The action you are about to make is not the best for now.he has been cheating on you and now he has a child from a side chick.wait for a while,I believe he made mistakes which has caused you sleepless nights.if he has come to his senses kindly listen to what he will likely tell you onward cos that pregnancy has somehow reformated his brain.

You care so much about your kids,if he leaves it will still affect them somehow.talk to him cos am sure he is ready to talk but he finds it hard to show how remorseful he is.keep abstaining from sex for now until he does the right thing but give it more time for him to.open up.

PlayMaker14:
Efulefu.

wasted sperm, ofeke

That's very good of you. You can contact me here 08082479718

It will not take anything from you to just tell him "I'm sorry"

Jovialjune1:



Lol I know.

Life2020:
Hi, first I want to thank you all for your advise the last time i was here.

The last time I brought up my problems here, I vented out about how my husband is being a total pain in the ass.

The problem is one, he's cheating on me with several girls and still want to have sex with me but i refused stating that until he does a full STD test we are not having sex, simply put i need to Know that he is STD free before we have sex again.

Two, he's never at home, sometimes for two weeks he stays in hostels with girls, partying and spending his money, at first i tried to understand him because we did marry young, i felt that maybe he misses having his Independence, so at first i said nothing until it got worse. I now feel like a single mom, i do everything, the children don't even know anything about their dad, they see him as a stranger now, he's always cool towards them and i don't like it, have told him several times that i want the children to bound with him, i need them to have a good relationship with their father and have even advised him to take them out, maybe to a theme park or anything really but he has refused stating that he's busy.

Thirdly he body shames me, telling me that i look like a clown, I'm fit, it's not like I'm dirty or anything i take care of myself, i know he's lying because i have admirers, like a lot of them, ever since i started making money and could afford to employ workers, i have done everything to make myself look good, i go to the gym, do facials and i make sure I look beautiful, honestly I don't know what's wrong with him.

I have come to the conclusion that he is only saying it to be mean to me, maybe as a means of control, honestly i think he thinks if he makes me feel less than i am, to make me think i have no where else to go.

Thirdly when we first got married, we both agreed that he will go to the university first then later, i will also attend, after finishing his university education he couldn't find a job so i gave him two of my lands to start a business, he because successful in the business and his now lavishing the money. I have a farming business, it's very successful, with it i have many lands and i built the home me and my husband live in, ever since he started making money i advised him to build his own house but he has refused, instead he bought a fancy car, i want to build an estate so that i can have another source for revenue but for one reason or other, my husband is advising me against it.

Now back to me wanting to attend the university, i want to study accounting so that i can take my business to a new level but my husband has refused saying that he wants more babies, we already have twins (two lovely girls). i told him later, after I finish my university degree and our girls are a little bit older, we will have more kids

Now back to the present day, have decided I'm kicking my husband out. Recently, I noticed he was always at home, I was happy but surprised, I thought he had changed. I decided we need to spend time together as a family, I was even planning on us going on a vacation, give my children a life I wasn't opportune to live, I talked to him about it, we made plans, he agreed to go for a full STD test. I was happy
little did I know that my so called husband has fathered another child outside our marriage, he told me this himself, saying all sorts of nonsense on how I should advise the girl to abort it so that we can be one big happy family, I just looked at him, I haven't said anything to him in days. But I have decided that I'm kicking him out. I want to do this in a way that it doesn't affect my children, I really want them to build a relationship with their dad but as for me I clocked out of this marriage a long time ago.

I was advised by my a friend to make a video while I kick him out but I'm not going to do, he's till the father of my child, and I don't want my children to grow up and find those videos
honestly I just need emotional support while I go through this divorce.

so shocking

Shalommy:
Chaii.. Maybe that man is a nairalander. They have nothing to offer than sex.

How about the women on nairaland giving men the enabling environment to ask for sex?

PlayMaker14:
I just checked your profile and I saw that you're actually mistaking me for yourself....

You opened the account this year, meaning you wasted 10yrs of your life with another account, you deactivated and opened this one.


Now you're 40, a F0ol at 40 and still trolling.


Bloody hypocrite.

Ok...kiddo!

fxexperts:
If she bleep around he concern you. Op bleep around you dont owe these idiot and that your useless husband anything. After all you have the money and you can afford it.

Hope u are not a woman coz i don't like women quoting me with their emotion filled, unrealistic brain way of thinking

What I read seemed like a typical Nigerian marriage. Act exactly like our parents and push through. Some people are celebrating fifty years of loveless marriages.

Remarriage is not a requirement for women of means who are emotionally fit.

It's dependent women that pursue men for remarriage.

What successful well adjusted women require is sex and companionship.

Rubbiish:

Are u sure u can do the bold?
It is not as easy as u think
Going by ur write up, u guys were young & really had nothing when he married u, saying he got married to u because of money is out of it.

Nnewison:
The action you are about to make is not the best for now.he has been cheating on you and now he has a child from a side chick.wait for a while,I believe he made mistakes which has caused you sleepless nights.if he has come to his senses kindly listen to what he will likely tell you onward cos that pregnancy has somehow reformated his brain.

You care so much about your kids,if he leaves it will still affect them somehow.talk to him cos am sure he is ready to talk but he finds it hard to show how remorseful he is.keep abstaining from sex for now until he does the right thing but give it more time for him to.open up.

Which kind yeye mistake be that one. Mistake he pull trouser; mistake he prick erect. mistake he ejaculate. Are you kidding me?

wagzy37:


If your story is anything to go by, you are the MAJOR CAUSE of the problem. If anyone listens carefully to what you typed, a lot of things you typed suggest that you married him (not him marrying you). You are the MAN in the marriage. Every time, “I told him to do this”. “I do everything in the house”. “I decided”, “I planned”…. blah blah blah.
You were the one calling the shots and he was merely a figurehead. That’s a problem. You sound extremely dominant. No man will put up with that.

I always say, what a woman brings to the table in a relationship, money can buy. A rich man can buy a loyal woman outrightly. A rich woman can NEVER buy a loyal man.

Break your home, you hear? Ndo!

You are all jokers. she has bought the idiot man already. why did the fool agree in the first instance.

You did not say anything about cooking ... shey you sabi cook . Just asking for a friend .

Joe4real1988:
Hope u are not a woman coz i don't like women quoting me with their emotion filled, unrealistic brain way of thinking

I can never be a woman, but i hate it when people like you claim it is only a man who has the right to bleep anyhow. The Op in question Husband has guffed big time, so Op has the right to bleeped anyhow she wants. So why are you offended that she want to bleep different dick. she is not going to use your dick or pussy for the bleeping na.

KanuSE:


Look inward, check your extended family for anyone with the same issue and offer this advice.

Advising a fool is a waste of time. He'll just end up of hating you.

You never advise such ones.

I have an uncle who is a reckless womaniser. He sleeps with everything in skirts. I don't bother advising him as I know he won't take it.

Jesus urged us not to "throw pearls before swine".

Gaxuvir:
Abortion is evil, don't join him in that plot. Also, approach the issue from the spiritual angle, pray hard for God to change him as it could be spiritual attack on him. God will see you through this difficult time.

The problem with this generation is that we never consider the spiritual angle of things. She not only needs to pray for the man but she needs to insist that he goes for deliverance. He needs urgent help before he destroys himself and everyone surrounding him.

Op I'm 24/7 available for the emotional support that you're looking for. My middle name is support. I give emotional support to widows, single mothers and heartbroken women. Please pm me for your comfort

fxexperts:
What do you think. Do you want her to kill him.

Where is killing coming from?

Did she tell you the man is violent to her?

All this una rubbish mentality na why women no dey stay for their husband house again.

John3v19:

As chief judge you be abi?

I dey my own she carry matter I most hear from both side.

Nnewison:
The action you are about to make is not the best for now.he has been cheating on you and now he has a child from a side chick.wait for a while,I believe he made mistakes which has caused you sleepless nights.if he has come to his senses kindly listen to what he will likely tell you onward cos that pregnancy has somehow reformated his brain.

You care so much about your kids,if he leaves it will still affect them somehow.talk to him cos am sure he is ready to talk but he finds it hard to show how remorseful he is.keep abstaining from sex for now until he does the right thing but give it more time for him to.open up.

His type rarely change. He is not just irresponsible but in a cunning way, very controlling.

I know what it means to be controlled. Nothing is ever what is seems. Someone has you under his or her lock and key. You're always painted as the one at fault while he's the angel or victim. The person's wants to enjoy his life and pocket you somewhere.

1. Stand your ground about the STD tests, and ensure he doesn't scam you with fake results.

2. Get a good lawyer and make sure properties that belong to you are well documented in your name, also ensure that in case of sudden demise (God forbid), your properties goes to your desired person/people in your will.

3. Extremely limit your financial support for him and focus on your children, so he can earn from his own sweat. Observe him closely for signs of seriousness/improvement.

Do not be too quick to leave your marriage, unless he's become a threat to your life or children's lives.

Life2020:


Omo, he didn't change, it's all pretence
I have made my decision and about me being a single mom, I'm used to it, what part of he is never around don't u get.
So because he came and spend little time with his own children, i should forgive him.
Some people are even advising me to pay the side chick off, for what. Please I'm not that desperate for a man.

My children don't even no him, they barely see him, for the past 6 years I have been alone, I can't remember the last time I felt loved in this marriage. I just want him to be present for his children, I don't know if I can get that in court, I'm down for shared custody, or multiple visitation dates.

I can't continue to beg for a man affection, I don't want my daughters to think this is how a woman should be treated.
I need to set an example for them, I love my children, if he had been present for them, maybe I would have changed my mind and not divorce him for the sake of my children but nop he's never there.
What ever he wants to do with his side chick pregnancy is his business.
If he wants to marry her, I will happy support the marriage like I said I clocked out of this marriage Months ago

Begging a man for affection, some people are saying I should check myself, I really need to check myself for tolerating him.

your don borrow his sp..m.....

I am just being curious. Are you looking for a new husband or someone to keep you cool till you overcome the stress.
Every woman faces one or other issues. Better manage him. My prayers for you is for God to strengthen you.

Keep your anger in check and look good for the sake of your self and kids
Don't allow any man to frustrate you

I feel your pain but no matter what,don't take a wrong steps my dear sister.

Don't ever kick your husband out, there are things too deep for you to understand now, you will surely realise later. Before you do what you have planned, I advise you go for a three days retreat and hear directly from God before you take the final decision.


Refuse to hear from mere men please.

we need to hear your husband side of the story

If you chase him away it will affect the kids who you love so much.

The elders say that "it is one's yam that makes one dip hands in palm oil".

Like somone rightly said, the pregnancy has restored him back to factorysettings and he respects you so much to have confessed to you.

Please forgive him for the sake of your angels. Don't allow those friends to mislead you.

".....Father, forgive our trespasses as we forgive those tresspass against us"

Life2020:


U are very wise
I thought about that and I have made up my mind that I'm not going to marry again, at least not till my girls are grown up.
I have heard stories about girls being sexually abused or even physical abused, I don't want my girls to grow up in that type of environment.
I might have a few date here and there but let's see because my girls will always be first.
Honestly I want to hear his side of the story because I'm honestly curious to hear his own side of the story.

and you think he will allow you have the kids without a fight.
Well,if I were you,nothing wey never happen before. continue your marriage with him than to divorce and start all over again. after all, he's a changed man now. Your kids needs a father.you can tell him not to bring the child and the woman to your home.don't be carried away by those wanting something with you. Stay with your husband and children and add more if you think its time. no big deal, your children will be having a brother from another mother. who know if that child will be of great importance to you or your children in time coming.

He is an ungrateful being.
You are a woman like no other. I wish I had a lady like you for a wife!

Anyway, when kicking him out, make sure it's over the post.

Another thing, close your legs gbam! Wear tight jeans trousers to bed make e nor pass back enter when u dey fast asleep.

07kjb:


Don't kick him out because u are seeing small change

A Single mother training two girls is just breeding them for oloshonism

U better make peace with your husband

How would you feel if she was your sister?

Penguin2:


Where is killing coming from?

Did she tell you the man is violent to her?

All this una rubbish mentality na why women no dey stay for their husband house again.

And why should a woman stay in a useless husband house. This your mentality. instaed of you to advice the men to responsible you are here chasing shadows. A woman is to be blame for the irresponsible behavior of a full blown adult. the one who claims to be the head of the house. What did the bible say, if the head is rotten then the whole body will follow suit. It is better for her to cut him off, and make herself the head, instead of following a rotten head. Op it is very dangerous to be with that man while raised those your two daughters, because they will copy his behavior.

Do you think your husband will agree with your decision?

Can he survive without you?

He is likely to plead and promise to turn a new leaf, and you'd be tempted to give him one last chance.

He is likely to have developed some form of addiction to alcohol or sex and your exit from the marriage could lead him into depression.

While I fully respect whatever decision you choose, I'm of the opinion that if both of you could seek professional help, it may be possible to turn things around.

There's a lot of challenges with bringing up children without their father, it's not a bed of roses.

My counsel is that you seek external help. It may be worth the while.

Helpout12345:


I remember your story then. The elders did not advise you to scatter your marriage then. We told you to insist on STD tests and ensure he is no longer cheating before you continue having unprotected sex with him.

From your new narrative, he had agreed to conduct STD tests, he had come back home. The pregnancy outside is a new thing now.

About the pregnancy, I think that happened before he decided to change and come back home. I want to say it's part of his mistakes while outside.

I know you are hurting to learn about this now but don't take a decision while under anger or emotion.

If he had truly changed from cheating, you people can start rebuilding your home.

The children suffer the most in a broken home. You even have girls. I can tell you most ladies raised by single mothers end up single mothers when they grow up. Think deeply about your children welfare now and in future before you use emotion to scatter your home.

Lastly, be careful of advise you take from your fellow women irrespective of their age or status because most of them will advise from emotional perspective or outrightly lie to you when they advise you.

Think about this from the perspective of if it was your wife doing these or if it were your sister or daughter going through what she's going through

Mindlog:


The Russian- Ukraine war, the Middle East crisis, the Afghanistan long drawn war etc, I guess women led them........when the doctor told you not to skip your medication, you thought he was joking.

We are talking about centuries ago and u are talking about recent history