I think OP felt betrayed by her husband and rightfully so. That man was dishonest, stole from her and connived with someone to do that. And he wasn't remorseful from his statement. This kind of attitude makes marriage difficult

A wife wanting to buy a land for herself alone tells the whole story about the kind of person you are. You never really saw anything in that union. You probably hoped in nearby future, you will go your separate way with the properties you acquired in your name. Your husband sef is probably dependent on you..if not which kind man will accept that and not read meaning in it.

What he did is what almost all women do to their husbands all day. We have housewives with huge savings from the money they made off their hubbies. And those are. not pocket Money, but money made buy inflating prices of things they were asked to buy for the homes. No noise is being made when a woman does it. But once any little money contribution from a woman..trumpets will be blown. Why is he even begging? Are you also the one that feeds him?


This story must be fake

Which kind woman be dis ?

Any woman that hardly forgives is a devil

The man fuckup sef to beg you , for what ?

Nonsense

Tradepunter2:


Useless talk, what's the point of marriage? Don't your pastors preach to ya slowpokes that is all about forgiveness...

Make you leave the husband na and deny the children a father figure... Most of you women nowadays grow up without father figures na why una dy misbehave...

She didn't mention him beating her or maltreating her....200k in a life time of marriage that won't amount to one naira per day is what is destroying this woman and will cause havoc in her marriage....

That lady is tormented by a dark spirit of unforgivness, which will only consume her..... And her father adding fuel to fire shows they are egotistic family just because they feel they have more money than the man's family.

Make she pack na she go suffer am.... Selfish woman not taking the kids into consideration

Mr forgiveness, did I tell her to leave her marriage?

Did I not say that they can seek counselling and work things out?

Some of you are so bitter, your bitterness has a foul odour that fills the air wherever you go and with every comment you make.

May God give you joy o, brother, you obviously need it.

Must you spiritualize everything? You be mumu aswear.

Righteousness2:
My Sister, you have a right to be angry. Yes your husband has offended you.

But because of the Blood JESUS Christ shed on the cross of Calvary for your sins and my sins, Despite all our evil and wicked lives, Forgive him. Forget about the past.

You both should together go before GOD in Prayers. Forgive yourself and Build your Home on GOD and GOD'S Principles for the Home.

I Pray for you, the Peace of GOD that passed all human Understanding take over your life and your Home in JESUS Name.

You may feel so right today, (and rightly so), but I am very sure that when you look back after 5 years , you will realise that you were so immature.
*MOST THINGS IN MARRIAGE IS NOT ABOUT RIGHT OR WRONG , BUT ABOUT WHAT IS REASONABLE*.
You can trust me on this

Well, for me I would want you to access yourself properly.

What do you like in that man that made you marry him in the first place?

Considering your aspirations and wonderful picture you painted of ur home,how much are u willing to sacrifice for it?

Do u love your money so much that when someone you trusted misappropriated it, u feel so hurt more than u can easily forgive?

Other things will still happen as far as marriage is concerned, are u going to keep inviting family members to settle una matter?

My contribution is that you should know that marriage is majorly BTW 2 mature individuals, certain things can be discussed effectively before seeking external counsel.
If u ever feel like forgiving him, then learn how to do that often because even if u marry another person, we (men) go still dey Bleep up sometimes

Registeredguest

You have a right to be angry. Trust issues can ruin a marriage, any relationship.

The first red flag was that you have a starry eyed view of marriage. All wish it could be as rosy as you assumed till you got this rude awakening. Welcome to marraige- it's for better for worse no be joke.

The only scriptural excuse for divorce and remarriage is adultery. If your spouse did not commit adultery and you remarry, you'd be sinning against God. He intended marriage to last a lifetime.

Pls get this fairytale view of marriage out of your head. How do you know the next man may be worse? What if your present husband has learnt his lesson, marries and the marriage is successful, how would you feel?

I would advise you to go back to your husband. If you're still bitter, be bitter in your husbands place. Your anger would eventually cool down. You can forgive him but not trust him.

It's also naive of you to buy a property at that age for yourself so early in the marriage. You should first have gotten his permission to go ahead. It's an extremely touchy issue, as most men are usually intimidated when their wives are wealthy than them. . Some men feel humiliated when such happens and that's probably one reason he did what he did. Most women normally do this quietly but could cause a rumpus when the husband finds out.

I don't believe in divorce but the choice is left entirely to you. It's a decision that also affects your relationship with your heavenly father.

I feel your youth and immaturity are the real problems here and not necessarily your husband actions. Were you older, you'd have handled issues much better.
.

Registeredguest:
I'm a lady in my mid- twenties, I got married aged 22, (always wanted to marry early) on the second year of our marriage we were blessed with a baby, parked to our house and things were rosy. I have always been a workaholic due to that I have never lack as a young lady in terms of finance.

I have always helped him in his house projects, might not be much 100k, 50k, 20k when need be. I never siphoned my money to myself, as a young lady I envisioned my pretty little family on my head, (3 children, handsome husband and pretty wife with a fine car living happily)

Now to the main problem,I think it all started when he told me he has seen a genuine plot of land that we should buy it together, I told him no, I want the land all by myself I have money to pay for it, (just want to have something tangible for myself alone) he said no problem.He sent me an account number of the seller I sent 600k to the seller.we did the necessary documents and everyone was happy.

After some weeks, I decided to dig around his phone then I discovered that the account I sent the 600k to, refunded 200k back to my husband, woke him up instantly I demanded for an explanation.he story no make sense. I was heartbroken, for months I was hurt...the two families got involved and settled the issue.money I no see...

Ever since this issue happened,the home has not been peaceful, fighting everyday. I find it so difficult to forgive him. I insult him, he insults me, he broke my phone, I break his door...I was demanded for an apology he says
"I'm his wife, no be today man dey collect him wife money, he say woman go build house for him husband no ear no go hear" those things hurt me more... everyday was fight, I parked out,I went to my sister's place,he didn't call, he didn't reach out.

3 weeks after I parked I discovered I was pregnant,and informed him immediately through text.i stayed at my sister's place for 2 months no word from him... I decide to rent my own place,I rented a place and went to his house to park my remaining stuff,I meet him home,as soon as he sees I came with a truck to park my things he knelt down and started begging me...I was like,na today I commot for your house why now? He say he think say I dey play, he no think say I serious like this,for good two months you didn't say anything why now...with enough dragging I parked my things to my new rented apartment... since the day I park till now this man has not allowed me rest,his family members has been calling me to come back home, his dad came from the village to plead on his behalf.


My dad is insisting I should not go back...I'm now 6 months pregnant ,I need a father in my children's life.im finding it difficult to forgive him,I'm struggling within myself to forgive and trust this man again.

How can I let go of the past and move back with him...I decided to pay him a visit on Friday,he was happy I came,he did everything possible to show me he has changed but that feeling of betrayal and hurt is there.i left there this morning with querrell,I know I started the querrell,but I can't just seem to forgive him.please I need your help and advice on this pressing issue of mine.

No insult please, I have cried enough.

Think about it, just this one mistake he made, how can you not forgive him?
He has been good to you all this while, so why not forgive him?
Go to God in prayers, ask the Holy spirit to help you out, remember, if you don't forgive him, God won't forgive you, that's the rule.

Get two pieces of papers, write down the wrongs and rights he's done to you, this will inform your forgiveness. Besides, you both are "one"

Do not let anyone talk you into regret. Besides, the man is remorseful naaaaa... do not harden your heart before you lose a good man o

MoneyMustBMade:


How I wish the person who wrote this nonsense is reading comment, so her husband is external body from her and she is collecting from him yet living is his house, is that not wickedness. The op na serious stupid feminist that got her self in a marriage. I hate nonsense. Person need to break the girl heart small

A very stupid woman!

She gave the husband 10k, 50k for building project and she's making noise..money for just 10 bags of cement. Same woman is living in a house built by the husband without paying rent oo. Lol

I pray the husband comes to his senses and discard her as soon as possible. No good thing will ever come from a woman like her. Nonsense!

If your marriage is for better for worse.. why wouldn’t you want to buy a land together with your husband anyway..it’s your husband not a boyfriend.. the land will obviously be in both of your name so what’s the fuss about.. you should have let the matter go after the family meeting…. If that the only thing your husband did it not worth divorcing over.. imagine you meet someone new and he ask you what lead to your divorce.. you will say your husband took your 200k… ? I would have said you are still young, divorce and move on but how easy will it be for a divorced single mum with two kids to find some amazing perfect young man to marry.. it’s will only lead to unnecessary complication for you and the kids.. it’s a risk to go back to him ( what if he keep scamming you till you grow old) .. it’s another risk to not to go back ( what if you meet ap perfect angel to marry again or what if the next guy is a womaniser + scam+ woman beater) well you wouldn’t know the answer until you choose your risk..

Your husband is a good man go back to him. You really need to work on yourself, emotions, attitude and thought. No body is perfect. You are exposing your children to what you will not be able to explain to them, when they will start asking you a rhetorical question between you and their father.

redseason:


Most sensible comment!
Your husband’s sin is stealing from his wife. It’s shameful cos it’s like stealing from your own self! That aside;
You never saw yourself as part of his team. You wanted to conceal your selfishness, but the self in you still could not be totally masked. You could glorify the occasional 100k, 50k, 20k you put in the house project. Mama, you are not the first! And fyi, in terms of ratio, your contribution will most definitely amount to less than 5% of entire project cost. A modest 3 bedroom house will gulf at least 15m.
So many missing dots; is the family house solely in his name or your both names, because I now wonder the rationale you wanted something solely on your name alone? Has this husband been a provider or a deadbeat? Who bought your car? Have you ever misappropriated funds he gave to you? Got married at 22, did you move into his house with money or he set you up?

This was why most of us got on Nairaland since 2006 to learn and unlearn from one another in mature, real-life, and true stories like these.

But what do we have these days? Kids running amok, attacking, and insulting themselves to no end and I begin to ask myself "where is Seun"?

God bless you, sir, for this extra angle you brought into this matter.

Na wicked wife u be, u ve been eating his money since courtship days,only God knows how much. Just because of ordinary 200k u want to destroy ur home. Devil don rent place for ur heart.

I bite you, Is better you go back to your home and reconcile with your husband, after you deliver a baby the next thing is to looking for a man that will be fucking you ,

Dalidal:


That is the genesis of your problem, your greed landed you in this problem, couples should always learn to do things together,buy land or a house together,you also mentioned "his" house project instead of "our" house project.The both of you are living separate lives, for his land your name should be there and for your land his name should be there, that is why is it called marriage because you are one,I want the land all by myself, that is GREED.

reasonable comment. Both of them are living separately. My wife’s land is mine. My house is my wife’s house too. Why buy a separate land. Learn how to buy things together. 2 shall become 1. Both of you need counseling

I am just happy that she never mentioned she caught another woman in their matrimonial bed.The husband may even be faithful to her.If na another man he for don carry woman put for house.Konji na Yeye.

advanceDNA:
Tables have turned.....this is something women do on a normal day but they cant take it..... thank God you are doing well...enjoy yourself ....you dont need a husband anyway

I got mad reading the rubbish she posted honestly, women do this time to time to men. I remember a day I asked my girl then to get something for me , she called me at the seller place and she said it’s so so amount. I paid and later on I discovered she over inflated the figure , I felt bad , but I just let it slide, I considered the stress of going to market myself and bringing it home . I later found out she used the money to buy palm. I just fake anger and she apologized and I let it slide. E get something person gaz Dey let go in relationship with people you love ..
Edit: the same girl was able to gather 80% of her house rent from inflating prices of things for me.
She confessed to me. I faked anger but deep inside me I was wowed about her saving culture ..



In the OP’s case,I can bet it that the man spent part of the money for the house upkeep o
Women no Dey joke with their own money !

I’m not commending what the man did, ( the man did what’s bad ) but this should not lead to break up for a sensible lady now! Can she tell me she’s not benefited more than that from him. There are plenty ways to register displeasure . The man is even a foôl to me, regardless of our differences , if a woman packs out of my house by herself, I WILL NEVER TAKE HER BACK.

redseason:
Men watch out for the kind of families you marry from!!!

You moved out of your matrimonial home over an issue that has nothing to do with infidelity, domestic violence, physical and emotional abuse! Your sister gladly accommodated you after hearing your stupid excuse! Your father is even asking you not to accept him after his own people have made several overtures for peace. Madam; your are from a terrible family!!

This is an understatement, o.p comes across like a juvenile lady obsessed with marriage but not ready for the rigours in anyway, that marriage is already gone, it is not a curse!! Trust has been broken from both sides but O.p's action was just too exaggerated, like using an excavator to kill a tiny snake. One of the greatest Shame to a man is for his wife to pack out of his house voluntarily, it is like stripping him naked, even when things settle and she returns, he can never see her the same again in this life, he can only pretend.

Wotoporiously speaking

It's funny how the things that can put an end to a marriage are very simple, straight forward and easy in nature, meanwhile the preparations prior to the union are much complexs and hard in nature. It's like the system was design to fail.


My answer is do whatever you wanna do

ABEG COME AND MARRY ME LEMME TREAT YOU LIKE THE QUEEN YOU ARE

SINGLE MATURED VERY HANDSOME MAN LIKE ME IS LOOKING FOR CORRECT WIFE LIKE YOU THEN ONE IMMATURE FVCK BOY WILL HAVE YOU AS A WIFE THEN TREAT YOU LIKE SUCKAWEY SHIT

MAY SPECIAL THUNDER FIRE THAT YOUR STUPID IMMATURE GOOD FOR NOTHING DEAD BEAT HUSBAND


TO BROKE HIM HEAD JUST DEY HUNGRY ME

Ur wickedness no get part 2?
Wetin dey sweet ur belle
Get out here....
U need mental health therapy

Even singles wey never experience courtship go advice you.

Woman work on your attitude, to me you think full of your self because you can make money and all that.

it all started when he told me he has seen a genuine plot of land that "we" should buy it together,I told him no,I want the land all by myself I have money to pay for it

Your husband said we, but you said only you.

Abeg you be bad wife

Registeredguest:
I'm a lady in my mid- twenties, I got married aged 22, (always wanted to marry early) on the second year of our marriage we were blessed with a baby, parked to our house and things were rosy. I have always been a workaholic due to that I have never lack as a young lady in terms of finance.

I have always helped him in his house projects, might not be much 100k, 50k, 20k when need be. I never siphoned my money to myself, as a young lady I envisioned my pretty little family on my head, (3 children, handsome husband and pretty wife with a fine car living happily)

Now to the main problem,I think it all started when he told me he has seen a genuine plot of land that we should buy it together, I told him no, I want the land all by myself I have money to pay for it, (just want to have something tangible for myself alone) he said no problem.He sent me an account number of the seller I sent 600k to the seller.we did the necessary documents and everyone was happy.

After some weeks, I decided to dig around his phone then I discovered that the account I sent the 600k to, refunded 200k back to my husband, woke him up instantly I demanded for an explanation.he story no make sense. I was heartbroken, for months I was hurt...the two families got involved and settled the issue.money I no see...

Ever since this issue happened,the home has not been peaceful, fighting everyday. I find it so difficult to forgive him. I insult him, he insults me, he broke my phone, I break his door...I was demanded for an apology he says
"I'm his wife, no be today man dey collect him wife money, he say woman go build house for him husband no ear no go hear" those things hurt me more... everyday was fight, I parked out,I went to my sister's place,he didn't call, he didn't reach out.

3 weeks after I parked I discovered I was pregnant,and informed him immediately through text.i stayed at my sister's place for 2 months no word from him... I decide to rent my own place,I rented a place and went to his house to park my remaining stuff,I meet him home,as soon as he sees I came with a truck to park my things he knelt down and started begging me...I was like,na today I commot for your house why now? He say he think say I dey play, he no think say I serious like this,for good two months you didn't say anything why now...with enough dragging I parked my things to my new rented apartment... since the day I park till now this man has not allowed me rest,his family members has been calling me to come back home, his dad came from the village to plead on his behalf.


My dad is insisting I should not go back...I'm now 6 months pregnant ,I need a father in my children's life.im finding it difficult to forgive him,I'm struggling within myself to forgive and trust this man again.

How can I let go of the past and move back with him...I decided to pay him a visit on Friday,he was happy I came,he did everything possible to show me he has changed but that feeling of betrayal and hurt is there.i left there this morning with querrell,I know I started the querrell,but I can't just seem to forgive him.please I need your help and advice on this pressing issue of mine.

No insult please, I have cried enough.

did your husband ever ask you to borrow him money but you declined whereas you get the money ? if yes then try forgive him ,maybe he use the 200k to sort reasonable thing out but if you normally borrow him money and he returned it but chose to play fastrack on you then he deserves what he get.

he should have ask you nicely to borrow him money and will return it back to you with interest

Registeredguest:
I'm a lady in my mid- twenties, I got married aged 22, (always wanted to marry early) on the second year of our marriage we were blessed with a baby, parked to our house and things were rosy. I have always been a workaholic due to that I have never lack as a young lady in terms of finance.

I have always helped him in his house projects, might not be much 100k, 50k, 20k when need be. I never siphoned my money to myself, as a young lady I envisioned my pretty little family on my head, (3 children, handsome husband and pretty wife with a fine car living happily)

Now to the main problem,I think it all started when he told me he has seen a genuine plot of land that we should buy it together, I told him no, I want the land all by myself I have money to pay for it, (just want to have something tangible for myself alone) he said no problem.He sent me an account number of the seller I sent 600k to the seller.we did the necessary documents and everyone was happy.

After some weeks, I decided to dig around his phone then I discovered that the account I sent the 600k to, refunded 200k back to my husband, woke him up instantly I demanded for an explanation.he story no make sense. I was heartbroken, for months I was hurt...the two families got involved and settled the issue.money I no see...

Ever since this issue happened,the home has not been peaceful, fighting everyday. I find it so difficult to forgive him. I insult him, he insults me, he broke my phone, I break his door...I was demanded for an apology he says
"I'm his wife, no be today man dey collect him wife money, he say woman go build house for him husband no ear no go hear" those things hurt me more... everyday was fight, I parked out,I went to my sister's place,he didn't call, he didn't reach out.

3 weeks after I parked I discovered I was pregnant,and informed him immediately through text.i stayed at my sister's place for 2 months no word from him... I decide to rent my own place,I rented a place and went to his house to park my remaining stuff,I meet him home,as soon as he sees I came with a truck to park my things he knelt down and started begging me...I was like,na today I commot for your house why now? He say he think say I dey play, he no think say I serious like this,for good two months you didn't say anything why now...with enough dragging I parked my things to my new rented apartment... since the day I park till now this man has not allowed me rest,his family members has been calling me to come back home, his dad came from the village to plead on his behalf.


My dad is insisting I should not go back...I'm now 6 months pregnant ,I need a father in my children's life.im finding it difficult to forgive him,I'm struggling within myself to forgive and trust this man again.

How can I let go of the past and move back with him...I decided to pay him a visit on Friday,he was happy I came,he did everything possible to show me he has changed but that feeling of betrayal and hurt is there.i left there this morning with querrell,I know I started the querrell,but I can't just seem to forgive him.please I need your help and advice on this pressing issue of mine.

No insult please, I have cried enough.

Op sorry to say

You are senseless

Nah small pikin Dey worry u

Looking for issues wer Dey is non

No love in your marriage

advanceDNA:


Its her money at the end of the day....so she has a right to be angry....but ending her marriage over this is a bit of an overkill

Many of us did it to our parents ....
[b]My babe does it to me irregularly...[b]

Do you get this angry when she does?

Rozross:
You readily forgive those you love without a doubting spirit. You are kind of toxic, even me that like trouble dont know how to keep grudges, before the next day as e long reach, i've forgotten that we even had issues. Marriage isnt relationship, learn to accept your partner's flaws and weaknesses and forgive them each time their weaknesses is taking it's toll on them. This one isn't even a big issue sef, its you who has been complicating things. He's sorry and begging you for forgiveness and you still dont want to forgive him, what else do you want? His head? Abeg work on your unforgiven spirit.

22yrs is too early to marry

She has a fairytale view of marriage and got a rude shock. Were she older, I doubt she'd inform her husband about her plans to buy land alone. Nigerian men are usually uneasy when this happens.

We don't know tomorrow. What if the babiy is born deformed, perhaps has multiple sclerosis- that is when she would look for her husband assistance.

Never marry too early.

Na you no wan stay for marriage
You're too quick to make decisions,and quarrel dey your body
Does it mean you can't dash your husband 200k?
Money wey you go dey use style dey collect from him, only that when it comes to issue of trust you go dey think twice. This life no dey trust man, maybe you never watch anikulapo. NO DEY TRYST MAN. Even after you go back to your home,NO TRUST MAN.

Left to me o, if you been wan buy the land, you for no tell am sef.But you for ask am wetin the 200k be for.
See ehn,your happiness lies in your palm.

redseason:


Most sensible comment!
Your husband’s sin is stealing from his wife. It’s shameful cos it’s like stealing from your own self! That aside;
You never saw yourself as part of his team. You wanted to conceal your selfishness, but the self in you still could not be totally masked. You could glorify the occasional 100k, 50k, 20k you put in the house project. Mama, you are not the first! And fyi, in terms of ratio, your contribution will most definitely amount to less than 5% of entire project cost. A modest 3 bedroom house will gulf at least 15m.
So many missing dots; is the family house solely in his name or your both names, because I now wonder the rationale you wanted something solely on your name alone? Has this husband been a provider or a deadbeat? Who bought your car? Have you ever misappropriated funds he gave to you? Got married at 22, did you move into his house with money or he set you up?

I too love you for this comment. I’m following you asap!

Ask yourself if he is worth living with.
Is he generous to you when he has money.
Does he care about you and his children.
If the situation was the other way; what would be your reaction and how will you expect to be treated.
I feel both of you should work around your egos and settle it amicably.
Marriage is a union of 2 imperfect beings; learn to forgive ( over and over again)

You have to put the children before yourself ... ask yourself... what is best for them? You have lost trust in him and trust is the foundation of a relationship. What happens to a house when the foundation is weakened? Not saying that trust can't be regained ... it can... but will take a lot of commitment and effort by your husband and a willingness by you to forgive but this will not happen overnight.... it takes a whole lot of time to heal this kind wound.
For the children's sake... you need to get back together. I think it should be at your place ... where you will have the upper hand. At his place .. he will submit himself until you settle then he would go back to his old ways. In getting back together ... you will have to be on top of everything. If he can get together with an outsider to scam his wife ... is not anything he will not do for money. Get back together ... at your place... keep him on a tight leash... if he can't handle it... free him.