ALT Monkier for this, Am an old NLer Hence...

I got married 2 years now. I have a baby 1 year old and one on the way, 6months in.

Before we got married i always hated this dedicated wife church matter because am a practical person. I guess i let the signs slip. My wife is too spiritual, she prays every 12 midnight and sings deliverance songs in the shower. NB she wasnt like this before we got married cos we co-inhabited for 4 months right before marriage.

Presently she works with my uncle (N40k monthly). Its a simple Job that doesnt require her presence. She hardly goes there, maybe once a week, I have advised her to try to visit at least 2 hrs everyday notwithstanding if there is no activity as she gets paid monthly. Right after we got married i enrolled her for further studies (ICAN professionals) and she dropped out after passing one course out of 4. She only pushes herself when we quarrel - then you see her going to work, posting her personal business online and stuff. She failed 4 job tests for tier 1 blue collar companies and i am beginning to think it was on purpose. She is also opposed to travelling abroad.

i work in a big organization with a monthly of over N5ook. I drop minimum of N100k monthly for upkeep. this is besides the other expenses i make during the course of the month. NB - i Pay for everything at home.

The other day i told her to tone down on her church (its a small church like a prayer house, they claim her aunty is diabolical and has sealed the destiny of the entire family) as i think they have a grip on her. She quoted Ephesians 5:25 - Husbands love your wife. Explaining how i should treat her nicely and stuff. i in turn quoted VS 22 (wives submit to your husbands) elaborating that submission is holistic and what not. After which she flared up and threatened to deal with me if i ever attempt to subjugate her.

Honestly, i feel like she wants to be a housewife and this worries me as i hate lazy people.
There was a time i lost my sex drive due to stress. I had to psych myself to find her irresistible. This made me aroused whenever i see her, but she wont stop praying.

Frankly i have applied for a vasectomy and made inquires for a divorce. My friend says i should try therapy but i feel exhausted.
Why do people have to make marriage so hard.??

This seems like a Nollywood drama but this is my life. I feel bad for my child as she will be taking the head of my action/inaction.

JustAPartOfMyStory

Side chick saves lives, get one today
Problem no dey finish

You know, you don't have to jump to conclusions. If you love this woman, you just have to adjust to her rhythm and rules of life. And the child will grow up anyway and build his own life.

EkelediliBuhari:
Side chick saves lives

Synonym; Adultery saves lives.

NaijaGuy007:
Frankly i have applied for a vasectomy and made inquires for a divorce. My friend says i should try therapy but i feel exhausted.
Why do people have to make marriage so hard.??
This seems like a Nollywood drama but this is my life. I feel bad for my child as she will be taking the head of my action/inaction.

Do go ahead with the Vasectomy as you already have two kids and there is no reason why anyone in what is an already overpopulated world we live in should have more than 2.

As for the other, please consider marriage therapy like your friends insist, and maybe also suggest mental health therapy for your wife as well. She sounds like someone who depends on you a lot and many people who do that typically do so out of fear that they cannot take the wheels as far as their own lives. A typical human being, living in what is today's world, ought to have drive and ambition, even if tied together with the raising of a family of their own.

Yes, many folks appear lazy and unmotivated on the outside, but on the inside, a struggle is going on in their attempt to make sense of their existence and worth as individuals. A few appointments with a mental health therapist may help her realize the problem she has become in her own marriage.

MaddyKane:
You know, you don't have to jump to conclusions. If you love this woman, you just have to adjust to her rhythm and rules of life. And the child will grow up anyway and build his own life.

It is hard to adjust to the rhythms of even one's own kids, let alone a grown-up who just so happens to be a spouse!

Mindlog:
Synonym; Adultery saves lives.

Na wa oo!

There are two sides of every story, I won't judge or criticised your wife not until I hear I side of the story.

Not everyone is ambitious, some people are contented with the little they make but this life sef, very few meet people with their type of energy.

Well, it probably balances out that way because a lazy person ending up with a lazy person will be a huge disaster.

Find another girl, side chick or 2nd wife...

faithfull18:
Not everyone is ambitious, some people are contented with the little they make but this life sef, very few meet people with their type of energy.

Well, it probably balances out that way because a lazy person ending up with a lazy person will be a huge disaster.

i agree
But i am irked when someone around me stays jobless. there should be effort.
Everyday cannot be rosy, i could loose my job what do we fall back to??

marriage is a joint effort, two happy people coming together to create a happy union.
Shouldnt be like fostercare, like i adopted someones daughter with permission for conjugal rights.

Kobojunkie:
Do go ahead with the Vasectomy as you already have two kids and there is no reason why anyone in what is an already overpopulated world we live in should have more than 2.

As for the other, please consider marriage therapy like your friends insist, and maybe also suggest mental health therapy for your wife as well. She sounds like someone who depends on you a lot and many people who do that typically do so out of fear that they cannot take the wheels as far as their own lives. A typical human being, living in what is today's world, ought to have drive and ambition, even if tied together with the raising of a family of their own.

Yes, many folks appear lazy and unmotivated on the outside, but on the inside, a struggle is going on in their attempt to make sense of their existence and worth as individuals. A few appointments with a mental health therapist may help her realize the problem she has become in her own marriage.

solid points...

but we are all humans, just like she has limitations to her mental capacity, so do I. there is a limit to what i can also take.

However, maybe the therapy might be worth a try

Mindlog:


Synonym; Adultery saves lives.

Just save a life
The end justifies the means

NaijaGuy007:


i agree
But i am irked when someone around me stays jobless. there should be effort.
Everyday cannot be rosy, i could loose my job what do we fall back to??

marriage is a joint effort, two happy people coming together to create a happy union.
Shouldnt be like fostercare, like i adopted someones daughter with permission for conjugal rights.

honestly speaking you are the one with a problem! you nag alot judging from your write-up and i don't know what is wrong if your wife is a prayer type!

can't someone pray anymore? do life ends physically only? what you should be advising your wife on the prayer issue would be to pray the right prayers and not prayers for destruction of enemies all the time.

have you asked about her passions? she may feel inadequate and have low self esteem in some way you haven't known or cared to check out.

stop nagging !

This is one of my greatest fears. Marrying someone who is unambitious and comfortable with little. I will run mad literally.

Ginaz:
1.honestly speaking you are the one with a problem! you nag alot judging from your write-up and i don't know what is wrong if your wife is a prayer type! can't someone pray anymore? do life ends physically only? what you should be advising your wife on the prayer issue would be to pray the right prayers and not prayers for destruction of enemies all the time.

2. have you asked about her passions? she may feel inadequate and have low self esteem in some way you haven't known or cared to check out.


stop nagging !

1. Even Jesus Christ, the one most Christians claim they worship said God will not answer your prayers if said to the hearing of others or where others can see and know you are praying. There is no reason whatsoever why anyone should, under the guise of saying prayers, disturb the peace of others. That behavior is absolutely unacceptable abeg.

2. For that, sure, she can get therapy to help her deal so she can be present and a part of building up what is her own marriage soonest. These are some of things folks should consider tackling before entering into marriage so they do not pose an issue in thr marriage relationship.

mysticwarrior:
There are two sides of every story, I won't judge or criticised your wife not until I hear I side of the story.

Oya collect the wife's phone number from op and ask her, chief judge

There are 3 things I said I'll look for on any woman I'll get married to; Trust, ambition/goal oriented and drive. That's all I want in my future wifey. I'm not asking for much.

It's very difficult to see (Nigerian) ladies these days that are ambitious and driven. The ultimate goal of a lot of our ladies is just to get married, once they've gotten married and had kids, that's it. Not that having marriage as a goal is bad, but c'mon there are more to life than just getting married.

I really feel for the op, it can be very frustrating spending one's life with someone who's lukewarm, unambitious and just so satisfied with what life throws at them. I really feel for you op, I pray the Lord save your marriage. If you hadn't had kids, divorce would have been the best. But you have kids already, just look at them and see how divorce would affect them.

You have very good reasons to divorce her.

I hate people who are complacent.

MaddyKane:
You know, you don't have to jump to conclusions. If you love this woman, you just have to adjust to her rhythm and rules of life. And the child will grow up anyway and build his own life.

Why can't she be the one to adjust to his own rhythm and rules of life? Abi doesn't she love him? ...

Indeed women give the worst relationship/marriage advice ...

Mindlog:


Synonym; Adultery saves lives.

All these things you describe does not sound like something that just suddenly popped up. You would have seen these attributes before marriage and should have either both agreed that they were going to stop or you should not have married her at all, knowing that she had shortcomings you could not overlook.

Sorry o, but na you open your eye let sand sand enter. Go for counselling or just tell her your wants and intentions if they're not fulfilled. If she agrees to adjust, all well and good. If she says she is married to Jesus, you berra leave her alone o and find whatever makes you happy.

My own is that God should bless my husband so I can be receiving 100 or 200k for upkeep…