Am now imagining yr sis 2 b patience ozorkwo lol. Using eyes n lips to threaten d child when Yu r on call
D catholic boarding is best 4 yr case.
But get yr child her own Android so she can call mummy when she wants

lawrenzooo:

Some friends could be better than your relative.

I strongly advice against friend.
1. They live in the same area.
2. She took away their milking machine.
3. The child's life is in danger.
4. The friend is in danger too.
A greedy person can do anything to implicate the innocent.

5.The lady is also a single mum.
Sorry, no backbone.

6.She will still treat her own child better.

Chidiesta:
Good day nairalanders,

I have lived in Germany for 3 years now i have a 1 years old daughter and I also have a 8 years old daughter who lives with my elder sister in nigeria.

You traveled without papers, your leg never balance for Germany and you are still doing baby mama giving birth to more children.

pocohantas:


This is not an open and shut case because abusers of kids are usually uncles and aunties. Not always family friends. The risk of abuse is everywhere.

Yeah, I was going to mention that but the probability of being molested by blood relatives is usually lower. In this scenario, gambling comes into play. Her best bet in terms of protecting the girl from predators would be for her to stay with a male blood relative.

I realize that now. There was nothing in her thread that suggested she was any particular gender so I just, by default, assumed she was male since males are always the greener-pasture hunters. �

Yewandequeen:
you apparently didn't read the thread, Op is female and her friend too is female.

dfrost:


I have nothing more than this to say. Even if all my family members are mad and roaming on the streets, we roam together.

Family above everything.

Even the bible says that there's a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
Until you are in a fix, a tight one.that is when you'll be able to gauge who is who.

Hafizah:
How well do you trust or believe in your friend, is your friend a female or a male? A female would be better, secondly if its a male, hope the said person has an understanding wife. If your friend is a good and reliable person, pls take your daughter from her, I dont know why some siblings can be so inconsiderate. Cant her husband pay his own kids fees. Its very annoying that your efforts are not appreciated. If your friend is trustworthy and kind pls take your daughter and make sure you hurry up plans so she can join you soonest. All the best

forget that thing, even if the husband is paying the kids school fees, she will still be telling her sister that her husband is having one problem or the other

Hanndye:
I haven't seen you baby mama in the picture.

OK, l come to understand you are the girls' mother. And also that the father denied the pregnancy. That's a tough one. I think you should tell her a cock and bull story for not being able to send money anymore. Maybe you lost your job, you were arresed or something. Let your friend go over armed with the same story in order to spy out what might be going on. If all is still well then it's a win situation for you. Otherwise, you have an excuse to take away your daughter. But make sure you can trust your friend also.

She’s your blood. She can donate blood for you.
Your child have her cousins close. She’s growing in mist of family.
Your sister can’t kill her. Shun sentiment, your sister kids are yours also. Tell her half of the income you are making.

When a corpse starts smelling, friend that’s better than blood will depart.

As for your child welfare, put her in boarding school (Catholic nunnery). Connect directly to the teachers and management. Pay her school fees directly with other fees. She will only be back home to your sister during holidays.

This way your sister attitude have minimal impact on her. Any money you are sending your sister, you know it’s for her. The nunnery takes care of your kid. Nobody will take you hostage because of your daughter.

You maintain the relationship between your sister and same , you are rest assured your child welfare is cool.


Which connection carry you go there ? I’m interested dear ? I like that your work. Help me or should I chat you privately ?
I’m a guy.

Chidiesta:


I am not a fan of boarding school I want her to attend a day school and with my friend so I can video/ call her anytime I want so she won't feel left out

It's all this "I never chop" schools that can give you headache....I purposely said catholic standard boarding like louisville and co....you can afford it....just get one of their Teachers contact.... your friend may be the visiting guardian.... afterall....it's not for a lifetime...I believe very soon God will grant your heart desires and make your papers then your child will be with you.


Any abuse she's exposed to at this stage...the trauma might hunt her for life.... please start being a fan of boarding for that innocent child's sake.

Chidiesta:
Good day nairalanders,

I have lived in Germany for 3 years now i have a 1 years old daughter and I also have a 8 years old daughter who lives with my elder sister in nigeria.

She is married with three kids , I provide everything for them and I pay one of her child school fee but my sister is never satisfied with the money she keep demanding me for more money.

She knows it very well that I am not stable yet in this country , life is hard just because she is taking care of my daughter and she want me to carry the responsibility of her three children.

I make sure that I send a big parcel for all of them once a year as I am typing the parcel is on the way but she want me to pay school fees for all her children too and I can't afford to pay for all four.

I am paying her son school fees is 87k per term and my daughter own is 67k . On the 2nd I sent her 300k for school fees and foodstuffs she called on monday demanding me for 154k for her son and my daughter school fee I asked her what about the money I sent on the 2nd she said she bought foodstuffs for 120k and use the 180k for her two oldest children school fee and she want me to send the 154k for the youngest 2 , I was angry with her and I cut the call.

I am angry my own sister is draining me financially and I have a lot of bills to pay too and a small child to cater for.

I have spoken to my friend she is happy to take care of my daughter for me until I am stable enough to bring her to Germany. I like the idea because my sister is not helping me to progress.

I hope my daughter living with my friend will be a good idea.

I haven't told my sister anything yet because we are not in good term but I want to hear from you first please let me know if I should allow my friend to take care of her or I should leave her with my elder sister.

120k foodstuffs? That's unbelievable!

Chidiester forget all the blood is thicker than water nonsense people are throwing up and down, family most times can be one's greatest problems, they will milk you and squeeze you dry.

Your sister is a terrible person, you are paying for her sons school fees and even sending feeding money and she still had the guts not to pay your childs fees wwhen you sent it, she knows if she says she hasn't paid hers you would be forced to send another. She's very manipulative, she should have been greatful she has a helper but no.

An outsider might even do better,she would see the payment of her sons fee as a sort of payment, but family lailai always very entitled.

And that no video call is a very big redflag, if you feel your friend will do better move your girl out, if you have to pay your friend pls do and have peace of mind.
The only problem is someone who can do that to you can do much more worse to your friend, since they will see her as the one cutting off their money supply and desperate people can go to any length even family.

Maybe if you can get a good recommendation of a boarding school(I am so scared of boarding school these days) then she goes to your friend for holidays.

I am so pissed.

Chidiesta:
Good day nairalanders,

I have lived in Germany for 3 years now i have a 1 years old daughter and I also have a 8 years old daughter who lives with my elder sister in nigeria.

She is married with three kids , I provide everything for them and I pay one of her child school fee but my sister is never satisfied with the money she keep demanding me for more money.

She knows it very well that I am not stable yet in this country , life is hard just because she is taking care of my daughter and she want me to carry the responsibility of her three children.

I make sure that I send a big parcel for all of them once a year as I am typing the parcel is on the way but she want me to pay school fees for all her children too and I can't afford to pay for all four.

I am paying her son school fees is 87k per term and my daughter own is 67k . On the 2nd I sent her 300k for school fees and foodstuffs she called on monday demanding me for 154k for her son and my daughter school fee I asked her what about the money I sent on the 2nd she said she bought foodstuffs for 120k and use the 180k for her two oldest children school fee and she want me to send the 154k for the youngest 2 , I was angry with her and I cut the call.

I am angry my own sister is draining me financially and I have a lot of bills to pay too and a small child to cater for.

I have spoken to my friend she is happy to take care of my daughter for me until I am stable enough to bring her to Germany. I like the idea because my sister is not helping me to progress.

I hope my daughter living with my friend will be a good idea.

I haven't told my sister anything yet because we are not in good term but I want to hear from you first please let me know if I should allow my friend to take care of her or I should leave her with my elder sister.

It's your friend male or female? It's a good idea to change hands and if you are good after some months of video calls with your kids, stop sending money to your sister.

Its better you take them to boarding schools instead of your friend.

Offpointng:


No reasonable person should think boarding for his/her kids atm and that ur 4th point, Blood is thicker than water, so not sending shi shi to her would create enmity than can be so bad to him and the innocent kid on the long run

blood isn't thicker than peace of mind. See his sister for what & who she truly is. She is so inconsiderate, dubious, fraudulent, manipulative & malicious. Unconditional love for bloodline doesn't mean unconditional acceptance of, selfish bad behavior. If she can treat him like dis, she can't be there for him authentically when he may be down physical & materially. D op has d right to erect boundaries & protect himself from his unappreciative, marauding sister

Acidosis:


Ohh... Please do all you can to get your papers. It's important for your own peace too. In the mean time, it's okay to involve your friend. I'm rooting for you.

How can she uproot her daughter from her sis and give the friend living in the same town?

It's so easy but not practical.

Before you know it, that child's life will be in danger.
We are talking about Nigerians here.

Her choice anyway. But I strongly advice against such. Sis can even heap lies upon lies on top of that friend's head. She has husband o. You believe that her husband will let the friend who is a single mum be?
They will so frustrate her life that she will transfer aggression to the child. Back to square one.

Chidiesta:


You are right everytime I speak with my daughter feel like she has a lot of things to tell me but she is scared of my sister

Most definitely.

1) I would suggest you put her in a boarding school and make your friend her guardian. She would only be with her during midterm breaks and long holidays.

2) Start making it a habit to talk to her for long, whether your sister likes it or not. Call it whatever you want - hygiene day, homework day... On that day you two would talk for long, away from your sister. Does she know your name? If yes, tell her to tell her class teacher to add you on Facebook. That way you can start calling her class teacher during break hours. Na normal thing. Find the teacher 5k and she would give you the true position of things.

These days, 3yrs old kids are being taught their parents full name and phone numbers. Should they get lost, they can answer basic questions. Your daughter is 8yrs. She would open up with time.

We4all:


Yeah, I was going to mention that but the probability of being molested by blood relatives is usually lower. In this scenario, gambling comes into play. Her best bet in terms of protecting the girl from predators would be for her to stay with a male blood relative.

Majority of abused children were abused or molested by a blood relative.

Chidiesta:


She is aware that I don't have papers and i am not financial buoyant, I don't have anyone in the family who I can trust with my daughter my friend is the only person I have in mind

listen op, go contact @afriproud on ig, talk to her about dis. Thank me later. Do also get back to me here. Go now.

Chidiesta:


Bringing her to Germany is not possible because I don't have papers , her father denied the pregnancy he has never met her

Is there not anybody you can strike a deal with over there? The person arranges papers for her or take custody of her on papaer, while you do the spending? And besides if you don't mind, I would like us to talk outside this site. There are some questions I would like to ask about the country you are in.

mariahAngel:
Na wah o!
Even babymama never demand reach that level.

What about your daughter's mother?
How are you sure most of what you're sending is not spent on her children than your daughter?
Are you sure she's treating your daughter well?

Op is a woman not a man.

Blackdeewhy:
1. Get a GOOD catholic boarding and enroll that girl in.
2. Come CLEAN to your sister about your finances.
3. Get a SINGLE lady you trust in your family to look after your child
4. Leave her with your aunt and STOP sending shi shi to her or your aunt.
Pick ONE

Why would you say he should not send Shi Shi, who will pay for the upkeep a d sch fees? I think he should just find a reasonable person that can handle her and agree on a specific amount to send monthly or weekly.

Chidiesta:


Me too I have a feeling she is not taking good care of her because most of the time she doesn't want me to speak with her on video call

a huge red flag. Just go talk to @afripround on ig in her dm

We4all:


Yeah, I was going to mention that but the probability of being molested by blood relatives is usually lower. In this scenario, gambling comes into play. Her best bet in terms of protecting the girl from predators would be for her to stay with a male blood relative.

It is not. Most kids were abused by blood relatives. It wasn’t outsiders that had unrestricted access to family houses. It was pur dearest uncles and aunties.

INDUSTRIALFAN:
Op is a woman not a man.

It was later she clarified.

Chidiesta:
Good day nairalanders,

I have lived in Germany for 3 years now i have a 1 years old daughter and I also have a 8 years old daughter who lives with my elder sister in nigeria.

She is married with three kids , I provide everything for them and I pay one of her child school fee but my sister is never satisfied with the money she keep demanding me for more money.

She knows it very well that I am not stable yet in this country , life is hard just because she is taking care of my daughter and she want me to carry the responsibility of her three children.

I make sure that I send a big parcel for all of them once a year as I am typing the parcel is on the way but she want me to pay school fees for all her children too and I can't afford to pay for all four.

I am paying her son school fees is 87k per term and my daughter own is 67k . On the 2nd I sent her 300k for school fees and foodstuffs she called on monday demanding me for 154k for her son and my daughter school fee I asked her what about the money I sent on the 2nd she said she bought foodstuffs for 120k and use the 180k for her two oldest children school fee and she want me to send the 154k for the youngest 2 , I was angry with her and I cut the call.

I am angry my own sister is draining me financially and I have a lot of bills to pay too and a small child to cater for.

I have spoken to my friend she is happy to take care of my daughter for me until I am stable enough to bring her to Germany. I like the idea because my sister is not helping me to progress.

I hope my daughter living with my friend will be a good idea.
I haven't told my sister anything yet because we are not in good term but I want to hear from you first please let me know if I should allow my friend to take care of her or I should leave her with my elder sister.

Until your friend will rape your daughter then your eyes will clear. Even if your friend is ok, who are his own friends whom you do not know? How can you leave your children with strangers in their formative years? Send your kids to your mum instead.

Newborn27:
Op...if your blood Sis can be doing that to your daughter... what expectations have you from your friend.... kindly follow the advice of the poster above ...... enroll her in a standard catholic boarding school....even during holidays... she'd be covered with much care and godly training.


There are some pupils in my school whom are in your shoes....it aches my heart seeing the way those kids are treated...they dare not tell anyone including you the diaspora parents...but as a Teacher...we get to know each of them and sometimes comfort them.

I'd recommend Louis ville girls high school...they have both primary and secondary.
You won't regret enrolling your child in a Catholic school and she'd be treated equally like other pupils...unlike your sister's house where she'd be harshly treated while she suffers in silence.


In all that you decide to do...do not fight with your sister....give her positive reasons why you think she should in the boarding.....no one knows tomorrow.

Cheers

Family and good deeds is beyond blood. A stranger i run into can become my family better than my blood was ever family to me.

Just tell her what you intend to do since she's not contended with the little you are doing for her, I guess she will stop demanding and if you are married, talk to your wife your next plan of action so it won't boomerang later.

Chidiesta:


I am not a fan of boarding school I want her to attend a day school and with my friend so I can video/ call her anytime I want so she won't feel left out

You see that option about putting her in a boarding school, that is the best solution honestly... and this is coming from someone who has had a personal experience with stuff like this.

During holidays, she can go stay with your friend, not your sister anymore because your sis won't be happy that you took the child out of her house in the first place.

As for having access to your kid, you can make arrangements with the management of the school to suggest times during the week when they can allow you have video calls with your kid. They will allow it.

Good luck.

pocohantas:


It is not. Most kids were abused by blood relatives. It wasn’t outsiders that had unrestricted access to family houses. It was pur dearest uncles and aunties.

I am not disputing that, but I’m saying that in this scenario, it’s like a gamble and that’s her best bet. At least she knows her brother. The same cannot be said about her friend’s lover(s).

Chidiesta:


I don't have papers yet

How old is the child?

pocohantas:


You never see anything. The best thing is for the OP to take her child with her or enroll the child in a good boarding house.

If she fails to act fast, she would lose the motherly influence and deep connection with that child. She should better act fast.

That's the only solution i can see now pending when she finally takes her over. O.p is even responsible doing her little bit, but her sister does not want to reciprocate and denying her video calls na ment o. Her 8 year old is sill impressionable, they could easily turn her head. Her childhood friend could also be frying pan to fire. Its sad.