DryMouth:
Did you read the part where her aunty was expecting him for taking her niece for introduction shoppings. I feel the OP's family feels entitled

Wait a second...isn't it typically the intending husband and his family that handles much of that related to introduction of the man to the woman's family or am I missing something here?

Romanoff:


Go and hear from the second party.

A lot of you here are evil but you conceal it with being "alpha males or Redpillers".

Do you know the guy, is the op not the only one in the relationship that is telling the story?

Instead of making judgement based on facts provided, you're telling me I lack wisdom for judging without hearing from the second party.

Sorry sir, please, invite the second party so the court of social media can hear his own side.

Kindly don't mention me again cause I'm not sure I'll be able to maintain civility.

What makes you think the Op posted fact when you have no prove?
Again, you lack wisdom.

DukeNija:


Utter gibberish! I kept seeing my aunt, my mom, my dad, my neighbor Jesus Christ! Are they all in this relationship with you?
He made the right decision to walk away because it’s obvious he’ll have to deal with more than an indecisive and emotionally dependent wife. Aunt wants him to thank her for taking you, her own niece to the market to buy wedding items? Really? You should thank your aunt not him!
I congratulate the young man for saving himself from an entitled and overly intrusive family.

Just little thing

She was pressing his neck for not thanking her aunt for taking her to the market, so over bearing and childish

What if it was the aunt that is sponsoring the wedding, that means the guy would be on the floor all the time for appreciation

DukeNija:


Utter gibberish! I kept seeing my aunt, my mom, my dad, my neighbor Jesus Christ! Are they all in this relationship with you?
He made the right decision to walk away because it’s obvious he’ll have to deal with more than an indecisive and emotionally dependent wife. Aunt wants him to thank her for taking you, her own niece to the market to buy wedding items? Really? You should thank your aunt not him!
I congratulate the young man for saving himself from an entitled and overly intrusive family.

Most old girls have serious problems. Any girl who isnt married by age 25 has problems.

Those of u saying she dodged a bullet, u didn't even hear the guy's own side of the story, there is a possibility they were killing the guy with expenses, it is financial stress they were giving the guy that made the guy act so, cus he felt her family was asking for too much n urging d lady on to do a one in town wedding, buy the best cloths, get d best hall , invite as many of their people as possible, to let people know that their daughter is getting married, it such callousness that makes a man quarrel with his prospective in-laws, n to cap it all she go dey do shakara say put d wedding on hold, wo! Good radiance to bad rubbish, the guy saw a lee way to run for his life o!

Most are his fault sha but u sef Bleep up big tym..... If i have marriage preparation with u n u say put it on hold over little argument i will do same too.... Say as my relationship.... Why u go threaten me with something like dat

Gabless:
I am 28 years old, a graduate of one of the university in South West. I work as a contract staff in a bank.

I met this guy about a year ago through my best female friend, and the journey started. I took him to my parents and he also took me to his parents too, and the wedding preparation started.

We were suppose to do family introduction but my parents says there is no need considering some logistic reasons. Although my mum has her reservation concerning him. But since my father has no objection I think am good to go.

He has sent money for some preparation since he is not residing in Lagos. The problem started after I went to idumota with my aunt to buy our engagement clothes. It was my aunt that drove me to the market. When we returned, my fiance called me, we talked for some times, but he couldn't appreciate my aunt for her kind gesture. Although my aunt didn't say anything that day but she wasn't happy. My dad also complained that he has been rude to him. The same goes with my mum.

The last straw that broke the Carmels back was when he was arguing with my aunt over the phone. He did not know I was in my aunt's house that particular day. I wasn't happy at all, thinking that if he would not regard my parents how would he treat me after marriage.

So I confronted him the second day over the phone, telling him that I'm not happy about the way my parents where complaining about him, and that attitude of him is creating fear in me. Instead for him to be a little remoseful and even call those people and apologize, he was arguing with me, still in my aunt's house.

So I told him, maybe we should put the preparation on hold thinking he would at least try and apologize to them. He just said, is that what you want and ended the call.

Everyone was surprised. He didn't call back it was his mum that called my mum, she didn't even persuade them to stop me from taking such step, and the guy too didn't call me for like too weeks until when I called him and he said he wasn't interested in the marriage again.

Actually, I wasn't happy and I have been downcasted since then, but on the other hand, May l ask this question does this guy really loves me?. Is he really mature enough for marriage. Is it all my fault? Please don't insult or abuse me. I just want to know if it's all my fault.

you just escaped a wild animal if all you said is true

GboyegaD:


I would rather say to each his own. There's no need pretending and if you read her post well, it is obvious hers is an intrusive family and they labeling him as rude is expected because he isn't giving in.

She should grow up to learn marriage relationships is about the duo getting married.

Regardless of whether they all accepted him or not, it is immature to go into stupid argument with your would be inlaws unless they are out to milk you or they are simply useless. But in this case, I think he just failed the very basics, of playing and paying courtesies. You have just spoken with your lady on phone, and on finding out that her aunty was with her, may be a little hello and thanks for helping xyz with shopping today will not do you harm but endear you more to the family - regardless of whether you mean it or not. Play the politics for Christ sake. You are a stranger and you should know that every of your moves or behaviour is monitored and read. Going there and dey show yourself with crass rudeness is recipe for failure. I cannot fault the lady because the bobo failed the basics.

oldienavie:
@Op, I know this is not a good time for you so I will try and be gentle but at the same time tell you some salient truths.

As it stands today in Nigeria, it is women that are chasing men for marriage, so you have to understand that whether you agree or not, in Nigeria of today, when a man says, he wants to marry a woman, he believes he is doing her a favour, and if she does not relate to him on that frequency, he will behave/react the way your boyfriend behaved.

Your boyfriend thinks you will boss him around, or your family will turn him to a simp if he marries you that is why he ran, I am not saying that is the truth, but as a guy myself, there are some salient things I look for when I am with a lady that I consider redflags, I am not saying you or your family is bossy, but he definitely thinks you will not submit to him, as a lady, you should never tell a man you want to call off a relationship, even if you just meant to scare him use another thing, the moment you mention that, the men of today, will vex and since we get plenty options, it will not cost us anything to move on.

If your man comes back congratulations, but if he doesn't come back, try to protect your man from your family in future, even if your parents are complaining about him, find a way to manage it and do not let him know or do it with wisdom, cos many African men will think you are trying to turn them to a simp and they will not be able to control you when they marry you if you give that kind of impression.

In case you are no longer getting married to the man, I am a single guy myself looking for a wife so just let me know and maybe we can work something out....

You give good advice

But your last paragraph though

Mom007:


Kindly ignore this epistle here... The last 3 sentences fully summarize the kind of person the writer is.
Thanks and best regards.

In a public forum where the anonymous are

The bittered human

Never see well people

And the good are

Everyone has different opinions

And u shouldn't carry matter on ur head like as if the person is your own person

After all, she asked everyone's opinion

You are not married and probably angry you have not seen anyone

Be of cheerful heart,wish good

Speak good,call a spade what it is and watch good things that are yours come to you

Wish no man evil, harbor no hatred or feel bad for the good happening to people

When u see bad,talk,when u see good, talk

Obi mmadu ajoka

With stories like these, it is sensible to hear the side of the other party before a conclusion is made.
If the Guy is to right his own version of what transpired it would also be spiced with amazement.

Above all, better a broken relationship than a broken marriage.
This didn't work out, another might.

Find your peace and move on.

Gabless:
I am 28 years old, a graduate of one of the university in South West. I work as a contract staff in a bank.

I met this guy about a year ago through my best female friend, and the journey started. I took him to my parents and he also took me to his parents too, and the wedding preparation started.

We were suppose to do family introduction but my parents says there is no need considering some logistic reasons. Although my mum has her reservation concerning him. But since my father has no objection I think am good to go.

He has sent money for some preparation since he is not residing in Lagos. The problem started after I went to idumota with my aunt to buy our engagement clothes. It was my aunt that drove me to the market. When we returned, my fiance called me, we talked for some times, but he couldn't appreciate my aunt for her kind gesture. Although my aunt didn't say anything that day but she wasn't happy. My dad also complained that he has been rude to him. The same goes with my mum.

The last straw that broke the Carmels back was when he was arguing with my aunt over the phone. He did not know I was in my aunt's house that particular day. I wasn't happy at all, thinking that if he would not regard my parents how would he treat me after marriage.

So I confronted him the second day over the phone, telling him that I'm not happy about the way my parents where complaining about him, and that attitude of him is creating fear in me. Instead for him to be a little remoseful and even call those people and apologize, he was arguing with me, still in my aunt's house.

So I told him, maybe we should put the preparation on hold thinking he would at least try and apologize to them. He just said, is that what you want and ended the call.

Everyone was surprised. He didn't call back it was his mum that called my mum, she didn't even persuade them to stop me from taking such step, and the guy too didn't call me for like too weeks until when I called him and he said he wasn't interested in the marriage again.

Actually, I wasn't happy and I have been downcasted since then, but on the other hand, May l ask this question does this guy really loves me?. Is he really mature enough for marriage. Is it all my fault? Please don't insult or abuse me. I just want to know if it's all my fault.

Kobojunkie:
Wait a second...isn't it typically the intending husband and his family that handles much of that related to introduction of the man to the woman's family or am I missing something here?

He sent money for it. The aunty drove the bride to the market and expects the groom to thank her. It was the bride that was supposed to thank her. The man has done his part by sending money to her.

The bride was even the one who first threatened to put the preparation on hold. The man only helped her extended her own threat.

GboyegaD:
You are the one I should ask if you are ready for marriage. I wonder how you allowed people get into your head. You said he argued with your aunt, and you were pained. Should he keep quiet if he's not okay with whatever the cause of the argument was because he wants a marriage?

I don't even understand how your aunt was pissed that he didn't call to thank her for taking you to the market to buy the engagement clothes. Was he the one who suggested you approach your aunt to help you? If he is not, then he doesn't owe her that obligation. If he chooses to say thank you, so be it and if he doesn't, no big deal.

Lastly, your parent's (mom in particular) reservation indirectly beclouded your thought and you suggesting you put the wedding on hold gave him the opportunity to think through the entire thing. Perhaps, you guys were going on a fast lane and that statement made him think and also, have conversation with his folks who might have felt with this much troubles from external influences before the wedding, he should just save his head.

Like the Yorubas will say, "Oju to ma ba ni kale, kin ti a ti owuro se pin" implying, whatever would last long doesn't stress you from inception. You both are lucky in your ways and you both should see it as each party is right with his/her decision.

I just needed to add this, in your next relationship (whether he comes back or a new relationship), remember you both are the prize and treat each other that way. If he doesn't treat you like a prize or you can't treat him as one, please, be quick to move. Don't be carried away by the people of the world who have no place in your home. Imagine some telling you to do thanksgiving when you were the one who put the wedding on hold should tell you they are like dance instructors who teaches you to dance but will never borrow you their legs to do the dance.

its obvious that that guy wasn't gonna be a sweet husband to that girl. As an African, marriage isn't only between a man and a girl but between both families. Respect is key and its also reciprocal. That girl was lucky not to have married that very proud man without respect for the girl

Gabless:
I am 28 years old, a graduate of one of the university in South West. I work as a contract staff in a bank.

I met this guy about a year ago through my best female friend, and the journey started. I took him to my parents and he also took me to his parents too, and the wedding preparation started.

We were suppose to do family introduction but my parents says there is no need considering some logistic reasons. Although my mum has her reservation concerning him. But since my father has no objection I think am good to go.

He has sent money for some preparation since he is not residing in Lagos. The problem started after I went to idumota with my aunt to buy our engagement clothes. It was my aunt that drove me to the market. When we returned, my fiance called me, we talked for some times, but he couldn't appreciate my aunt for her kind gesture. Although my aunt didn't say anything that day but she wasn't happy. My dad also complained that he has been rude to him. The same goes with my mum.

The last straw that broke the Carmels back was when he was arguing with my aunt over the phone. He did not know I was in my aunt's house that particular day. I wasn't happy at all, thinking that if he would not regard my parents how would he treat me after marriage.

So I confronted him the second day over the phone, telling him that I'm not happy about the way my parents where complaining about him, and that attitude of him is creating fear in me. Instead for him to be a little remoseful and even call those people and apologize, he was arguing with me, still in my aunt's house.

So I told him, maybe we should put the preparation on hold thinking he would at least try and apologize to them. He just said, is that what you want and ended the call.

Everyone was surprised. He didn't call back it was his mum that called my mum, she didn't even persuade them to stop me from taking such step, and the guy too didn't call me for like too weeks until when I called him and he said he wasn't interested in the marriage again.

Actually, I wasn't happy and I have been downcasted since then, but on the other hand, May l ask this question does this guy really loves me?. Is he really mature enough for marriage. Is it all my fault? Please don't insult or abuse me. I just want to know if it's all my fault.

Everyone here is applauding you and telling you what they think is right but I must let u know, the fewer hands in ur affair the better for you. You didn't see that ur family is trying to control him by all means. Just because he didn't greet ur aunt for taking you to the market, you forgot that he should be greeted for providing the money for the market.
Didn't he give you transport or did u tell him your aunt was driving you to the market.
You are also blaming his parents for not calling you for 2weeks over what you initiated, forgetting the fact that he may had not told his parents at that period.
You tot they were supposed to call you or ur parents to start beging u.Queen Eliza.
Just also wondering how he got closed to ur aunt to the extent of having her number and also discussing to the extent of argument
I will give a rational though to this ur story only when I hear the other side of the story. Thank you.

Lol.

doneback04:
Nairaland is one of the place never to bring topic for advice, because you would get confused with the answers

Me self after reading other response am confused myself with the matter

boxer022:
Without mincing words I will tell you straight forward, this guy doesn't love you at all. Where I saw the first sign was when you said your mum had bad feelings towards him. He has a very bad character and is very arrogant to say the least. I am sure you didn't date him for sometime to know his true character. Thank your God very well that he didn't want to continue the marriage because you would have surely regretted it. Don't feel to bad with yourself or feel dejected over this, instead be very elated that God showed you who he truly is before proceeding with the marriage. You will surely get your own man, I can assure you that. That type of person is not ready for marriage at all, it must be his parents pressuring him to get married.

How are you sure she's telling us the truth? Comrade before judge hear from the both before thunder fire you there. Onye ala

faithfull18:
So, I am reading comments here from men saying they are doing a woman a favour marrying her and I laugh.

The comments are long and I really don't want to quote anybody.

Ladies, a man should go all out for you, even the men in the Bible did. Little details matter. @OP, but for the distance, I wish you guys were in the same Physical location maybe it could have turned out differently. What would it have cost him to apologise? Does it make him less manly. I doubt the guy was fully committed to marrying you. Guys want good marriages as well as ladies. Nobody is doing anybody a favour marrying anybody if you are a quality person.

As a lady, na them go dey rush you, they just may not be the type of people you want to be in a livelong relationship with due to career, lifestyle, convictions, age, location and a host of other reasons. That's where these men get it wrong, men aren't scarce as they paint it here.

Good, quality, responsible, disciplined and truly godly men are the hard to find ones.

Girls always live in fantasy.
Stay there they give yourself hopes.

Na children men want. Men benefits nothing in a marriage.

noble2faith:


Pray that your sister should end up with a man that will not regard you and your family, period!

Be calming down. You didn't even bother to consider the guy side of the story. In your mind now, Op is saying the truth

DryMouth:
He sent money for it. The aunty drove the bride to the market and expects the groom to thank her. It was the bride that was supposed to thank her. The man has done his part by sending money to her.

The bride was even the one who first threatened to put the preparation on hold. The man only helped her extended her own threat.

So, you are insisting that the man's side does not need to take care of introduction-related concerns. It is traditionally acceptable for him pay the woman and her family to do all the necessary work on his behalf?

DanielPat01:


Had it been you mistakenly married that guy, you for dey chop breakfast (Hot slap) on a steady. Dude has temperament issue. Aside that he lacks respect and obviously ignorant if whom to regard and hold in high esteem. The red flag is so glaring that you need to desist at all cost even if he returns.

For you to arrive at this, It seems you know the guy personally?

Gabless:
I am 28 years old, a graduate of one of the university in South West. I work as a contract staff in a bank.

I met this guy about a year ago through my best female friend, and the journey started. I took him to my parents and he also took me to his parents too, and the wedding preparation started.

We were suppose to do family introduction but my parents says there is no need considering some logistic reasons. Although my mum has her reservation concerning him. But since my father has no objection I think am good to go.

He has sent money for some preparation since he is not residing in Lagos. The problem started after I went to idumota with my aunt to buy our engagement clothes. It was my aunt that drove me to the market. When we returned, my fiance called me, we talked for some times, but he couldn't appreciate my aunt for her kind gesture. Although my aunt didn't say anything that day but she wasn't happy. My dad also complained that he has been rude to him. The same goes with my mum.

The last straw that broke the Carmels back was when he was arguing with my aunt over the phone. He did not know I was in my aunt's house that particular day. I wasn't happy at all, thinking that if he would not regard my parents how would he treat me after marriage.

So I confronted him the second day over the phone, telling him that I'm not happy about the way my parents where complaining about him, and that attitude of him is creating fear in me. Instead for him to be a little remoseful and even call those people and apologize, he was arguing with me, still in my aunt's house.

So I told him, maybe we should put the preparation on hold thinking he would at least try and apologize to them. He just said, is that what you want and ended the call.

Everyone was surprised. He didn't call back it was his mum that called my mum, she didn't even persuade them to stop me from taking such step, and the guy too didn't call me for like too weeks until when I called him and he said he wasn't interested in the marriage again.

Actually, I wasn't happy and I have been downcasted since then, but on the other hand, May l ask this question does this guy really loves me?. Is he really mature enough for marriage. Is it all my fault? Please don't insult or abuse me. I just want to know if it's all my fault.

If he is the one spending UP TO 80% of the COST of the wedding, then it has nothing to do with loving you or not. Man wey dey spend his legit money on things like weddings with no guaranteed returns dey provoke quite easily.

This can even suppress his sense of gratitude or humility.

This is the remote cause of friction in a lot of homes where only the man or woman is the bread winner. Too much economic load on anyone involuntarily alters their behaviour towards the freeloading party.

Gabless:
I am 28 years old, a graduate of one of the university in South West. I work as a contract staff in a bank.

I met this guy about a year ago through my best female friend, and the journey started. I took him to my parents and he also took me to his parents too, and the wedding preparation started.

We were suppose to do family introduction but my parents says there is no need considering some logistic reasons. Although my mum has her reservation concerning him. But since my father has no objection I think am good to go.

He has sent money for some preparation since he is not residing in Lagos. The problem started after I went to idumota with my aunt to buy our engagement clothes. It was my aunt that drove me to the market. When we returned, my fiance called me, we talked for some times, but he couldn't appreciate my aunt for her kind gesture. Although my aunt didn't say anything that day but she wasn't happy. My dad also complained that he has been rude to him. The same goes with my mum.

The last straw that broke the Carmels back was when he was arguing with my aunt over the phone. He did not know I was in my aunt's house that particular day. I wasn't happy at all, thinking that if he would not regard my parents how would he treat me after marriage.

So I confronted him the second day over the phone, telling him that I'm not happy about the way my parents where complaining about him, and that attitude of him is creating fear in me. Instead for him to be a little remoseful and even call those people and apologize, he was arguing with me, still in my aunt's house.

So I told him, maybe we should put the preparation on hold thinking he would at least try and apologize to them. He just said, is that what you want and ended the call.

Everyone was surprised. He didn't call back it was his mum that called my mum, she didn't even persuade them to stop me from taking such step, and the guy too didn't call me for like too weeks until when I called him and he said he wasn't interested in the marriage again.

Actually, I wasn't happy and I have been downcasted since then, but on the other hand, May l ask this question does this guy really loves me?. Is he really mature enough for marriage. Is it all my fault? Please don't insult or abuse me. I just want to know if it's all my fault.

God has helped your innocent mind to dodge a bullet oooo,better be grateful �

EagleNest:


If what the lady narrated is correct then the guy is very rude and immature to venture into marriage. He probably thought marriage is done in isolation of families, no, unless the family are messed up family.

You have to play the politics until you go home with your priced possession (your wife or husband) then after, both of you will establish your own family boundary. Quarrelling with families from onset is not good.

You're right bro! Marriage isn't done in isolation unless you're getting married from a dysfunctional home

Another thing is that some family terms is not easy to dance to, but you have to tactfully play the politics until you carry your wife commot for their house

DamnNigga
You've spoken well.. I don't understand this "Like the Yorubas will say, "Oju to ma ba ni kale, kin ti a ti owuro se pin" implying, whatever would last long doesn't stress you from inception. whatever happened to ' nothing good comes easy??

GboyegaD:
You are the one I should ask if you are ready for marriage. I wonder how you allowed people get into your head. You said he argued with your aunt, and you were pained. Should he keep quiet if he's not okay with whatever the cause of the argument was because he wants a marriage?

I don't even understand how your aunt was pissed that he didn't call to thank her for taking you to the market to buy the engagement clothes. Was he the one who suggested you approach your aunt to help you? If he is not, then he doesn't owe her that obligation. If he chooses to say thank you, so be it and if he doesn't, no big deal.

Lastly, your parent's (mom in particular) reservation indirectly beclouded your thought and you suggesting you put the wedding on hold gave him the opportunity to think through the entire thing. Perhaps, you guys were going on a fast lane and that statement made him think and also, have conversation with his folks who might have felt with this much troubles from external influences before the wedding, he should just save his head.

Like the Yorubas will say, "Oju to ma ba ni kale, kin ti a ti owuro se pin" implying, whatever would last long doesn't stress you from inception. You both are lucky in your ways and you both should see it as each party is right with his/her decision.

I just needed to add this, in your next relationship (whether he comes back or a new relationship), remember you both are the prize and treat each other that way. If he doesn't treat you like a prize or you can't treat him as one, please, be quick to move. Don't be carried away by the people of the world who have no place in your home. Imagine some telling you to do thanksgiving when you were the one who put the wedding on hold should tell you they are like dance instructors who teaches you to dance but will never borrow you their legs to do the dance.

I can't contribute cos it's just a one-sided story, how wish we also hear from the guy!
Ur family or relatives no too much for the guy? Hmmmm

Nwatachoba1:


I believe you wrote this sarcastically

U didn't ask what really happened btw the guy and the family that made him change his attitude, I can't marry a lady whose family controls or who is always listening to her family..

Something must have happened for the guy to suddenly change and her story is half baked

Why should I say thank you for taking your niece to the market,it's not mandatory, and u can't be canceling marriage like that thinking you will make me a SIMP and succumb to you

Forget ALPHA men get egos, all men including her father and sometimes women too like being entitled

My brother I totally agree with you but when you look at her story critically and read between the lines, it doesn't take a genius to guess what really happened between the two of them...I'm speaking from experience.. I'm not on her side cos just as you said, her story is half baked, I know but still na elderly words I throw for am knowing fully well her mind no go fit grasp am finish

Just be thankful that is if only what you stated is the truth.

Gabless:



I have a mind of my own and I wasn't push by anyone. This guy doesn't stay in Lagos. He stays in osun state. And nobody influence me. I was there when he was comuning with my aunt on phone it wasn't as if she reported him to me. This her his supposed in-law to be. I wasn't happy the way he was arguing with her over money issue at the same time mentioning my mum in his conversation.
I think the mind of my own I need to have was to express my mind to him wish I did and it led to this

And you have nothing to regret. Move on , sisi. You'll be fine

laluski:


My brother I totally agree with you but when you look at her story critically and read between the lines, it doesn't take a genius to guess what really happened between the two of them...I'm speaking from experience.. I'm not on her side cos just as you said, her story is half baked, I know but still na elderly words I throw for am knowing fully well her mind no go fit grasp am finish

It's just funny reading the comments

I understand you sir/ma

Just wished she traveled to meet him and talk to him face2face

After all,she will be living there with him after marriage, I do tell my girls, I prefer conversation held in a face me I face you position, all this phone conversation no gel

Which guy will bring out money to marry someone they don't love or like? The guy is just a red piller and the girl is someone who takes advice from family, her family influences her judgement... had issues with my girl concerning 3rd parties

You better thank your God that you didn't marry him. He is not good for you. He would have been treating you like trash if you had gone ahead to marry him.
The red flags are all there. Forget him and move on with your life. Even If he comes back to beg you , don't go back to him, you better run for your dear life. God has saved you. A broken relationship is better than broken marriage.

Na God expose the guy to you and your family, you better go and do Thanksgiving, but I know you won't listen to my advice because husband dey scarce; but if you marry that guy, you go forever regret am. Run o!

mariahAngel:


I gala e nyo!
Gini ka I choro I nyoputa ugbu a?

Op wuru nwoke, o di easy I juputa ya udi ajuju ahu.
Mana nwaanyi ga e buzo choro I ma ihe I kwe a ju.



Hahahahahahahahahahahaha

Ibu onye igbo

U con dey talk like say u no sabi as this matter be