I am 28 years old, a graduate of one of the university in South West. I work as a contract staff in a bank.

I met this guy about a year ago through my best female friend, and the journey started. I took him to my parents and he also took me to his parents too, and the wedding preparation started.

We were suppose to do family introduction but my parents says there is no need considering some logistic reasons. Although my mum has her reservation concerning him. But since my father has no objection I think am good to go.

He has sent money for some preparation since he is not residing in Lagos. The problem started after I went to idumota with my aunt to buy our engagement clothes. It was my aunt that drove me to the market. When we returned, my fiance called me, we talked for some times, but he couldn't appreciate my aunt for her kind gesture. Although my aunt didn't say anything that day but she wasn't happy. My dad also complained that he has been rude to him. The same goes with my mum.

The last straw that broke the Carmels back was when he was arguing with my aunt over the phone. He did not know I was in my aunt's house that particular day. I wasn't happy at all, thinking that if he would not regard my parents how would he treat me after marriage.

So I confronted him the second day over the phone, telling him that I'm not happy about the way my parents where complaining about him, and that attitude of him is creating fear in me. Instead for him to be a little remoseful and even call those people and apologize, he was arguing with me, still in my aunt's house.

So I told him, maybe we should put the preparation on hold thinking he would at least try and apologize to them. He just said, is that what you want and ended the call.

Everyone was surprised. He didn't call back it was his mum that called my mum, she didn't even persuade them to stop me from taking such step, and the guy too didn't call me for like too weeks until when I called him and he said he wasn't interested in the marriage again.

Actually, I wasn't happy and I have been downcasted since then, but on the other hand, May l ask this question does this guy really loves me?. Is he really mature enough for marriage. Is it all my fault? Please don't insult or abuse me. I just want to know if it's all my fault.

Ekwueme!Ekwueme!!
You're the living God oh
Eze no one like you.


That wasn't just a song,there lies the answers you seeketh.

A quick reminder as a brain teaser,that song up there was sang by osinachi.


We never still solve her case.

You should be thanking God that his character was exposed to you.

Na backhand slaps you for dey receive for your marriage.

You are the one I should ask if you are ready for marriage. I wonder how you allowed people get into your head. You said he argued with your aunt, and you were pained. Should he keep quiet if he's not okay with whatever the cause of the argument was because he wants a marriage?

I don't even understand how your aunt was pissed that he didn't call to thank her for taking you to the market to buy the engagement clothes. Was he the one who suggested you approach your aunt to help you? If he is not, then he doesn't owe her that obligation. If he chooses to say thank you, so be it and if he doesn't, no big deal.

Lastly, your parent's (mom in particular) reservation indirectly beclouded your thought and you suggesting you put the wedding on hold gave him the opportunity to think through the entire thing. Perhaps, you guys were going on a fast lane and that statement made him think and also, have conversation with his folks who might have felt with this much troubles from external influences before the wedding, he should just save his head.

Like the Yorubas will say, "Oju to ma ba ni kale, kin ti a ti owuro se pin" implying, whatever would last long doesn't stress you from inception. You both are lucky in your ways and you both should see it as each party is right with his/her decision.

I just needed to add this, in your next relationship (whether he comes back or a new relationship), remember you both are the prize and treat each other that way. If he doesn't treat you like a prize or you can't treat him as one, please, be quick to move. Don't be carried away by the people of the world who have no place in your home. Imagine some telling you to do thanksgiving when you were the one who put the wedding on hold should tell you they are like dance instructors who teaches you to dance but will never borrow you their legs to do the dance.

To those quoting me, did you notice the guy's mum didn't bother pacifying her family? Doesn't that speaks volume?

This one wey OP drop this kind post for night, una sure say she go fit sleep so?

---

Gabless the Lord is your strength.

You rang him back after two weeks for two weeks... good two weeks he didn't call. His mum didn't call.. His siblings didn't call


You had to ring him.. so if he had agreed on pushing through with the wedding you would have said yes


Iswear dawadawa expensive pass you (pissed)


You should be jubilating... get heaven dust, four cans of budweiser, a pack of dunhil and if you can afford captain Morgan... make yourself happy.. heaven just saved/liberated you from a curse

Better off with the cancelled engagement.

You dodged a bullet dear.
Be thankful.

mariahAngel:
You dodged a bullet dear.
Be thankful.

I agree with you!

ahnie:
Ekwueme!Ekwueme!!
You're the living God oh
Eze no one like you.


That wasn't just a song,there lies the answers you seek.

A quick reminder as a brain teaser,that song up there was sang by osinachi.

Utter gibberish! I kept seeing my aunt, my mom, my dad, my neighbor Jesus Christ! Are they all in this relationship with you?
He made the right decision to walk away because it’s obvious he’ll have to deal with more than an indecisive and emotionally dependent wife. Aunt wants him to thank her for taking you, her own niece to the market to buy wedding items? Really? You should thank your aunt not him!
I congratulate the young man for saving himself from an entitled and overly intrusive family.

The person wey they wan set on fire dey use petrol to shower...

OP, you, your aunt, your papa...all together, you want to kee this poor man with all the wahala you can muster in your family? Kilode, na only you waka come?

I congratulate the poor guy. Make he just go do thanksgiving in church

DukeNija:


Utter gibberish! I kept seeing my aunt, my mom, my dad, my neighbor Jesus Christ! Are they all in this relationship with you?
He made the right decision to walk away because it’s obvious he’ll have to deal with more than an indecisive and emotionally dependent wife. Aunt wants him to thank her for taking you, her own niece to the market to buy wedding items? Really? You should thank your aunt not him!
I congratulate the young man for saving himself from an entitled and overly intrusive family.

I think the ladies are been emotional as such, don't get offended by their post. I wonder how he waited till this moment though cos I for one cannot. A relationship where you are dating the entire family is gibberish. Parents and family members should learn to stay clear of people's relationships.

@Op, I know this is not a good time for you so I will try and be gentle but at the same time tell you some salient truths.

As it stands today in Nigeria, it is women that are chasing men for marriage, so you have to understand that whether you agree or not, in Nigeria of today, when a man says, he wants to marry a woman, he believes he is doing her a favour, and if she does not relate to him on that frequency, he will behave/react the way your boyfriend behaved.

Your boyfriend thinks you will boss him around, or your family will turn him to a simp if he marries you that is why he ran, I am not saying that is the truth, but as a guy myself, there are some salient things I look for when I am with a lady that I consider redflags, I am not saying you or your family is bossy, but he definitely thinks you will not submit to him, as a lady, you should never tell a man you want to call off a relationship, even if you just meant to scare him use another thing, the moment you mention that, the men of today, will vex and since we get plenty options, it will not cost us anything to move on.

If your man comes back congratulations, but if he doesn't come back, try to protect your man from your family in future, even if your parents are complaining about him, find a way to manage it and do not let him know or do it with wisdom, cos many African men will think you are trying to turn them to a simp and they will not be able to control you when they marry you if you give that kind of impression.

In case you are no longer getting married to the man, I am a single guy myself looking for a wife so just let me know and maybe we can work something out....

So you wey dey always dey with the guy no even know if he love you, na we for Nairaland wey no even know wetin una don do the guy or wetin transpire to cause his rudeness towards your family, you come dey ask us if this guy really love you... Mys sister the guy is rich, I believe You know what I dont know.. Thank you

Gabless:
I am 28 years old, a graduate of one of the university in South West. I work as a contract staff in a bank
I met this guy about a year ago through my best female friend, and the journey started. I took him to my parents and he also took me to his parents too, and the wedding preparation started. We were suppose to do family introduction but my parents says there is no need considering some logistic reasons. Although my mum has her reservation conserving him. But since my father has no objection I think am good to go.
He has sent money for some preparation since he is not residing in Lagos. The problem started after I went to idumota with my aunt to buy our engagement clothes. It was my aunt that drove me to the market. When we returned, my fiance called me, we talked for some times, but he couldn't appreciate my aunt for her kind gesture. Although my aunt didn't say anything that day but she wasn't happy. My dad also complained that.he has been rude to him. The same goes with my mum.
The last straw that broke the Carmels back was when he was arguing with my aunt over the phone. He did not know I was in my aunt's house that particular day. I wasn't happy at all, thinking that if he would not regard my parents how would he treat me after marriage, so I confronted him the second day over the phone, telling him that I'm not happy about the way my parents where complaining about him, and that attitude of him is creating fear in me. Instead for him to be a little remoseful and even call those people and apologize, he was arguing with me, still in my aunt's house. So I told him, maybe we should put the preparation on hold thinking he would at least try and apologize to them. He just said, is that what you want and ended the call.
Everyone was surprised. He didn't call back it was his mum that called my mum, she didn't even persuade them to stop me from taking such step, and the guy too didn't call me for like too weeks until when I called him and he said he wasn't interested in the marriage again.
Actually,I wasn't happy and I have been downcasted since then, but on the other hand, May l ask this question does this guy really loves me?. Is he really mature enough for marriage. Is it all my fault? Please don't insult or abuse me. I just want to know if it's all my fault.

My sister, go to church and roll on the floor 21 times to our Lord God Almighty!! You have escaped the clutches of Satan in form of that frog you call a fiancee.. You don't know what God did for you..God loves you..few...very few have escaped what you just escaped..you for see danfo call am coaster bus...you better block and delete him, his family and all that's attached to him.. sorrow and calamity is not your portion...Your husband is close to you..just keep praying..he'll find you soon...

You guys have gone far by even buying stuffs for the marriage. Not that I believe in village people effect,but I sense something out of the ordinary just happened to you

You are both not meant for each other and best, you both have parted ways.

tommy589:
You guys have gone far by even buying stuffs for the marriage. Not that I believe in village people effect,but I sense something out of the ordinary just happened to you

Something out of the ordinary caused a person to behave rudely to his partner's relatives and have no intentions of apologizing for his behavior.

So, every time a person misbehaves, it is village people to blame abi wetin?

Gabless:
Although my mum has her reservation conserving him. But since my father has no objection I think am good to go.
He has sent money for some preparation since he is not residing in Lagos. The problem started after I went to idumota with my aunt to buy our engagement clothes. It was my aunt that drove me to the market. When we returned, my fiance called me, we talked for some times, but he couldn't appreciate my aunt for her kind gesture. Although my aunt didn't say anything that day but she wasn't happy. My dad also complained that.he has been rude to him. The same goes with my mum.

What was it that caused the disagreement between the boy and your parents, including your aunt then? How we go take dissect this case if we no even understand why he misbehaved towards them?

By the way, I think it is a good idea to have others weigh, not so you can go back to the same relationship but so you can do better when next you find someone you are willing to consider.

Didn't see any wrong from your side judging from your write-up,it seems there were part of the guys trait you never saw during all the time you guys were together(which your mom could have seen anyway) before accepting to settle with him,you don't have to feel bad over loosing him,your health, sanity and life is the priority and not marriage,move on.

Gabless:

You just dodged a bullet love, why would you even fall for someone like that in the first place? Never let him back since he's gone he should stay Gone only a fool will reconcile with that type of person again. Don't be stupid use your head.

mariahAngel:
You dodged a bullet dear.
Be thankful.

The guy got saved from a potential problem as well.

She is being influenced heavily by people around her..The Union won't even last stronger than a crackers biscuit.

I can't even date a lady who doesn't have a mind of her own, not to talk of marrying her.

She will be ever ready to be influenced and manipulated by external forces, there by denying the home the needed peace..Her type ga wu ndi ma Pastor said..My mom said, my Aunt said...no no no way.

She should wait for a man with her kind of character.

It is not always Rosy, but a lady I want to marry, putting the preparations on hold, till I apologise to her Aunt For a reason unserious is a total Fucc up.

GboyegaD:


I think the ladies are been emotional as such, don't get offended by their post. I wonder how he waited till this moment though cos I for one cannot. A relationship where you are dating the entire family is gibberish. Parents and family members should learn to stay clear of people's relationships.

This! Thumbs up!

The moment lovers realize they are meant to put themselves first, Before anyone, even their kids. The better they enjoy each other to the fullest without third party influence.

As for the ladies comments, they are attaching Emotions as always.

Men work on logic.

Munzy14:

This! Thumbs up!

The moment lovers realize they are meant to put themselves first, Before anyone, even their kids. The better they enjoy each other to the fullest without third party influence.

As for the ladies comments, they are attaching Emotions as always.

Men work on logic.

@bold:

Must be the joke of the 21st century

Gabless:
I am 28 years old, a graduate of one of the university in South West. I work as a contract staff in a bank
I met this guy about a year ago through my best female friend, and the journey started. I took him to my parents and he also took me to his parents too, and the wedding preparation started. We were suppose to do family introduction but my parents says there is no need considering some logistic reasons. Although my mum has her reservation conserving him. But since my father has no objection I think am good to go.
He has sent money for some preparation since he is not residing in Lagos. The problem started after I went to idumota with my aunt to buy our engagement clothes. It was my aunt that drove me to the market. When we returned, my fiance called me, we talked for some times, but he couldn't appreciate my aunt for her kind gesture. Although my aunt didn't say anything that day but she wasn't happy. My dad also complained that.he has been rude to him. The same goes with my mum.
The last straw that broke the Carmels back was when he was arguing with my aunt over the phone. He did not know I was in my aunt's house that particular day. I wasn't happy at all, thinking that if he would not regard my parents how would he treat me after marriage, so I confronted him the second day over the phone, telling him that I'm not happy about the way my parents where complaining about him, and that attitude of him is creating fear in me. Instead for him to be a little remoseful and even call those people and apologize, he was arguing with me, still in my aunt's house. So I told him, maybe we should put the preparation on hold thinking he would at least try and apologize to them. He just said, is that what you want and ended the call.
Everyone was surprised. He didn't call back it was his mum that called my mum, she didn't even persuade them to stop me from taking such step, and the guy too didn't call me for like too weeks until when I called him and he said he wasn't interested in the marriage again.
Actually,I wasn't happy and I have been downcasted since then, but on the other hand, May l ask this question does this guy really loves me?. Is he really mature enough for marriage. Is it all my fault? Please don't insult or abuse me. I just want to know if it's all my fault.

Your mother's reservation about him, put alot of ideas into your head. I hope he is financially capable though.. Because that is where African mothers start to weigh a prospective son in-law..If he isn't, reservations will start coming up

Work on yourself and mindset first, Before you think of marriage..You must have a mind of your own..Otherwise you will be a pushy pushy by external forces who most times pushes you for their own selfish interest.

What did you do?


And let us hear from his side of the story!

You have narrated your own and judgements are not passed from hearing one party!


The foolish will be quick to judge but the wise will hear from both parties and pass judgement.

Gabless:
I am 28 years old, a graduate of one of the university in South West. I work as a contract staff in a bank
I met this guy about a year ago through my best female friend, and the journey started. I took him to my parents and he also took me to his parents too, and the wedding preparation started. We were suppose to do family introduction but my parents says there is no need considering some logistic reasons. Although my mum has her reservation conserving him. But since my father has no objection I think am good to go.
He has sent money for some preparation since he is not residing in Lagos. The problem started after I went to idumota with my aunt to buy our engagement clothes. It was my aunt that drove me to the market. When we returned, my fiance called me, we talked for some times, but he couldn't appreciate my aunt for her kind gesture. Although my aunt didn't say anything that day but she wasn't happy. My dad also complained that.he has been rude to him. The same goes with my mum.
The last straw that broke the Carmels back was when he was arguing with my aunt over the phone. He did not know I was in my aunt's house that particular day. I wasn't happy at all, thinking that if he would not regard my parents how would he treat me after marriage, so I confronted him the second day over the phone, telling him that I'm not happy about the way my parents where complaining about him, and that attitude of him is creating fear in me. Instead for him to be a little remoseful and even call those people and apologize, he was arguing with me, still in my aunt's house. So I told him, maybe we should put the preparation on hold thinking he would at least try and apologize to them. He just said, is that what you want and ended the call.
Everyone was surprised. He didn't call back it was his mum that called my mum, she didn't even persuade them to stop me from taking such step, and the guy too didn't call me for like too weeks until when I called him and he said he wasn't interested in the marriage again.
Actually,I wasn't happy and I have been downcasted since then, but on the other hand, May l ask this question does this guy really loves me?. Is he really mature enough for marriage. Is it all my fault? Please don't insult or abuse me. I just want to know if it's all my fault.

First, one year is too short for a long distance relationship.

Secondly, you dodged a serious bullet. You do not want a man/husband who is not humble/invested enough in your marriage to be respectful to your family.

I also do not understand the kind of engagement with your family that would lead to him being rude to them especially your father. Especially because your father was his fan and would have seen him through rose tinted eyes; also, a lot of men 'respect' their women/wives' father's irrespective of the madness they bring to the table.

While your family members are third parties in your marriage, PLEASE marry a man who respects and regards them.

Also his mom calling your mom without trying to make it work speaks volumes. Except she doesn't want the marriage to hold, she would have tried to pursue peace even if both of you (intended couple) are misbehaving. Or even get an understanding of what happened.

An advise to you: carry your family more respectably. I don't see any reason why he should be so 'familiar' with your family that he is 'arguing' with them. Except your aunt is an integral part of your household, I am wondering the business they have together in the first place.

Without mincing words I will tell you straight forward, this guy doesn't love you at all. Where I saw the first sign was when you said your mum had bad feelings towards him. He has a very bad character and is very arrogant to say the least. I am sure you didn't date him for sometime to know his true character. Thank your God very well that he didn't want to continue the marriage because you would have surely regretted it. Don't feel to bad with yourself or feel dejected over this, instead be very elated that God showed you who he truly is before proceeding with the marriage. You will surely get your own man, I can assure you that. That type of person is not ready for marriage at all, it must be his parents pressuring him to get married.

AM ALWAYS ON A/THE GUYS SIDE.

This is an interesting one
You'll just have to be practical with yourself and judge the matter with your head not your heart, some Nigerian men actually don't have Home training and I won't judge him but most think they're the ultimate price so it's easy for them not to be thoughtful of the other person.
And the question of if he loves you, you're the only one that can answer that practically.
I'm sure you're hurting presently,so sorry,just judge the case yourself and be true to yourself.
Your 6th sense will judge right,then get to know if you have to apologize to him or bid him bye bye

Munzy14:

The guy got saved from a potential problem as well.

She is being influenced heavily by people around her..The Union won't even last stronger than a crackers biscuit.

I can't even date a lady who doesn't have a mind of her own, not to talk of marrying her.

She will be ever ready to be influenced and manipulated by external forces, there by denying the home the needed peace..Her type ga wu ndi ma Pastor said..My mom said, my Aunt said...no no no way.

She should wait for a man with her kind of character.

It is not always Rosy, but a lady I want to marry, putting the preparations on hold, till I apologise to her Aunt For a reason unserious is a total Fucc up.

All signs could be ignored o, but you see that "my dad complained that he was rude to him.
Same as my mum" part? Boy bye!

As a lady, it is too much of a risk to settle with a man who does not respect nor regard one's parents.

In as much as you are fresh in your relationship which may be causing doubts, fears and uncertainty, NEVER allow family emotions to cause you to spend another multiple years praying for a husband.
Someone that has started preparing you to be his wife, and gave you money for stuffs is likely ready for you.
I believe there is more to that coming from your story, but as you have narrated that, he may not see it as you see it.
Instaef of you to gently walk to him physically by visiting him, you called him over the phone to start complaining and confronting him about what people that will never stay in your home complain about especially your aunt.
What really caused arguments between him and your anty? What brought the argument? You didn't tell us.
You should not have called him over fone. You should have gone to him straight and told him appealingly to help you thank your sister, because she assisted you to buy stuffs.
Also the guy may have ego problems which is very common with many of this generation breeds.
. Rule number one,-avoid external influences.
OVERLOOKING OF THINGS, PATIENCE, RESOLUTIONS AND BLOCKING OF EXTERNAL INFLUENCES WILL ALWAYS HELP FRESH RELATIONSHIPS as long is not involving bullying or domestic violence.
Unfortunately he may not come back. The foundation is faulty and fearful already.
What if you get another person in no time, and another worse complaint start all around? What are you gonna do?
God will do better one in no time.

No family members have the gut to talk to my wife or me anyhow. No one, because I never give room for that over time. So I am talking from experiences.