patoski39:
if u like preach from now till 100yrs to come, a typical NIGERIAN MAN doesn't joke with their 'HEAD OF THE FAMILY' title.

What grinds my gears about it all is these men have the nerve to complain after choosing these very burdens as their lot in marriage. I imagine it kinda like watching a hamster run on a wheel for all its life, and it feigning frustration at not getting anywhere still.

Men that have good wife managers, should go and give testimony.

gammarays1:

Good to learn from someone's experience. However, I'll advise you to do the following.
1. Since you're bearing 100% financial burden of your family, I suggest you find another source of income that'll be covering all or part of your home monthly expenses. Do this early before it becomes late. You've already set a high standard of expenses in your family and there'll be chaos if your source of income takes a hit.
2. I suspect your wife has same high expenses so she may spend on other stuffs. If she doesn't have any source of income, sort this out.
3. You need to enforce some rules i.e. tell her to make a budget for monthly expenses, negotiate and insist she sticks to the budget.
4. Never bring yourself to going to market to purchase things yourself. Don't add another stress to the one you're bearing already. Man's duty is to provide finance and direct the family while the woman manages the family i.e. taking care of the family with the money provided by the man.

You're really trying, so many families here live below the budget and expenses you provide.

May your days be fruitful!

satandeterrible:
Balderdash.

The woman is certainly over stressing her husband. What's worse? She doesn't even contribute a dime to the household financially. Yet she wants to live way above her standards. Standards that her parents couldn't provide for her. Now she wants to kill the young man before his time.

And we should applaud her for that?
You no get talk Oga.

But why applaud her husband who chose, of his own volition, to carry the load, her standards inclusive, all by himself?

lilyheaven:
Men that have good wife managers, should go and give testimony.

Please stop with this "good wife/bad wife" nonsense abeg!

If OP chose to bear the financial burdens in his family, including the needs of his wife's, all by himself, this by marrying for himself a woman to depend 100% on him, then respect his choice and woman. His wife is not evil for depending on him or spending money on her personal needs where she has no other source of income, neither is she to blame for possible high cost of commodities at her location/town and markets.

Who said his wife is evil?
You just like arguing,
If he can give his sister Inlaw 10k for recharge card alone, do you think he won’t give his wife money for her personal upkeeps.
If a woman cannot manage 80k , provided every month, even when the oga is providing the buck of other things. The person is extravagant. Oga wouldn’t have been complaining if he has enough to throw away.
You don’t have to manage your life using another person as your yardstick.
I’m sure you are an extravagant manager.
You look like those that will collect 150000 naira salary, on a Friday afternoon, and blow it off same night inside club.
Wake up on Sunday morning to cry how the salary isn’t enough.
Leave me alone, I don’t have strength with people that doesn’t know how to manage their husbands money, learn to manage what your husband provides.
Don’t come and kill someone son with your over demanding.
Go and work and spend it , anyhow you want.

Kobojunkie:
Please stop with this "good wife/bad wife" nonsense abeg!

If OP chose to bear the financial burdens in his family, including the needs of his wife's, all by himself, this by marrying for himself a woman to depend 100% on him, then respect his choice and woman. His wife is not evil for depending on him or spending money on her personal needs where she has no other source of income, neither is she to blame for possible high cost of commodities at her location/town and markets.

lilyheaven:
1.Who said his wife is evil? You just like arguing, If he can give his sister Inlaw 10k for recharge card alone, do you think he won’t give his wife money for her personal upkeeps.

2. If a woman cannot manage 80k , provided every month, even when the oga is providing the buck of other things. The person is extravagant. Oga wouldn’t have been complaining if he has enough to throw away. You don’t have to manage your life using another person as your yardstick.

3. I’m sure you are an extravagant manager.
You look like those that will collect 150000 naira salary, on a Friday afternoon, and blow it off same night inside club. Wake up on Sunday morning to cry how the salary isn’t enough.

4. Leave me alone, I don’t have strength with people that doesn’t know how to manage their husbands money, learn to manage what your husband provides.
Don’t come and kill someone son with your over demanding. Go and work and spend it , anyhow you want.

1. Let the OP respond to the question himself.

2. How do you know she isn't managing it well as is?

3. Now you are sure of my person? Great!

4. You seem to think yourself a competent judge of how others manage things in their own households/lives, don't you? You have a lot to learn in this life it seems.

Kobojunkie:
But why applaud her husband who chose, of his own volition, to carry the load, her standards inclusive, all by himself?

Don't ever quote me again you disgusting, irritating being.
Shove your sick, twisted, idiotic reasoning up your ass.
Animal.

satandeterrible:
Don't ever quote me again you disgusting, irritating being.
Shove your sick, twisted, idiotic reasoning up your ass.
Animal.

Again, But why applaud her husband who chose, of his own volition, to carry the load, her standards inclusive, all by himself?

gammarays1:

Good to learn from someone's experience. However, I'll advise you to do the following.
1. Since you're bearing 100% financial burden of your family, I suggest you find another source of income that'll be covering all or part of your home monthly expenses. Do this early before it becomes late. You've already set a high standard of expenses in your family and there'll be chaos if your source of income takes a hit.
2. I suspect your wife has same high expenses so she may spend on other stuffs. If she doesn't have any source of income, sort this out.
3. You need to enforce some rules i.e. tell her to make a budget for monthly expenses, negotiate and insist she sticks to the budget.
4. Never bring yourself to going to market to purchase things yourself. Don't add another stress to the one you're bearing already. Man's duty is to provide finance and direct the family while the woman manages the family i.e. taking care of the family with the money provided by the man.

You're really trying, so many families here live below the budget and expenses you provide.

May your days be fruitful!

Thanks for this encouraging words.

Ishilove, come here.

NOETHNICITY:
Please house, I use God almighty to beg una. I need urgent and sincere advice here please. Because I might make a terrible decision soon.

I've a family of 3kids, the eldest is 5 and the youngest will be 2 next month. My wife's younger sister lives with us.
One the first of this month, I gave my wife 80k for for food in the house. Please take note, that that money does not include provisions, like milk and milo and drinking water. At the end of every month, I spend about 30k stocking the house with all the provisions and things like all the soap we are gonna need for the month. In addition to this, I am responsible for making sure that a bag of rice is always available at all times. And also most days I don't eat breakfast before leaving the house. So I end up eating just dinner at home.
My wife just told my this morning that the feeding money is exhausted

Please I want advise, I use God beg una

Edited! Note that in addition to all this, I buy bread for the house every 2days because my kids take tea as breakfast every morning. I also give my wife's sister 10k every month for her recharge car. And some weekends I buy things like chicken, fish and turkey just to augment and make the family happy. Daily I spend on average 1k buying fruits for house. Yet 80k is not enough

If she is not working get her a teaching job or any other job you guts can get at the moment, let her start contributing or share responsibilities to her

Let's see if the money will be enough

This hard time, you are spending all these a month, what happens when they become teenagers

I have seen everything about you.
You are still growing.

Kobojunkie:
1. Let the OP respond to the question himself.

2. How do you know she isn't managing it well as is?

3. Now you are sure of my person? Great!

4. You seem to think yourself a competent judge of how others manage things in their own households/lives, don't you? You have a lot to learn in this life it seems.

I have seen everything about you.
You are still growing.
When you get to the bridge Op is standing now, you will understand better.
There’s time for everything,
This is op’s time to sail his boat, I pray for him to sail successfully.

Kobojunkie:
1. Let the OP respond to the question himself.

2. How do you know she isn't managing it well as is?

3. Now you are sure of my person? Great!

4. You seem to think yourself a competent judge of how others manage things in their own households/lives, don't you? You have a lot to learn in this life it seems.

lilyheaven:
I have seen everything about you.You are still growing. When you get to the bridge Op is standing now, you will understand better.
There’s time for everything, This is op’s time to sail his boat, I pray for him to sail successfully.

I won't find myself in OP'S shoes since I don't believe in shouldering all the burden even the financial ones, in marriage. So there is no boat to Sail except for those who make such choices as he did.

You are just cruising around .

Kobojunkie:
I won't find myself in OP'S shoes since I don't believe in shouldering all the burden even the financial ones, in marriage. So there is no boat to Sail except for those who make such choices as he did.

tensazangetsu20:


It only makes sense if the woman can pull her weight financially. Besides once kids come in, someone has to sacrifice their career to stay and raise the kids so the responsibility will still fall back on the mans head.

So all families that have kids require the mother to resign?

NOETHNICITY:
Please house, I use God almighty to beg una. I need urgent and sincere advice here please. Because I might make a terrible decision soon.

I've a family of 3kids, the eldest is 5 and the youngest will be 2 next month. My wife's younger sister lives with us.
One the first of this month, I gave my wife 80k for for food in the house. Please take note, that that money does not include provisions, like milk and milo and drinking water. At the end of every month, I spend about 30k stocking the house with all the provisions and things like all the soap we are gonna need for the month. In addition to this, I am responsible for making sure that a bag of rice is always available at all times. And also most days I don't eat breakfast before leaving the house. So I end up eating just dinner at home.
My wife just told my this morning that the feeding money is exhausted

Please I want advise, I use God beg una

Edited! Note that in addition to all this, I buy bread for the house every 2days because my kids take tea as breakfast every morning. I also give my wife's sister 10k every month for her recharge car. And some weekends I buy things like chicken, fish and turkey just to augment and make the family happy. Daily I spend on average 1k buying fruits for house. Yet 80k is not enough

As things become harder economically for the average Nigerian living In Nigeria, I honestly don't see the point of getting married esp from the POV of a man. It is pointless and financially imprudent. Anyway, the same applies to foreign countries. The marriage rates or better put birth rates in most developed countries (which are even more prosperous than Nigerian and her likes) are declining because the cost of living is increasing astronomically.

Apart from birthing one's own child(ren) and companionship, I don't see the need for marriage esp in Africa's poverty capital, which is one of the world's unsafe places to reside.


The OP literally does not enjoy his own money! Ridiculous!

emmanuelbrown26:

Oga mak I tell u d truth here, anybody wey go cum tell u say u no dey try na devil and enemy of progress. U are really trying in providing for d family in this hard times.
D nature of my hustle cum mak me dey meet and interact with people on daily bases, en get some families wey dey collect 130k monthly both husband and wife and dem dey ok. So why won't 80k be 3nough for d family. Something is wrong somewhere sir and u hv to find out that

The standard of living differs. You cannot compare a family in Lekki to that living in Creek Town. The Roman lady on the first page was correct. His standard of living has to be assessed (remember he does not want his children to suffer), then the income level and consumption rate of everyone in the house. So, because some families can sustain themselves on 130K monthly does not mean all families can, and should. Also, the cost of living in his location also matters.

This is simple economics for crying loud!

---

NOETHNICITY: The best bet is to create a budget factoring in the inflation rate in Nigeria. Plan ahead and prepare for emergency expenditures. Another alternative which I like is to increase and/or diversify your income rather than cutting costs. However, know that expenses generally rise as incomes do. At this point, you have to be contented and spend below your means so as to break-even.

Ultimately, to prevent another massive expense, undergo a vasectomy so that a child or children does not appear from anywhere.

ireneidiva:

So all families that have kids require the mother to resign?

It makes sense for the partner that earns low to step down his/her career advancement to take care of the children, and in most cases that partner happens to be the woman. This is linked to hypergamy since women desire to marry men that earn more than them. Women cannot stick to hypergamy and then expect the man (the high-income earning partner) to resign to take care of the family as a way to cut down on domestic care expenses. Also, it is tied to the hormone testosterone which makes men strive for success.

In summary, it is the reason the Motherhood Tax exists all over the world including in so-called equal societies in Northern Europe.

Gerrard59:


It makes sense for the partner that earns low to step down his/her career advancement to take care of the children, and in most cases that partner happens to be the woman. This is linked to hypergamy since women desire to marry men that earn more than them. Women cannot stick to hypergamy and then expect the man (the high-income earning partner) to resign to take care of the family as a way to cut down on domestic care expenses. Also, it is tied to the hormone testosterone which makes men strive for success.

In summary, it is the reason the Motherhood Tax exists all over the world including in so-called equal societies in Northern Europe.

It is a choice it is not by force. Many families have both parents working. All mother's must not resign because they have kids. It is 2022. Apparently, in your own family, females do not have hormones that make them strive for success.

ireneidiva:

It is a choice it is not by force. Many families have both parents working. All mother's must not resign because they have kids. It is 2022.

In the long run, one partner must step back to be more involved in childcare unless they have enough relative hands (a result of unemployment) to assist in raising children or have strangers in the name of domestic servants do it for them. The term - Motherhood Penalty/Tax - exists for a reason.

Even in egalitarian societies, these things happen let alone in one of the world's religious, culturally primitive and poorest societies.

[https://www.economist.com/graphic-detail/2019/05/31/the-struggle-to-reduce-the-motherhood-penalty]

Gerrard59:


The standard of living differs. You cannot compare a family in Lekki to that living in Creek Town. The Roman lady on the first page was correct. His standard of living has to be assessed (remember he does not want his children to suffer), then the income level and consumption rate of everyone in the house. So, because some families can sustain themselves on 130K monthly does not mean all families can, and should. Also, the cost of living in his location also matters.

This is simple economics for crying loud!

---

NOETHNICITY: The best bet is to create a budget factoring in the inflation rate in Nigeria. Plan ahead and prepare for emergency expenditures. Another alternative which I like is to increase and/or diversify your income rather than cutting costs. However, know that expenses generally rise as incomes do. At this point, you have to be contented and spend below your means so as to break-even.

Ultimately, to prevent another massive expense, undergo a vasectomy so that a child or children does not appear from anywhere.

U are right, but for him to be dropping 80 every month tells that he is not living in Lekki,

Gerrard59:


The standard of living differs. You cannot compare a family in Lekki to that living in Creek Town. The Roman lady on the first page was correct. His standard of living has to be assessed (remember he does not want his children to suffer), then the income level and consumption rate of everyone in the house. So, because some families can sustain themselves on 130K monthly does not mean all families can, and should. Also, the cost of living in his location also matters.

This is simple economics for crying loud!

---

NOETHNICITY: The best bet is to create a budget factoring in the inflation rate in Nigeria. Plan ahead and prepare for emergency expenditures. Another alternative which I like is to increase and/or diversify your income rather than cutting costs. However, know that expenses generally rise as incomes do. At this point, you have to be contented and spend below your means so as to break-even.

Ultimately, to prevent another massive expense, undergo a vasectomy so that a child or children does not appear from anywhere.

It's always refreshing to read reasonable comments on this forum.

People were just hampering on the money nobody seemed to address the issue highlighted which is very general and not even specific to the OP alone.

I do shopping for my home, I know how much I spent over the years, watched how it increased astronomically, now trying to make our consumption fit to today's reality of super inflation, which is quite difficult especially when you have young children.

Some families will still want to live/ eat as they did, not bad some can afford to but most can't and this is why we have so many threads of this same food money issue in family section.

It's simply one of the two most times, it's either the money is increased or the standard of living / eating is reduced. Which is the major reason why my solution to all these issues is let the man buy it all for just one month.

My boss was gisting me how after endless complains from his wife, he did the shopping for sometime and he ended up complaining laslas he got the drift, money must increase if you want us to live with the standard we used to.
It really is nobody's fault it's the economy.

Gerrard59:


In the long run, one partner must step back to be more involved in childcare unless they have enough relative hands (a result of unemployment) to assist in raising children or have strangers in the name of domestic servants do it for them. The term - Motherhood Penalty/Tax - exists for a reason.

Even in egalitarian societies, these things happen let alone in one of the world's religious, culturally primitive and poorest societies.

[https://www.economist.com/graphic-detail/2019/05/31/the-struggle-to-reduce-the-motherhood-penalty]

Like I said, in a lot of families nobody steps down. I don't know where you are getting your data from.

NOETHNICITY:
Oga sorry, I am the op actually. Believe me, I am not the type that impresses women with money. Infact my wife doesn't know my true financial worth. And these are the very reasons I've always kept her in the dark as per my financial capabilities. Because I know if she's aware she would want more money. And seriously ontop of this amount I spend I've been tagged a stringy man already. Even though she doesn't tell me that to my face, I see it in her eyes.
The only reason I give this much money is actually because of the kids. And also because I don't want the issue food to be any problem in the house. Growing up wasn't easy for me, so I don't want my kids lacking goodies in the house.
Truth is I wanted to actually find out if I'm doing enough and that is the reason I created the thread.

Oga, if this is the reason you created this thread then trust me you are doing enough. She trying to make you feel you are not doing enough is her just been manipulative. Even giving your wife sister staying with you 10k every month is over magnanimous of you. Trust me if it was your younger brother or sister that is staying with you she would have used every means to drive him out of your house, she would even ask you what he is doing in the house that would warrant you giving him 10k every month.

I'm not saying they are not accommodative wife to the husbands family but nowadays they are very few and a man would be blessed to have such a wife.

Like someone said earlier, "it Is either she is not managing your money well or she is misusing (looting) it" without fear or favour I feel the latter is what it is

My 2cent take the list from your wife and start personally shopping for everything you need.

I didn't want to comment the bolded, the bolded was why I commented.

Sugargul:


There are 4 weeks in a month. That’s still 80k.

OP, I did not see anything budgeted for your wife. She has needs too. Her hair, clothes, shoes, body lotion to look good for you. If you don’t give her, she might be left with no choice than to remove from the 80k to meet her needs. 80k is not a lot of money in these hard times.

"Hair, clothes, shoes, body lotion" I believe pad is included also. You know it's "hard times" and you try to commonise 80k, just curious when last did you legitimately work 80k?

Just a week and 3 days ago, I witness the humiliation a man went through while doing is hussle that he wouldn't even make more than 5k from, the man just had to exercise restrain just so he could go back home in one piece to see is family and not in a body bag to the mortuary.

While Op may be rich, do you know what he go through on a daily outside just so he could make his bread? Or will you suggest he doesn't save any money at all for the future of his children and spend it all on food especially when he had adequately provided for his family?

emmanuelbrown26:

U are right, but for him to be dropping 80 every month tells that he is not living in Lekki,

I live in Iyana ipaja actually

NOETHNICITY:
I live in Iyana ipaja actually

Where are those supporting evil here, imagine living at iyana ipaja and 80k is not sufficient for d family? U are d one that buys rice and other stuffs and yet 80k is not enough? I know d whole alimosho LGA and some places in Lagos
Op I'm sorry to sound dis way but I must sound it, u got married to a very wicked woman that does not know anything about future
Like I said earlier on, couples are earning 130k and yet they are not wailing. See, take any advice from Nairaland female at your own risk.Imagine Iyana Ipaja, wey bi say if u enter super-ilepo market u go buy things at cheaper rate or iyana-oba market.
I no say your wife no dey work,

brightest5050:


Oga, if this is the reason you created this thread then trust me you are doing enough. She trying to make you feel you are not doing enough is her just been manipulative. Even giving your wife sister staying with you 10k every month is over magnanimous of you. Trust me if it was your younger brother or sister that is staying with you she would have used every means to drive him out of your house, she would even ask you what he is doing in the house that would warrant you giving him 10k every month.

I'm not saying they are not accommodative wife to the husbands family but nowadays they are very few and a man would be blessed to have such a wife.

Like someone said earlier, "it Is either she is not managing your money well or she is misusing (looting) it" without fear or favour I feel the latter is what it is

My 2cent take the list from your wife and start personally shopping for everything you need.

I didn't want to comment the bolded, the bolded was why I commented.

U see at d bolded, how happy d way has being since husband dey gv wife younger sister 10k every month, but if na just mak husband brother stay to hustle, d wife for dun cause division with d two brothers, d generation of ladies we hv are more deadlier than serpent.

frozen70:


If she is not working get her a teaching job or any other job you guts can get at the moment, let her start contributing or share responsibilities to her

Let's see if the money will be enough

This hard time, you are spending all these a month, what happens when they become teenagers

I love the line of ur comment so I'll give you somemore details.
My spendings monthly, if I factor in my own extended family and her own extended family, also if I include school fees for kids and house rent, cooking gas, car maintenance, me eating out, and other stuff I buy for the house, sometimes its around the threshold of 350k. But in festive months, like next month that we will have sallah, I'll spend a total of nothing less than 500k to 600k.
Do you know what scares me silly? It's my salary actually. My salary is just 180k. But I'm fortunate to be working in a place that is structured to bring in an extra 1m monthly. But she(wife) is not aware of this because I deliberately kept this information from her. I know the kind of person she is. She wouldn't mind us living like millionaires even my salary is only 180k. Infact we already living like that. So I'm seriously working on setting up a bakery for family expenses. And I hope it will be a successful venture. Thanks

NOETHNICITY:
I love the line of ur comment so I'll give you somemore details.
My spendings monthly, if I factor in my own extended family and her own extended family, also if I include school fees for kids and house rent, cooking gas, car maintenance, me eating out, and other stuff I buy for the house, sometimes its around the threshold of 350k. But in festive months, like next month that we will have sallah, I'll spend a total of nothing less than 500k to 600k.
Do you know what scares me silly? It's my salary actually. My salary is just 180k. But I'm fortunate to be working in a place that is structured to bring in an extra 1m monthly. But she(wife) is not aware of this because I deliberately kept this information from her. I know the kind of person she is. She wouldn't mind us living like millionaires even my salary is only 180k. Infact we already living like that. So I'm seriously working on setting up a bakery for family expenses. And I hope it will be a successful venture. Thanks

Fantastic, I like your style

Keeping the extra source of income away from her was your saving grace

So keep it up and plan it well, so that no matter the situation, you and your family will remain in the same stand and level you have brought them to

Keep being focused and don't get distracted

brightest5050:
1. While Op may be rich, do you know what he go through on a daily outside just so he could make his bread?

2. Or will you suggest he doesn't save any money at all for the future of his children and spend it all on food especially when he had adequately provided for his family?

1. Op probably has to deal with some of the same things those who are single have to deal with on a regular basis just so they can make their bread.

2. Nobody forced OP into a marriage as sole provider. He, like many "African husbands" impose such living on themselves by their egos. So, if he is unable to save for his children as a result of his bad choice, the fault is to be owned by him, not someone else..