Good evening, everyone. I (21M) am currently a final-year undergraduate of Electronic and Electrical Engineering at a federal university in Nigeria. I am sorry for the nebulous title of "Am I wasting my time", I just feel I need to get some things off my chest today as I have been feeling very suicidal and hopeless lately.

I have suffered from chronic low self-esteem since I was a child. I grew up as some sort of academic prodigy, but everyone around me profiled me as an idiot due to my sluggishness and social anxiety. I have tried to break out of that low self-esteem box, but it only gets worse when I try to do something about it. So, I developed an escapist attitude towards my problems, gradually losing touch with reality. Admittedly, I also struggle with some sort of egotism (a complex case of being self-absorbed and feeling lesser than everyone particularly) and perfectionism.

Last year, staring down from my "ivory towers", I realized that I have probably wasted 21 years of my life. I have no friends, I don't feel purposeful, everyone hates me, I hate myself, I have no religion, I have nothing to believe in, I am hopeless, I really can't account for the time I have spent on earth. I plunged into a well of severe depression this year, I couldn't continue developing my software engineering skills (despite the ASUU strike) and building my career due to an overwhelming feeling of depression-induced lethargy. Each day, it feels like I am wasting oxygen and being an unnecessary burden on my parents and family.

Now that school has resumed, I can't focus on my studies. I am on a ridiculously strong first class grade (>4. — for an idiot like me, and I feel I might just waste it at this final period, like I have done with my entire life. I really don't have anywhere to run to now, my whole world has collapsed. I know how selfish and stupid commiting suicide is, but I just feel it's high time I left the world to avoid wasting more time and resources.

Please forgive the long and unstructured post, I am sobbing as I write because I really need help!!! my demons are taking control of my mind and I am losing my grasp. I am not a bad person, I just want to live a simple, purposeful, and peaceful live. I will be 22 in April, Am I just wasting my time here, can I still re-start living from scratch at this old age?

rexidic:
Good evening, everyone. I (21M) am currently a final-year undergraduate of Electronic and Electrical Engineering at a federal university in Nigeria. I am sorry for the nebulous title of "Am I wasting my time", I just feel I need to get some things off my chest today as I have been feeling very suicidal and hopeless lately.

I have suffered from chronic low self-esteem since I was a child. I grew up as some sort of academic prodigy, but everyone around me profiled me as an idiot due to my sluggishness and social anxiety. I have tried to break out of that low self-esteem box, but it only gets worse when I try to do something about it. So, I developed an escapist attitude towards my problems, gradually losing touch with reality. Admittedly, I also struggle with some sort of egotism (a complex case of being self-absorbed and feeling lesser than everyone particularly) and perfectionism.

Last year, staring down from my "ivory towers", I realized that I have probably wasted 21 years of my life. I have no friends, I don't feel purposeful, everyone hates me, I hate myself, I have no religion, I have nothing to believe in, I am hopeless, I really can't account for the time I have spent on earth. I plunged into a well of severe depression this year, I couldn't continue developing my software engineering skills (despite the ASUU strike) and building my career due to an overwhelming feeling of depression-induced lethargy. Each day, it feels like I am wasting oxygen and being an unnecessary burden on my parents and family.

Now that school has resumed, I can't focus on my studies. I am on a ridiculously strong first class grade (>4. — for an idiot like me, and I feel I might just waste it at this final period, like I have done with my entire life. I really don't have anywhere to run to now, my whole world has collapsed. I know how selfish and stupid commiting suicide is, but I just feel it's high time I left the world to avoid wasting more time and resources.

Please forgive the long and unstructured post, I am sobbing as I write because I really need help!!! my demons are taking control of my mind and I am losing my grasp. I am not a bad person, I just want to live a simple, purposeful, and peaceful live. I will be 22 in April, Am I just wasting my time here, can I still re-start living from scratch at this old age?

Worry no further.... Send a whatsapp msg 0.7.0.6.8.8.0.1.4.2.7
I will be your first true friend if that would help you any way... kindly focus on your studies and try as much as possible to finish strong as you have been doing.
You are not an idiot neither are you inferior... Try working out as well if you can. It will boost your confidence level a bit. Cheers!!!

Trying to load it

rexidic:
Good evening, everyone. I (21M) am currently a final-year undergraduate of Electronic and Electrical Engineering at a federal university in Nigeria. I am sorry for the nebulous title of "Am I wasting my time", I just feel I need to get some things off my chest today as I have been feeling very suicidal and hopeless lately.

I have suffered from chronic low self-esteem since I was a child. I grew up as some sort of academic prodigy, but everyone around me profiled me as an idiot due to my sluggishness and social anxiety. I have tried to break out of that low self-esteem box, but it only gets worse when I try to do something about it. So, I developed an escapist attitude towards my problems, gradually losing touch with reality. Admittedly, I also struggle with some sort of egotism (a complex case of being self-absorbed and feeling lesser than everyone particularly) and perfectionism.

Last year, staring down from my "ivory towers", I realized that I have probably wasted 21 years of my life. I have no friends, I don't feel purposeful, everyone hates me, I hate myself, I have no religion, I have nothing to believe in, I am hopeless, I really can't account for the time I have spent on earth. I plunged into a well of severe depression this year, I couldn't continue developing my software engineering skills (despite the ASUU strike) and building my career due to an overwhelming feeling of depression-induced lethargy. Each day, it feels like I am wasting oxygen and being an unnecessary burden on my parents and family.

Now that school has resumed, I can't focus on my studies. I am on a ridiculously strong first class grade (>4. — for an idiot like me, and I feel I might just waste it at this final period, like I have done with my entire life. I really don't have anywhere to run to now, my whole world has collapsed. I know how selfish and stupid commiting suicide is, but I just feel it's high time I left the world to avoid wasting more time and resources.

Please forgive the long and unstructured post, I am sobbing as I write because I really need help!!! my demons are taking control of my mind and I am losing my grasp. I am not a bad person, I just want to live a simple, purposeful, and peaceful live. I will be 22 in April, Am I just wasting my time here, can I still re-start living from scratch at this old age?

I can be your friend, buddy, and you can also join my WhatsApp group to meet people. Don’t be depressed. You’re not a waste, you’re not worthless. Some people can’t just see your worth. You should be concerned about how God and you see yourself, not how people see you. Message me on WhatsApp. My number is on my siggy.

Brother, I had to log in just to send you a message (as I am usually viewing as a guest).


I had similar view about life when I was your age and I did well in my academics too which is paying off today. Knowlege is useful bro and you are not wasting your time.
Practice gratitude - for your health, food, house, education. Just imagine how you would feel if you lost these things. People pray to have what you have now.

You don't really need people's approval/appraisal and from the way you write, believe me you are not dumb. We all can't be extroverts. I am an introvert just like you and I can't really say I have friends, maybe acquaintances/colleagues. I am not even searching for friends. I stopped giving out my phone numbers recently.

Finally, religion is not what you need but spirituality. I know you have many questions but you will get answers when you seek deep enough. I am a Gnostic and I can tell you it has given me peace of mind.

May the peace of God be with you.

I stopped reading once I saw suicide.. I'm tired of people coming here to claim being suicidal, if you think death is easy then you would have ended it long ago. So shut the Bleep up nd focus on your studies.

From what you posted, I don't see much that indicate u are a failure.
In case you don't hear this often, "you are on the right path in life". Don't let people's shallow view of you affect your energy and preclude you from being what you are meant to be. What most people do not understand is that everyone is created differently to suit different life purposes. If you were not the way you are, maybe you wouldn't have been so successful in your education. Keep being positive about the steps you take because only the wisest make such choices in time.
Software engineering is very interesting and might take years to know much. But you are still young, you've got time, don't rush it and don't give up.

I would like you to search the internet for some self-help books. They'll help improve your mental state and make you view life in a much different way.
The law of human nature by Robert greene is a great book that everyone should read at one point.

You are gradually running mad,stop disturbing yourself you are still very young,go and look for handwork

rexidic:

I can relate to some of the things you say at some point in my life, but I don't think you need advice, you knowing exactly what it is and admitting it means you are way to smart, you know it all, you know alot and it is a proof that you have it or can have it under control nothing anyone will say here will change anything except if someone managed to say that which you were planning to do. Trust me, you got this. And don't forget you are just 22 years old don't there's alot of time for you.

P.s those replying his write up should try and delete the words so that the front page won't be filled with few but long writeups since the stùpid Developers of Nairaland can't create a good function for a reply system or quote!

You need a change of environment! And you will be Okay

rexidic:
Good evening, everyone. I (21M) am currently a final-year undergraduate of Electronic and Electrical Engineering at a federal university in Nigeria. I am sorry for the nebulous title of "Am I wasting my time", I just feel I need to get some things off my chest today as I have been feeling very suicidal and hopeless lately.

I have suffered from chronic low self-esteem since I was a child. I grew up as some sort of academic prodigy, but everyone around me profiled me as an idiot due to my sluggishness and social anxiety. I have tried to break out of that low self-esteem box, but it only gets worse when I try to do something about it. So, I developed an escapist attitude towards my problems, gradually losing touch with reality. Admittedly, I also struggle with some sort of egotism (a complex case of being self-absorbed and feeling lesser than everyone particularly) and perfectionism.

Last year, staring down from my "ivory towers", I realized that I have probably wasted 21 years of my life. I have no friends, I don't feel purposeful, everyone hates me, I hate myself, I have no religion, I have nothing to believe in, I am hopeless, I really can't account for the time I have spent on earth. I plunged into a well of severe depression this year, I couldn't continue developing my software engineering skills (despite the ASUU strike) and building my career due to an overwhelming feeling of depression-induced lethargy. Each day, it feels like I am wasting oxygen and being an unnecessary burden on my parents and family.

Now that school has resumed, I can't focus on my studies. I am on a ridiculously strong first class grade (>4. — for an idiot like me, and I feel I might just waste it at this final period, like I have done with my entire life. I really don't have anywhere to run to now, my whole world has collapsed. I know how selfish and stupid commiting suicide is, but I just feel it's high time I left the world to avoid wasting more time and resources.

Please forgive the long and unstructured post, I am sobbing as I write because I really need help!!! my demons are taking control of my mind and I am losing my grasp. I am not a bad person, I just want to live a simple, purposeful, and peaceful live. I will be 22 in April, Am I just wasting my time here, can I still re-start living from scratch at this old age?

Engage yourself more in the things of God. That age is one of the most difficult stages for men.. One thing that always works is to have or develop a strong RELATIONSHIP with JESUS CHRIST, that will automatically change things for you. Even the suicidal rubbish thoughts..

Being depressed isn't real BUT feeling depressed is real. All you need is to get some balls. Change your damn mindset bro,do some damn push ups. If you talk about suicide again am going to come down wherever you're and beat the hell out of you WTF is wrong with you.
U ain't the only one @21, I am too.
Depression is nothing but a fantastic motivation.
All am saying is you can turn your depression into something fantastic.

Op watch Andrew Tate clips to begin with first...

21 yo in final year and you're typing this shît?

You're crazy? You're still 4 years away from 25.

This one is just trying to create problems for himself because he doesn't seem to have one.

I was 28 when I did NYSC. Finished NYSC at 29. Don't be stupid. Stop taking life too seriously.

That was me when I was in the university.
What I did

I focused on my self development. I was determined to make people look for me and the easiest way then (even now) was ICT.
I developed myself in computer, from typing term paper, thesis then doing analysis using SPASS, then graphics and I was good. As big boys and girls dey beg me for job, my self-esteem grew.

Meanwhile, those who didn't know what I was doing were still seeing me as idîoť but I had outgrown fighting to prove to anyone whatever they thought of me. I knew what I could do.
This passage helped me "2 Corinthians 12:7". I was still still very good but people's initial perception of me was like a thorn in my flesh that prevents me from being too proud but I still rejoice in the wisdom God gave me that is still feeding my family today and giving me connections to industry players.

Focus on your self development, they will look for you worldwide

You wrote about developing yourself in engineering software, I will advise you to start with something simple that you can sell on the street even as you pursue the higher calling.
Try doing graphics for small clients while developing yourself in engineering software for the big clients.

Even learning html/css and designing web sites can help later in programming.

Just do services people use everyday, not just on big service you will be waiting for the big cash out

rexidic:
Good evening, everyone. I (21M) am currently a final-year undergraduate of Electronic and Electrical Engineering at a federal university in Nigeria. I am sorry for the nebulous title of "Am I wasting my time", I just feel I need to get some things off my chest today as I have been feeling very suicidal and hopeless lately.

I have suffered from chronic low self-esteem since I was a child. I grew up as some sort of academic prodigy, but everyone around me profiled me as an idiot due to my sluggishness and social anxiety. I have tried to break out of that low self-esteem box, but it only gets worse when I try to do something about it. So, I developed an escapist attitude towards my problems, gradually losing touch with reality. Admittedly, I also struggle with some sort of egotism (a complex case of being self-absorbed and feeling lesser than everyone particularly) and perfectionism.

Last year, staring down from my "ivory towers", I realized that I have probably wasted 21 years of my life. I have no friends, I don't feel purposeful, everyone hates me, I hate myself, I have no religion, I have nothing to believe in, I am hopeless, I really can't account for the time I have spent on earth. I plunged into a well of severe depression this year, I couldn't continue developing my software engineering skills (despite the ASUU strike) and building my career due to an overwhelming feeling of depression-induced lethargy. Each day, it feels like I am wasting oxygen and being an unnecessary burden on my parents and family.

Now that school has resumed, I can't focus on my studies. I am on a ridiculously strong first class grade (>4. — for an idiot like me, and I feel I might just waste it at this final period, like I have done with my entire life. I really don't have anywhere to run to now, my whole world has collapsed. I know how selfish and stupid commiting suicide is, but I just feel it's high time I left the world to avoid wasting more time and resources.

Please forgive the long and unstructured post, I am sobbing as I write because I really need help!!! my demons are taking control of my mind and I am losing my grasp. I am not a bad person, I just want to live a simple, purposeful, and peaceful live. I will be 22 in April, Am I just wasting my time here, can I still re-start living from scratch at this old age?

can we be friends? You will be the first guy from here that we will be friends. We will exchange a lot of views and trust me it won't be boring.

I didn't read the dumb story you narrated about because it will be a waste of time.

I can't really remember being suicidal when I was in school.

However, I remember that I didn't do so well, and was almost asked to start all over.

But currently, I'm not doing so badly with myself.

I think you should focus on making money.

With more money, you get to help more people, and feel good about yourself in the long run.

rexidic:
Good evening, everyone. I (21M) am currently a final-year undergraduate of Electronic and Electrical Engineering at a federal university in Nigeria. I am sorry for the nebulous title of "Am I wasting my time", I just feel I need to get some things off my chest today as I have been feeling very suicidal and hopeless lately.

I have suffered from chronic low self-esteem since I was a child. I grew up as some sort of academic prodigy, but everyone around me profiled me as an idiot due to my sluggishness and social anxiety. I have tried to break out of that low self-esteem box, but it only gets worse when I try to do something about it. So, I developed an escapist attitude towards my problems, gradually losing touch with reality. Admittedly, I also struggle with some sort of egotism (a complex case of being self-absorbed and feeling lesser than everyone particularly) and perfectionism.

Last year, staring down from my "ivory towers", I realized that I have probably wasted 21 years of my life. I have no friends, I don't feel purposeful, everyone hates me, I hate myself, I have no religion, I have nothing to believe in, I am hopeless, I really can't account for the time I have spent on earth. I plunged into a well of severe depression this year, I couldn't continue developing my software engineering skills (despite the ASUU strike) and building my career due to an overwhelming feeling of depression-induced lethargy. Each day, it feels like I am wasting oxygen and being an unnecessary burden on my parents and family.

Now that school has resumed, I can't focus on my studies. I am on a ridiculously strong first class grade (>4. — for an idiot like me, and I feel I might just waste it at this final period, like I have done with my entire life. I really don't have anywhere to run to now, my whole world has collapsed. I know how selfish and stupid commiting suicide is, but I just feel it's high time I left the world to avoid wasting more time and resources.

Please forgive the long and unstructured post, I am sobbing as I write because I really need help!!! my demons are taking control of my mind and I am losing my grasp. I am not a bad person, I just want to live a simple, purposeful, and peaceful live. I will be 22 in April, Am I just wasting my time here, can I still re-start living from scratch at this old age?

Stop thinking of giving up, be strong is not late to start....

This one just de blow grammar. Not even sure what your point is.

I couldn't grasp anything from this write-up .

Anyway in case you are feeling lonely just look for a girlfriend since you are almost rounding up school maybe she would bring you out from your shell.

Please can you write on Arm cortex?

I for recommend loud for you to take first clear your head, make you reason beyond these things you Dey yan, but I don’t know how strong your head is

Where ever you are in your life right now Weldon, you are alive, unemployed , self depressed , homeless , skinny, bald, short ,”ugly”, they are all irrelevant

What is important is how your external situation has affected the importance you place on your self and how good you feel about your self.

You are conforming to society rules that trap us and limit our capacity as humans

Try to work on your self and be a better person for your self and not for anyone, be selfish about that , work out, take up new hobbies, improve in your eye contact with people , that will help your self esteem, try to look good and smell nice, derive joy being alone and having fun by your self


Try all it some of these for months and see the tremendous result, being a man is not a day job, you have to constantly work on your self

God luck

Dude i just viewed your wall and found out this suicide thingy of yours didn't start 2day. Your 2018 post shows you have been nursing this in your mind from then till now.
4 years of nursing this ugly idea.
Suicide should never be your option at this stage of your life.That Everyone sees you as a fool and idiot{as you rightly stated} should even be the reason you shouldn't be thinking of suicide,it should give you the guts to wow them and prove their dirty arses wrong.Rise up and let those who see you as nothing be put to shame

I equally faced this in my early teenage years{14 to be precise}. But the courage i had didn't let me give in to their pressure{the matter/story long}.You can turn things around and strive to be the best you wanna be. Talking about having friends,bro, every one mustn't be your friend.Just chose the sensible few from the crowd who you add my meaning/value to you in any aspect of your life.

Don't lose hope bro,you will be the answer to someone elses good prayer.No fu*ck up oh

rexidic:

Please forgive the long and unstructured post, I am sobbing as I write because I really need help!!! my demons are taking control of my mind and I am losing my grasp. I am not a bad person, I just want to live a simple, purposeful, and peaceful live. I will be 22 in April, Am I just wasting my time here, can I still re-start living from scratch at this old age?

You will be 22 next year and you are already a graduate from higher institution. Am very proud of you. A lot of people in their late 20s, 30s and early 40s are going to buy Jamb form next year think about that.

The fact that everything you have stated is a sign that you are close to your breakthrough. Hang in there a little and see the tears of joy that will locate you in abundance.

God bless you.

rexidic:
Good evening, everyone. I (21M) am currently a final-year undergraduate of Electronic and Electrical Engineering at a federal university in Nigeria. I am sorry for the nebulous title of "Am I wasting my time", I just feel I need to get some things off my chest today as I have been feeling very suicidal and hopeless lately.

I have suffered from chronic low self-esteem since I was a child. I grew up as some sort of academic prodigy, but everyone around me profiled me as an idiot due to my sluggishness and social anxiety. I have tried to break out of that low self-esteem box, but it only gets worse when I try to do something about it. So, I developed an escapist attitude towards my problems, gradually losing touch with reality. Admittedly, I also struggle with some sort of egotism (a complex case of being self-absorbed and feeling lesser than everyone particularly) and perfectionism.

Last year, staring down from my "ivory towers", I realized that I have probably wasted 21 years of my life. I have no friends, I don't feel purposeful, everyone hates me, I hate myself, I have no religion, I have nothing to believe in, I am hopeless, I really can't account for the time I have spent on earth. I plunged into a well of severe depression this year, I couldn't continue developing my software engineering skills (despite the ASUU strike) and building my career due to an overwhelming feeling of depression-induced lethargy. Each day, it feels like I am wasting oxygen and being an unnecessary burden on my parents and family.

Now that school has resumed, I can't focus on my studies. I am on a ridiculously strong first class grade (>4. — for an idiot like me, and I feel I might just waste it at this final period, like I have done with my entire life. I really don't have anywhere to run to now, my whole world has collapsed. I know how selfish and stupid commiting suicide is, but I just feel it's high time I left the world to avoid wasting more time and resources.

Please forgive the long and unstructured post, I am sobbing as I write because I really need help!!! my demons are taking control of my mind and I am losing my grasp. I am not a bad person, I just want to live a simple, purposeful, and peaceful live. I will be 22 in April, Am I just wasting my time here, can I still re-start living from scratch at this old age?

You already said you are a first class product in view. And you are also still saying you feel you are wasting time on earth etc.

Can't you see it's just a mind game to make you feel depressed?

You've done very well for yourself. If no one says this, I'm telling you this. What you've achieved wasn't easy for others, that's something to be grateful for.

THE SOLUTION TO ALL THESE ISSUES IS GRATITUDE. START THANKING God everyday for life, for your first class, for your family, food you ate, that you are in good health, that you can breath with oxygen tanks etc.

Then it will dawn on you that you have so much to be thankful for.

THE FIRST ISSUE WITH PEOPLE FEELING SUICIDAL IS SELFISHNESS AND INGRATITUDE. THEY ARE THINKING ALWAYS OF THEMSELVES.
IM NOT THIS, IM NOT THAT.

CALM DOWN. GOD IS IN CONTROL AND HE WILL HELP YOU THROUGH. JUST ASK HIM FOR HELP.

PM ME IF YOU NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE PRIVATELY. ITS WELL BRO

I do data entry-related jobs kindly check my signature for my contact.

Jobs like.
*online data entry service
*pdf to excel
* online research
*copy paste job
* pdf to word
* data entry into data base.

I'm very affordable

If I have children in this world, I'll load them with an overdose of self-esteem. Low self-esteem is the only reason why a promising young guy like the op would be thinking rubbish and even contemplating suicide at this young age.

I was a victim of low self-esteem until I learnt that I am a very unique and wonderful creature sent as a blessing to this world.

Don't feel this bad oh, u are doing great.
All u need to do is create ur own happiness, Nigeria dey kill people like u so u better stand firm, a lot of us are not happy the way we are, or where we find ourselves but what choice do we have. We just keep on living.

"Life without problems has no meaning", u don't expect things to be this easy, don't even try to make things fair...

This same way ur feeling, happens to almost everyone about to move to a new stage in life (as life is in stages), this feeling ain't new, u just jst have to fight it or get defeated (because if h fall here, u might not be able to stand back on ur feet easily)...

God help u, and God strengthen u...

If I am to look deep in this your situation, all u need is MONEY.

Forget all this thing u dey talk

From everything you wrote up there, you're doing well. Just that you're an introvert and want to do what extroverts do. The irony is that extroverts usually want to do what introverts do.

Chat people up on social media, make friends with them, and ask to hang out sometime. That's all.

falcon01:
I can relate to some of the things you say at some point in my life, but I don't think you need advice, you knowing exactly what it is and admitting it means you are way to smart, you know it all, you know alot and it is a proof that you have it or can have it under control nothing anyone will say here will change anything except if someone managed to say that which you were planning to do. Trust me, you got this. And don't forget you are just 22 years old don't there's alot of time for you.

P.s those replying his write up should try and delete the words so that the front page won't be filled with few but long writeups since the stùpid Developers of Nairaland can't create a good function for a reply system or quote!

WHAT DID MEAN BY STUPEED DEVELOPERS OF NAIRALAND? PLS NAIRALAND OWNER/DEVELOPERS SHOULD CR8 A GOOD FUNCTION FOR REPLY SYSTEM/QUOTE,WE ARE IN 2022.THAT IS Y I SAID NAIRALAND SHOULD UPGRADE.SEUN PLS TAKE NOTE

Wow! I had to go off social media for some days so I am just seeing these responses. Thank you all for the kind words and corrections. It makes me feel less alone.

I really appreciate everyone who took out time to motivate or correct me ❤.