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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always (4347 Views)
Is It Wrong For A Woman To Initiate Conjugal Act In Marriage? / My Wife Denies Me Sex Always / She Is Too Shy To Initiate Lovemaking With Her Husband (2) (3) (4)
Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by JovialJune(f): 8:41pm On May 26, 2022 |
TforT19: Chai....God forbid.....it's a pity. 6 Likes |
Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by JovialJune(f): 8:53pm On May 26, 2022 |
TforT19: What stupid excesses are you talking about? Like Richy4 said, are you real? Because if you are, then your husband has completely destroyed your dignity, self worth and esteem, for you to come here to complain of sex, that means you see his cheating as your fault, are you so damaged that you can't stand up for yourself? How old are you? Are you working or depending on him for livelihood? How can you not see that wanting sex from a cheating husband will put you in danger health wise? 12 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by Kobojunkie: 9:26pm On May 26, 2022 |
JovialJune:TforT19, i have to be honest with you but you don't sound at all like you are still connected as far as reality is concerned. Your husband cheated on you, but rather than make certain his affairs have ended, you seem more concerned with clinging to him no matter what. That is a sad state to exist in as far as marriage and mental health is concerned. Please consider seeing a therapist to help you dig deep down to why you seem to feel some of the fault lies with you as far as your husband stepping out on your marriage. 6 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by frozen70(f): 10:03pm On May 26, 2022 |
TforT19: Some men will cheat even if he is married to a foreign Virgin Just be loyal and humble He wants to flex out and he is just making his plans to work out You don't really need to be flashing yourself on him his mind may be else where Just relax and be good looking over time he will adjust If you keep diatuhim ams his mind is else where whereas his body is with you, he may not cooperate For the fact that your have that idea of him cheating, just advice him to take caution because if infection that you still love him and wants both of you to be Infection free |
Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by rickpat(m): 10:10pm On May 26, 2022 |
JovialJune:na only God go help person for this love and marriage matter sha 1 Like |
Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by JovialJune(f): 10:19pm On May 26, 2022 |
[s] frozen70:[/s] Another emotionally damaged woman 8 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by frozen70(f): 10:25pm On May 26, 2022 |
JovialJune: E pain you well well 1 Like
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Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by JovialJune(f): 10:28pm On May 26, 2022 |
9 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by NemoDatQuod(m): 12:49am On May 27, 2022 |
You seem to have forgiven your husband's infidelity. That is your right as a wife. Don't worry about those who are denigrating you for it. They're mostly those who will not know a relationship even if it is slapped onto their faces ("Sex is not food", "tone it down" and all the other gibberish that's been spout on here). It seems in our generation, the only men who do not cheat are the ones who have not been caught (The women telling you to close your legs to your husband etc, are not yet ready to deal with reality). Our women seem to be giving us a run for our money in that department of infidelity too. The fact that you want your marriage to succeed and that you did not come here to seek advice about revenge, says a lot about you. Don't ever let the actions of others turn you into a different personality. There is equally nothing wrong with being the one who initiates sex. It is your right. He is your man. But you're right that it does engender the feeling of not being found attractive or wanted by your partner. Have you tried having a conversation with him about it? I don't mean having a confrontational argument. I mean an actual conversation. Effective conversations have a time and setting and tone. A respectful, non-accusatory and friendly conversation at a time when you know he is fully present, may go a long way in helping you understand why. Being open and honest about how it makes you feel to be the one initiating sex most of the time may help him open up to you. You see, most of us men ( and women in our generation) are hypocrites. We hide our true desires from our partners. We do this most times because that is what the Nigerian and African society expects of us. Sometimes we hide who we are because of the potential for serious embarrassment were we to reveal ourselves. It may be a good idea to also gradually give him an idea of the things you want in the bedroom and being open about them. Maybe with time he will also become open with you about the things he really wants in the bedroom, things that he will otherwise be embarrassed to discuss with you, the things that drive him into the hands of other women who he knows will not judge him or women he will not ever see again after a few sessions of sex. When you get to the point where a partner feels free to tell you his or her intimate desires in the bedroom and you are able and wiling to satisfy those desires, you end up winning the person's soul. These are very serious matters few talk about. It requires tact and time to dig deep into the well of the soul. But when you do get there, you'd find all your heart's desires fulfilled. I assume you have the patience and tolerance required to do that. But remember that if yours is a marriage of daily quarrel and mutual disdain, there will not ever be the environment for such intimate discussions and trust. TforT19: 1 Like |
Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by NemoDatQuod(m): 1:03am On May 27, 2022 |
Maybe you should first be focused on the diseases your own partner will bring home. It is arrogance and hubris for you to assume that your own partner is faithful to you because you have not caught her or because of the misguided notion that she drank from a well different from the well most other Nigerian women drank from. That country has been infested with the spirit of "self first". It has affected both men and women in equal measure. Let's leave this lady to make her own choices while we focus on sharing our perspective with regards to ONLY the area she seeks suggestions on. Let's keep our sense of being perfect to ourselves! Richy4: 1 Like |
Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by Channah1(f): 1:38am On May 27, 2022 |
You found out he cheats and you're still there managing the situation because of sex? Come... Do you people know what marriage is really all about or you just start off by having sex and then jump into marriage thinking sex is all there is to marriage? Did you ever attend a proper marriage seminar at all? Well .. it seems your marriage was founded on sex hence your constant initiation of it and your husband's randy behavior. That's the only thing that brought you together and its about to tear you apart. Secondly, you're only risking your life by your continuous stay with a cheating husband because once he contracts a disease, you can't escape it as sex is also your food. I know of a woman who didn't know the hubby was cheating but because after he stopped giving her attention, she on the other hand didn't bother as she didn't see it as food, she was able to escape it when the man contracted HIV. This was a man everyone knew in the area. He died while the woman moved on with her life after testing negative with her children. So, stay there and be waiting for sex. 5 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by Graxie(f): 2:11am On May 27, 2022 |
Why do you hate yourself so much?Some idiots are even advising you on how to cope, some claimed sex is not food. I thank God for consistent men here, they will never support evil. Society and parents don damage many women, church finish others. See Osinachi sister, asking for sex in order to keep her dog. Madam, marriage ends here, on earth! You can't find happiness outside you, you can't find fulfilment outside you, your emotional stability is in you. How can you give another person the power to control your life? What if he sends you packing? Or if he dies, will that be your end? 7 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by Richy4(m): 3:36am On May 27, 2022 |
NemoDatQuod: Hmmm!! I don't think you are stupid buddy, I guess u just have badluck when you are thinking ... This singular write up of yours reminded me to take out the trash and it has never happened before.. have a nice day somewhere else man 2 Likes |
Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by akaahs(m): 9:39am On May 27, 2022 |
Different stroke for different forks, in my own case am d one always demanding since we got married last year and d funny thing is she doesn't like sex like me and we don't live in the same town with my wife due to our jobs. Madam nothing wrong as far u do it moderately in order not to be seen desperate. |
Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by NemoDatQuod(m): 4:57pm On May 27, 2022 |
Words are cheap. That's why you have many! And that's why you will stay exactly where you are! Richy4: |
Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by Richy4(m): 5:09pm On May 27, 2022 |
NemoDatQuod:I believe where I am is better than where u are... I will ignore you so hard from now on that you start doubting your existence... As a Pillock, u can have the last word.. 3 Likes |
Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by NemoDatQuod(m): 7:06pm On May 27, 2022 |
Who told you that the outback of Australia is better than the centre of the world! Start using your ability to reason! Also learn to argue points and not throw insults when you are called out on thoughtless suggestions which are equally applicable to you. Richy4: 1 Like |
Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by StPete: 7:47pm On May 27, 2022 |
LusciousLouis: Sex is by far sweeter than food. I'd have sex everyday and twice on Sunday if I have to |
Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by sweetman2022: 6:18am On May 28, 2022 |
When we advocate that women should equip themselves to be independent to their man, this is where we are driving to. You can't try this in a man's home, he would have chase you away, but here you are despite knowing the consequences his actions can bring on you, you still want to satisfy him. Someone you should have stopped having sex with or move out, you are here asking when he will start initiating sex. I can't stop laughing. Abeg continue your marriage as you dim fit. Me I be single man ooo..what do I know about marriage. Until you ladies stop being a parasite to your husband and learn to be of value to him. You guys will continue to suffer like this, because every man respect and fear to lose a valuable woman and will not dare do rubbish to her because he will know that if I lose this woman, I will regret it for the rest of my life. 3 Likes |
Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by Cousin9999: 8:59am On May 28, 2022 |
This guy doesn't know how good he has it. 1 Like |
Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by ogawisdom(m): 10:51am On May 28, 2022 |
For a man sex is a physical activity that means nothing. They don't get attached bc of it. But if after 3 months he has not initiated sex with you then sth is wrong. A man is naturally adventurous, even if he is a pastor he desires to fu.k another lady only his faith stops him |
Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by Blue86(m): 5:54pm On May 28, 2022 |
Your husband needs to be warned. You are not wrong in initiating sex. He is wrong in denying you, and not initiating sex too. If you know who he respects deeply and you can trust, report him to that one. Preferably, a woman. And the best person to report to is God, In Jesus name. |
Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by Kobojunkie: 6:24pm On May 28, 2022 |
Blue86:The same God who said your marriages are of this world and not of the Kingdom of God - Luke 20 vs 34 - 36 - ? Look, the OP sees what husband is doing wrong but turns a sort of blind eye to it. Doesn't that inform you enough to know that God is the last thing on her mind at this time, this since her god of choice is instead her husband from the looks of things. Make una no dey drag God's name into these things abeg! 1 Like |
Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by cococandy(f): 7:16pm On May 28, 2022 |
You will keep groveling and never get the same level of consideration and respect you afford him simply because you’re okay with catering to his excesses. TforT19: 6 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by cococandy(f): 7:18pm On May 28, 2022 |
. 1 Like |
Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by bukatyne(f): 7:49pm On May 28, 2022 |
TforT19: 1. In my experience (personal, others, movies, stories, teachings etc), the sex drive of men is 'dominant' than women. That means they initiate/want sex more often than their women. When they love her and/or find her attractive, they are more interested expressing that through sex. When your man is not forthcoming sexually, it is one of some things: a. You repulse him or he hates you; b. He is sexually unattracted to you; c. He has low libido; d. He is broke/bothered about something; e. He has a disease he doesn't want to pass to you; f. He is gay; etc. 2. Stop initiating sex if you don't feel like having it. Initiating sex all the time without him showing desire in you or initiating sometimes could take a hit on your self worth and you begin to wonder what's wrong with you. Instead of initiating, you can passively seduce him by dressing up in a suggestive manner. 3. Because he wants to/he can. Also note that your definition of his needs might not be his; your definition of good food/sex/care bla bla bla might also defer from his. A better approach than your questions (just answered them) is to hold him accountable for: 1. His disinterest in you sexually 2. the adultery especially if you want to continue the marriage. Ask him why he cheated and create your boundaries. Would you walk out a second time? Is adultery a deal breaker for you? Is your grouse the adultery or the fact you found out? Or that he is not interested in you while sleeping with someone else? Do you unconsciously believe all men are adulterous and just want compensation? You need to be truthful to yourself and know what you want. Also consider STD(I)s and explore stopping sex or getting him to use protection. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by bukatyne(f): 7:52pm On May 28, 2022 |
TforT19: You mean you initiate sex with your disinterested husband because you want to keep him (stop him from committing adultery)? Did he ever cheat on you during courtship? Where is the urge to 'keep him' coming from? Do you have kids? Do you work/earn money? |
Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by UjuJoan2: 9:02pm On May 28, 2022 |
TforT19: Do you really want to keep him because you love him? Or because you want to maintain the wife status? Seriously? How did we get to start thinking so little of ourselves. A man clearly cheats on you and all you are concerned about is not pushing him away. You should be the one being begged not to leave. What you are doing is sad. I’m sorry if I sound harsh but this is disgusting! 8 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by Blue86(m): 7:32am On May 29, 2022 |
Please read that verse you quoted well again. Then read what begat that discussion and read down again. Kobojunkie: |
Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by Stargurl20(f): 10:17am On May 29, 2022 |
LusciousLouis:Can you imagine you reply |
Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by Kobojunkie: 1:07pm On May 29, 2022 |
Blue86:The verse and comment made are perfectly in order from where I sit. The same God who said your marriages are of this world and not of the Kingdom of God - Luke 20 vs 34 - 36 - ? Look, the OP sees what husband is doing wrong but turns a sort of blind eye to it. Doesn't that inform you enough to know that God is the last thing on her mind at this time, this since her god of choice is instead her husband from the looks of things. Make una no dey drag God's name into these things abeg! |
Re: Is It Okay For Wife To Initiate Sex Always by TforT19: 10:32pm On May 29, 2022 |
Am glad everyone is pouring out their mind. He even comes home late and yet expect the best treatment. I don't know his monicker I would have release it here so you guys can help me talk to him. Either ways let him read all these comments maybe God can use it to touch his heart. I have kids and am also doing business although he earns more than me. He's a civil servant. The whole thing self don tire me. Am also a graduate but I haven't gotten a good job for now. I was working in a bank but after our marriage I relocated with him so I lost the job because of that. Hmmm it is well. I pray God help me through this, I know God will help I didn't just want to deal with things foolishly that's why I came here for advice. I have gotten some and I will keep picking more. Thanks to you all |
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