise we die here oo

People quickly forget that the women who grew old with their partners in USA are our old generation mothers who even back here in Nigeria can’t be compared to modern Nigerian women whose eyes have shayo’d and looking for the earliest opportunity to wreck a man.


Even you, can’t compare our mothers and grand mothers to this generation of women.


And also, when a man is even in his kindest disposition towards a woman, a fraudulent woman will look for various means to trigger him to overreact or make the home toxic for him all for an opportunity for her to file for divorce and acquire properties she didn’t labor for.


You’ll directly claim that no sane woman will treat her husband in such manner and that if she ever does, he must have deserved it or was shit back in Nigeria. And then you forget there are INSANE WOMEN who are greedy and your wealth is their desire.

I mean why share it with him, when you can make the environment ripe for divorce, get it, and enjoy his property while never bothering to work much for a long time to come; if not the rest of your life.


This are the category of women which are in this generation; that many reasonable men are afraid of. E no dey tell for face!

I agree with you

Another Wale Adenuga production.

JovialJune:



See, only the guilty are scared of divorce and what it entails when you haven't even gotten married, you cannot give what you don't have, you men will leave Nigeria, a patriarchal country, to an equality induced country, then you go and display your domineering spirit over there and feel all will be fine? It doesn't work that way, you treat you wife badly over there, then expect her not to react? Even neighbors will report you to the police if they notice it

And you make it seem like Nigerians over there are all divorced, when I went to L.A to give birth, the Redeem church over there is like an Nigerian extended family, see old Nigerian husbands and wives celebrating 40, 50 years wedding anniversary, how were they able to live peacefully with each other in that kind of environment? Don't they have two heads? I think I've mentioned it here before, my uncle schooled there, brought his wife from Nigeria, trained her through nursing school, he is in his 60s now and he's not doing anything, the wife is the one taking care of all the bills at home, and they are doing fine, how were they able to do it all these years? Because they worked together to make it work, they recognized that no one is above the other, and they respect each other and lean on each other against all odds

Even the prenuptials you guys scream about everytime, it most times doesn't change anything because it all boils down to the judge and his/her decision, how many Nigerians do you know over there that have something of worth to cry over during divorce? Most have nothing, so they only lament because of child support and wives getting the home, abi shouldn't husbands pay for their children's upkeep? Prenuptials most times work for millionaires because of their worth and assets, still the wife always gets close to half of his worth, and she most definitely will get the house, he will still pay spousal support to maintain the lifestyle she is used to, and pay child support if they have kids, so I see nothing wrong with it

The point is, do your part and be a good husband, so you won't have to run helterskelter when divorce sets in.

You are right. However, there are evil, greedy and ungrateful women who would make life a living hell for you. Despite the sacrifices you make. The same goes for men an example is yul edochie and mercy aigbe's new catch. No man wants to marry such a woman and because of the internet, many of our African women have left behind African values that guided our mother's of old. Especially the ones you mentioned in Rccg. So a man has to be smart and find ways to manage such women. I wish you would wear a man's shoes and fell the living hell men in abroad pass through with modern woke women.

immortalcrown:
Are your family members aware of your situation? If yes, they should give you emotional (mental) support. If they are not aware, tell them.

As for the man, you yourself know a marriage with him will mean hell. I do not need to say much. Try to establish yourself financially. Then, try to get a good man for marriage.

But your pitiable condition cannot stop me from calling a spade a spade. You claim you are reserved. It is not true. You are sheepish. You attained the age of 23 before you became a baby mama. You are even in America which is more enlightened than Nigeria. Yet you fooled yourself. Those who advocate for sex education cannot claim lack of it is the reason for your mistake. Those who claim poverty pushes girls into harmful relationships with men cannot claim poverty is your reason. Life might be hard for you but as long as you live in the US, life will not be so terrible for you to resort to dating such a man.

He deceived her.

People usually pretend in order to hook whomever they wanna sleep with.

Ebubu:



Forefeit my house and keep paying for mortgage where as I won’t live in it?

Good story lines. Aunty we die here in Nigeria if that’s the case or prenuptials before we travel otherwise we die here oo

People quickly forget that the women who grew old with their partners in USA are our old generation mothers who even back here in Nigeria can’t be compared to modern Nigerian women whose eyes have shayo’d and looking for the earliest opportunity to wreck a man.


Even you, can’t compare our mothers and grand mothers to this generation of women.


And also, when a man is even in his kindest disposition towards a woman, a fraudulent woman will look for various means to trigger him to overreact or make the home toxic for him all for an opportunity for her to file for divorce and acquire properties she didn’t labor for.


You’ll directly claim that no sane woman will treat her husband in such manner and that if she ever does, he must have deserved it or was shit back in Nigeria. And then you forget there are INSANE WOMEN who are greedy and your wealth is their desire.

“””I mean why share it with him, when you can make the environment ripe for divorce, get it, and enjoy his property for yourself, while never bothering to work much for a long time to come; if not for the rest of your life ?? “””


These are the category of women which are in this generation; that many reasonable men are afraid of. E no dey tell for face!

JovialJune

Kpengla:
He deceived her. People usually pretend in order to hook whomever they wanna sleep with.

You did not read the post well. She said he has always been bad and she knew it but she thought she could change him. So, she is the one who deceived herself.

immortalcrown:
You did not read the post well. She said he has always been bad and she knew it but she thought she could change him. So, she is the one who deceived herself.

Drinking and smoking do not definitively make a bad person...obviously she wouldn't have gotten pregnant for him if he'd been treating her like sh!t from the start.

I admit her metrics were wrong but anyone could have made the mistake she made, including yourself

Kpengla:
Drinking and smoking do not definitively make a bad person...obviously she wouldn't have married him if he'd been treating her like sh!t from the start. Her metrics were wrong but anyone could have made the mistake she made, including yourself

I repeat, you did not read the post well. He has not married her. If you read the post well, you will understand the only thing he did not do until now is telling her he is planning to leave her.

JovialJune:
You have a job, what is stopping you from leaving him? This life is not hard, we humans just make it difficult for ourselves,

Get an apartment for you and your child, go to court for joint custody, then make an arrangement for him to pay child support, you are in a society where the system works, take advantage of it.

This is all you need to do.
You're not in a relationship where you can move forward.Cut your loss and move on.Being a single mother is not the end of life.

It's obvious you will suffer emotional abuse if you force him to marry you.The only thing that may even stop him from going physical is the society you live in.

Note that being an introvert is not a crime.You just need someone who accepts you the way you are and can blend.

Reservedwoman96:
Hi

So I have a problem here. I’m 26. I had a child with a man, we are yet to get married because he had some issues with documentations, we live in the US. We have a son together and we are living in the same house.I’m Yoruba he is from delta.

I’m a very reserved introvert naturally but unfortunately my personality is becoming a problem. My son is 2 almost 3 and I’m being blamed for his developmental delays. He claims I’m the reason my son is the way he is, because I don’t take him out and socialise and it’s affecting my son. Granted I could try harder but to be totally blamed is unfair. I believe his dad can help me in that aspect and step in. Im a good mother, and a good housekeeper and I still try my best to work. This man makes it a point to abuse my personality, he says I act weird around his family and friends and that I’m an emotional liability onto his life. He has let it be known that he is waiting for the right time to leave me. Sometimes I give him the benefit of the doubt… maybe he says this when he is angry but I don’t trust this man because he has a very shady character. To the public he is a born again Christian saved man, behind closed doors he is something else. This man is not perfect, I am managing a lot of his flaws. He drinks and smokes and other things, when I met him I thought I could change him, a mistake I made. Maybe he thought he could change my reserved nature too.

I’m just in a state of confusion about the next step to take because I feel used. I feel stuck. I feel depressed. I feel like I have no hope where do I go from here.

If all you said is true, what is making you still hold on to this 'dead end relationship?'

You are not stuck in the relationship, count your loss and move on if truly you are doing the right thing. Both gender of this generation are destroying the efficacy of marriage everyday. No trust from each other again due to the experiences both have encountered. Just imagine Yul Edochie marrying second wife after everything he said about the first wife. Why then should a woman trust and make sacrifice with a man when he has not yet made it. And as for the men, why would a woman who didn't know how I labored to get t my status wants to reap the benefits that comes out of it. So it goes both ways, no trust again. We can only manage with what we see and get. If you are lucky, you get a good man or a good woman where both are ready to make any sacrifice and stick together. If you are not lucky, you keep divorcing or stick to baby mama or you live your single life peacefully. Life is never fair to anyone, we just live with what we create or get.

Kobojunkie:
Please make an appointment with a psychiatrist or mental health counselor immediately. You should relay to a therapist all you have here so as to get yourself the treatment you need to help make better decisions where it concerns your mental safety and quality and that of your child abeg!

If na fear of cost dey bother you, apply for medicaid. Begin today today to get your life, and your child's, in the direction it should go which is away from toxic relationships and individuals. You are too young for all that!

What is it with you and psychiatry/mental health therapy? Somehow I feel like you are projecting your own personal experience on everyone's situation, so basically your answer and solution to every problem is 'mental health therapy'.

Seriously, you need to go out more often and mingle because you have tunnel vision.