H0711:
I got married two months ago. I am 7 months pregnant my husband didn't tell me he had a child from his previous relationship and the child has a disability celebral palsy. Her mother came to dropped her off in my house saying she has done enough and she's tired it is now hubby turn to take care of her.

The child can't do anything for herself she can't sit, talk, walk and she does toilet in her clothes. I can't do it anymore I love children because I have taken care of my own nieces and nephews before I would have taken care of her if she was normal but taking care of a child in this question is hard and if her own mother has had enough she abandoned her and why would I kill myself taking care of her in my condition.

I want to divorce and go back to my village I have told him i am leaving next month. He is pleading with me not to leave him that he will take the child somewhere else but the place is not free he has to be paying like 200k monthly for them to take care of the child and he doesn't even have that amount of money because he is not financial stable.

I will stick to my decision but I want to know what will other people do in my situation.

generalwo:
......na u know.... All i know be say marriage these days no be for better for worst... Na for better only and this woman is a proof of that... I'm sure if the man was as wealthy as otedola... Who has a kid with almost same ailment, she won't leave him for anything.... But because the man no get money... All of a sudden... She can't mother a kid with a disorder..... Na all of una know... Make she dey go.... The man no go die... Neither will the kid..... The man will meet a better woman who will accept him and his kid... U wen get comprehending ability... Go use am boil beans

H0711:


My baby is perfectly fine. celebral palsy is not genetic or hereditary. Just because she gave birth to her with the condition it doesn't mean my baby should also carry the same condition God forbid bad things . Whether he have me back or not is not at problem at all . I prefer that he take the child mother back so they can raise their child together because to raise a child in that condition only a real mother can do it with so much love and care she didn't abandon her because she wanted to but it is due to lack of financially support.

H0711:




Thank you . Right now he can't afford that 200k monthly , his younger sister has refused to come and help taking care of the child. Me too I can't kill myself in my condition and I will leave next month.

EgunMogaji2:
This pregnancy could have been terminated. I’m not sure why people purposefully bring handicapped children into this already cruel world.

Midas01:
Typical Nigerian man....no sense. Fish brain.

Uniquekriss:
who is this wan sef, you brought your ass to public domain and asked for opinions which I'm giving you, moreover, did I ask you to take care of the child? I kept hammering that u tell him to take the child elsewhere while u stay with your man cos I'm not in support of divorce except when it involves domestic violence, I don't even blame you, he was never your husband, you were only cohabitating that's why you were seven months gone after 2months of marriage. I'm tryna help you and you're here talking nonsense. U can leave him and jump to another man and get pregnant, this time around what you'll discover about him after you're 8½ months pregnant would be worse. Mtcheeeew

frozen70:


I understand what you are going through as a woman but taking such decisions is not the best for you at the moment

The child mother has tried and probably the man left the upkeep for her and married you, so since she lost the marriage, she has to return the child to disabilitize your marriage

Divorce is not even the best option

The best option is to take the child to a welfare center where the have the services the child needs or better still get an in-house Nanny to look after the child while he provides for the child care and pay the Nanny for her services

With the above, the child is not your business any more, nor your responsibilities and you still stay happily in your home

Worst case, he can take the child to his parents and they all will sort it out there in there family house

If you divorce him another woman will come in and oversea the suggestions I made mentioned above

Then you will be a single mum to be and you can still rock your life though


And to add, when she divorced him and gets tired of taking care of the baby, she drops it as the first woman did.
I wonder how this kind of people see marriage sef. They are a disgrace to marriage.

Nozino:



All your sisters and daughters will experience such marriages. So they too can persevere.

Ten06:


I don't join issue with psychiatric patient

advanceDNA:


The solution is that the wicked mother should come and carry her child....

U parted ways with a man

U still don't want another woman to enjoy him

shes mád

H0711:


Thank you . I am leaving next month

Nozino:



Are you mad or just plain stupid? She has answered this question several times. Yes, she will take care of her child which is why she wants to exit the stage for the PARENTS of the child to do right by her. OP doesn’t know the child, she shouldn’t love her and she’s definitely not obligated to care for her .

eyinjuege:


Stop it pls.
The child is also the man's child.
He should look after his disabled daughter himself.
Her mother has tried for 7 years straight with no support and help.
It's his turn to step up.
He shouldn't disappoint fatherhood.

greatness77:
hahaha you can't kill yourself wife material

generalwo:
If she was your child will you abandon her? Advise her dad to employ a maid to assist with taking care of the child.... Marriage is for better for worse..... You leaving him because of this defies everything a good marriage stands for.... He messed up not telling you about the child in the first place but i advise you forgive him..... Children are blessings.... No matter the disability or conditions they are in..... I didn't say it's easy but think twice before you leave..... Don't love for the good times only..... Unless you already have someone you're seeing and then you're using this as an excuse to japa.... Let me ask... What if it's your husband that had an accident and finds himself in such a condition... That's how u will leave him and go abi..... If na man dey do this one now... Them go begin shout men are scum follow everywhere... It is well Sha..... I have always said it that this generation knows nothing about true love... They love only for the good times... When the going gets tough..... They change without thinking twice

Lovelydaisies:


Oga, the birth mother of the child 'abandoned' the child. The OP herself has said if it were her child, she herself would take care of it. Abi you didn't see it? You didn't blame the birth mother, or the child's father for deceit but come around to blame the lady for wanting to leave?

wired4comfort:
How the biological mother suddenly got tayad of Caring for her child after the father got married is what i don't understand.

Yeyeoldman:
It breaks my heart when I see people being fooled into believing they are loved unconditionally. People will conviniently walk away from you when the going gets tough.

I see everyone encouraging her to leave but no one is asking her the very important question; what would you have done if the child was yours? Why is nobody interested in the answer to that question? I have an idea, she will walk away. Stop excusing certain things in life.

Now my advice to men and women alike. Stop marrying people you don't know. A lot of people have a very low tolerance for stress and trials of life. Stop being stupid. Date people for as long as possible. Let life test you and your partner. Your relationship have to be proven beyond reasonable doubt to be able to stand the test of time.

There is no excuse for walking away from someone you love. A lot of Nigerians are just marrying and dating to survive. They don't know what love is. Only the luckiest of people ever experience true love. What if this man was in an accident or had a stroke? Is this how she will wake away too? This woman is lazy and obviously don't even know this man.

Nigerians forget about fine face, small waist, big bumbum and Big breast. These things don't matter in marriage. People only realize this when it's already too late.

Orgymy:
You may regret divorcing him at this stage of your life. There are other options you can explore. Give it a deep thought.

Yeyeoldman:


From your choice of words it's pretty obvious you didn't get any love either. How can you identify the absence of what you never got growing up? You can't come to a public forum and insult people if you were not raised from a dysfunctional home.

You can't say you love a person if you are not willing to carry with them their cross. Is this too much for you to understand? Is this not what you all claim Christ did for you? Is this not the ultimate act of love? I pray you experience love someday soon. It's hard to find I know.

Ugmama:
Nawao the woman that gave birth to such child and the man no try o.

It means the lady had infection during pregnancy, why would you not treat infection and lead to this kinda problem for yourself.

My dear daughter, please do what you feel is best for you.

Marriage built in deceit or lies is null and void

Nozino:
In fact, I’m starting the page from page one and giving all this lunatics a piece of my mind. Una dy mad.

EmahBoss:



I just want to say I love you already. We need more women like you who knows what they can take and what they can't. Please leave! Find a job and take care of your baby. What nonsense. Don't let anyone guilt trip you into staying. If the mother can't , then who are you to do it? And the man lied about it from the start? Where do you stay ? Do you need someone to come help you pack your load?

onlinestaff2020:
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

It's my turn to give an objective advice as a parent of more than a decade.

It's so obvious that the op is quite distressed and upset by the unexpected development in her home...Don't blame her because that's what most women are wired to act when faced with this type of shit in real-life context.

Anyway, the following are the best way outta the dilemma:

1. Sit with your husband at a good time when he's back from work and talk maturely to him that he should be raising some amount to pay in a welfare home to take care of the girl and you are going to support him by 50% financially because it's not easy as a father to take care of the home, especially in this godforsaken Buhari regime.

2. You may also follow the same pathway of advising him to hire a maid to take full charge of the girl and automatically the maid will be taking care of other domestic needs and that will even reduce your domestic chores at home...You are going to have a stress free home with this...In addition, tell him you will support by 50% financially in the event that he does not have enough...Don't forget that the house maid's salary shouldn't exceed N30,000...Make sure he does a comprehensive background check on her.

3. Thirdly, you may suggest to your husband that he should go back to the mother of his daughter in the presence of his family and hers and discuss a way out (settlement of some sorts)by promising to increase the welfare of both the mother and daughter without relenting...Don't forget that you will support him just like in advise 1 and 2 above.

Those are the three major ways above that are objectively reasonable to move forward in this marriage so that you can a decent peace of mind in your home...Don't worry that your husband did not inform you that he had a daughter previously...These things do happen even to the most perfect marriage...The bottom line here is that your husband loves you a great deal and doesn't really want to lose you initially and you love him too, that's why both of you got married, pronto!

Op, if you decide to take the subjective way because of the recent happenings in your marriage, no problem...Let me state the future occurrence that will befall you.

1. If you leave your marriage, you are not actually going to have rest of mind because you have already been affected spiritually...Look at it this way, that cerebral palsy of a daughter's condition is going to haunt you for the rest of your life in many ways untold that I cannot mention here but it will definitely happen to you...You can bet on that!

2. God is going to frown at you because you chickened outta of the situation because you were inconsiderate to the situation whereby you would have continued to show maturity and understanding to the little girl even though she's not your daughter...Don't forget that you may even have a son/daughter like her soon.

Anyway, I'm tired of typing...You can reach me by typing your responses.

Last line, MARRIAGE IS NEVER A BED OF ROSES...Marriage is like Mathematics whereby you need to look for different strategies to solve a given problem and arrive at the solution.

Cheers!

H0711:


I rather suffer in my parents house than in an unhappy place raising the child in her condition which might result in myself developing high blood pressure and depression.

PraiseHim4ever:


Plz dont, its ungodly. Even when you know its the best thing for her to do, let her decide herself.