Good evening, all.
Please I'll like to know, (perhaps from people's experiences), how separation and custody of children work.

I'm planning separating from my husband. I'm taking the children along. I want to know if having custody of the children will be an issue. I'm a teacher. He doesn't work, and doesn't want to work. He doesn't provide for them, doesn't pay house rent, and he (and his family) sees nothing wrong with it. He is now verbally abusive, and I want to move before it gets physical. I'm tired of talking, quarrelling, fighting and begging from people to survive. I want to be mentally stable and continue catering for my children in peace.

Whatever you do, make sure you get professional legal counsel. Not just online advice o. So, you can prepare your shock absorbers first

his family) sees nothing wrong with it

Bad in-laws are worse than a bad spouse. You can manage a bad spouse, but you see bad in-laws? Kai!

A man who doesn’t care about how his kids feed of get clothed would most likely not care if you run off with them to Pluto. I am sure the young man wanted to be free, but you convinced him he can be married. You would still beg to survive anyway. Not like you were begging to feed him. It was to feed your kids right? Nothing much would change really. Except your marital status. You’ll be fine.

You are more likely to be granted custody but it is very important you sit down with a lawyer to get a clearer view of the path you have decided on.

I can feel your pains. May God be with you all the way.

Lawyers around will do justice to your plea.

Thank you for your contributions.
It is well o.

I know u

Obviously you should be in custody of the kids before your lazy husband uses them for ritual. Someone who is lazy to work and his useless family sees nothing wrong cannot feed the kids.
It is well with you

threegees:
I'm planning separating from my husband. I'm taking the children along. I want to know if having custody of the children will be an issue. I'm a teacher. He doesn't work, and doesn't want to work. He doesn't provide for them, doesn't pay house rent, and he (and his family) sees nothing wrong with it. He is now verbally abusive, and I want to move before it gets physical. I'm tired of talking, quarrelling, fighting and begging from people to survive. I want to be mentally stable and continue catering for my children in peace.

Please see if you can remove yourself and your children out of the toxic environment first.

About custody, I am certain if you get a good lawyer, you can make that happen.

Based on the information you provided, you should have custody especially if he can’t shelter and provide for them. Talk to a lawyer about this with as much information as needed so they can make an informed recommendation. If you can’t afford one, there’s free legal service at the Legal Aid Council office in your state.

PS: nairalanders can’t resist the urge of giving unsolicited advice. She added those extra details to provide more context, not for us to start examining or fixing her life for her

threegees:
Good evening, all.
Please I'll like to know, (perhaps from people's experiences), how separation and custody of children work.

I'm planning separating from my husband. I'm taking the children along. I want to know if having custody of the children will be an issue. I'm a teacher. He doesn't work, and doesn't want to work. He doesn't provide for them, doesn't pay house rent, and he (and his family) sees nothing wrong with it. He is now verbally abusive, and I want to move before it gets physical. I'm tired of talking, quarrelling, fighting and begging from people to survive. I want to be mentally stable and continue catering for my children in peace.

My cappo; it is well with you.
How are the kids doing?

In considering child custody the overall best interest of the child is key. What are the issues to consider;

1. Conduct of the parents; Are you the one who threatens to kill yourself and kill the children during arguments? Do you act in ways that may put the child in harms way?

2. Education and welfare: Will the child's education suffer? Will the child have adequate arrangement for housing, feeding etc? Do you work? Do you have a comfortable place to keep the child? While provisions may be made for support the parent has to offer some arrangements that will be comfortable for the child.

3. Age and Sex: While a judge may consider leaving girls with their mom's and boys with their dad's, other factors are also considered, children under 7 in some circumstances are left with the mother however other factors are considered

4: Emotional Attachment: Who is the child closer to? Are you an absentee parent?

5. What the child wants: This is mostly for older children; however this is just one consideration as manipulation may not be ruled out.
Most importantly parents should work together regardless of divorce to put their kids first.

Modupetemmy1:


My cappo; it is well with you.
How are the kids doing?

Awwwwn sweet sis, they're well. Thank you.

threegees:
Good evening, all.
Please I'll like to know, (perhaps from people's experiences), how separation and custody of children work.

I'm planning separating from my husband. I'm taking the children along. I want to know if having custody of the children will be an issue. I'm a teacher. He doesn't work, and doesn't want to work. He doesn't provide for them, doesn't pay house rent, and he (and his family) sees nothing wrong with it. He is now verbally abusive, and I want to move before it gets physical. I'm tired of talking, quarrelling, fighting and begging from people to survive. I want to be mentally stable and continue catering for my children in peace.

If you know vividly that he is causing you depression, frustration and problems, including threats

Get an accommodation, plan it so well that he cant locate where you are, then relocate with the children and face them squarely

He must have told his family nonsense about you, just ignore that part because the truth will come out one day on a round table

Just move on and inform your family that you have packed out to avoid untimely death

Then also inform any member of his family that is close to you

If they invite you for any family meeting after you have packed out, ask them to pass through your family, I mean your father's family, then your family will invite you to explain to them what happened

Your family will in turn invite them to come over if they think there is need for the meeting

That means the meeting will hold in your family, at this meeting, if you know how everything started say it all out without reservation

Whatever he has ever done to you say it to the hearing of both families, he will be asked to defend himself and at that point he won't say anything because he knows that if he says any nonsense, you will add more

That is where the truth of all the nonsense he has been telling his familes about you will come out

It's now left for you to accept him back after his family has pleaded

But make sure they get him something doing before you will accept to go back to him

Am idle man is a devils assistance once they don't have any job doing they face the wife that helps in assisting the home, because of insecurity and low esteem which brings about complex issues

Beremx:
Obviously you should be in custody of the kids before your lazy husband uses them for ritual. Someone who is lazy to work and his useless family sees nothing wrong cannot feed the kids.
It is well with you

He is more or less a sperm donor

In Nigeria once you are married, the man legally has the rights to the kids if I recall.

You need to engage a lawyer to know exactly where you stand.

Ishilove:

He is more or less a sperm donor

imagine?

GloriousGbola:
In Nigeria once you are married, the man legally has the rights to the kids if I recall.

You need to engage a lawyer to know exactly where you stand.

You mean the rightsl to have sole custody of the children when the marriage ends?

frozen70:


If you know vividly that he is causing you depression, frustration and problems, including threats

Get an accommodation, plan it so well that he cant locate where you are, then relocate with the children and face them squarely

He must have told his family nonsense about you, just ignore that part because the truth will come out one day on a round table

Just move on and inform your family that you have packed out to avoid untimely death

Then also inform any member of his family that is close to you

If they invite you for any family meeting after you have packed out, ask them to pass through your family, I mean your father's family, then your family will invite you to explain to them what happened

Your family will in turn invite them to come over if they think there is need for the meeting

That means the meeting will hold in your family, at this meeting, if you know how everything started say it all out without reservation

Whatever he has ever done to you say it to the hearing of both families, he will be asked to defend himself and at that point he won't say anything because he knows that if he says any nonsense, you will add more

That is where the truth of all the nonsense he has been telling his familes about you will come out

It's now left for you to accept him back after his family has pleaded

But make sure they get him something doing before you will accept to go back to him

Am idle man is a devils assistance once they don't have any job doing they face the wife that helps in assisting the home, because of insecurity and low esteem which brings about complex issues

You understand this situation.
He has gone this length before. He asked for divorce. Meeting was held in my father's house, and after I explained a little of what he did, the family begged.
I forgave and moved on.
We are here again. I need my sanity. That's the reason I want to move out quickly. I got a house but the money is not enough, and I still have daily expenses to do, with the kids especially.
I'm planning to move out in July, by God's grace, so that the school session can end for the children's sake.

Mindlog:


You mean the rightsl to have sole custody of the children when the marriage ends?

I would like to know too. My mom recently took the responsibility of my son's school fees early this year, to ease the burden on me. I do practically everything for the children, so how would he get custody of them.
The kids will suffer if left with him, and I will not agree o

threegees:


You understand this situation.
He has gone this length before. He asked for divorce. Meeting was held in my father's house, and after I explained a little of what he did, the family begged.
I forgave and moved on.
We are here again. I need my sanity. That's the reason I want to move out quickly. I got a house but the money is not enough, and I still have daily expenses to do, with the kids especially.
I'm planning to move out in July, by God's grace, so that the school session can end for the children's sake.

Sorry about that

I was once in your shoes and I did exactly what I advised you to do and now, am at peace he too is avoiding me

His family was quiet when I poured out my mind

Just look for one room and start from there

Your sanity will definitely come back once you go out of the sight of what triggers your BP

At times we take drastic madness to correct nonsense

I can't compromise my children talk more of risking my life all in the name of marriage, I don't even care what people says about me it doesn't move me

Be strong, women must learn to speak out before they enter grave with their marital problems

Osinachi died because she was loyal and humble to her spouse

Yes is good to be loyal but not to the expense of your life

All you need now is absolute peace even if you don't have enough to eat

There is no award for the best marriage because the world knows that, non exist

Mindlog:


You mean the rightsl to have sole custody of the children when the marriage ends?

https://www.refworld.org/docid/440ed73120.html

so if a child is travelling out of nigeria - a consent form must be signed.
in the west, the other parent is required to sign.

in nigeria, it is only the father that is required. this is what did Davido in and almost got him into serious trouble some years back when for all intents band purposes, he and his family attempted to kidnap imade and take her to yankee.

he was not married to imades mother, so apparently none of that applied.

with respect to custody

https://theconversation.com/customary-law-in-nigeria-favours-men-over-children-in-custody-cases-154420

The laws of most countries clearly state the rules about custody in a divorce. In Nigeria, the decision is guided by the Matrimonial Causes Act. The primary consideration is the interest and welfare of the children.

As in many other countries, the secular family laws don’t give men special rights. But customary and religious norms that disadvantage women in custody awards still prevail in many contexts. This is especially true in plural justice systems. Nigeria’s is one of these: it consists of a supreme court, appeal court, high court and magistrate court – as well as sharia and customary courts.

this is just an excerpt - there are other articles that may also say different.
but the overarching factor is Nigeria is a patriarchal society and it is often an uphill battle for the mother to get custody . all those norms we see play out in threads also play out in court.

GloriousGbola:


https://www.refworld.org/docid/440ed73120.html

so if a child is travelling out of nigeria - a consent form must be signed.
in the west, the other parent is required to sign.

in nigeria, it is only the father that is required. this is what did Davido in and almost got him into serious trouble some years back when for all intents band purposes, he and his family attempted to kidnap imade and take her to yankee.

he was not married to imades mother, so apparently none of that applied.

with respect to custody

https://theconversation.com/customary-law-in-nigeria-favours-men-over-children-in-custody-cases-154420



this is just an excerpt - there are other articles that may also say different.
but the overarching factor is Nigeria is a patriarchal society and it is often an uphill battle for the mother to get custody . all those norms we see play out in threads also play out in court.

Mothers are more likely to get custody even in a patriarchal society like Nigeria. Two years ago, the court in Abuja ruled that Atiku's son who have been divorced from his wife, to hand over their 3 sons to his ex-wife citing Islamic law that grants minors to their mothers as long they have not remarried.

https://www.vanguardngr.com/2020/10/court-orders-atikus-son-to-hand-over-custody-of-children-to-divorced-wife/amp/

A relative of mine who got divorced in Lagos, physical custody of their then 3 year old daughter was granted to his ex-wife while he got visiting rights and mandated to financially support his daughter, they only did the traditional marital rites. The best interest of the child is becoming more central even in customary courts in cases of custody of the child/children.

GloriousGbola:


https://www.refworld.org/docid/440ed73120.html

so if a child is travelling out of nigeria - a consent form must be signed.
in the west, the other parent is required to sign.

in nigeria, it is only the father that is required. this is what did Davido in and almost got him into serious trouble some years back when for all intents band purposes, he and his family attempted to kidnap imade and take her to yankee.

he was not married to imades mother, so apparently none of that applied.

with respect to custody

https://theconversation.com/customary-law-in-nigeria-favours-men-over-children-in-custody-cases-154420



this is just an excerpt - there are other articles that may also say different.
but the overarching factor is Nigeria is a patriarchal society and it is often an uphill battle for the mother to get custody . all those norms we see play out in threads also play out in court.

False narrative. Custody cases are not lost or won by sentiments. So many cases discredit your claim.

Both parents are eligible for custody but so many factors are considered including age and stability. The best interest of the child is the main concern.

Never believe a woman's story in a case like this until you hear fron the man . They paint picture to favour them.

Mindlog:


You mean the rightsl to have sole custody of the children when the marriage ends?

.yes

Exceed15:

.yes

Coincidentally, I was watching a program on YouTube, Justice Court (recorded in Lagos)
when I just saw your mention. In that case, the Judge clearly told the man who has remarried that by law, the 2 children with the ex-wife will remain with their mother and would only spend time with him during holidays but obligated to pay their fees directly to their school, hospital bills directly to the hospital and the amount he would be sending monthly to the ex-wife for their children' upkeeps...that is the law of Lagos State not sentiments nor cultural beliefs.

Mindlog:
Coincidentally, I was watching a program on YouTube, Justice Court (recorded in Lagos)
when I just saw your mention. In that case, the Judge clearly told the man who has remarried that by law, the 2 children with the ex-wife will remain with their mother and would only spend time with him during holidays but obligated to pay their fees directly to their school, hospital bills directly to the hospital and the amount he would be sending monthly to the ex-wife for their children' upkeeps...that is the law of Lagos State not sentiments nor cultural beliefs.

Did this ruling happen to depend on the type of marriage - traditional or court- that the two had between them or the state where it was officiated?

Mind including a link to the video please.

My brother. You see this gender na God go deliver them. If you later found out, you will realise she is the one making life miserable for the man. Same thing am going through now. My wife has painted me bad and black to her family concerning things i dont do. This is the woman that doesnt support me atal and at the end she still crown it up with cheating. I had to send her out of my house. It came like a shock to her as she never expected it. Now i have peace of mind. We have two daughters and am thinking of taking custody of my kids, but if she wish to have them, no prob as along as we no longer live together. That woman is an ungrateful bitch and i learned in a big way

Exceed15:
Never believe a woman's story in a case like this until you hear fron the man . They paint picture to favour them.

Kobojunkie:
Did this ruling happen to depend on the type of marriage - traditional or court- that the two had between them or the state where it was officiated?

Mind including a link to the video please.

The marriage was under customary law.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jdamPbxBiGQ


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ha6Ra89DrbY

You started getting it wrong the moment you have that mentality" my children".
They are not your children. They have a father irrespective of how useless he is.
Never ever forget that. Never ever try spoiling these kids minds against their father. Let them make the decisions as they age if their dad is dead beat according to you or not.

The children first. They didn't ask you two to bring them to this world. Don't make them toxic. We have so much already.


Don't care about what happens to you and your ex. Wasn't there when the going was jello.

Ishilove:

He is more or less a sperm donor

Don't call men sperm donors. This is the transferred aggression women pass to their kids and they end up training all manner of societal ill kids.
A child's life is incomplete without his or her dad.

When the going start going downhill, women should swallow their pride and work for the betterment of the kids if they said they are doing it for their children. You want a psychologically balanced adult, don't make him see his dad as the devil even if he is. The child is not a revenge tool either. High time we start telling ourselves the truth.