breakthrough22:



For now ,I am depressed. It is going to affect my job in the office but I will be fine I am sure .

Thanks

You just bought yourself an expensive ticket for a long bumpy ride. I hope your "shock absorbers" are in order to survive the "body pains" that accompanys such journey's? We are admonished as christians to employ excellent speech in our marriages to avoid situations like this. The words you threw at her may have dealt a fatal stab to her heart for such decision to be taken. Your emotional intelligence is quite low I must confess, and your feeling of insecurity with your spouse is wrong. I hope this stalemate ends soon. Good luck.

SeriouslySense:
Its not really about just sex or having a good time, i also meant, their over-all relationship. She might be very sensitive, or reserved or looking for something, or feels depressed, He knows what is going on.

However, he should have more self control and take some time to understand what's going on.

You cannot fill a basket with water.

jmichael259:


Yes, someone can drop their phone somewhere to charge. I don't touch women but If na my sister, i fit tear am blinding slap if to say she try apologise to you then as you were abusing and humiliating her.

You are the one that is unrepentant. You are busy here looking for replies that'll sooth you.
Also, you are a spineless phul casting ur inadequacies and insecurities on her to make yourself feel good and macho. That is bullying and domestic abuse(emotional).

If i were your wife i'd leave.

If i were you, i'd give 4market days to allow tension subside and then ask the father what can be done by you to remedy the situation. After at least 7 attempts (through you, your family, una pastor, your village people, her village people, titled chiefs, colleagues etc) If they continously insist that she's not coming back, move on. Start finding love by february 14 marry & have kids.

Concur with your submissions.
The OP is an abusive, impulsive and misogynistic husband. The wife and her family are just fed up of the abuse - emotional and verbal abuse. That a woman depends on you for money does not mean she should not be accorded respect.
Most married men will tell you that women are terrible with phones. My own wife is even worse. It will be a miracle if she picks the first time the phone rings. Most times she returns my call several hours later. The phone is either in her bag or can't even remember where she left it. You know how many times we search for her phone inside the house in one week?

The wife is obviously not happy in the marriage, and with the arrogant attitude of the OP, I dont see the basis for a marriage at all.

breakthrough22:


If she stays too long in her father house,I will never accept her back .

Seriously, I have missed my family but I am not accepting her back if she spend the remaining days in January in his dad house and I will never send a dime to them

U r now talking. See ehn from your narrative you love her so much which is good. Don't allow her use your son to torture u. She's playing emotional game well encouraged by her parents. My wife tried that once and moved with my kid. Her mom got her an apartment. After 8 months of ignoring, her brain began to reset. She told her parents ( divorced) that she was coming back to me. Today we are 8years in marriage going stronger and I love her die. Don't sell out yourself to your in- laws. Stand your ground.

God help you. Try and keep contact with your son and take care of him. Change your door keys. Move on with your life, as many men are praying to be in your situation

breakthrough22:
Good evenning ,

I came back home from work this night to find out my wife and my son have packed and abandoned me .

My son is 4 years old and I really don't mean to hurt my wife .

She travelled on the 26th of December to her dad house here in Lagos .I missed her so much and I sent her money to come back last Saturday though she said she will be coming on Sunday only for me to call her between 2pm and 8pm without her picking the call .

The phone rang times without number .I later gave the last try and the no was busy answering other call .She later picked and said there was no light .So,she couldn't charge. I was mad because the excuse was too flimsy .I challenged her to tell her but your phone rang .I was mad and I lost trust in her that moment and flashed back to the excuse that she will not come on Saturday.

Seriously ,I was angry and different thoughts came to my mind like May be she went to see another man .

That hour ,I told her I don't want to see her again .I was angry though .She didn't come on Sunday. She came back very early yesterday which was Monday.

I will not lie ,I have been so angry ,ranting and telling her to go back to her parent house that I don't trust her again.

To my surprise ,I came back tonight and she already packed all her loads ,packed my son things without leaving any thing .Her wardrobe and my son wardrobe have been empty as I am typing .She packed everything .

Seriously ,I am depressed cos I love her .I love my son .I can't even allow him to stay over there to start schooling. Me and my wife have been together since 2013 .We have gone through a lot of difficulties together and now ,things are beginning to look good for us .I am so down right now .I called he dad and her brother .It is like they took that decision together .

I have never beaten her before but I do nag especially when bills are weighing me down .His dad and his brother was just shouting at me .Fear of been a single dad or living alone at this stage of my life will make me a walking ghost and the fact that ,I really love my son too and also my wife too will one day kill me .

Imagine ,that Saturday she changed what she saved my no with and saved with my son name.I attached my call history .Check the image of the missed calls.

Please what do I do?I am devastated .


Some of her chats this night ..

[1/10, 9:35 PM] SWEETHEART: Hv always endure with u even though u did not hv money,but u always rain insult on me everyday .am not coming back I want to work and make my own money,u said u hv never achieved anything good bcoz of me!u said I am your biggest mistake in life and now hv made up my mind with you.you pushed me to the wall!u make me carry luggage in the hot sun and cry ,am tired,I cried and cried and endure all bcoz of love so nao am ready to work and earn good for myself and my son.
[1/10, 9:40 PM] SWEETHEART: U can change ur key am not coming again
[1/10, 9:46 PM] SWEETHEART: Am not ,u know is too late for me to come back to .... and u urself know is my biggest fear bcoz I don't like coming here but u make me come back,is too late. Even wen u always tell me to go,I will still wait but u make me come back to my fear It is too late.
[1/10, 9:46 PM] SWEETHEART: ...will start school on Monday here and just take responsibility of it, if u don't want to loose ur son too.

If na me be your wife brother, God know say I go treat your Bleep up. Look at the kind of thing you're doing to your wife. You say you do not beat her but do you realize that words can be more hurtful than physical abuse? You've messed with her mental health and she's probably fed up with you. Wetin dey off me for where you dey na your entitlement mentality. You sound like a man that doesn't know what he wants for himself.

Mr man you'd better go on your knees and beg your wife for forgiveness. After that, ensure that you're a changed person for real.

This is where some talking or discussing may help, can she open up and not feel Judged by him or face his wrath , not everything can be fixed, and sometimes its may be more helpful to give some time or know when to quit.

But he said he still loves her, so there may be hope, if he is willing to save the situation, then he will treat it with care, but if he wants a quick fix, he can get another woman, but he should know what is good for him, before he get another one.

Maybe she is just protesting, and he can give it some time, then ask if there is more to it, she may open up by then.

tonididdy:

You cannot fill a basket with water.

Exceed15:


U r now talking. See ehn from your narrative you love her so much which is good. Don't allow her use your son to torture u. She's playing emotional game well encouraged by her parents. My wife tried that once and moved with my kid. Her mom got her an apartment. After 8 months of ignoring, her brain began to reset. She told her parents ( divorced) that she was coming back to me. Today we are 8years in marriage going stronger and I love her die. Don't sell out yourself to your in- laws. Stand your ground.

Which kind of love do you show by raining insults on your wife everyday?

Which kind of love will make you tell your wife that she was the greatest mistake you ever made?

If that was the kind of love you showed your wife, I am sure she would not come back, except maybe to poison you.

breakthrough22:



Tell me what you would have done if this happened to u .

I just want to learn from you .The fact that my wife is not someone who like saying sorry .

See ehn, ordinary SORRY would have saved all these dramas .She didn't accept she was wrong

A woman that can't say sorry need to be humbled. Don't touch her. Just ignore and be happy. Stop this depression thing.. if you die na u waste o.. ur parents & siblings would miss u n ur wife will be receiving serious doggy from another man. Be WISE

Your decision is yours. Deal with it if u wan stay forever that way. I truly feel you but bro life is hard. Women don't make things better

Kobojunkie:
1. Your story and your reaction don't make sense to me, so I am afraid I don't understand your anger at all. Projecting your insecurities on your wife is just childish behavior as far as I am concerned.

2. What exactly was she supposed to apologize for? From your story, she didn't do anything wrong that would require her to apologize, so? Or do you think because she is your wife, she is then a mental illness patient that should apologize to you even when she is obviously not wrong just because she is married to you?

Wait did you read the story well? My girlfriend can't try that shit not to talk of my wife. He called and called and called no picking and after a while that same number started answering another call without returning his call. And after which the excuse why she didn't pick was that the phone was down. Like who are you telling that?

What i understood there is that she left not because of what happened that day but probably accumulation of the oops anger and bad words towards her. How could you tell your wife that she's a bad luck to you? That's cruel

She went home, tell the parents how the opp has been insulting her and they concluded that anymore of that she should leave.

Even if she didn't leave that day she would have still left someday. It is not a one day thought or plans.

As for the oops try to always manage your anger and know what to say and what not to say when angry. Even if you move on and marry another woman with same attitude she will still leave. Work on yourself

Bros please leave that woman for the meantime to rediscover herself and esteem which obviously you have used words to kill.
Understand that u have so much to work on as a man that has family.

Your choice of words must always be put to check no matter the frustrations of work.

Please take time and work on ur temperament, visit them as often as u can and let her continue to see the change in u and she ll come back herself.......

She loved u, that's y it pained her that much

breakthrough22:


Seriously ,I am depressed cos I love her .I love my son .I can't even allow him to stay over there to start schooling. Me and my wife have been together since 2013 .We have gone through a lot of difficulties together and now ,things are beginning to look good for us .I am so down right now .I called he dad and her brother .It is like they took that decision together .

This is the disease most creatures with third leg have.

The only reason why you are here crying is because you were actually shocked that she packed her things and vanished.

You think because of small kobo that you have gotten, you can start matching her head and she will take it?

I pray she doesn't come back so you can marry a Jezebel that will wreck you.

Ewu.

wirinet:


Which kind of love do upu show by raining insults on your wife everyday?

Which kind of love will make you tell your wife that she was the greatest mistake you ever made?

If that was the kind of love you showed your wife, I am sure she would not come back, except maybe to poison you.

Couple fight. It's normal. But a woman that can't say sorry shows pride, stubbornness.. My wife came back because she knows me Wella. I met her severally sick and married her that way . I stood by her all through dark times. If u are a good man even if you Insult her she no go leave u. So calm down and understand the game.i no be boy for dis marriage thing.

searchlight:
Wait did you read the story well? My girlfriend can't try that shit not to talk of my wife. He called and called and called no picking and after a while that same number started answering another call without returning his call. And after which the excuse why she didn't pick was that the phone was down. Like who are you telling that?

What i understood there is that she left not because of what happened that day but probably accumulation of the oops anger and bad words towards her. How could you tell your wife that she's a bad luck to you? That's cruel

She went home, tell the parents how the opp has been insulting her and they concluded that anymore of that she should leave.

Even if she didn't leave that day she would have still left someday. It is not a one day thought or plans.

As for the oops try to always manage your anger and know what to say and what not to say when angry. Even if you move on and marry another woman with same attitude she will still leave. Work on yourself

As an experienced player, you should know that the wife had already checked out of the relationship before she travelled to her parents house for Christmas. Most likely she came back to give the marriage one last try, and the OP continued the verbal and emotional abuse. The problem did not start with her travel to her parent's house.

nkemdi89:
Broke men knows how to hurt their partners with words, even when their partner stay put to all the emotional , physical and financial torture, ego won't make them to appreciate it. Better go and beg her.

It's not ego.
It's low self esteem.
What eats up more than 90% of Nigerian men.
A hostile person has very low self esteem. He couldn't take correction from folks here rather bent on justifying his rash behaviour.

The white man successfully indoctrinated that into us through religion. And it has been working since colonialism.
This is another story for another day

Kobojunkie:
1. Is the phone meant to be some sort of leash on her? Phone etiquette is that if you try to reach someone and the person is unavailable, you allow the person to call you back when the person is able to. According to your story, she explained that there was a power outage, and she couldn't charge the phone. So what exactly what she supposed to apologize to you for?

2. Is the name she saves your number on her phone part of your marriage agreement or something? Why does it matter if she saves your number under "Douchbag"?

3. You need to get yourself to a professional anger management class first. This new year, please endeavor to get a book on logical/critical reasoning/thinking so you can grow your mind and as such become able to logically analyze your decisions, and the world around you, including your relationships for yourself. I recommend the book Being Logical. However, any other text that sufficiently teaches you how to critically reason day-to-day issues out will work too. the key is to put into regular(continuous) practice what you learn so you become a more logical being than you are today.

Lol the opp is wrong for being verbally abusive but you see that phone stuff and changing of his name meant that the marriage was already over even before she came back to the house. If it wasn't a clearly thought out plans why do you think she packed of her belonging at once?

You are meant to be the most important person to your wife and courtesy demands that when she misses your call she had to call back as soon as she sees your calls but she answered another person and still told the opp that there was no power in his phone.

The story get as en be

Exceed15:


Couple fight. It's normal. But a woman that can't say sorry shows pride, stubbornness.. My wife came back because she knows me Wella. I met her severally sick and married her that way . I stood by her all through dark times. If u are a good man even if you Insult her she no go leave u. So calm down and understand the game.i no be boy for dis marriage thing.

Couples fight, yes. BUT the verbal insults the OP used on his wife is not normal. Calling your wife useless, LovePeddler, mistake, stupid, etc, etc., just because you are quarrelling is not a normal relationship.

I hope you don't verbally abuse your wife just because you are quarrelling.

Kobojunkie:
I really don't follow at all.

You're so dumb it's infuriating. Gosh!

TheGoodAmerican:
According to your post (maybe you need to read it yourself), that's the reason she left. You didn't mention any other issues and what you did mention all point to you being the problem, not her. Uttering such words and expressing anger over the phone on top of what should've been a non-issue was uncalled for.

A loving husband would've asked if his wife and son were doing okay, not shouting at her and telling her you don't want to see her anymore because she didn't pick up your calls earlier.

Who knows if the phone was on speaker when she finally did pick up and her family heard how you were shouting and talking to her anyhow? In any case, I reckon you're not new to exhibiting anger towards her and her brother and dad are already well-aware, making this the last straw.

Admit you've anger management issues and go get help before you injure somebody's daughter.

It is only a weakling husband that will not question his wife for snubbing his call to answer another person and later saying that there was no power in her phone. The one she used to answer another person was it political power or power of amadioha?

In as much as i admit the guy has bad mouth and anger issue, this particular phone incident is unacceptable unless you are a simp

You come across as harsh, easily angry, prone to domestic violence, dictatorial and prone to violence... Despite all these your wife have been putting up with you because of love even though you've no money.

This may sound someone, but you need to grow up.

Imagine saying if she stays till January end at her fathers house, you won't accept her back.. What if she's truly fed up with you?

You better humble yourself and go and get your wife and change your ways...

If not, one day, she'll leave you and find someone else who will luv her wonderfully.

searchlight:
■Wait did you read the story well? My girlfriend can't try that shit not to talk of my wife. He called and called and called no picking and after a while that same number started answering another call without returning his call. And after which the excuse why she didn't pick was that the phone was down. Like who are you telling that?

1. Well, if I knew your girlfriend, I would tell her that she should never let her life revolve around you and your whims in the name of a relationship. The moment that happens, she seizes to be in a relationship with a peer but in a master-slave bond.

Even my own mother who likes to be on the phone a lot knows and respects the fact that I don't. She calls me, I call her back when I am able to -- sometimes days later. Why? I am not a phone person. We have that understanding and that is part of what makes our relationship work. Understanding and accepting our differences and knowing that my world should not need to revolve around hers same as hers should not revolve around mine. That is what a relationship ought to be like. Not one where you are constantly stressed to do things as your partner in the relationship wants it done for fear that he might blow up or resent you for not being accommodating or bending over backward to serve his/her whims. If you are in a relationship and the "you" is diminished by it, then what you have is not a relationship but hell.

wirinet:


Couples fight, yes. BUT the verbal insults the OP used on his wife is not normal. Calling your wife useless, LovePeddler, mistake, stupid, etc, etc., just because you are quarrelling is not a normal relationship.

I hope you don't verbally abuse your wife just because you are quarrelling.

E be like say u never marry ... U r not getting me my point.

Let her go bruv, she's already been seeing another nigga long ago, She also knew your weak point, so she made sure she didn't pick up in time, knowing you'd say all that which she can use as leverage to take her leave. You fell for her trap, women are the perfect manipulator. For now, you'd get her back only after the other nigga is done with her, irrespective when you get her back, she'd have been with loads of men, and what you fear would have happened countless times..you've been played bruv..

I love her, i love her
You called someone you love the greatest mistake you ever made? The mother of your son? You blame her for your ill-luck.
If this is love, i think you need to keep it for yourself. She doesn't need abusive love.
What do you guys think of a lady sef?
Just because she want a family and submissive. You turn her to your house girl
Insult her anytime you like.
We don't even need to ask you anything... Her text said it all.
Leave her, go and marry another woman and see if she can endure rubbish with you if you don't work on your self.
Most people here telling you to leave her doesn't even have happy home talkless of knowing what marriage is about.
You need to work on yourself. Don't let anyone deceive you.

Infomaz:
You come across as harsh, easily angry, prone to domestic violence, dictatorial and prone to violence... Despite all these your wife have been putting up with you because of love even though you've no money.

This may sound someone, but you need to grow up.

Imagine saying if she stays till January end at her fathers house, you won't accept her back.. What if she's truly fed up with you?

You better humble yourself and go and get your wife and change your ways...

If not, one day, she'll leave you and find someone else who will luv her wonderfully.

Don't mind him. Instead of him behave like a man and take charge of his family by mending broken fences and bridges, he is forming voltron, giving ultimatums.

Exceed15:


E be like say u never marry ... U r not getting me my point.

Been married 15 years. Have never verbally insulted my wife and she had never verbally insulted me. We do fight occasionally like every other couple but we know where not to cross the line.

Whyne her well, say words that’ll makes her remember those first moment with you, you can use voice note so she keep hearing it. You should know her love languages. And promise never to nag as the woman man that you are. Lower your guard. If she’s good, don’t lose her for anything. Pls, study on how to be a better man. Don’t loose your wife, work it out if it worth it

My guy please and please, make sure you go to her parents house in person if you still love your wife and soñ, do that formally.If they insist on bringing issues leaves without altering any abusive statement, control your self and anger this moment. Everybody will be counting all your behaviour and statement this time. Learn to be calm at this moment don't let your anger over ride you. I'm talking from experience.Be wise pls

breakthrough22:
Good evenning ,

I came back home from work this night to find out my wife and my son have packed and abandoned me .

My son is 4 years old and I really don't mean to hurt my wife .

She travelled on the 26th of December to her dad house here in Lagos .I missed her so much and I sent her money to come back last Saturday though she said she will be coming on Sunday only for me to call her between 2pm and 8pm without her picking the call .

The phone rang times without number .I later gave the last try and the no was busy answering other call .She later picked and said there was no light .So,she couldn't charge. I was mad because the excuse was too flimsy .I challenged her to tell her but your phone rang .I was mad and I lost trust in her that moment and flashed back to the excuse that she will not come on Saturday.

Seriously ,I was angry and different thoughts came to my mind like May be she went to see another man .

That hour ,I told her I don't want to see her again .I was angry though .She didn't come on Sunday. She came back very early yesterday which was Monday.

I will not lie ,I have been so angry ,ranting and telling her to go back to her parent house that I don't trust her again.

To my surprise ,I came back tonight and she already packed all her loads ,packed my son things without leaving any thing .Her wardrobe and my son wardrobe have been empty as I am typing .She packed everything .

Seriously ,I am depressed cos I love her .I love my son .I can't even allow him to stay over there to start schooling. Me and my wife have been together since 2013 .We have gone through a lot of difficulties together and now ,things are beginning to look good for us .I am so down right now .I called he dad and her brother .It is like they took that decision together .

I have never beaten her before but I do nag especially when bills are weighing me down .His dad and his brother was just shouting at me .Fear of been a single dad or living alone at this stage of my life will make me a walking ghost and the fact that ,I really love my son too and also my wife too will one day kill me .

Imagine ,that Saturday she changed what she saved my no with and saved with my son name.I attached my call history .Check the image of the missed calls.

Please what do I do?I am devastated .


Some of her chats this night ..

[1/10, 9:35 PM] SWEETHEART: Hv always endure with u even though u did not hv money,but u always rain insult on me everyday .am not coming back I want to work and make my own money,u said u hv never achieved anything good bcoz of me!u said I am your biggest mistake in life and now hv made up my mind with you.you pushed me to the wall!u make me carry luggage in the hot sun and cry ,am tired,I cried and cried and endure all bcoz of love so nao am ready to work and earn good for myself and my son.
[1/10, 9:40 PM] SWEETHEART: U can change ur key am not coming again
[1/10, 9:46 PM] SWEETHEART: Am not ,u know is too late for me to come back to .... and u urself know is my biggest fear bcoz I don't like coming here but u make me come back,is too late. Even wen u always tell me to go,I will still wait but u make me come back to my fear It is too late.
[1/10, 9:46 PM] SWEETHEART: ...will start school on Monday here and just take responsibility of it, if u don't want to loose ur son too.

Very unlike me to do this: I have read over 80% of all responses to this post. Kindly understand the following:
A - RELATIONSHIPS
1. Every marriage/relationship has problems - the problems are just different.
2. Most of these problems are the result of poor/bad communication practices.
3. Poor/bad communication stem from poor mental hygiene/health choices made by one or both parties in the relationship.
4. Poor mental hygiene/health is the result of NOT PAYING ATTENTION TO OUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS/EMOTIONS: DISTRACTION!
5. Most modern humans live very distracted lives. (bills, stress, insecurity,...) keep us from paying attention to our thoughts and emotions at the present moment. You suddenly discover that you are VERY ANGRY and you cannot seem to see how a mild irritation few days ago started this up.
6. Anger is expressed passively (frustrate the other party) or actively (verbal or physical attack). You have attacked your wife verbally. She might have taken other passive/active routes to express her anger. An attack causes REAL PAIN - Words hurt women a lot and they NEVER FORGET.

B - SELF MANAGEMENT
1. No person will do this for you. You must know you need it and commit to doing it.
2. Temperaments are different. Some people are just mild in their temperament and others (like you and I) just are impatient and sometimes erratic. I love mild people-they "see" people "clearer".
3. Pay attention to know your emotional/physiological status per time (literately ask yourself "Armstrong, how are you doing?" - i am feeling impatient, suspicious, irritated, hot, cold, hungry, .... This is where practicing meditation, yoga, mindfulness ..., helps you out. Pay attention to that pressure/tightness you feel in your temple (sides of your forehead) and your forehead - that is your prefrontal cortex being stifled. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prefrontal_cortex

C - NOW THAT THE SHIT HAS HIT THE FAN
1. You are disturbed and know you contributed to this situation. You however feel overwhelmed and you are looking for who (aside from yourself) to blame. Kill that thought. Accept your blame completely. This is called taking responsibility. Also identify your wife's blames.
2. Call her and apologize for your part. Let her know you know you have hurt her. Ask your trusted friend that she respects to speak on your behalf - if you call a bad friend, he may end up sleeping with her. She is very vulnerable at this stage (if she doesn't already have someone else)
3. Let her know that she is not without faults as well. Do this without anger and point to specific instances. Some people (especially women) hate to admit their wrongs hence her inability to say SORRY when that is all it takes.
4. Find a psychologist to talk to. You will find out that you probably are in survival mode - where fight or flight is your primary drive. You need to "tone-down" when relating with your family. You need to learn to play and to express emotions and anger with right measure.
5. Talk to her. Let her know how you would prefer that she raises issues with you. Ask her how she would prefer that you talk with her. Agree with her that both of you will try. Both should be willing to apologize and accept apologies when slip-ups happen in this new talking style.


D - LONG TERM
1. It pays more to fix problems like this one. Both parties have one fault or the other that both parties should deal with
2. Your child's future depends on your ability to correct any character flaws you and your spouse may have. You can then teach the child when you see him exhibit those same flaws - believe me, it will happen and you will be grateful you are sparing your child your rough ride.
3. Develop a more forgiving stance towards your wife and your loved ones. It helps you to stay in emotional control. Even if she cheats on you, let the choice be yours to make, not the society.
4. When your paranoid self tries to take control of you, be conscious enough to tell him "NO! My wife is not like that". Calm down and "Talk" with her.
5. The female gender can be a most unreliable and annoying. However, if you find a good one (no one is perfect), keep her (and be kept by her). It will cost you some of your "Macho" but it pays in prosperity and peace of mind. She is not perfect, just like you are not perfect.

E - MY QUALIFICATION?
None! I am just a very flawed regular guy next door who seeks a better way to live this sweet life gifted to him by God. You may choose to ignore me. It is OK. Everything will be fine. Trust me. I have been there.

The overriding question is "ARE YOU COMMITTED TO KEEPING YOUR MARRIAGE, FAMILY AND CREATING A BETTER LINEAGE?".