A 50-YEAR-OLD NIGERIAN WOMAN SHARES HER REGRETS ABOUT HER PARENTS SENDING HER ABROAD TO SCHOOL AS A TEENAGER.

I came to the UK in the 80s and went to Skinners school for girls in Stamford hill where I failed woefully. I come from a family where going abroad was like going to the market for us. I lived with my sister-in-law who I happened to have appeared to as a burden at the time. I had no one to take me out as a child, didn't enjoy McDonald's treats. I remember being bought KFC once by my mother's younger sister who was in the UK at the time. Most days I had to walk from Pembury estate, Hackney to Stamford hill because I had no transport fee. An uncle got me free school meals from the government so I always had lunch at school but other meals were not guaranteed...

No one ever asked me how I was doing in school even though I was a failure, never disclosed my report sheet because my results were always 'U- Unclassified' worse than F9. I lived at the expense of a few of my brother's friends who were ready to give me £5 in exchange for me seating on their laps whilst they used my nipples as a toy. On a few occasions, my immediate family would give me £5, £10 but NONE EVER TOOK ME ON AS HIS OR HER RESPONSIBILITY. One glorious day, a brother of mine took me on when he noticed that I have been associating with friends that were smoking and sexing at the age of 12 but due to malicious beating every day I had no choice other than to run away from his house. ....

I became streetwise, smoking heavily at the age of 11/12, and did my first abortion at the age of 14/15. I was unable to contact my mother because I had no access to the telephone moreover I didn't know how to use the phones then. I lived with a Jamaican friend who was a few years older than me and we had a man friend aged 50t who was impotent but would pay our rent whenever we allowed him to lick/suck us. Hhhhmmmm I'm sobbing as I'm writing this; I don't know why my spirit has led me to share this horrific and pathetic story but I am sure it is to bless someone out there so I am not ashamed of letting it out because someone outthere will think twice before making the mistake my family made.

I and friends began to find it easy to befriend men for money at night clubs (Gullivers, Petter Stringfellows, etc) at a very young age which I found disgusting, they molested my body orally. I can't even carry on expressing my bitter past experiences because I have learnt to see them as the strengths that made me who I am today...

The Koko of this post is this... Now in the UK, we see Nigerian children killing, shooting, stabbing, selling drugs, raping, etc and we wonder why they are ridiculing our darling country's name... Hhhhmmmm it is not the kids' fault it is the fault of the parents that weren't ready to prioritize their priorities.

I can't blame my mother and neither can I blame my father because they thought sending me abroad to school was the best for me. They also trusted my siblings and didn’t like to get involved in the way they were raising us. They believed when you give a goat to someone, you let go of the rope. They didn't know their darling daughter had become something else.....

You may be boosting that your child lives in London, America, etc but do you ever ask yourself how life is treating them where they are??

So many parents in Nigeria believe the field is greener on the other side forgetting that NO ONE CAN TRAIN YOUR KIDS THE WAY YOU CAN EXCEPT LOVING & GOD-FEARING PEOPLE.

In the UK so many Nigerian parents have misplaced their priorities, they rather work 24/7 and make all their monies to build mansions in Nigeria at the expense of their children's lives.

So many Nigerian parents in the UK don't even attend parents' evenings at their kid's school, some can't even help their kids with homework. Some believe their kids are at home and they are safe not knowing who is there with them. Some would rather spoil their kids with money & expensive outfits instead of investing quality time in them.

Sending your kids abroad to be looked after by someone else is a pure waste of time and bringing your kids from 9ja without giving them all the time needed is an irresponsible move and to be working all God-sent hours, making sterling, dollars, and euros, naira, etc without spending quality time with your kids is a disgrace to parenthood.

This is one of our bad irresponsible cultures even back home ….most children in Nigeria were brought up by housemaids/gatemen/next door/grandmothers/neighbors etc. Some Nigerians don't believe in family planning rather they will have so many children and start using them to hawk sweets, bread, etc after school...

Having a child is not by force, God did not say YOU MUST HAVE CHILDREN, YES HE STATED 'MULTIPLY' but he didn't mean we should do it to suffer for them. Having children does not mean you will live your life joyfully and it doesn't give you a place in heaven either, instead, your children may make you miss heaven if care is not taken.

I am a product of a neglected, nonchalant, cultural upbringing and I WILL NEVER WISH IT ON MY GREATEST ENEMY BECAUSE I HAD IT ROUGH AND IN SADNESS.

Let us stop being selfish and stop pushing our problems/burdens on others. Your child should be with you no matter how poor or rich you are and you must teach them in the ways of God.

Some parents in Nigeria, have children in Diaspora and know nothing about their life , only the fact that their child is abroad.

Hmmm

Hmm! Interesting...

Lemme guess, that woman parents are our greedy politicians. That's God punishment on them. Chaiii

Why do I get the feeling that kids in Africa, nay Nigeria, are the strongest in the world. In most Nigerian homes nobody cares about your mental state, none of all these spoon feeding. infact, your parents insult, beat and abuse the living day light out you, but most still turn out okay.


This is not to trivialize her experience, just the other side of it, I would never mock her pain.

It's high we give priority to parenting...

Familyplug:

The Koko of this post is this... Now in the UK, we see Nigerian children killing, shooting, stabbing, selling drugs, raping, etc and we wonder why they are ridiculing our darling country's name... Hhhhmmmm it is not the kids' fault it is the fault of the parents that weren't ready to prioritize their priorities.

I can't blame my mother and neither can I blame my father because they thought sending me abroad to school was the best for me. They also trusted my siblings and didn’t like to get involved in the way they were raising us. They believed when you give a goat to someone, you let go of the rope. They didn't know their darling daughter had become something else.....
.

You can't blame your own parents but you want us to believe parents are to blame? Your parents did pretty much all of that which the other parents did, so why exempt them from blame?

Parenting is good but not easy at all.

complexBoss12:
Why do I get the feeling that kids in Africa nay Nigeria are the strongest in the world. In most Nigerian homes nobody cares about your mental state, none of all these spoon feeding, infact your parents insult, beat and abuse the living day light out you, but most still turned out okay.

This is not to trivialize her experience, just saying the other side of the it, I would never mock her pain.

Do they even understand there is a mental dimension to your existence? Instead dem go blame spirits and enemies --- those get more attention mind you---- than consider say na you dey hurt.

Reminds me of a friend's cousin. You don't send a child abroad because you have the means. If a child isn't matured, let him grow up first. The street here is full of all kinds of ravaging beast and it takes a matured and strong willed child to survive as the exposure is alarming and one can miss it with ease.

She had a golden opportunity to skul abroad which millions of Nigerian are looking for, she misused it and is looking for an opportunity to apportion blame, ppl like me attended public skuls from primary to university level with very minimal supervision, cos our parents were poor, yet we manage to kip our heads above d water. She is the master or her fate and architect of her misfortune.

cunny88:
1. She had a golden opportunity to skul abroad which millions of Nigerian are looking for, she misused it and is looking for an opportunity to apportion blame,

2. ppl like me attended public skuls from primary to university level with very minimal supervision, cos our parents were poor, yet we manage to kip our heads above d water. She is the master or her fate and architect of her misfortune.

Golden opportunity for whom? Obviously, not her.

2. A very unfair comparison you make there. Schools are there to teach, not make you brilliant. .

Kobojunkie:
Golden opportunity for whom? Obviously, not her.

2. A very unfair comparison you make there. Schools are there to teach, not make you brilliant. .

I grew up in a ghetto, faced bullying, oppression and all, I didn't av a maths in high skul for abt two yrs, but it's not enof excuse to fail

cunny88:
I grew up in a ghetto, faced bullying, oppression and all, I didn't av a maths in high skul for abt two yrs, but it's not enof excuse to fail

While living in that ghetto, did you or did you not have your parents with you?

We are not all built the same nor of the same level of maturity.

Kobojunkie:
While living in that ghetto, did you or did you not have your parents with you?

We are not all built the same nor of the same level of maturity.

all through university I didn't av any1 wit me, in high skul days my parents weren't wit me either, but I knew I had learnt no trade and education was my only route of poverty, u should be asking her were ha skuls mates are now.

cunny88:
1. all through university I didn't av any1 wit me, in high skul days my parents weren't wit me either, but I knew I had learnt no trade and education was my only route of poverty,
2. u should be asking her were ha skuls mates are now.

See why your comparison remains an unfair one?

2. What does it matter where they are? Did she tell you they all lived under the same circumstances that she did?

Klass99:

Absolutely on point, I will drink to this. Multiply and be fruitful does not apply to child bearing alone.

Brands like KFC, GTB, Vitafoam and others have multiplied and since become fruitful, by providing their goods and services, plus employment, to more people in different locations.

Impact investment in sectors like health, education and agriculture, where lives can be postively impacted, empowered and transformed also qualifies as multiplying and being fruitful.

But in Africa and Nigeria in particular, multiply and be fruitful only means one thing in the minds of most people.......the unbridled breeding of children.

u mst jump on anytin dat is talking abt not havin kids to convince urself all iz well wit u
get profesional hepp

cunny88:
She had a golden opportunity to skul abroad which millions of Nigerian are looking for, she misused it and is looking for an opportunity to apportion blame, ppl like me attended public skuls from primary to university level with very minimal supervision, cos our parents were poor, yet we manage to kip our heads above d water. She is the master or her fate and architect of her misfortune.

Did you read the OP at all?

Even if your parents where poor, were you neglected or treated differently from your siblings?

At least, if you were hungry, you were a hungry together not that all your siblings were eating while you were feeding on air.

Make una dey read to understand.

@ OP:

Did she have this conversation with her parents? Are they still alive? How is her life now? Is she still into the lifestyle (sex & drugs) or changed? Is she married? Does she have her kids? Is she now financially independent? Still on food stamps?

No update on her life after Secondary School.

bukatyne:


Did you read the OP at all?

Even if your parents where poor, were you neglected or treated differently from your siblings?

At least, if you were hungry, you were a hungry together not that all your siblings were eating while you were feeding on air.

that doesn't change the fact that she misused a golden opportunity to study abroad, get good grades and live a better life

Make una dey read to understand

It is parents responsibility to prepare their kids for life ahead of them... Forget about what you leave for your children or what you give to them... It is what you've put in them that matters... She was given an opportunity that she wasn't prepared for....And it became a burden... It's not about abroad but in broad.

Life!

i wish i have a family of my own
I regret not knowing my real family.
who will help me with a sewing machine please?
i have no parent to help me buy

Who dey type all these long stories, abeg? YouTube Shorts don kill my attention span.

Aunty, come back home. I will happily replace you. When I saw ‘abroad,’ I assumed it was our Nairaland aunty, mamagee. If she thinks abroad won’t benefit her, she should try home. At least our weather is tolerable.

.....

Most that read this can never understand the strength this woman had to pull before she could revealed all these.

If there's one thing you should be thanking God for, is the fact that you had the privilege to study abroad including your exposure over the years..

I still say it, your home country is still your home country.Even if you go abroad, you will still come back home. I have good chances but taking my time first.

If you cannot train your children,
Don't give birth... simple!
That's why we have many foolish people on social media.