akinade28:

Disclaimer: I'm not married and I'm approaching my 30s. But I have had to let go of guys because of the reasons you mentioned. I cannot imagine myself getting married to a guy I'm not attracted to or vice versa. Why should I suffer someone's son because of my selfish reasons.
Sis, don't just consider what the man has to offer you (husband material and money). Also, consider what you want to offer the man. Marriage should be based on selflessness, not selfishness.
Attraction is also important in marriage. Don't marry someone you are not attracted to or admire. Attraction is important for good sex
life. You will suffer yourself and the man.
I'm tired of seeing threads of men complaining about their wives denying them sex, cheating or disrespecting them.

Juliusdaughter:


Thank you so much. I have nothing to show for the past relationships where I had feelings for my partners, like you said, I was the one proving the love in most cases.

Samantha123:
Get married to your type of a man, someone you're compatible with, not because he's a husband material..

You can marry a husband material but not be happy in the marriage because you two would not be compatible..

What's the use of rushing into marriage only to be unhappy for the rest of your life

Juliusdaughter:
I met a man through my long term friend and he has made his intentions about marriage known from the start. He loves me, is attracted to me and loves to do PDA when we are out together.

He has everything a woman would want in her husband, but I am not attracted to him neither do I have feelings for him. I love him as a friend tho because his physical attributes will not matter in that instance. I am slightly taller than him, even tho I'm not a tall person, I am dark skinned and he is darker than me. He has a really small stature and you wouldn't know he has money or works in good company.

He has told me his plans for us and it's a really good one, he works in top management role and he earns over 20 million naira per annum.

I have told him what I feel and he is really persistent, he says I should try and reciprocate his feelings and love towards me and the feelings will grow, that I shouldn't worry about the height of our kids
I can't lie, I don't feel proud this few times he's done PDA with me, I see the way that makes him happy, making me feel like a trophy wife.

There was this other guy I had feelings and attraction for, and it disappeared the first time I saw him and realized he isn't who he said he is. This confirms to me that feelings is flimsy and depends on circumstances.

To married people here, both long or short years in marriage; is attraction and feelings one of the major things holding down your marriage? Did you marry who you weren't really attracted to but you're happy now in the marriage? How will I deal with public perception of us especially when it's comes to flaunting him as my husband?
I have entered my late 20s and I don't wanna waste time, I don't wanna waste my time in vain waiting for the guy I'll feel all these for, what if he isn't worth it?


In marriage, communication is key. Feelings is relative because you can have feelings for anyone based on several reasons. What matters is the communication. Ability to forgive, sacrifice and let go.

You also need to have an open mind. With time, the feelings will come.

Seunforward:

Like you said, what have you gained from your past relationships where you had feelings for your partners? Feelings are temporal and subject to change based on events and circumstances. Going from your past experience, what should matter to you know is how you will have a happy home and attractions and feelings and attraction won't make you a happy home. If you had said you don't love the guy, I would have joined the bandwagon of those saying you should not marry him. Even at that, there are marriages that did not start on love. Both parties just agreed to give it a shot and with communication, commitment, and patience, they started having feelings for each other and the feelings eventually translated into love which is the bedrock of every happy home.

Many single who are asking you not to marry him because of what you said don't know a jack about marriage. They think marriage is all about sex which is more than that. Funny enough, some of them will jump at the man if they have access to him and divert his attention from you forever. In this era that many single ladies are looking for a man that his head is correct, you found one and you are saying he is dark and short? Is he impotent? Is he a dwarf? Is he not responsible? Please, give me his contact I have girls looking for such a man.

akinade28:

I find your response interesting, however, I have a question for you. Let's assume the reverse was the case, and the man in question was someone you know personally. He came to seek your advice concerning the lady he wishes to marry. He has found a good girl to marry but he doesn't think the lady is attracted to him, and she has issues with his physical appearance. Will you give him this same advice?

Juliusdaughter:

He is very attracted to me, it's me that don't find him attractive

Adunn1ade:
Please, give me his number. I want to give my sister.

Seunforward:

Well, I don't know the part of my response that interests you. To be candid, there's no advice I have for the man because he doesn't have any issues with the lady's physical appearance, it is the lady that needs every advice that will guide her to choose rightly.

akinade28:

Yes, the man doesn't have any issue with the lady's physical. But, the good girl he wants to marry has issues with his own physical appearance. So what advice wil you give the man, if he had sought your advice concerning this issue?

Juliusdaughter:

I guess you and your wife are both not big on sex. What if he is? He hasn't asked for sex and I don't think he will until we are married. He is a principled Christian

Seunforward:

What is compatibility in marriage?

Juliusdaughter:
I met a man through my long term friend and he has made his intentions about marriage known from the start. He loves me, is attracted to me and loves to do PDA when we are out together.

He has everything a woman would want in her husband, but I am not attracted to him neither do I have feelings for him. I love him as a friend tho because his physical attributes will not matter in that instance. I am slightly taller than him, even tho I'm not a tall person, I am dark skinned and he is darker than me. He has a really small stature and you wouldn't know he has money or works in good company.

He has told me his plans for us and it's a really good one, he works in top management role and he earns over 20 million naira per annum.

I have told him what I feel and he is really persistent, he says I should try and reciprocate his feelings and love towards me and the feelings will grow, that I shouldn't worry about the height of our kids
I can't lie, I don't feel proud this few times he's done PDA with me, I see the way that makes him happy, making me feel like a trophy wife.

There was this other guy I had feelings and attraction for, and it disappeared the first time I saw him and realized he isn't who he said he is. This confirms to me that feelings is flimsy and depends on circumstances.

To married people here, both long or short years in marriage; is attraction and feelings one of the major things holding down your marriage? Did you marry who you weren't really attracted to but you're happy now in the marriage? How will I deal with public perception of us especially when it's comes to flaunting him as my husband?
I have entered my late 20s and I don't wanna waste time, I don't wanna waste my time in vain waiting for the guy I'll feel all these for, what if he isn't worth it?

pointblank247:
First wetin be PDA.

Second is that you should know that you are simply being a girl, girls don't recognize husband materials and some that do ,do not know how scarce they are, they are more attracted to bad boys with swag until they have been completely barterd, bot physically and emotionally and abandoned with some kids,

I really don't think you know how lucky you are

jeromestarks:

I didn't read this long shit but I can confidently tell you that very soon, you will wish you married him.
On a second thought, don't marry him because he is a stupid man. He is so stupid that he wants to force love on a woman. It never ends well.

mariahAngel:


If you don't find him attractive, then what is keeping you from telling him? I hope it's not his money sha.
This one you're acting like you don't know what to do.

Juliusdaughter:
I met a man through my long term friend and he has made his intentions about marriage known from the start. He loves me, is attracted to me and loves to do PDA when we are out together.

He has everything a woman would want in her husband, but I am not attracted to him neither do I have feelings for him. I love him as a friend tho because his physical attributes will not matter in that instance. I am slightly taller than him, even tho I'm not a tall person, I am dark skinned and he is darker than me. He has a really small stature and you wouldn't know he has money or works in good company.

He has told me his plans for us and it's a really good one, he works in top management role and he earns over 20 million naira per annum.

I have told him what I feel and he is really persistent, he says I should try and reciprocate his feelings and love towards me and the feelings will grow, that I shouldn't worry about the height of our kids
I can't lie, I don't feel proud this few times he's done PDA with me, I see the way that makes him happy, making me feel like a trophy wife.

There was this other guy I had feelings and attraction for, and it disappeared the first time I saw him and realized he isn't who he said he is. This confirms to me that feelings is flimsy and depends on circumstances.

To married people here, both long or short years in marriage; is attraction and feelings one of the major things holding down your marriage? Did you marry who you weren't really attracted to but you're happy now in the marriage? How will I deal with public perception of us especially when it's comes to flaunting him as my husband?
I have entered my late 20s and I don't wanna waste time, I don't wanna waste my time in vain waiting for the guy I'll feel all these for, what if he isn't worth it?

akinade28:

Disclaimer: I'm not married and I'm approaching my 30s. But I have had to let go of guys because of the reasons you mentioned. I cannot imagine myself getting married to a guy I'm not attracted to or vice versa. Why should I suffer someone's son because of my selfish reasons.
Sis, don't just consider what the man has to offer you (husband material and money). Also, consider what you want to offer the man. Marriage should be based on selflessness, not selfishness.
Attraction is also important in marriage. Don't marry someone you are not attracted to or admire. Attraction is important for good sex
life. You will suffer yourself and the man.
I'm tired of seeing threads of men complaining about their wives denying them sex, cheating or disrespecting them.