Good day Nairaland Family.

I want to make this post as short as possible.

So, I had a baby with a girl in 2018 in my final year in school and I've been trying my best to keep her and the baby. (I created a post here then too).

Fast forward to last year I went for NYSC in Gombe and she got admission into the university. I returned for holiday last December, checked my girl's phone and saw that she has been seeing another guy in the school. The messages I saw broke me ehn despite all I do to please this girl still I forgave her (I was thinking it was cos of the distance that's making her see another guy). She promised to leave the guy bla bla..

When I left for Gombe, I noticed she has gone back to the said guy again. I confronted her and she said a lot of things to me. Bad things. I was perplexed knan. I never believed this girl can do and say such things. She outrightly told me that ive not married her and she can see any guy! She blocked me on WhatsApp.


Ever since then I've been sending upkeep to her mum who is taking care of the baby.

When I returned, I tried to make things up again cos I don't want to be having children with different women. But she declined and now her parents are supporting her.

Still, I do send upkeep. I've never missed a month. The thing is I'm sincerely tired of everything. I want to leave them with the child and not do anything with them again

When I get a job and be comfortable again, I might return cos they're milking the little I saved and its affecting me.

What do you think I do?

PS: She is still with same guy

What exactly do you want?? A honest and faithful baby mama?

How are they milking the little you've saved? Who's supposed to fund your daughter's fees and upkeep? Your baby mama's mother?

hunterezi:
Good day Nairaland Family.

I want to make this post as short as possible.

So, I had a baby with a girl in 2018 in my final year in school and I've been trying my best to keep her and the baby. (I created a post here then too).

Fast forward to last year I went for NYSC in Gombe and she got admission into the university. I returned for holiday last December, checked my girl's phone and saw that she has been seeing another guy in the school. The messages I saw broke me ehn despite all I do to please this girl still I forgave her (I was thinking it was cos of the distance that's making her see another guy). She promised to leave the guy bla bla..

When I left for Gombe, I noticed she has gone back to the said guy again. I confronted her and she said a lot of things to me. Bad things. I was perplexed knan. I never believed this girl can do and say such things. She outrightly told me that ive not married her and she can see any guy! She blocked me on WhatsApp.


Ever since then I've been sending upkeep to her mum who is taking care of the baby.

When I returned, I tried to make things up again cos I don't want to be having children with different women. But she declined and now her parents are supporting her.

Still, I do send upkeep. I've never missed a month. The thing is I'm sincerely tired of everything. I want to leave them with the child and not do anything with them again

When I get a job and be comfortable again, I might return cos they're milking the little I saved and its affecting me.

What do you think I do?

PS: She is still with same guy

Let her go but never stop doing your responsibility on your child...

Baby mama is the best
So carry your cross.

She is not your wife and do not owe you exclusivity as she is only a lady who had a child with you.

She is free to live her life as she so pleases, moreover the child is not living with her and
not exposed to the guy she is in a relationship with.

Continue sending your child's monthly upkeep, you can't switch off because you are angered by her mother's decision to be with another man.

Acidosis:

What exactly do you want?? A honest and faithful baby mama?

How are they milking the little you've saved? Who's supposed to fund your daughter's fees and upkeep? Your baby mama's mother?

Yes. Cos I've been honest and faithful too. This is how you people create demons in men who maltreat women. You won't understand. This is not how we planned it. I've sacrificed a lot of my life fr her. I felt betrayed. She doesn't even all the child by the name I gave her.

This is a girl that can turn the child against me in the future. Why sacrifice more and still lose?

Mindlog:
She is not your wife and do not owe you exclusivity as she is only a lady who had a child with you.

She is free to live her life as she so pleases, moreover the child is not living with her and
not exposed to the guy she is in a relationship with.

Continue sending your child's monthly upkeep, you can't switch off because you are angered by her mother's decision to be with another man.

Oh okay then. Thank you. Guess I've bee a fool for being exclusive to her all along.

hunterezi:


Oh okay then. Thank you. Guess I've bee a fool for being exclusive to her all along.

You are very free as there is no marital commitment between you two, she is not your wife neither are you her husband.....move on with your life while you provide for your child.

Mindlog:


You are very free as there is no marital commitment between you two, she is not your wife neither are you her husband.....move on with your life while you provide for your child.

This narrative of not being loyal in relationships except when married is quite appalling. But is it what it is..

hunterezi:


This narrative of not being loyal in relationships except when married is quite appalling. But is it what it is..

What kind of loyalty are you seeking from her?

Society talks about being a faithful wife, not faithful baby mama, e get why.

I believe the pregnancy was never planned but happened and she gave birth to the child you both share. Does she see herself, having a future with you because certainly not all relationship will end in marriage

She has moved on, so should you but regularly visit your daughter and call her by the name you gave her, weekends you take her out to places of fun.....bond with your daughter, that is what you have control over

Acidosis:

What exactly do you want?? A honest and faithful baby mama?

How are they milking the little you've saved? Who's supposed to fund your daughter's fees and upkeep? Your baby mama's mother?

She can't be loyal to u.

Take it or leave it.

I have nothing to say as everyone has given good advice.

Like you titled it “baby mama wahala.” So far the child is yours, you will keep tabs of what she does — regardless of how many women you impregnate/date/marry. Her boyfriends and future husband(s) are also in trouble as she’d see the need to go physical from time to time when looking for variety. Na symbiosis una dey till further notice.

You got her pregnant and still want to tie her down? She’s not married to you na. Wife her if you want commitment

@hunterezi

You are not getting the point,

You think you have been nice to her because you have been faithful to her.
And yes, faithfulness is a very nice character don't get me wrong.
I do admire that you are faithful.

But here is what you wrote,

When I returned, I tried to make things up again cos I don't want to be having children with different women. But she declined. and now her parents are supporting her

.
But you are seemingly selfish without knowing and she and every other person can see right through you.

She wants marriage, and that is what she meant by, "you are not married to her," but you have refused to get the point.
You just want to turn her into a baby making factory without commitment.

Red demon pillers want that kind of lifestyle but no right thinking woman will agree to be used that way.

I commend you for being faithful to her and you don't need to loose your self ideals because of her.

Trust me, your girl will keep searching for marriage until she finds it, either in you or another man.

Flee fornication, GOD says, una no wan hear.

OP....
I understand you're hurt...
I know you're disappointed as you expected much more from her,but "die" the matter ....

As long as you're allowed to spend time with your child whenever you want, then however she acts shouldn't be any of your concern...

Since she is using marriage as an excuse to cheat (I'm assuming you both are still in a relationship), then move on with your life...

But make sure you take care of that child

hunterezi:
When I left for Gombe, I noticed she has gone back to the said guy again. I confronted her and she said a lot of things to me. Bad things. I was perplexed knan. I never believed this girl can do and say such things. She outrightly told me that ive not married her and she can see any guy! She blocked me on WhatsApp.

Ever since then I've been sending upkeep to her mum who is taking care of the baby. When I returned, I tried to make things up again cos I don't want to be having children with different women. But she declined and now her parents are supporting her. Still, I do send upkeep. I've never missed a month. The thing is I'm sincerely tired of everything. I want to leave them with the child and not do anything with them again. When I get a job and be comfortable again, I might return cos they're milking the little I saved and its affecting me.

What do you think I do? PS: She is still with same guy

First, what you need is to grow a brain!

She had a baby for you. You refused to marry her, but you want her to stay with you just because? She even get time to dey entertain you after all that. She suppose don block you a long time ago.

Do you think your sending upkeep for a child that is yours means you ought to be allowed access to the mother who you refused to marry? Do you think you are being milked for sending money used to raise what is your own child?

Please start using that organ between your eyes before it rots finish abeg!

Tradegood:
@hunterezi

You are not getting the point,

You think you have been nice to her because you have been faithful to her.
And yes, faithfulness is a very nice character don't get me wrong.
I do admire that you are faithful.

But here is what you wrote,
.
But you are seemingly selfish without knowing and she and every other person can see right through you.

She wants marriage, and that is what she meant by, "you are not married to her," but you have refused to get the point.
You just want to turn her into a baby making factory without commitment.

Red demon pillers want that kind of lifestyle but no right thinking woman will agree to be used that way.

I commend you for being faithful to her and you don't need to loose your self ideals because of her.

Trust me, your girl will keep searching for marriage until she finds it, either in you or another man.

Flee fornication, GOD says, una no wan hear.

She's just 22. I'm 25. It's not really marriage thing. She just used that as an excuse to flock around.

I discussed with her parent then that I'd get married to her after school and NYSC.

ibechris:
She can't be loyal to u.

Take it or leave it.

I don't even want anything again. Sadly.

Beremx:
You got her pregnant and still want to tie her down? She’s not married to you na. Wife her if you want commitment

She's not ready for marriage. She just got admission into the University.

Fahvvy:
OP....
I understand you're hurt...
I know you're disappointed as you expected much more from her,but "die" the matter ....

As long as you're allowed to spend time with your child whenever you want, then however she acts shouldn't be any of your concern...

Since she is using marriage as an excuse to cheat (I'm assuming you both are still in a relationship), then move on with your life...

But make sure you take care of that child

I'm just disappointed. This was someone that even wants us to take oath that I won't cheat when I get to Gombe o. Orisirisi. Thanks. I get you.

If it was to be the other way, people will say trash as I "got her pregnant and didn't do the needful bla bla". Sighs..

Kobojunkie:
First, what you need is to grow a brain!

She had a baby for you. You refused to marry her, but you want her to stay with you just because? She even get time to dey entertain you after all that. She suppose don block you a long time ago.

Do you think your sending upkeep for a child that is yours means you ought to be allowed access to the mother who you refused to marry? Do you think you are being milked for sending money used to raise what is your own child?

Please start using that organ between your eyes before it rots finish abeg!

You ended up spewing beautiful nonsense. We planned to get married when we "settle". She just got admission and I left for service in Gombe.

She used that as an excuse as the guy she's dating is in 100L with her too. Lol.. So forget marriage talks oga

hunterezi:


She's not ready for marriage. She just got admission into the University.

then let her be. You should concentrate on taking care of your child and move on with your love life. She needs all her time to explore her youthful age that’s why she doesn’t want marriage. Let her be, okay?

hunterezi:
You ended up spewing beautiful nonsense. We planned to get married when we "settle". She just got admission and I left for service in Gombe.

She used that as an excuse as the guy she's dating is in 100L with her too. Lol.. So forget marriage talks oga

ROFLMAO

Why won't people have sense?


Your baby mama should be the one chasing you and your commitment around to come and make an honest woman of her not you sweating on her issues.



Mumu man!

hunterezi:


Yes. Cos I've been honest and faithful too. This is how you people create demons in men who maltreat women. You won't understand. This is not how we planned it. I've sacrificed a lot of my life fr her. I felt betrayed. She doesn't even all the child by the name I gave her.

This is a girl that can turn the child against me in the future. Why sacrifice more and still lose?

So who are you leaving your child for?

Ogbeni carry your cross.

fati2001:
Baby mama is the best

So carry your cross.

I'm quite confused.

Is she just your baby mum, or is she your girlfriend?

Op you are the most Fool.ish person in the world right now.. allow the girl to go with another man!! Only what u should do is for u to send money to her for up keep on ur baby..

hunterezi:
Good day Nairaland Family.

I want to make this post as short as possible.

So, I had a baby with a girl in 2018 in my final year in school and I've been trying my best to keep her and the baby. (I created a post here then too).

Fast forward to last year I went for NYSC in Gombe and she got admission into the university. I returned for holiday last December, checked my girl's phone and saw that she has been seeing another guy in the school. The messages I saw broke me ehn despite all I do to please this girl still I forgave her (I was thinking it was cos of the distance that's making her see another guy). She promised to leave the guy bla bla..

When I left for Gombe, I noticed she has gone back to the said guy again. I confronted her and she said a lot of things to me. Bad things. I was perplexed knan. I never believed this girl can do and say such things. She outrightly told me that ive not married her and she can see any guy! She blocked me on WhatsApp.


Ever since then I've been sending upkeep to her mum who is taking care of the baby.

When I returned, I tried to make things up again cos I don't want to be having children with different women. But she declined and now her parents are supporting her.

Still, I do send upkeep. I've never missed a month. The thing is I'm sincerely tired of everything. I want to leave them with the child and not do anything with them again

When I get a job and be comfortable again, I might return cos they're milking the little I saved and its affecting me.

What do you think I do?

PS: She is still with same guy

You are mixing things here let me break it down for you

1 you had unplanned child while at skol so you were forced to be by her because of the child
2 You are doing your part as the father to look after the father and you take as the girl must loyal because of that but you arw forgetting that it wasnt really love and decision which made you have that child but mistakes of teenagers

3 as long you havent made the move to really marry her she can date whoever she wants regardless that you look after your own child

Separate those points you find the right direction

hunterezi:


She's just 22. I'm 25. It's not really marriage thing. She just used that as an excuse to flock around.

I discussed with her parent then that I'd get married to her after school and NYSC.

You did that after the first baby, not when you went back to her for a second baby.

And you think the parent, older and wiser than you with many years, are fools?
They are still trying to bear the shame of their child having a baby outside wedlock and she is just in 100l, you "want to come and go and add another baby"?

So why can't you wait till after Nysc to have another baby and control her like your soul desires?

The reason they are still tolerating you is because of the promise you made to them, they still see you as a responsible young man.
My opinion though.

Yes, I agree with you, if she is promiscuous, "marriage" did not cause it. But my point is, the kind of rights you are seeking to exercise over her is the kind married men have. It is like eating one's cake and trying to have it.

Does she also harass you with questions and suspicions, and monitoring your movements?

This is one of the reasons you don't have a child outside wedlock, it comes with many baggages and unmet expectation forget that Davido and wizkid are smiling on camera.

I really pray for you, may GOD help you.
You seem like a really nice and principled person who seems to have chosen the destructive path of red demon pillers.

They only tell you the nice parts;, have a child, destroy her womanliness, but the consequences, them no even sabi am!

Poor child, growing up under a roof with incomplete parents.
May he/she not be denied the right of knowing what growing up with daddy and mummy under one roof feels like.

May the two of you, "somehow somehow" sort this out.

Acidosis:

What exactly do you want?? A honest and faithful baby mama?

How are they milking the little you've saved? Who's supposed to fund your daughter's fees and upkeep? Your baby mama's mother?

Good questions, Acidosis.
OP, can you kindly answer the pertinent questions asked?
She's really not married to you, despite having a child with you.
She doesn't want to pursue a relationship with you either.
That shouldn't disturb the relationship you have with your child though and the responsibilities towards that child.
Also remember to be a father to your child and not just providing money.
See your child regularly perhaps once a month or once in 3 months if you stay too far from them, video call or call the grandma to speak with your child everyday if possible.
And lastly, let your own family/parents be involved in your child's life