And what if said husband is on Nairaland? you just divulged too much information and might have just put your friend (or yourself) in more trouble.

Any form of abuse either physical, verbal or emotional that induces fear to the point that one's mental health is at risk prompts urgent attention.

Marriage should never be a do or die affair

If he is a controlling person I would advise to move miles away from him because you truly never know how he would take the separation.

IMHO 1. Contact and consult a lawyer ASAP

2. Seek help from a qualified counsellor regarding your mental health moving forward.

3. Carry your children along

neonly:




U mean u want yur cousins or whatever to have asset to d man money tru (child keeping)
Thief
See una never jam correct mad man u and yur whatever rubbish

So a man providing for his own children after separation/divorce is criminal?

ibkayee:
I heard Lagos is one of the more progressive states when it comes to enforcing laws, if you take it to court hopefully you get a competent lawyer

I’m not an expert but unless there’s any impact on the children and you can prove it, joint custody is probably the best way to go. They’re technically still his kids

Bear in mind that being a man + rich puts him at a great advantage in this struggle

Good luck

What do you mean by "they're technically still his kids" biko?

You women are quite funny.

They are wholly and fully his kids, there's absolutely no technicality in there miss.

Women often have this idea that the kids are theirs mostly simply because they carried and birthed them but forget that without the man's sperm there could be no kids.

Please correct that impression immediately.

Thermodynamics:


True, but on a wider scale most rich men value and stay with the woman who stood by them during hard times and most rich men do not value the women they met after they became rich.

It's highly possible that the husband was the one who opened the business for the woman the OP is talking about.

In your personal estimation, what is the percentage of those husbands who remain only with that wife that was there from the onset?

The situation can still.be managed but it is clear that this one has refused to understand what will happen to the kids, she is just concerned about herself, why is it hard for women to consider children when taking their selfish decisions? Because of preeq, you wan leave your children. May God judge you and your cousin, every marriage get.
their challenge, una dey look.for perfect marriage, nonsense!

ColdHunter:
I have a cousin who has been in an abusive marriage for the past 12years. Not necessarily physical but emotional and verbal abuse. She is totally fed up as her mental health has been deteriorating due to constant fear. Her husband happens to be a rich but mischievous man and she is worried about what the man could do should she file for legal seperation.

Her concern is that he may go after her if she files for seperation. Secondly, is it the court that determines custody of their 3 children(12, 11, 9). She have already found accommodation but hasnt informed him of her plans to separate. She doesnt want anything from him as she has a successful business.

Are there steps she must take to forestall any bullying?

Experienced people should please contribute.

A restraining order will protect her against his emotional abuse.


To get a restraining order, she needs a lawyer.


In fact, the first thing she needs right now is a competent lawyer.

Trapnews:
The situation can still.be managed but it is clear that this one has refused to understand what will happen to the kids, she is just concerned about herself, why is it hard for women to consider children when taking their selfish decisions? Because of preeq, you wan leave your children. May God judge you and your cousin, every marriage get.
their challenge, una dey look.for perfect marriage, nonsense!

The kids will be fine.


In fact, remaining in such a toxic home will harm them more than a divorce would.


Emotional abuse is the worst form of abuse. But we underestimate it in Nigeria, while focusing all of our energy on physical abuse.

Thermodynamics:


Na them, I hate broke men, I can't date and build with a broke man, I want an already made man so I can leach on his wealth. How do you expect the rich man to love and trust you when he know you came for the money. She should carry her cross.

You have said it all, the sad reality.

Trapnews:
The situation can still.be managed but it is clear that this one has refused to understand what will happen to the kids, she is just concerned about herself, why is it hard for women to consider children when taking their selfish decisions? Because of preeq, you wan leave your children. May God judge you and your cousin, every marriage get.
their challenge, una dey look.for perfect marriage, nonsense!

She is not leaving her children, she wants to separate and co-parent with their father.

I m sure this isn't the full story. Why won't he come after her if she runs away with his children. May be she's hardened and the man would not allow her excesses. If she's tired of the marriage she should follow due process and agreement on how her husband will be having access to the children.

Women Are fond of denying the father access to the children but want the man to be sending money. U can't eat your cake and have it.

Exceed15:
I m sure this isn't the full story. Why won't he come after her if she runs away with his children. May be she's hardened and the man would not allow her excesses. If she's tired of the marriage she should follow due process and agreement on how her husband will be having access to the children.

Women Are fond of denying the father access to the children but want the man to be sending money. U can't eat your cake and have it.

You did not read or understand and yet you commented. Nigerians!
Show me where she wants to deny the father access to the children.

I don't know the laws of the State... but having a place unknown to the husband and planning to move out gives the husband the advantage. If it's divorce she wants ... then she needs to have some evidence... photos .. videos ... audio recordings to prove abuse. The reality is as a woman she will have to present a very strong case for the court to rule in her favour against a man ... a rich married man. It will be in the back of their heads that she married him for money ... now that the man has set her up in business ... and she feels she is independent.. she wants to leave.... and this is exactly what the man will present while the abuse will be shoved out of the spotlight. If she moves ...then she abandoned the marriage ... maybe the husband can divorce her on grounds of abandonment and be given full custody of the children.
Don't forget .... this is my opinion .... no problem in gathering tit bits from comments... but in the end ... she should seek legal advice not from any lawyer ... but those that specialize in Family Court issues.

Mindlog:


Well everything should be laid bare before the judge..... what the husband knows, what the wife knows and what the children knows in order to reach a judgement that is of the best interest of the overall wellbeing of the children.

Lest I forget, at least for Lagos State the woman do not need to prove she can pay towards their education and living 50/50 in a standard that is acceptable for these children for her to have a fighting chance of shared custody rather the financial bulk is on their father.

This is a joke right? If she has a business why will anyone expect the financial bulk to be on the man alone?

GboyegaD:


This is a joke right? If she has a business why will anyone expect the financial bulk to be on the man alone?

In the post I quoted where the writer wrote 50/50 contribution gives a woman a chance to have custody and that is not so, thus the text you bolden.

In Lagos state, even you are just a baby daddy the court will grant judgement the man pay for child's school fees, medical bills, feeding and clothing, the woman takes care of accommodation of she and the child, which most times is with her family.

ColdHunter:
I have a cousin who has been in an abusive marriage for the past 12years. Not necessarily physical but emotional and verbal abuse. She is totally fed up as her mental health has been deteriorating due to constant fear. Her husband happens to be a rich but mischievous man and she is worried about what the man could do should she file for legal seperation.

Her concern is that he may go after her if she files for seperation. Secondly, is it the court that determines custody of their 3 children(12, 11, 9). She have already found accommodation but hasnt informed him of her plans to separate. She doesnt want anything from him as she has a successful business.

Are there steps she must take to forestall any bullying?

Experienced people should please contribute.

Your story is not heavy enough to seek divorce or separation as you desired.
What effort have you made to resolve your issues internally. Have you spoken to your spouse and letting him know how hurtful his action are on you emotionally and otherwise? Have you involved your families- his and yours? Are there no one he listens to you can talk to.
You seem to be in a haste to quit your marriage without finding ways to seek peaceful co-habition.
Meanwhile when pointing finger to others error be such to be free of error yourself. Are you bad tempered, unruly, and non-submissive? Do you engage him in aggressive arguments? Do you feel you have arrived and can do without him?
Rather calmly rethink. No woman can give those your children attention as you would. And what guarantee do you have your man won't hesitate to get a fresh sweet 18.
Find out where the missing link is and all shall be well

Tell her to meet a lawyer.

ColdHunter:
I have a cousin who has been in an abusive marriage for the past 12years. Not necessarily physical but emotional and verbal abuse. She is totally fed up as her mental health has been deteriorating due to constant fear. Her husband happens to be a rich but mischievous man and she is worried about what the man could do should she file for legal seperation.

Her concern is that he may go after her if she files for seperation. Secondly, is it the court that determines custody of their 3 children(12, 11, 9). She have already found accommodation but hasnt informed him of her plans to separate. She doesnt want anything from him as she has a successful business.

Are there steps she must take to forestall any bullying?

Experienced people should please contribute.

She should lawyer up.

ColdHunter:
I have a cousin who has been in an abusive marriage for the past 12years. Not necessarily physical but emotional and verbal abuse. She is totally fed up as her mental health has been deteriorating due to constant fear. Her husband happens to be a rich but mischievous man and she is worried about what the man could do should she file for legal seperation.

Her concern is that he may go after her if she files for seperation. Secondly, is it the court that determines custody of their 3 children(12, 11, 9). She have already found accommodation but hasnt informed him of her plans to separate. She doesnt want anything from him as she has a successful business.

Are there steps she must take to forestall any bullying?

Experienced people should please contribute.

What do ladie want self.
Them say it's better to cry in a Benz now en don de affect mental health

ColdHunter:
I have a cousin who has been in an abusive marriage for the past 12years. Not necessarily physical but emotional and verbal abuse. She is totally fed up as her mental health has been deteriorating due to constant fear. Her husband happens to be a rich but mischievous man and she is worried about what the man could do should she file for legal seperation.

Her concern is that he may go after her if she files for seperation. Secondly, is it the court that determines custody of their 3 children(12, 11, 9). She have already found accommodation but hasnt informed him of her plans to separate. She doesnt want anything from him as she has a successful business.

Are there steps she must take to forestall any bullying?

Experienced people should please contribute.

Who opened the business for her?

okeke6969:
This is one sided story, but anyway search for the justice court on YouTube. Precidinding judge funmi Asaolu.
You will see their e mail address, then
tell your cousin to file her case. Both of them will be invited..
The justice court is in Lagos.

www.thejusticecourt.com

If you hear the man's story u fit start to the cry for aam

She done use him money set up business,done dey nack small boy ,now she won form independent woman.
If its me ,just drop my children ,because no way in hell will I allow a single woman raise my children.after all they are teenagers,she want the children,so she still has atm if all goes bad.

ColdHunter:
I have a cousin who has been in an abusive marriage for the past 12years. Not necessarily physical but emotional and verbal abuse. She is totally fed up as her mental health has been deteriorating due to constant fear. Her husband happens to be a rich but mischievous man and she is worried about what the man could do should she file for legal seperation.

Her concern is that he may go after her if she files for seperation. Secondly, is it the court that determines custody of their 3 children(12, 11, 9). She have already found accommodation but hasnt informed him of her plans to separate. She doesnt want anything from him as she has a successful business.

Are there steps she must take to forestall any bullying?

Experienced people should please contribute.

onoja12:
She done use him money set up business,done dey nack small boy ,now she won form independent woman.
If its me ,just drop my children ,because no way in hell will I allow a single woman raise my children.after all they are teenagers,she want the children,so she still has atm if all goes bad.

The children belong to you the father and her, the mother. If the marriage ends she becomes a single mother, you become a single father and you both co-parent.

ColdHunter:
I have a cousin who has been in an abusive marriage for the past 12years. Not necessarily physical but emotional and verbal abuse. She is totally fed up as her mental health has been deteriorating due to constant fear. Her husband happens to be a rich but mischievous man and she is worried about what the man could do should she file for legal seperation.

Her concern is that he may go after her if she files for seperation. Secondly, is it the court that determines custody of their 3 children(12, 11, 9). She have already found accommodation but hasnt informed him of her plans to separate. She doesnt want anything from him as she has a successful business.

Are there steps she must take to forestall any bullying?

Experienced people should please contribute.

Wicked woman. You are just greedy and want freedom to fvk small yahoo boys. I pity that your husband.
From what I can deduce; you are the terrorist in the union.
First , your topic says violent spouse, in what way was he violent to you? You come dey change mouth say he dey insult you. Liar!!!! We know how sharp your mouth could be
2. You are just after his money and nothing more. Your topic clearly says rich
3. You are after his money, you want him to keep the children so you can be free to carry his money and spend on your new found lover. You are a scammer that married him for money

onoja12:
She done use him money set up business,done dey nack small boy ,now she won form independent woman.
If its me ,just drop my children ,because no way in hell will I allow a single woman raise my children.after all they are teenagers,she want the children,so she still has atm if all goes bad.

Fear this women.
Exactly what is happening. She said the man dey violent but could not explain how he was violent. Na just money she want

vickydevoka:

Who opened the business for her?

The husband of course. This woman is a wicked woman the type that your parents warned you about. I pray her sons marry the kind of monster she is

Shokoloko:

It doesn't matter what the sister is enjoying.
Look at the facts at hand. The lady wants an amicable separation and she is not planning to keep away the kids from their father. HER REQUEST IS REASONABLE!!!

OP IF YOU EVER HAVE TO POST INQUIRING ABOUT SEPERATION OR DIVORCE USE A MALE MONIKER. You will get more responses.
Most of the young men here are not very happy that you have portrayed your cousin to look like she is also very comfortable.

The lady is a greedy insatiable thief that married for money and want to divorce to be enjoying the man’s money while fvking around in freedom.
This is the mistake of the man for marrying a hoe that belongs to the street. It is not by marrying fine girl. I can bet the man is an older man and she is planing to return to her younger ex.
Let he come and deny this and let thunder strike her greedy big mouth.

ColdHunter:


One sided story how? Did I say the man is a devil or that my cousin is a saint. The question is basically how to get a peaceful seperation without fear of being bullied

Thief !!! Na the money dey enter your eyes.

africandollar:
And what if said husband is on Nairaland? you just divulged too much information and might have just put your friend (or yourself) in more trouble.

His family is not the only one going through this crisis , I wish her all the best .

Mindlog:


In your personal estimation, what is the percentage of those husbands who remain only with that wife that was there from the onset?

90%, that's a natural human instinct, good is not easily paid with bad, in 90% of the cases, if you're good to people they'll be good to you as well. I'm not saying bad and ungrateful men does not exist but most men(90%) will be there for the women who supported them during their struggling days, that's just the fact.
I'm not saying women should date a stupid and lazy man, I'm taking about a man that has a future, but pouncing on an already made man and claiming to love him is just a joke, the rich man is not a fool, he knows why you came and he will treat you accordingly.

God bless you.. you hit it point blank.. case closed and I urge you OP to heed to this comment.
Again this op sound like a troublesome person, I hope you don't deny this man sex and I also hope you are not a lesbian or have divorcees as friends.

By the time your eyes will clear you will see what your foolishness has done to you.

mens83:


Your story is not heavy enough to seek divorce or separation as you desired.
What effort have you made to resolve your issues internally. Have you spoken to your spouse and letting him know how hurtful his action are on you emotionally and otherwise? Have you involved your families- his and yours? Are there no one he listens to you can talk to.
You seem to be in a haste to quit your marriage without finding ways to seek peaceful co-habition.
Meanwhile when pointing finger to others error be such to be free of error yourself. Are you bad tempered, unruly, and non-submissive? Do you engage him in aggressive arguments? Do you feel you have arrived and can do without him?
Rather calmly rethink. No woman can give those your children attention as you would. And what guarantee do you have your man won't hesitate to get a fresh sweet 18.
Find out where the missing link is and all shall be well

ColdHunter:
I have a cousin who has been in an abusive marriage for the past 12years. Not necessarily physical but emotional and verbal abuse. She is totally fed up as her mental health has been deteriorating due to constant fear. Her husband happens to be a rich but mischievous man and she is worried about what the man could do should she file for legal seperation.

Her concern is that he may go after her if she files for seperation. Secondly, is it the court that determines custody of their 3 children(12, 11, 9). She have already found accommodation but hasnt informed him of her plans to separate. She doesnt want anything from him as she has a successful business.

Are there steps she must take to forestall any bullying?

Experienced people should please contribute.

Never been physical violent but she scared he's going to come after her? She better be scared then.