NemoDatQuod:
"Marrying him with his lies" was not your only mistake. Your foremost mistake was sleeping with a man who was not your husband. If you had followed the "manual of life" and stayed chaste until your wedding night, you won't be seven months pregnant today. Your pregnancy has complicated your situation and this is really very sad. You are going to have a challenging couple of years, given your family circumstances, from your previous post.

if anything, learn not to open your legs for a man who is not legally married to you, even though everyone else is doing that. That will save you loads of significant headache. We are living in the most complicated and dangerous period in human history. You will do well to follow and observe the manual for living. It will help lessen the number and type of significant challenges we expose ourselves to.

I wish you well!

Saint Nemo has passed his judgement ! Is fornication the only sin? Why not face the irresponsible man that has the child?

H0711:


Unfortunately he can't afford to take the child anywhere. his younger sister has refused to come and help and I can't do it too. Being a single mother is not a death sentence I rather leave than carrying a burden which I didn't agreed for.first of all he didn't tell me anything about the child and her condition and why would I have to stay and suffer taking care of her including my own baby who will be born in 2 months time. If another woman would be happy to come and take care of the child is not my problem I wish her all the best.

Calm down woman, you are sounding too selfish with the way you're reacting.

Agreed he was wrong by not telling you, but please have a little bit of humanity in you. Anyone can be in any situation in life as long as we are still existing. The woman drop the child as a result of your husband inability to support her, tell your husband to go and beg her and be giving her something every month.

I can categorically tell you that it would be much more beneficial to you to find solution to this current problem than to be a single mother. And who tell you your husband cant afford this money in few months time? There are ways nature used to solve our difficult situation even without us prepared for it. I am 100% sure you can face and defeat this situation by finding a solution to it with your husband.

Nozino:



Why don’t you go to OPs house and lay the healing hands? Or you don’t trust your faith that much?

funny you..

Adext4sure:
You got married 2 months ago, and you pregnant for 7 months already



Well, may God help you!

Umu nwoke ekwe nmeta ,walahi!
I thought you pll now like tasting the product before going hone with him.?

Ninisun:




Apologize for what? For giving her stress or lying? Na so you dey find husband reach?

you must be a product of a broken and dysfunctional home

H0711:
I got married two months ago. I am 7 months pregnant my husband didn't tell me he had a child from his previous relationship and the child has a disability celebral palsy. Her mother came to dropped her off in my house saying she has done enough and she's tired it is now hubby turn to take care of her.

The child can't do anything for herself she can't sit, talk, walk and she does toilet in her clothes. I can't do it anymore I love children because I have taken care of my own nieces and nephews before I would have taken care of her if she was normal but taking care of a child in this question is hard and if her own mother has had enough she abandoned her and why would I kill myself taking care of her in my condition.

I want to divorce and go back to my village I have told him i am leaving next month. He is pleading with me not to leave him that he will take the child somewhere else but the place is not free he has to be paying like 200k monthly for them to take care of the child and he doesn't even have that amount of money because he is not financial stable.

I will stick to my decision but I want to know what will other people do in my situation.

you swore for better for worse sha . End

UjuJoan2:


How old is this girl? I find it difficult to believe that taking care of her is as tiresome as you’ve been describing.

I understand that you have been taken unawares and your husband tricked you into taking care of this young girl. But such is life, you married him and must have been prepared to take all of him, the good and the bad.

You can leave if you want to, nobody will blame you for that.

But there is a little girl involved!!!

I know she is not your problem, her own mother abandoned her, her own father cannot be there for her and somehow she is now in your care. But life is full of unexpected situations.

This is a test of character and posterity will judge you for whatever decision you make now.

If it were me, I will stay. Not for the lying husband or his irresponsible ex, but for the little girl who clearly needs you.

believe me that girl clearly needs her mum..
I mean her biological mother.

H0711:




Thank you . Right now he can't afford that 200k monthly , his younger sister has refused to come and help taking care of the child. Me too I can't kill myself in my condition and I will leave next month.

....ok so u wanto leav yor husband becuz he dint pay u 500,000 naira a months....corrřrrect?. Old.. ..are u a olosho? I allways pay between 15k & 20 k & they grateful..U R A GOLD DIGGGER!!(no oofencse)

Don't be in a hurry to divorce him.
Give him time to resettle the child elsewhere, if he didn't then separate from him for a while with the condition that you return once the baby is resettled.
Don't hate the baby either, it's not the baby's fault, give your husband some time to find a solution.

Hello sister please leave it is obvious you can't carry the burden ,your metal health and happiness matters ..

If you don't leave now,you will end up leaving him when you have more kids ...so better late than never

H0711:


I am 7 months pregnant it is my first pregnancy I should be resting a lot but ever since the girl came I have been up and down , lifting her , feeding and changing nappies it is not easy. Well I can't answer your question about remarriying because it is only God that knows what the future will bring for me.

BloomingDale:


No woman is going to carry such a heavy burden, especially with him earning only 15k per month. Abi you think say women na work oxen. Send your sister his way.

No ,He can do it.I'm just told men can do it so let him volunteer himself or give his address for a drop off.
Igbo adage says"when you see ppl carrying a corpse,it will look like firewood to the onlookers."

Dear OP,

I have to commend your decision to not only leave an arrangement you didn’t sign up for, but for sharing it with us on the internet. Good or bad, we’ve all learnt something today.

I honestly do not believe in divorce except in very rare cases one of which is domestic violence and the other Adultery.

I read your post with a very open mind and I was shocked, then completely disgusted by some of the repulsive things people had to say. On the other hand, I wasn’t surprised 95% of the people saying this nonsense were/are men. I had to call them out , albeit in a very rude manner. I’m not sorry and I’d most likely continue to call them out in this manner.

I like the fact that you write well so I’m going to assume you’re educated. You think and act very smart. You even took time to research her condition instead of labeling her a witch like most Nigerians would have done. I also can’t imagine how strong you are, emotionally and physically, to be this far gone and still take care of this child while fighting your own internal battles. I’m sure it wasn’t easy , but you did and still doing it.

I personally would not advice you to divorce your husband. But there’s nothing wrong with taking a break and going back to your parents for as long as he takes to fix his mess. This isn’t your mess. Do not be part of any clean up process. I would also not allow this special needs child live with me even if there’s a live in maid. This is because this child needs round the hour care and no maid can provide that. Both your husband and his family would expect you to take the remaining slack.

If the maids leaves and you have to get another one, guess who becomes the child’s interim carer? Not the father. You! It will be back to square one. And this will continue for years. Society and your husband’s family will expect you to treat her like your child, take her out, go places with her etc without considering how difficult and how much of an inconvenience a special needs person is. Especially when you don’t have the financial backing.

My solution is very simple. Let her go live with her mother. If this doesn’t work, if the mother doesn’t accept this arrangement, don’t blame her. You have first hand experience caring for her so you know it’s not easy . Besides, she did it for 7years without help so she’s tried.

Alternatively, the child’s grandparents should take her in. If this doesn’t work. Please walk away.

Sending you best wishes.
Nozino.

Relationship na for better for worse nah, why did you japa on top of small cheat wey she cheat. Bia, you are not a virtuous man.

generalwo:
.... I once dated a lady who had 2 kids from a previous affair and adopted the kids as mine.... Until their mother cheated on me..... So na you know if your sense dey your backyard...... I no join those wen dey call people names because them get kids from their previous affairs..... No dey use the same stick beat everybody

Yeyeoldman:


You can't say you love a person if you are not willing to carry with them their cross. Is this too much for you to understand? Is this not what you all claim Christ did for you? Is this not the ultimate act of love? I pray you experience love someday soon. It's hard to find I know.

I am not blaming the Woman at all. Pray you don't realize when it's too late how some people are not interested, willing or ready to fight the battles of life with you especially those you thought would do anything for you.

Okay, I get your point. You would be surprised that even love can get tired, after all, we are nothing but human.

Now how do you suggest a seven-month pregnant lady cater for the child in question, with little finance available and the heartbreak of deceit? Your humble suggestions, please.

bonnyhope:


Was there anywhere in the passage she mentioned her age?

Bump

Nozino:


How is she selfish Biko? Did she impregnate herself? Most of you don’t understand the condition this child has. It isn’t easy to manage alone. The mother most likely had to stay with her 24/7 without any form of support, not even financial support from the child’s father. She did this for 7years. She dn try. Let the father continue.

While we are not absolving the man of any blame, you and I know that a man can't easily take care of a special child! In most cases, the mother becomes the caregiver unless there's a home willing to accept the child. Now she feels burdened by her own child but she dumps the child on another woman! Yes, she needs to live her life too, but she should equally be concerned about the well-being of the innocent child.

As a mother, she should put her child in the best place available and affordable...not using her as a pawn to get back at an irresponsible man! Even if the man has not been responsible for her upkeep - she owes that child the duty of care! She can go to court, child welfare centers etc to ensure that the man plays his part! But believe me, she's in the best position to decide on the best caregiver or home for that child! A motherless child is a lot more vulnerable than a fatherless child; that is why we have motherless babies homes and orphanages and not fatherless babies homes! The mother is a natural caregiver!!

Ten06:


May you never see any good thing in life before you die young

Eseee..Amen

H0711:


Yes I have made up my mind because it has not been easy for me because i take care of her everyday from morning until hubby get home at 7-8pm . It's been a week only and my head want to explode and my body want to give up. I am tired and the level of stress is too much for me in this my condition I need rest not all of this burden . I can't do it anymore. I am not leaving him because of his poor condition it is because I can't take care of his special need child , his financial state hasn't been a problem to me because no condition is permanent I know one day everything will be fine but i can't take care of his special need child in this my condition.

It's hard for anyone to blame you for leaving. For him refusing to disclose this to you is wrong. And it's difficult to tend to a child in such condition (after all, you're not the mother).
I believe you can separate from him, first without divorce. Let's see how things turn out.

My dear, I feel ur pains. U are justified in whatever u want to do becos d man never told u from onset. But I guess he was afraid of losing u. Life is full of challenges and I guess this is ur own challenge. God sometimes allow some certain things to come to us just for a reason. Challenges comes in different ways and u cannot choose d one that comes to u. If it comes,u accept and beg God for d grace to carry it and move on with ur life. U have d right to divorce d man 100% but my sister,just take a fresh breath and listen to that tiny voice that always talk to us and see if u can hear divorce. I want to tell u that God intentional allows this to come to u to see how u can handle it. Leaving d man, HE will not blame u but staying back and see how u can take care of d child, God will never ceases to bless u. The God that I know and served will bless u to d extent that u will be asking whether u are d only one that HE created. It is a very difficult task but nothing good comes out easy. Gold jewellery is always beautiful but when they dig it from d ground ,it is never beautiful until it passes through d process of purification.U never know d one u will meet next if u leave d man. Its somehow dicey. See what u will do. Just kneel down and cry to God to help u out. Tell God that d burden is too much for u to bear but u are ready to carry it . Tell HIM yo give u d grace that u needed to take care of d child. I must be sincere, its not gonna be easy. Its always easy say than done. But with God's grace , u will be fine. U can get a nanny to help u out. Please, don't think about where d money that u will pay her will come from. Believe me God will provide that money when it is time to pay d nanny. HE never leave us in our challenges, HE always find a way to help us. Do the above , I promise u that u will never regret it.That child u are seeing is a blessing in disguise, please do not leave ur home.

H0711:
I got married two months ago. I am 7 months pregnant my husband didn't tell me he had a child from his previous relationship and the child has a disability celebral palsy. Her mother came to dropped her off in my house saying she has done enough and she's tired it is now hubby turn to take care of her.

The child can't do anything for herself she can't sit, talk, walk and she does toilet in her clothes. I can't do it anymore I love children because I have taken care of my own nieces and nephews before I would have taken care of her if she was normal but taking care of a child in this question is hard and if her own mother has had enough she abandoned her and why would I kill myself taking care of her in my condition.

I want to divorce and go back to my village I have told him i am leaving next month. He is pleading with me not to leave him that he will take the child somewhere else but the place is not free he has to be paying like 200k monthly for them to take care of the child and he doesn't even have that amount of money because he is not financial stable.

I will stick to my decision but I want to know what will other people do in my situation.

/

Just leave. I have searched and can't find one reason for you to stay in that marriage. Are you sure this will be the only surprise? How can you trust such a man ever? Infact I don't think it was a good idea to tell him that you will be leaving next month. It should have been a drastic decision.

Where is the child's mother?

/

chigoizie7:


Nnem I won’t blame you ooh. Do what you must do. If the mother can abandon the child, how much more you?

O di egwu n' enu egwu..

LotaTee:
Relationship na for better for worse nah, why did you japa on top of small cheat wey she cheat. Bia, you are not a virtuous man.

.... I wonder the kind school u go.
. E clear say you no get werin dey keep you busy today so na who go follow u exchange words u dey find... At this point... I go ignore you till you begin doubt your existence....

Nozino:



So you can’t accept that?

But you want this woman to accept and care 24/7 for an illegitimate child? You really dy mad.

.... No wonder dem dey call people like u... Omo-ale..... Odeh

JONNYSPUTE:
..,.. Lol. What if after given birth she finds out that her own child has the same issue? Wetin she go do?

Maybe drop her child with the husband and jepa her own

The more reason for her to japa because that's the kind of children in the guy"s system.... �

TheFacelessMan:


The Nozino guy is jobless. Written more than 10 comments on the issue. Probably has siblings cursed with cerebral palsy. See his obvious lack of hometraining.

As in seriously nozino become a capital nuisance on this thread

Women dey try o .

Nozino:


It is flimsy because you haven’t cared for a child. You dn pack 7years old shit before? Someone that can’t communicate? How she wan take dy carry her waka? Do you know what special needs is? You’re mad sir. May God allow you experience it.

Akwoya! Don't think everybody here na kid. Am married with kids. This is a flimsy excuse. Chat me up let me give you solution. Do t insult ppl you never met because you have the liberty.

wired4comfort:
How the biological mother suddenly got tayad of Caring for her child after the father got married is what i don't understand.

She must have thought the man was busy enjoying.

This issue reminds me of when we studied aboith Euthanasia(mercy killing)

Leave if you can, he was honest from the beginning. Only God knows whats.else he is hiding from you. Marriage should be built on trust.

I suggest both parents come together and euthanize her

H0711:
I got married two months ago. I am 7 months pregnant my husband didn't tell me he had a child from his previous relationship and the child has a disability celebral palsy. Her mother came to dropped her off in my house saying she has done enough and she's tired it is now hubby turn to take care of her.

The child can't do anything for herself she can't sit, talk, walk and she does toilet in her clothes. I can't do it anymore I love children because I have taken care of my own nieces and nephews before I would have taken care of her if she was normal but taking care of a child in this question is hard and if her own mother has had enough she abandoned her and why would I kill myself taking care of her in my condition.

I want to divorce and go back to my village I have told him i am leaving next month. He is pleading with me not to leave him that he will take the child somewhere else but the place is not free he has to be paying like 200k monthly for them to take care of the child and he doesn't even have that amount of money because he is not financial stable.

I will stick to my decision but I want to know what will other people do in my situation.

If you have made up your mind, if you have weighed the situation and that's not what you can deal with. Remember this is your life, not mine's, not anyone's. At the end of the day, we all will give an account of our life to our creator.

For your sake and for your unborn sake, Madam please leave the marriage .

Do not think about what people will say,let them talk.. be happy with your life.

I do hope you have handwork, a means to survive financially, maybe your family can help you set up something after you give birth and are strong enough to get back in the workforce, because when you a squeezed out financially and you are crawling back to your husband or ex husband, hin go show you shege..

Cheers!

It could be that he abandoned the mother of the child because of the child's disability. Let him face it.

Some men are evil I have seen one case like that where the man left the child with Special needs to his former wife to marry another and has refused to maintain the child except if he's forced.