Okay, so we know women have a time frame to get pregnant due to their natural body systems and I have a career relative who is in her early 40’s but unmarried and without kids.

This my sister is considering adopting a child but I’m advising her against it instead imploring on her to get a guy to get her pregnant (assuming there’s nothing wrong with her womb) and she raises the kid as her own the natural way but she’s adverse to my opinion due to her highly religious inclination saying ‘it’s against her faith to bear a child out of wedlock’ meanwhile time is ticking against her body.

Am I advising her wrongly? I need a wider audience and mature advice concerning this topic please.

lilkech:
Okay, so we know women have a time frame to get pregnant due to their natural body systems and I have a career relative who is in her early 40’s but unmarried and without kids.

This my sister is considering adopting a child but I’m advising her against it instead imploring on her to get a guy to get her pregnant (assuming there’s nothing wrong with her womb) and she raises the kid as her own the natural way but she’s adverse to my opinion due to her highly religious inclination saying ‘it’s against her faith to bear a child out of wedlock’ meanwhile time is ticking against her body.

Am I advising her wrongly? I need a wider audience and mature advice concerning this topic please.

Well Incase she made up her mind,... I dey donate sperm and my gene strong gan

You have to respect her religious beliefs regarding actually getting pregnant outside marriage.....support her decision to adopt a child.

Mindlog:
You have to respect her religious beliefs regarding actually getting pregnant outside marriage.....support her decision to adopt a child.

I understand what you mean but I’ve witnessed complications that came after successful adoptions where the child was taken away from the foster parents again. The accompanying emotional trauma isn’t what I wish for an enemy.

If a woman has a functional womb, isn’t it better to bear a kid by yourself for yourself? Why relegate the use of your womb due to religious reasons?

lilkech:


I understand what you mean but I’ve witnessed complications that came after successful adoptions where the child was taken away from the foster parents again. The accompanying emotional trauma isn’t what I wish for an enemy.

If a woman has a functional womb, isn’t it better to bear a kid by yourself for yourself? Why relegate the use of your womb due to religious reasons?

There is a huge difference between legally adopting a child and a fostering a child.

If she doesn't want to have a child through what she regards as fornication, that decision has to be respected.

What do you mean by "career relative"?


Anyway, you don't have to "fornicate" to achieve the same result. Advise her to use a sperm bank.

SHE SHOULD ADOPT A CHILD FOR HERSELF NOBODY CAN TAKE YOUR LEGALLY ADOPTED CHILD EXCEPT YOU MALTREAT THE SAID CHILD. A LEGALLY ADOPTED CHILD IS YOUR CHILD PERIOD

Acidosis:


What do you mean by "career relative"?


Anyway, you don't have to "fornicate" to achieve the same result. Advise her to use a sperm bank.

It’s a typo. What I meant was that she’s a career oriented woman.

Mindlog:


There is a huge difference between legally adopting a child and a fostering a child.

If she doesn't want to have a child through what she regards as fornication, that decision has to be respected.

I understand that what I’m advising her to do is morally wrong but isn’t it logically right? I mean let’s be real here. Why face a life of lonesomeness when there’s an easier alternative

lilkech:


I understand that what I’m advising her to do is morally wrong but isn’t it logically right? I mean let’s be real here. Why face a life of lonesomeness when there’s an easier alternative

But she can get pregnant by IVF if she’s really averse to trying the natural way.

DBestDoc:


But she can get pregnant by IVF if she’s really averse to trying the natural way.

Do you know how much it could cost? I don’t have anybody close to me who can give some in-depth details about this ivf especially the average price of doing it in Nigeria.

At least I should have this information before taking it to her in form of an alternative advice.

lilkech:


I understand what you mean but I’ve witnessed complications that came after successful adoptions where the child was taken away from the foster parents again. The accompanying emotional trauma isn’t what I wish for an enemy.

If a woman has a functional womb, isn’t it better to bear a kid by yourself for yourself? Why relegate the use of your womb due to religious reasons?

If a child has been legally adopted, the biological parents cannot reclaim the child. It is a different case if the child was under foster care and has not been legally adopted

She can try artificial insemination using sperm from sperm bank. This is a cheaper option as long as there is nothing wrong with her womb and her ovaries still produce viable eggs. It costs around 300k. The sperm is introduced into her womb during ovulation using a special syringe.

lilkech:


Do you know how much it could cost? I don’t have anybody close to me who can give some in-depth details about this ivf especially the average price of doing it in Nigeria.

At least I should have this information before taking it to her in form of an alternative advice.

Let her try articial insemination first. It costs between 150 and 300k. She doesn't have to fornicate with any man. She can source sperm from a bank or a known donor and have it introduced into her womb using a special syringe during ovulation and hope that fertilization takes place as long as her womb is okay and her ovaries produce quality eggs. Visit a fertility clinic for more information on this matter.

Typical Nigerian hypocrites.
You can sleep around till your vagina is about to loose it's elasticity but you are too ashamed to carry a pregnancy at 40 years old as a single parent...
Who is fooling who ?

Why raise a child as a single parent? Whether adopted or pregnancy.

Please don't deprive an innocent child the joy of having a father figure in his or her early life.

She should buy a Pet if she needs company. Maybe a dog or a cat.

You can't eat your cake and have it.

Watermelon:
She can try artificial insemination using sperm from sperm bank. This is a cheaper option as long as there is nothing wrong with her womb and her ovaries still produce viable eggs. It costs around 300k. The sperm is introduced into her womb during ovulation using a special syringe.

Like sex, the probability she'll be pregnant is less than 25% per each cycle (300k), so it's best to prepare the cost of 3-4 cycles - 900k - 1.2m to improve her chances.

lilkech:


I understand that what I’m advising her to do is morally wrong but isn’t it logically right? I mean let’s be real here. Why face a life of lonesomeness when there’s an easier alternative

If what is "logicaly right" is also morally wrong, I believe she is free to choose what is morally right to her. With an adopted child, she can also experience parenthood.

I have an unmarried aunt who adopted a 2 year old girl back in the mid 90s, she is now grown and married with a child, now making my aunt a grandma and her daughter being adopted doesn't make her any less.

ecolime:
Why raise a child as a single parent? Whether adopted or pregnancy.

Please don't deprive an innocent child the joy of having a father figure in his or her early life.

She should buy a Pet if she needs company. Maybe a dog or a cat.

You can't eat your cake and have it.

How does adopting a child from an orphanage, deny the innocent child the Joy of having a father figure?

Well, as an elder wey i bi, I still dey observe this thread before I go comment.
Those advicing her to get pregnant, do u know if she has womb at all, some of them hv secretly damaged their womb and it might be d reason why aunty is not looking at that direction.

lilkech:
Okay, so we know women have a time frame to get pregnant due to their natural body systems and I have a career relative who is in her early 40’s but unmarried and without kids.

This my sister is considering adopting a child but I’m advising her against it instead imploring on her to get a guy to get her pregnant (assuming there’s nothing wrong with her womb) and she raises the kid as her own the natural way but she’s adverse to my opinion due to her highly religious inclination saying ‘it’s against her faith to bear a child out of wedlock’ meanwhile time is ticking against her body.

Am I advising her wrongly? I need a wider audience and mature advice concerning this topic please.

is her name Toyin?

lilkech:
Okay, so we know women have a time frame to get pregnant due to their natural body systems and I have a career relative who is in her early 40’s but unmarried and without kids.
This my sister is considering adopting a child but I’m advising her against it instead imploring on her to get a guy to get her pregnant (assuming there’s nothing wrong with her womb) and she raises the kid as her own the natural way but she’s adverse to my opinion due to her highly religious inclination saying ‘it’s against her faith to bear a child out of wedlock’ meanwhile time is ticking against her body.
Am I advising her wrongly? I need a wider audience and mature advice concerning this topic please.

The other day I read of a 60 year old woman who gave birth to multiples, so what is this about now? Leave your sister alone abeg!

This is her decision to make and she seems to be on a path far wiser than yours already. So leave her be and simply support her.

lilkech:
I understand what you mean but I’ve witnessed complications that came after successful adoptions where the child was taken away from the foster parents again. The accompanying emotional trauma isn’t what I wish for an enemy.

If a woman has a functional womb, isn’t it better to bear a kid by yourself for yourself? Why relegate the use of your womb due to religious reasons?

She is not going in as a foster parent. She said she is adopting the child meaning she gains full parental rights over the child in question.

Functional womb? Even nature does not force anything on a woman because she has what you call a "functional womb". The choice is the woman's whether to use said "functional womb" or not. And as she has made clear to you, she would rather not use said "functional womb" for what you think it ought to be used for, so let her be.

lilkech:
I understand that what I’m advising her to do is morally wrong but isn’t it logically right? I mean let’s be real here. Why face a life of lonesomeness when there’s an easier alternative

There ain't nothing logically correct about your advice as it instead seems to be built of illogical myths and culturally held ideas.

Your sister is not facing a life of lonesomeness. She is only choosing to adopt a child. Her life does not end there. if love finds her later on, then she will adapt there and then but till then, there is everything right about her choice to adopt a child so long as her intention is along the lines of offering her love she has to give to someone who is here and in need of it.

lilkech:
Do you know how much it could cost? I don’t have anybody close to me who can give some in-depth details about this ivf especially the average price of doing it in Nigeria.
At least I should have this information before taking it to her in form of an alternative advice.

So, you are bent on having her become a baby mama to a man who might or might not even care for her as an individual? Do you even realize how much more traumatic it may be for her to raise kids for a man who does not even value them as persons?

Your sister comes off as a wise woman to me.

.

lilkech:
Okay, so we know women have a time frame to get pregnant due to their natural body systems and I have a career relative who is in her early 40’s but unmarried and without kids.

This my sister is considering adopting a child but I’m advising her against it instead imploring on her to get a guy to get her pregnant (assuming there’s nothing wrong with her womb) and she raises the kid as her own the natural way but she’s adverse to my opinion due to her highly religious inclination saying ‘it’s against her faith to bear a child out of wedlock’ meanwhile time is ticking against her body.

Am I advising her wrongly? I need a wider audience and mature advice concerning this topic please.

You are not advising her wrongly.
People have mentioned two options, artificial insemination and IVF - both of which do not require to have sex, if it’s against her moral beliefs.
Now, if in addition to not wanting to have sex, she also doesn’t want to carry a baby/pregnancy e.g because her co-workers, neighbors etc will wonder why she is unmarried and pregnant, then she can pay a surrogate to carry the child. They extract eggs, fertilize eggs and then implant in the womb of the surrogate. After 40 weeks, she carries her biological child. So if she wants that feeling of adopting, yet wants to ensure that the child has her genetic material as well as that of her pre-selected donor, this maybe the way to go.

Kobojunkie:
So, you are bent on having her become a baby mama to a man who might or might not even care for her as an individual? Do you even realize how much more traumatic it may be for her to raise kids for a man who does not even value them as persons?

Your sister comes off as a wise woman to me.

Didn’t you read that the woman in question does not want the care, attention or security that a man brings to her life at the stage she’s in? She’s not looking for companionship or marriage at this point. All she wants is a child to call her own.

All this your baby mama, man values etc holds no water where this debate is concerned towards the particular woman in question. You think every woman is like you that without a man they won’t survive?

StrikeBack:
is her name Toyin?

Omo I really pity this your Toyin for you to be projecting her into this case I swear

Mind your business and leave the woman to adopt a child legally. Dont bring in fornication and baby daddy drama into that woman's life. A lot of you talk to much and give useless advice when it is not needed. You want her to bond with a man who will not marry her by having a child for him. Someone wants a child and wants to adopt, you say no. She should go and fornicate first and have the child because she has a functional womb, is it your womb? Mtchew

legal adoption is the way for her to go

lilkech:


I understand what you mean but I’ve witnessed complications that came after successful adoptions where the child was taken away from the foster parents again. The accompanying emotional trauma isn’t what I wish for an enemy.

If a woman has a functional womb, isn’t it better to bear a kid by yourself for yourself? Why relegate the use of your womb due to religious reasons?

if it's legal adoption, the child's guardians go sign say she gets all the rights to d child . she becomes the legal parent henceforth. nobody can take the child away from her from this point onwards

People talk about legal adoption in Nigeria as if it is an easy process. It is actually easier and faster, even with several attempts, to have a baby through IVF or insemination than with legal adoption. The average time for completion of legal adoption in Nigeria is 5 - 7 years and one may get nothing at the end. Over 98% of children in Nigerian orphanage homes, with the exception of those with severe disability, were deliberately kept there by their parents or guardians for different reasons pending when they return to pick them up. Most adoptee parents now go through the backdoor of getting from baby factories.

At over 40 years of age, she can try all the above simultaneously. She should have in mind that after 40 years of age the chances of achieving pregnancy with natural insemination (sex/fornication), articial insemination, IVF with her own egg are very very low. Using donor eggs from younger donors can improve her IVF chances.

For IVF costs:

If she is going to carry the baby by herself using her egg and donor sperm, an average cost per cycle is 1.5m

If she will carry the baby herself using donor egg and donor sperm, average cost is 1.75m per cycle

If she is going to use a surrogate mother with her (op) own egg, and donor sperm, average cost is 3.4m, for one baby. She will pay a bit more for multiples(twins, triplets, quadruplets) per cycle

IVF with sex selection, 5m and above.

In all, let her prepare herself spiritually, emotionally, financially and in fact all ramifications because none of the options: adoption, insemination, ivf comes easy.