.

Olorun awa pelu e

How long have you been friends?

We all have different reasons for getting married to our respective spouse. Attraction for some and money for some.

The bottom line is, if you feel it cannot work, don't force it for any reason. Marry your friend.

Juliusdaughter:
I met a man through my long term friend and he has made his intentions about marriage known from the start. He loves me, is attracted to me and loves to do PDA when we are out together.

He has everything a woman would want in her husband, but I am not attracted to him neither do I have feelings for him. I love him as a friend tho because his physical attributes will not matter in that instance. I am slightly taller than him, even tho I'm not a tall person, I am dark skinned and he is darker than me. He has a really small stature and you wouldn't know he has money or works in good company.

He has told me his plans for us and it's a really good one, he works in top management role and he earns over 20 million naira per annum.

I have told him what I feel and he is really persistent, he says I should try and reciprocate his feelings and love towards me and the feelings will grow, that I shouldn't worry about the height of our kids
I can't lie, I don't feel proud this few times he's done PDA with me, I see the way that makes him happy, making me feel like a trophy wife.

There was this other guy I had feelings and attraction for, and it disappeared the first time I saw him and realized he isn't who he said he is. This confirms to me that feelings is flimsy and depends on circumstances.

To married people here, both long or short years in marriage; is attraction and feelings one of the major things holding down your marriage? Did you marry who you weren't really attracted to but you're happy now in the marriage? How will I deal with public perception of us especially when it's comes to flaunting him as my husband?
I have entered my late 20s and I don't wanna waste time, I don't wanna waste my time in vain waiting for the guy I'll feel all these for, what if he isn't worth it?

Hmmm

I understand u sister mi.

One tin i have learnt first-hand in this life is that, the person whom you desire would not always be with u. Tho not all people.

My wife is beautiful more than i am, beautiful like a model but i only like her as friend, not the other way round, did i tell u that atimes we go a month straight without sex.. i am not exagerating sister. I am not attracted to her

BUT.. A NO DEY JOKE WITH HER WITH ANYBODY MA, AHH NOOO.. DO U KNOW WHY?? EVEN SINCE I KNOW HER I HAVE NEVER RETROGRESSED(unlike the other two which i dated earlier)

Juliusdaughter:
I met a man through my long term friend and he has made his intentions about marriage known from the start. He loves me, is attracted to me and loves to do PDA when we are out together.

He has everything a woman would want in her husband, but I am not attracted to him neither do I have feelings for him. I love him as a friend tho because his physical attributes will not matter in that instance. I am slightly taller than him, even tho I'm not a tall person, I am dark skinned and he is darker than me. He has a really small stature and you wouldn't know he has money or works in good company.

He has told me his plans for us and it's a really good one, he works in top management role and he earns over 20 million naira per annum.

I have told him what I feel and he is really persistent, he says I should try and reciprocate his feelings and love towards me and the feelings will grow, that I shouldn't worry about the height of our kids
I can't lie, I don't feel proud this few times he's done PDA with me, I see the way that makes him happy, making me feel like a trophy wife.

There was this other guy I had feelings and attraction for, and it disappeared the first time I saw him and realized he isn't who he said he is. This confirms to me that feelings is flimsy and depends on circumstances.

To married people here, both long or short years in marriage; is attraction and feelings one of the major things holding down your marriage? Did you marry who you weren't really attracted to but you're happy now in the marriage? How will I deal with public perception of us especially when it's comes to flaunting him as my husband?
I have entered my late 20s and I don't wanna waste time, I don't wanna waste my time in vain waiting for the guy I'll feel all these for, what if he isn't worth it?

Had to log in to reply your post.

It's best to marry a man that loves you than a man you love as a woman.

A man that loves you wants to make you happy and it's natural for women to respond to attention, love, protection and provision from a man.

If you go after a man you love, you will be trying to make him happy which will not give you the satisfaction you need as a woman in that relationship.

And the man's gets upset with little thing but will be be more tolerant if he's the one in love.

I've been married to someone I love before and it ended badly.
I'm currently in a serious relationship with someone I had zero feelings for and he wasn't my type.

Took me months to consider this relationship and this makes him want to do more to prove he is the man for me.
Now I have feelings for him.

It is the order of things for men to chase women not the other way round.

ozonechrome:


Had to log in to reply your post.

It's best to marry a man that loves you than a man you love as a woman.

A man that loves you wants to make you happy and it's natural for women to respond to attention, love protection and provision from.

If you go after a man you love, you will be trying to make him happy which will not give you the satisfaction you need as a woman.

I've been married to someone I love before and it ended badly.
I'm currently in a serious relationship with someone I had zero feelings for and he wasn't my type.

Took me months to consider this relationship and this makes him want to do more to prove he's the man for me.
Now I have feelings for him.

It's the order of things for men to chase women not the other way round.

Thank you so much. I have nothing to show for the past relationships where I had feelings for my partners, like you said, I was the one proving the love in most cases.

2Radii:
Hmmm

I understand u sister mi.

One tin i have learnt first-hand in this life is that, the person whom you desire would not always be with u. Tho not all people.

My wife is beautiful more than i am, beautiful like a model but i only like her as friend, not the other way round, did i tell u that atimes we go a month straight without sex.. i am not exagerating sister. I am not attracted to her

BUT.. A NO DEY JOKE WITH HER WITH ANYBODY MA, AHH NOOO.. DO U KNOW WHY?? EVEN SINCE I KNOW HER I HAVE NEVER RETROGRESSED(unlike the other two which i dated earlier)

I guess you and your wife are both not big on sex. What if he is? He hasn't asked for sex and I don't think he will until we are married. He is a principled Christian

I don't get it. Is it that he's not attracted to you or you are not attracted to him?

Personally, I think the most important thing to consider is “Do you see him as someone you can submit to?” Can you respect him? Cos even if he’s showing you all the love now and you eventually agree to marry him, he’s rightfully entitled to respect.
If you feel you can’t submit to him, please don’t marry him

Juliusdaughter:

I guess you and your wife are both not big on sex. What if he is? He hasn't asked for sex and I don't think he will until we are married. He is a principled Christian

Asides his physical attributes which you aren't really attracted to, I haven't read anything really bad about him. So, I suggest you give him a chance.

You see the mind is really powerful. If you focus on his not so good side, you will feel bad. Switch it, focus on his good sides which you may not easily find around and watch the attraction grow.

Your decision to make.

Juliusdaughter:

I guess you and your wife are both not big on sex. What if he is? He hasn't asked for sex and I don't think he will until we are married. He is a principled Christian

I am not saying u should marry him, i am just pointing out some wield scenarios ni jare.

But in whatever u do, make sure u exercise patience very well, dont rush. Who knows, u might later fall for him, and u might not. Just exercise patience.




Concerning me and my wife, well,we are not into it dat much jare, particularly me, i can go 2years without sex. I usually count it as stress

It's funny how you think marrying him will change your feeling towards him. Do not allow anyone deceive you. That miracle you're waiting for in marriage can also be seen while you're dating. So keep dating him until you see that miracle. If you do not see it while you're dating, then simply zero your mind.

This love or feelings talk is better exercised and experienced now that you're dating. Marriage is composed of more serious issues. Marriage is where even c.razy love birds transfer their attention to kids due to stress. So I wonder how you want to cope.

The dicey part of love is that you can't even feel loved by a person you don't love. There is no such thing as I feel loved by him but I don't love him. How can you feel loved by someone that typically upsets you?

For a man you despise his physical attributes, you will rarely want to put up your pictures together on social media, you will hate to be seen together in public, if he transfers his gene to his kids, you might end up hating him (not the kids).

Of course, the money will be your only consolation and like people say, it is better to cry in a private jet than smile in trenches So the decision is up to you.

Sorry I didn't post what you wish to read. I'm a realist and my best advice is to keep dating him. The marriage talk should be buried for now.

Juliusdaughter:

I guess you and your wife are both not big on sex. What if he is? He hasn't asked for sex and I don't think he will until we are married. He is a principled Christian

But u re funny ooh, u never gree for person and u re sayin he hasn't asked for sex, no be wen u gree for him he go ask??

Imagine me asking you out and simultaneously asking for sex when u have not even given me the assurance if u wil give in or not .


Sister wait fess, gree for am fess before u know if he's principled not to ask for sex or not

Just so you know, he can choose to marry any other lady but he chose you.

If you are not interested let him know on time, the earlier the better.

Meanwhile Girls should know that many many men are losing interest in marriage.

First wetin be PDA.

Second is that you should know that you are simply being a girl, girls don't recognize husband materials and some that do ,do not know how scarce they are, they are more attracted to bad boys with swag until they have been completely barterd, bot physically and emotionally and abandoned with some kids,

I really don't think you know how lucky you are

2Radii:
But u re funny ooh, u never gree for person and u re sayin he hasn't asked for sex, no be wen u gree for him he go ask??

Imagine me asking you out and simultaneously asking for sex when u have not even given me the assurance if u wil give in or not .


Sister wait fess, gree for am fess before u know if he's principled not to ask for sex or not

I know what I am saying, he's been to my place few times, I've been to his place too. He could have done it if he wanted to

Juliusdaughter:


I know what I am saying, he's been to my place few times, I've been to his place too. He could have done it if he wanted to

He wont, he know he wil ruin his chances, he knows what he's doing.

And by the way, even me wey no dey too religious cant try that rubbish with anybody talk more of the one i am eyeing to marry.

So also, he know u wont agree to it since u are yet to give ur love to him., He's a very calculating man.

Acidosis:


.

The dicey part of love is that you can't even feel loved by a person you don't love. There is no such thing as I feel loved by him but I don't love him. How can you feel loved by someone that typically upsets you?


.

Haba uncle he doesn't upset her now,neither does he irritate her, her major issue is she isn't feeling all the mushy mushy feelings (which can also be deceptive and has not even helped the OP in previous relationships) and she's slightly taller than him, she never mentioned he's short, just that she's taller.


Juliusdaughter I have not read any damning thing about him from all you have written apart from you being slightly taller and you are not attracted to him because of that. You feel loved by him abi ehen give him a chance, seems you are a Christain pray about it. You never can tell he might be the one that will cherish you and give you peace of mind.
Marriage is hard enough having a terrible partner is not an option.

Ha, this is a battle between feeling and material possessions -- akin to the type we currently see today in Ukraine, waged by Russia, a respected superpower. The United States and her allies represent the guy that you barnished, having discovered he is a two-faced, pretentious looney who is out to wreck havoc on you on a frail, innocent girl like you. Attagirl!

That you are seriously considering jumping in with this man you don't love (although you tend to love his money) is an obvious fact, necessitated by this needless validation-seeking post. It's your life, your decision, and your future. I firmly believe you know what you want and what is good for you, and I'm cocksure you are going to do it. Just do it.

Juliusdaughter:

I have told him what I feel and he is really persistent, he says I should try and reciprocate his feelings and love towards me and the feelings will grow, that I shouldn't worry about the height of our kids
I can't lie, I don't feel proud this few times he's done PDA with me, I see the way that makes him happy, making me feel like a trophy wife.

I see what's happening here, he's a 10 but he is short.
Short men have suffered in this life, you'll see a short guy a perfect guy but height becomes a Problem like I'm even shocked Nigerians girls priorities height over money .
Well @op don't push it you don't like him because of height but ask yourself this, is it important? Does it matter?

Vision101:
I don't get it. Is it that he's not attracted to you or you are not attracted to him?

He is very attracted to me, it's me that don't find him attractive

irijuola:
Personally, I think the most important thing to consider is “Do you see him as someone you can submit to?” Can you respect him? Cos even if he’s showing you all the love now and you eventually agree to marry him, he’s rightfully entitled to respect.
If you feel you can’t submit to him, please don’t marry him

Yes

NoToPile:


Haba uncle he doesn't upset her now,neither does he irritate her, her major issue is she isn't feeling all the mushy mushy feelings (which can also be deceptive and has not even helped the OP in previous relationships) and she's slightly taller than him, she never mentioned he's short, just that she's taller.

Juliusdaughter I have not read any damning thing about him from all you have written apart from you being slightly taller and you are not attracted to him because of that. You feel loved by him abi ehen give him a chance, seems you are a Christain pray about it. You never can tell he might be the one that will cherish you and give you peace of mind.
Marriage is hard enough having a terrible partner is not an option.

Hmmn... She needs all the conviction to marry that man so don't expect her to spell it all out. Why do you think she raised the PDA issue twice in one post? In her words "I don't feel proud...about the PDA". What does that tells you?

Also, she mentioned things beyond the height. According to her, the man has a really small body (probably smaller than El Rufai's or Prof Osibanjo's body). These are signs of irritation.

She never mentioned she is short but she emphasized the height twice as well

According to her "I'm taller even though I'm not a tall person". This is just another description of the word "short"

According to her "I'm dark but he's darker." This is a way of saying I'm attracted to light skin and a darker skin upsets me.

You have to read the unwritten in her post to understand more about her plight. I'm not advising against the marriage by the way. But the whole idea of giving her hope is baseless if such hope cannot work during their dating phase.

You've not really mentioned anything about his character.
You've talked about his physical attributes which you're not keen about
You've talked about his achievements which seems to be a plus
What about his person?
Is he kind to others? Integrity wise?
What about his family and the dynamics?
People like what they like though.
You also need to be sexually attracted to your partner, so if you don't think you can tolerate his touch, runno

Get married to your type of a man, someone you're compatible with, not because he's a husband material..

You can marry a husband material but not be happy in the marriage because you two would not be compatible..

What's the use of rushing into marriage only to be unhappy for the rest of your life

Juliusdaughter:
I met a man through my long term friend and he has made his intentions about marriage known from the start. He loves me, is attracted to me and loves to do PDA when we are out together.

He has everything a woman would want in her husband, but I am not attracted to him neither do I have feelings for him. I love him as a friend tho because his physical attributes will not matter in that instance. I am slightly taller than him, even tho I'm not a tall person, I am dark skinned and he is darker than me. He has a really small stature and you wouldn't know he has money or works in good company.

He has told me his plans for us and it's a really good one, he works in top management role and he earns over 20 million naira per annum.

I have told him what I feel and he is really persistent, he says I should try and reciprocate his feelings and love towards me and the feelings will grow, that I shouldn't worry about the height of our kids
I can't lie, I don't feel proud this few times he's done PDA with me, I see the way that makes him happy, making me feel like a trophy wife.

There was this other guy I had feelings and attraction for, and it disappeared the first time I saw him and realized he isn't who he said he is. This confirms to me that feelings is flimsy and depends on circumstances.

To married people here, both long or short years in marriage; is attraction and feelings one of the major things holding down your marriage? Did you marry who you weren't really attracted to but you're happy now in the marriage? How will I deal with public perception of us especially when it's comes to flaunting him as my husband?
I have entered my late 20s and I don't wanna waste time, I don't wanna waste my time in vain waiting for the guy I'll feel all these for, what if he isn't worth it?

Highestpromoton:
Just so you know, he can choose to marry any other lady but he chose you.

If you are not interested let him know on time, the earlier the better.

Meanwhile Girls should know that many many men are losing interest in marriage.

you're right bro, women are very confuse, thinking like a kid

Check his character,if he has a good character

Based on this write up , It is very scarce to find a real love , especially from a man . I could see that this person really love you and he never cared about your height and body structure .

He would have gone for someone probably taller and has a white skin than you do, but he chose you and went for you .

In life , often time based on experience, God's given and ordained person initially might not be attracted to you , but overtime your level of commitment , consistency and you showing him love would make the attraction to come and the feelings would be built as well.

I would advice you to give him a chance in your life as no one knows if this is opportunity to get married to the person that would make your dreams come through and happy as well . Peace of mind and joy are very keen in marriages as these are very rare to come by .

My Sister , kindly go for him and don't waste this opportunity in life as opportunity and grace sometimes comes once in life time .

I think you should also focus more on his good side of life as no human being is complete . You as a person you not a complete being as you have your own aspect which the man would have ignored as well by focusing on your good part .

No human being is complete and perfect in creation, the most important thing is focus , determination ,commitment, trust and above all God's in your boat .

Marry the person that love you most and don't miss out !

Seems you don't actually know the factual ingredients of marriage. Love should be at the bottom of your lists in this present era.
Any woman who sees a man who can provide for you, respects you and loves you. Please just go to church and gives thanksgiving or go to your mosque and do same thing.
@Acidosis and some have given you a very good advice to go with, it's left for you to adhere or ignore.
Your past experiences should have taught you that feelings can be deceiving. Please let the guy go in peace if height and skin color is your priority in choosing a partner before you marry him and start disrespecting him.

My advice for the man, " Don't Force a girl to love you. But God can make a girl gradually love you, even though the love wasn't there at the start. And two, don't force marriage, let God connect."

To you, woman," If you aren't attracted to him, don't jump into the ship. Because that man will not have peace if you force jump into the ship. No matter how kind and good he is, and fat his wallet is."

Above all, let the Lord Jesus lead.
The Lord is a shepherd, and if He is allowed to lead you shall not want.
You want because you ain't led.

Juliusdaughter:
I met a man through my long term friend and he has made his intentions about marriage known from the start. He loves me, is attracted to me and loves to do PDA when we are out together.

He has everything a woman would want in her husband, but I am not attracted to him neither do I have feelings for him. I love him as a friend tho because his physical attributes will not matter in that instance. I am slightly taller than him, even tho I'm not a tall person, I am dark skinned and he is darker than me. He has a really small stature and you wouldn't know he has money or works in good company.

He has told me his plans for us and it's a really good one, he works in top management role and he earns over 20 million naira per annum.

I have told him what I feel and he is really persistent, he says I should try and reciprocate his feelings and love towards me and the feelings will grow, that I shouldn't worry about the height of our kids
I can't lie, I don't feel proud this few times he's done PDA with me, I see the way that makes him happy, making me feel like a trophy wife.

There was this other guy I had feelings and attraction for, and it disappeared the first time I saw him and realized he isn't who he said he is. This confirms to me that feelings is flimsy and depends on circumstances.

To married people here, both long or short years in marriage; is attraction and feelings one of the major things holding down your marriage? Did you marry who you weren't really attracted to but you're happy now in the marriage? How will I deal with public perception of us especially when it's comes to flaunting him as my husband?
I have entered my late 20s and I don't wanna waste time, I don't wanna waste my time in vain waiting for the guy I'll feel all these for, what if he isn't worth it?

Disclaimer: I'm not married and I'm approaching my 30s. But I have had to let go of guys because of the reasons you mentioned. I cannot imagine myself getting married to a guy I'm not attracted to or vice versa. Why should I suffer someone's son because of my selfish reasons.
Sis, don't just consider what the man has to offer you (husband material and money). Also, consider what you want to offer the man. Marriage should be based on selflessness, not selfishness.
Attraction is also important in marriage. Don't marry someone you are not attracted to or admire. Attraction is important for good sex
life. You will suffer yourself and the man.
I'm tired of seeing threads of men complaining about their wives denying them sex, cheating or disrespecting them.