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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / As A Woman I Have Decided I'm Never Getting Married Or Having Kids (15007 Views)
Why Are some Men Neglected In Marriage By Their Wives After Having Kids? / I Have Decided To Marry Her Corpse / Finally, I Have Decided To Leave Him (2) (3) (4)
As A Woman I Have Decided I'm Never Getting Married Or Having Kids by Poswahala: 5:49pm On May 16, 2022 |
Guys I genuinely need some advice Because of the state of my mental health I have decided never to get married or have kids, I suffer from intense depression and anxiety and other mental health problems. I'm unsure of my own future talk more of a child. I do love being in relationships but I do that only for companionship and sex. I don't know if I will regret my decision. The guys I have dated have been cool with my no marriage proposal but I don't think any Nigerian man will not want kids. I'm thinking of moving to another country, buy a house, take care of my community and neighbors then when I'm old, I will move to a retirement home. If I change my mind I can adopt a child, am not against adoption as I am with marriage, it depends on if my mental health improves The problem I have is that will I be lonely without a child, like I said I'm not into marriage despite being a woman trained in traditional home, it's not that I hate it or anything, it's not just for me. I will be unhappy being married. But the child thing is bothering me, I always wanted a child, but i don't want my mental health to prevent me from loving and caring for the child. Please advise 7 Likes |
Re: As A Woman I Have Decided I'm Never Getting Married Or Having Kids by Mindlog: 6:02pm On May 16, 2022 |
I believe you have a clear idea of what you are struggling with, in terms of mental health and if you are convinced getting married and going the whole yard of having children would aggravate it....the decision not to get married is not out of place. 32 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: As A Woman I Have Decided I'm Never Getting Married Or Having Kids by Kobojunkie: 6:05pm On May 16, 2022 |
Poswahala:You are making here a wise decision for yourself and you will not regret your decision, ever! 21 Likes |
Re: As A Woman I Have Decided I'm Never Getting Married Or Having Kids by Carcholce: 6:08pm On May 16, 2022 |
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Re: As A Woman I Have Decided I'm Never Getting Married Or Having Kids by sisisioge: 6:41pm On May 16, 2022 |
I think you have yourself figured out well...better than a lot of us out there. Be well my sister, you will be fine. As for having children, there is nothing wrong with not wanting them now or ever. Besides, there are several options available should you decide to have them later. Take care of yourself first. As for marriage....hmmmm....your current style is good enough ...date and love on your terms. I wish you good luck. 22 Likes |
Re: As A Woman I Have Decided I'm Never Getting Married Or Having Kids by JovialJune(f): 6:43pm On May 16, 2022 |
I wish you the best dear. 15 Likes |
Re: As A Woman I Have Decided I'm Never Getting Married Or Having Kids by JovialJune(f): 6:44pm On May 16, 2022 |
Kobojunkie: 1 Like |
Re: As A Woman I Have Decided I'm Never Getting Married Or Having Kids by Kobojunkie: 6:56pm On May 16, 2022 |
JovialJune:Do you have something against my response? 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: As A Woman I Have Decided I'm Never Getting Married Or Having Kids by JovialJune(f): 7:39pm On May 16, 2022 |
1 Like |
Re: As A Woman I Have Decided I'm Never Getting Married Or Having Kids by DontBullshitMe: 8:23pm On May 16, 2022 |
Are there quality retirement homes in Nigeria? I'm shocked 1 Like |
Re: As A Woman I Have Decided I'm Never Getting Married Or Having Kids by Nobody: 8:33pm On May 16, 2022 |
You are allowed to live your life on your own terms. It is your choice. Do your thing. 8 Likes |
Re: As A Woman I Have Decided I'm Never Getting Married Or Having Kids by Klass99(f): 9:20pm On May 16, 2022 |
Poswahala: There are Nigerian men who do not want kids as a matter of choice and not because their peepees are dysfunctional. I have come across two men on this forum who said so themselves in their posts. Offline I know three married couples in Lagos who have decided to not have children, as a matter of choice. They may be rare and in the minority, but know that there are Naija men who do not want kids. At the 2nd bolded, you don't have children for the sake of solving a loneliness problem. Children will grow up and leave the nest one day, then what? With the issues you outlined I think you will be better off being married for the sex and companionship, than you will be with a child. The responsibility of one child alone requires intensive care from infancy to toddler age and beyond. You already suffer from depression the work involved may worsen your condition, because child care takes a toll and even women who don't have your kind of issues have struggled with postpartum depression. In marriage, if you are fortunate to marry a good and sensible man, it will be like two adults taking care of each other. The care involved in this case won't be as intensive as the care involved with a child. You can afford to take a break on your mental health days or slack off and hubby will pick up the slack and still look after you. You can't really afford to drop too many balls or slack off with an infant or young child. I think the real challenge for you, will be stigmatization for your mental health issues from some men and their families when it comes to marriage, it won't necessarily be about having or not having children. What I mean is that, you may meet a man who doesn't want kids but an awareness of your mental health issues may cause him to pause. But pls clearly think about why you want to or should have a child, your reason shouldn't be mainly about curing loneliness. 19 Likes 6 Shares |
Re: As A Woman I Have Decided I'm Never Getting Married Or Having Kids by kaboninc(m): 9:28pm On May 16, 2022 |
Poswahala: Is this treatable? Is there a cure for this condition? It's not just about kids and marriage but relationships with other people. Work, family, community. |
Re: As A Woman I Have Decided I'm Never Getting Married Or Having Kids by faithfull18(f): 9:28pm On May 16, 2022 |
Carcholce:Any opportunity to bash women, you guys don't waste it. Mood swings are very normal with women because of hormonal changes in the body esp. during menstruation, pregnancy and menopause among other factors. Do men experience all these, the answer is 'NO'. 7 Likes |
Re: As A Woman I Have Decided I'm Never Getting Married Or Having Kids by baby124: 9:29pm On May 16, 2022 |
If health issues will prevent you from getting married and having/ adequately caring for children, then go for it. Marriage is not for everyone. As long as you are making the best decision for yourself, that’s fine. Also make sure you let all your future partners know you are not interested in marriage. So you don’t waste their time. I am sure you will find a man ok with a partnership. It’s a brave decision and I think you have made the most unselfish one. Try to take care of yourself and take your medication often, so that you are in a good frame of mind to take care of yourself always! All the best! 5 Likes |
Re: As A Woman I Have Decided I'm Never Getting Married Or Having Kids by Shidda: 9:34pm On May 16, 2022 |
Poswahala:this is the problem. Advise, fix your mental health first. |
Re: As A Woman I Have Decided I'm Never Getting Married Or Having Kids by NeuroDivergent: 1:32pm On May 19, 2022 |
NeuroDivergent: 5 Likes |
Re: As A Woman I Have Decided I'm Never Getting Married Or Having Kids by Shidda: 9:12pm On May 19, 2022 |
[quote author=NeuroDivergent post=112979064][/quote] Wow, i think this is the longest post i've seen on Nland |
Re: As A Woman I Have Decided I'm Never Getting Married Or Having Kids by Kobojunkie: 9:47pm On May 19, 2022 |
Shidda:Fix it how? |
Re: As A Woman I Have Decided I'm Never Getting Married Or Having Kids by Kobojunkie: 9:50pm On May 19, 2022 |
kaboninc:Cure for Mental illness? The answer is No, there is no cure, just treatment with many having to be on treatment most all of their lives. |
Re: As A Woman I Have Decided I'm Never Getting Married Or Having Kids by Shidda: 9:10am On May 20, 2022 |
Kobojunkie:Well, first and foremost an accurate diagnosis. Depression is mostly caused by attachment to past failure/embarassments and reliving the incident over again in the mind. Ii might cause her to think badly of herself, which in turn will not look forward to or even fear the future, which is anxiety. A good start to treating mental illnesses is having a strong self-awareness, but people usually underestimate their capabilities and fear the difficulties of tasks or worries what others think. What does it have to do with fixing the problem? like i said accurate diagnosis, something from her past has affected her badly, and like many people, she's become like what i'll call pavlo's dogs, conditioned to accept failure/negative criticism then defining herself by it. Life as they say is full of ups and downs, when hit with the bad, some people get back up, but sadly, many stay down, and that seems to be what she's doing. 4 Likes |
Re: As A Woman I Have Decided I'm Never Getting Married Or Having Kids by Kobojunkie: 11:09am On May 20, 2022 |
Shidda:Are you somehow insinuating that depression patients are somehow to blame for their predicament in some way?, |
Re: As A Woman I Have Decided I'm Never Getting Married Or Having Kids by NeuroDivergent: 12:38pm On May 20, 2022 |
Shidda: I sincerely don't know how I got about that honestly Hyperfocus must've got me in high drive Rethinking it now, I'm like...over a thousand words just for a response? Lol. 2 Likes |
Re: As A Woman I Have Decided I'm Never Getting Married Or Having Kids by NeuroDivergent: 1:17pm On May 20, 2022 |
Shidda: Real depression really doesn't take this form all the time. It'll be best she seeks proper help (diagnosis/care/treatment from the right professionals) But just to give some perspectives Depression can at times be natural as a result of chemical imbalances in the brain This means, there really may be no external reason (finances, love life, failure etc.) and one can still battle depression It's a mental illness and its just neurology happening, not necessarily life circumstances There's a difference between being despondent & battling depression Personally I've battled depression & despondence & I'll explain how funny & contrasting it can get When I suffered depression back then for a couple of years, life was super hell no doubts. I flunked entirely everything that I'd been building and had been going well. I got so frail & thin I thought I'd die naturally. It was crazy enough that I couldn't write sentences properly without misspellings or grammatical errors Interestingly, despite all of these, I was a happy person, because that was my inherent nature and though I was downcast I still really had high spirits & high hopes... Didn't tolerate suicidal thoughts On the flipside I've had to be despondent as a result of life circumstances (after my depressive experience). It weighed so much that it crushed my hopes & joy, and I tolerated suicidal thoughts a lot, but just didn't think towards attempting. Depression is clinical, Despondence (which people easily refer to as 'being depressed') is circumstantial This doesn't mean Despondence can't turn to clinical depression, but depression is possible without despondence There's really a lot thar needs to be done on mental health awareness honestly 2 Likes
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Re: As A Woman I Have Decided I'm Never Getting Married Or Having Kids by irunoko(m): 3:49pm On May 20, 2022 |
Red killers have become decent,matured and sane.no more female bashing.im surprised I like this transformation where there's still courtesy and decorum in NL.no more gbas gbos Jesus is Lord |
Re: As A Woman I Have Decided I'm Never Getting Married Or Having Kids by iamyemiakins(m): 3:49pm On May 20, 2022 |
Anything that makes you happy should be your priority. If this makes you feel good, good for you! Different strokes for different folks. 2 Likes |
Re: As A Woman I Have Decided I'm Never Getting Married Or Having Kids by nairaman66(m): 3:49pm On May 20, 2022 |
How many times will this hit FP? Who cares if you get married or sleep with a dog? 1 Like |
Re: As A Woman I Have Decided I'm Never Getting Married Or Having Kids by KIDfurniture(m): 3:49pm On May 20, 2022 |
Plz don’t marry any man… it’s best u stay alive and enjoy life. Poswahala: |
Re: As A Woman I Have Decided I'm Never Getting Married Or Having Kids by millionboi(m): 3:50pm On May 20, 2022 |
Your choice |
Re: As A Woman I Have Decided I'm Never Getting Married Or Having Kids by emmabest2000(m): 3:50pm On May 20, 2022 |
You should focus on how to heal your mental health issue and regain your self confidence back if you real have one before , before talking about marriage or kids . Moreover.... marriage is a scam 2 Likes 1 Share
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