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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / My Fiance Is Insisting On Not Having A Court Marriage (4920 Views)
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My Fiance Is Insisting On Not Having A Court Marriage by Merxi: 10:54pm On Jul 08, 2022 |
Good evening everyone, I need your candid opinion as I am about to return my proposal ring to my husband to be. We plan on traveling out of the country next year after getting married. All of a sudden he has been insisting on us not having a court wedding. He just wants us to do traditional wedding and that’s all!…I have tried to change his mind but he is really adamant about it. This is someone I have been dating for close to 6 years 6 Likes |
Re: My Fiance Is Insisting On Not Having A Court Marriage by immortalcrown(m): 10:55pm On Jul 08, 2022 |
![]() Court marriage has become a norm in this generation. I do not like it but it seems to be a watchdog for the madness people exhibit in marriage these days. But why not accept the court wedding? What is your fear? After all, it favours women most. 10 Likes 4 Shares |
Re: My Fiance Is Insisting On Not Having A Court Marriage by Nobody: 10:55pm On Jul 08, 2022 |
So in summary... you value court wedding(which is just paper and signatures) over your potential husband and you are ready to be single again till you get that paper? 19 Likes |
Re: My Fiance Is Insisting On Not Having A Court Marriage by wis3(m): 10:58pm On Jul 08, 2022 |
Did he say what his reasons were? |
Re: My Fiance Is Insisting On Not Having A Court Marriage by Merxi: 11:07pm On Jul 08, 2022 |
wis3:He said “Nobody knows tomorrow” 1 Like |
Re: My Fiance Is Insisting On Not Having A Court Marriage by wis3(m): 11:13pm On Jul 08, 2022 |
Merxi:I'm not one to so but he's probably onto something. So he wants to get married but not make it official 16 Likes |
Re: My Fiance Is Insisting On Not Having A Court Marriage by Moneyyman: 11:27pm On Jul 08, 2022 |
Hi, Merxi. From your statement that "he said nobody knows tomorrow", I think his decision is not unrelated to family law that most abroad countries have. He might be troubled about the prospect of losing everything in the event of a divorce. And I guess your insistence may push him farther down that line, making him think you're trying to get an insurance for yourself if things go south. What can you do? I honestly don't know, but I'll suggest: 1. Sit him down and ask him directly what his fears are. Is he scared that in the event of a divorce, the court will stand on your court wedding contract and he may lose nearly everything to you? Is he wary of you "getting insurance" while he is, literally, left out to dry? 2. Stop insisting on the court wedding. If you have been doing that, you should have noticed that it alienates him further. Just stop insisting or "trying to bring him around". He's going to interpret it as you trying to rope him in. No man likes that. 3. I think you guys can go for a prenuptial agreement. I don't know if Nigeria honors it, but many foreign countries do honor it. In the prenuptial agreement, you both state what and how you want your assets divided in the event of a divorce. I don't have much info about that, but you should talk with lawyer (your friend, family, or colleague is fine). Like I said, I don't know much, but I'm thinking along those lines. You guys have to sort it out. Try not to sound desperate about the court wedding. Be firm about it, but be willing to take certain compromise so that you don't look desperate and looking for a way out. Modified: please, when I mentioned the bolded, I was referring to a prenuptial agreement and not any other thing that would jeopardise your safety. You both need to feel secure in that marriage and that's the whole point. 22 Likes |
Re: My Fiance Is Insisting On Not Having A Court Marriage by abimcdssi: 11:47pm On Jul 08, 2022 |
And how did you two intend to travel out of the country as a couple without a court wedding certificate? Except you plan going as singles. 16 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Fiance Is Insisting On Not Having A Court Marriage by Mindlog: 11:49pm On Jul 08, 2022 |
Moneyyman: As they plan on traveling out of the country next year after getting married, what document(s) will they provide at the embassy as their marriage certificate? 16 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Fiance Is Insisting On Not Having A Court Marriage by Nobody: 11:50pm On Jul 08, 2022 |
Moneyyman:You tried to sound fair, you tried so hard to avoid the bolded but you can't help it. 4 Likes |
Re: My Fiance Is Insisting On Not Having A Court Marriage by Kobojunkie: 11:50pm On Jul 08, 2022 |
Merxi:When you say you want court wedding, do you mean that you both visit the registry instead of going the traditional route? ![]() If indeed your plan is to leave this country with him in the future, ensure your marriage is registered in the courts or you will end up a left-behind wife. ![]() One thing I have learnt is Traditional options amounts to entering into a polygamous arrangement which allows him marry other wives even while still married to you so. I think your fiance is aware of this and intends to have his options open even as he ties you down in marriage to him. I also learnt that the traditional marriage route presents itself as a handicap against the woman in the case of divorce. If he decides or you decide on divorce, chances are high that you will end up with next to nothing after all your toiling as a couple. ![]() So, you really need to consider whether marrying him is worth the potential headache down the road or not. : ![]() 14 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Fiance Is Insisting On Not Having A Court Marriage by Queenttoast01: 11:53pm On Jul 08, 2022 |
Do court wedding if you don't have any hidden future agenda with your spouse. 3 Likes |
Re: My Fiance Is Insisting On Not Having A Court Marriage by Nobody: 11:57pm On Jul 08, 2022 |
A union based on doubt and selfish desires has no future. If your partner denies you what is right because he or she fears what tomorrow may bring, it's advisable you double check and look for one with same leanings as yours. How do you travel out of the country together without evidence of marriage? I don't understand. I'd advise you think this through. 6 years of togetherness yet no closeness, that's rich. 18 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Fiance Is Insisting On Not Having A Court Marriage by Kobojunkie: 12:00am On Jul 09, 2022 |
Merxi:So he is taking out insurance for himself against you even before you both become husband and wife? ![]() 11 Likes |
Re: My Fiance Is Insisting On Not Having A Court Marriage by socialmediaman: 12:00am On Jul 09, 2022 |
Merxi: His choice of traditional marriage is valid but you can choose not to be a part of it. I think the major problem in your marriage is trust more than anything else. Boys and girls are not smiling these days PS: Traditional marriages are valid both in Nigeria and abroad. Just get it registered at the local registry for proper documentation 1 Like |
Re: My Fiance Is Insisting On Not Having A Court Marriage by cococandy(f): 12:15am On Jul 09, 2022 |
socialmediaman:if they register it in the local registry, that will make it an official union. They get a marriage certificate from the registry when the process is complete, isn’t it then for all intents and purposes, a “court wedding”? They just didn’t have a ceremony at the registry. 9 Likes |
Re: My Fiance Is Insisting On Not Having A Court Marriage by cococandy(f): 12:18am On Jul 09, 2022 |
Thantayo:if the potential husband doesn’t value her enough to commit without keeping one leg out, then she should definitely value that piece of paper more than him. It’s not just a piece of paper 20 Likes |
Re: My Fiance Is Insisting On Not Having A Court Marriage by baby124: 12:47am On Jul 09, 2022 |
My dear. Let a Yoruba person translate for you. Ilu ola ti e nlo, e Le fera loju ijoba te ba fe se pali. Iya ma je pasa si yin lorun. ![]() |
Re: My Fiance Is Insisting On Not Having A Court Marriage by Marvyx(m): 1:33am On Jul 09, 2022 |
If you guys want to travel out, chances are that he's aware of family laws over there that favours women and not men. But that's not the main issue because many Nigerian couples are still getting marriage documented before travelling out. I think you or someone else may have subtly given him the idea of uncertainty of what will happen when he marries you and travels out with you. We've read stories about how Nigeria ladies go abroad and turn to lions in the household because of their family laws. Guy man wants to protect himself. Forget 6 years, women will still be women. I can't think of anything else than that. The solution is to give him an assurance of loyalty. 8 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Fiance Is Insisting On Not Having A Court Marriage by Kobojunkie: 2:08am On Jul 09, 2022 |
Marvyx:I think the problem here is in the how he intends to go about protecting himself. He could easier protect himself by signing a prenuptial agreement with his wife-to-be. But you and i know that traditional marriage here in Nigeria would not keep divorce from happening even from abroad, but it can keep her from leaving Nigeria with him. So..... yes, the problem is the how he intends to protect himself. ![]() By the way, what makes you think her loyalty means anything to him if after 6 years he still intends to take out traditional marriage insurance against her?? ![]() 4 Likes |
Re: My Fiance Is Insisting On Not Having A Court Marriage by NoToPile: 2:58am On Jul 09, 2022 |
I still can't wrap it round my head why people won't want their marriages legally documented. It's only on NL I read these things. These things are not supposed to be open for discussions at all how on earth won't a marriage be documented legally in this day and age, what is the evidence of marriage. He doesn't even want to guys to have a solemnization in church where you can get the certificate, I doubt he will even let you register that trad marriage at the LGA it seems the major aim is not to have any legal document. 8 Likes |
Re: My Fiance Is Insisting On Not Having A Court Marriage by Fiscus105(m): 3:09am On Jul 09, 2022 |
Thantayo: You ask urself, if ur so called "potential husband" truly want to leave up to responsibility, how come he is developing cold feet on the issues of marriage? At least to prove to the whole world that he is not a conman. 3 Likes |
Re: My Fiance Is Insisting On Not Having A Court Marriage by Fiscus105(m): 3:14am On Jul 09, 2022 |
abimcdssi: That is enough to show that, her story is fake or she dnt know what she is saying? 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: My Fiance Is Insisting On Not Having A Court Marriage by Raalsalghul: 5:43am On Jul 09, 2022 |
Kobojunkie: Nothing bad in that: smart move even. It's always wise to plan for worst case scenario though I'm intrigued to know how they'll prove their union at the embassy. 1 Like |
Re: My Fiance Is Insisting On Not Having A Court Marriage by eyinjuege: 5:46am On Jul 09, 2022 |
That man doesn't mean well for you especially with that statement of one doesn't know tomorrow. He just wants a baby making machine. You will end up being his baby mama, because he will travel out and leave you in Nigeria. Better to avoid that scenario now and protect your womb. Start looking for ways to travel abroad legally on your own, if that's your plan because that man has no plans for you. 11 Likes |
Re: My Fiance Is Insisting On Not Having A Court Marriage by Kobojunkie: 5:48am On Jul 09, 2022 |
Raalsalghul:1. There is everything wrong with this as marriage is meant to be an agreement between a man and a woman. ![]() 2. There is planning for worst case scenario and their is mere foolishness. This here ofcourse is the latter. ![]() |
Re: My Fiance Is Insisting On Not Having A Court Marriage by Moneyyman: 5:55am On Jul 09, 2022 |
I think church certificates are just as valid as court certificates. I may be wrong tho Mindlog: |
Re: My Fiance Is Insisting On Not Having A Court Marriage by Moneyyman: 5:58am On Jul 09, 2022 |
Hi, yes. I tried to be as fair as possible. When I said compromise, I didn't mean something bad. I was talking about a prenuptial agreement. Maybe I should have included it there. I'll modify now. Her husband's fears (if confirmed) are quite valid. We can't pretend that the abroad laws, in most cases, are not hard on men and a bit easier on women during divorce. Women have it rough too, though. I think it's best that they both do a prenuptial agreement as that could protect the both of them to their best interests. Persephone1: 1 Like |
Re: My Fiance Is Insisting On Not Having A Court Marriage by Mindlog: 6:05am On Jul 09, 2022 |
Moneyyman: Not all Churches, especially those mushroom ones. |
Re: My Fiance Is Insisting On Not Having A Court Marriage by Moneyyman: 6:18am On Jul 09, 2022 |
Re: My Fiance Is Insisting On Not Having A Court Marriage by IvarTheBoneless: 6:22am On Jul 09, 2022 |
Any man wey get sense... don't do Court. That's what elders told us.... I have seen guys who did and are full of regrets now. |
Re: My Fiance Is Insisting On Not Having A Court Marriage by IvarTheBoneless: 6:22am On Jul 09, 2022 |
Thantayo: No wonder the guy smelt a big rat and bailed. |
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