Hi guys,
I need your advice on this. It is causing issues in my 2 years relationship.
I came to Lagos in 2018 after my NYSC. Prior to that, I had plans for my older sister to come stay with me, considering how difficult things were.
Note that my married eldest brother was in Lagos before then. I understand that maybe he needs his privacy, but he didn't help in any way (he didn't have to).
 
When I got the apartment, I met my girlfriend while she was serving in Lagos. My older sister has yet to move in with me, but I have mentioned to her not once but twice that she will soon come and live with me.
 
I will also like to mention that my elder sister was living with her boyfriend before I came to Lagos. This doesn't seem right to me or to her.
 
She moved in, and we were living together peacefully. Along the way, she broke up with her boyfriend. About 6 months later, she got into another relationship. The man seems interested in marrying her. And they were making plans for settling down. Unfortunately, she got pregnant out of wedlock for the man. She had to move in with the man.
 
Now this is where the issues begin. After a few months (after her childbirth), they always have issues. They go on and off. Two times they had issues; she carried her bag and came to my place. Two times it happened, and she stayed with me for not more than two months put together. This didn't go well with my girlfriend. She complained that my sister is always in the picture, and she doesn't like that.
 
The third time, the man abused my sister, and he beat her up. I went to the man's house with my "married eldest brother." We fought with the man and threatened to arrest him. He pleaded, plus the neighbors and the landlord too. That night, we took my sister away from him. My sister chose to stay at my place until she gets an apartment for herself and her kid.

This really annoyed my girlfriend. She always says things like, "My family does not respect me." That's why my sister can move in to my house knowing that I am in a relationship.
"Why does she like to stay with me and not my brother?" "Why do I have to always be the one to bear the burden?" Note that my sister works, and she can take care of herself and her kid. She just needed a place to stay until she got her own apartment.

She feared that my sister could just move in with her bags when we get married, which I have assured her is not possible.
She claims she likes her space and all. She claims she doesn't like the "on and off" as sometimes she may want to spend a "lone" time with me. Spend weekends... and this won't be possible when my sister is around.
She claims that she has never seen a scenario where an older sister with a kid is leaving with younger brother.
She always give instances where she has never seen guys in relationships allow their older sister to come stay with them.
She claimed that sometimes I should "man up" and say NO to her. 
 
Is she overreacting? What did I do wrong in all of this? Am I being manipulated? Is her anger justified?
 
N.B My sister has gotten a place for herself and has moved out.

Nope, she isn't overreacting. I won't go generalizing that it's a woman thing but trust me if tables were turned and your sister's boyfriend or husband's siblings were to be doing the back and forth to their brother's house at the slightest discomfort, your sister would be raising the same hell.

I can't say for sure what is responsible for this behavior, I just feel most women are territorial and feel threatened when another female is seen to be encroaching on their space.

In conclusion, you truly need to man up and tell your sister to seat her ass down to build a life with her man. Stop making your house available for her as an option to run to at the slightest argument. Knowing that your house is always available for her to run to for refuge could be a part responsible for the many fights with her man. When it becomes clear that she can no longer find a place to run to at yours, she'd be forced to learn to work her issues out amicably with her guy.

My mama dey make one parable those days say "na woman wey see who dey nack am dey complain say kpekus dey pepper her, meanwhile, plenty dey wey no even see who ask dem say how far".


Una dooooooohhhhh

She's somehow right u need to draw the line




- then family first before girlfriends,



Encourage ur sister to get her own apartment


When u gets married you will need ya privacy with your wife

If you know what's good for you, stay away from that girl. If she can openly condemn you for providing shelter to your blood sister she'll do worse if you marry her. She's just a girlfriend that can be replaced anytime and not a wife, therefore has no right to interfere with your family issues unless she's providing solution.

Your girlfriend is not being considerate here because I am sure if it was the other way round she will not hesitate to help her sister.

What it means is that if you eventually marry her she will not want any members of your family around her. She need to be accommodating when the need arise as far you and your sister respects her too.

You should talk to your babe to calm down except your sister’s attitude towards her is bad.

You too should learn how to balance the love between your sister and babe so everyone will be happy

Op you just said in your last paragraph that your sister has moved out,and according to you that's the issue between you and your babe but it has being settled so what other advise do you need for an already settle issue ,or maybe you are waiting for nairaland men to come and gladly help you scatter your relationship telling you how inconsiderate she is towards your family.

People like you heaven and earth would fall if your man tries all of the above with you. Stop forming soro soke.... imagine you not having privacy with your man this weekend, next weekend and upper weekend, how will you react Abeg... or after you and your man had planned on how to dirty the weekend on bed then on getting to his house you met the every time sis... and how many rooms do you think all of this dramas are happening as Op is still single ...
Abeg madam he no easy we’re all women and we should yarn truth when needed

Latty88:
Your girlfriend is not being considerate here because I am sure if it was the other way round she will not hesitate to help her sister.

What it means is that if you eventually marry her she will not want any members of your family around her. She need to be accommodating when the need arise as far you and your sister respects her too.

You should talk to your babe to calm down except your sister’s attitude towards her is bad.

You too should learn how to balance the love between your sister and babe so everyone will be happy

Boring

Poor people.

I will not concern myself with people of lower vibrations.

I'm glad your sister has moved out. I was just about to advise that.

Relationships need privacy and intimacy to grow. Constant, unannounced disruption from outsiders puts a strain on any relationship. This has been proven time and time again.

I don't know why Nigerian men like constructing avenues for such issues to crop up.

Nazgul:
If you know what's good for you, stay away from that girl. If she can openly condemn you for providing shelter to your blood sister she'll do worse if you marry her. She's just a girlfriend that can be replaced anytime and not a wife, therefore has no right to interfere with your family issues unless she's providing solution.

You'd rather your sister show up at your house at any slightest thing just because she's "family" without regards to your "privacy and intimacy"?

What does she need privacy for as she’s not a wife yet, people like her need to be shunned and stop putting mouth where she’s not suppose to.
She’s faster than her shadow

No matter what you do family should come first, you are not sure if this girl that is acting up is the one you will marry

Always remember when shits gets tough family is the only people that got your back, don’t chase your sister out because of a girlfriend, you might need your sister one day in life

I would never trade a family member for an outsider. Never ever.
Even if my brother sleeps with my girlfriend or wife, I won't cut him out of my life. But the girl is gone and forgotten.
I love my family that much.

Slime7:
Hi guys,
I need your advice on this. It is causing issues in my 2 years relationship.
I came to Lagos in 2018 after my NYSC. Prior to that, I had plans for my older sister to come stay with me, considering how difficult things were.
Note that my married eldest brother was in Lagos before then. I understand that maybe he needs his privacy, but he didn't help in any way (he didn't have to).
 
When I got the apartment, I met my girlfriend while she was serving in Lagos. My older sister has yet to move in with me, but I have mentioned to her not once but twice that she will soon come and live with me.
 
I will also like to mention that my elder sister was living with her boyfriend before I came to Lagos. This doesn't seem right to me or to her.
 
She moved in, and we were living together peacefully. Along the way, she broke up with her boyfriend. About 6 months later, she got into another relationship. The man seems interested in marrying her. And they were making plans for settling down. Unfortunately, she got pregnant out of wedlock for the man. She had to move in with the man.
 
Now this is where the issues begin. After a few months (after her childbirth), they always have issues. They go on and off. Two times they had issues; she carried her bag and came to my place. Two times it happened, and she stayed with me for not more than two months put together. This didn't go well with my girlfriend. She complained that my sister is always in the picture, and she doesn't like that.
 
The third time, the man abused my sister, and he beat her up. I went to the man's house with my "married eldest brother." We fought with the man and threatened to arrest him. He pleaded, plus the neighbors and the landlord too. That night, we took my sister away from him. My sister chose to stay at my place until she gets an apartment for herself and her kid.

This really annoyed my girlfriend. She always says things like, "My family does not respect me." That's why my sister can move in to my house knowing that I am in a relationship.
"Why does she like to stay with me and not my brother?" "Why do I have to always be the one to bear the burden?" Note that my sister works, and she can take care of herself and her kid. She just needed a place to stay until she got her own apartment.

She feared that my sister could just move in with her bags when we get married, which I have assured her is not possible.
She claims she likes her space and all. She claims she doesn't like the "on and off" as sometimes she may want to spend a "lone" time with me. Spend weekends... and this won't be possible when my sister is around.
She claims that she has never seen a scenario where an older sister with a kid is leaving with younger brother.
She always give instances where she has never seen guys in relationships allow their older sister to come stay with them.
She claimed that sometimes I should "man up" and say NO to her. 
 
Is she overreacting? What did I do wrong in all of this? Am I being manipulated? Is her anger justified?
 
N.B My sister has gotten a place for herself and has moved out.

That ur gf na leech, no b better person she b.
When u no get money she go waka leave u
Know this n know peace.

Sixfeetbelle:


You'd rather your sister show up at your house at any slightest thing just because she's "family" without regards to your "privacy and intimacy"?

u didn't grow with them.

Some family are like dat. D one dey gf dey act like witch of a wife is too much

That girl will chase away your family from you after marriage.

Gf/ wife is not your blood, Just a Bleep mate. As long as my blood is good to me no human can dictate how my relationship with my siblings should be. Real men don't take orders from women, they fit leave you tomorrow.

.

I once met a girl who told me that she doesn't visit people at there family house, someone I had plans of relocating to my permanent base.. as a man when you start taking orders from women your own done finish. I had to dumb the bitch cos I see no reason making her a wife, she hates having family around.

To me, she was overreacting. Wetin come b her own? Afterall, she's not yet a wife.
What privacy does she need with a boyfriend except sexapedes Doggies.

nicerod:
She's somehow right u need to draw the line




- then family first before girlfriends,



Encourage ur sister to get her own apartment


When u gets married you will need ya privacy with your wife

What nonsense are talking about? So you can't help your sister that is in need because you're in a relationship? Why are you reasoning like a fool

Qatar2022:

What nonsense are talking about? So you can't help your sister that is in need because you're in a relationship? Why are you reasoning like a fool

Are u blind to see where I wrote family first?

Nazgul:
If you know what's good for you, stay away from that girl. If she can openly condemn you for providing shelter to your blood sister she'll do worse if you marry her. She's just a girlfriend that can be replaced anytime and not a wife, therefore has no right to interfere with your family issues unless she's providing solution.

Exactly, some idiot above you were condemning him for helping his sister

Slime7 any woman that will ask you to drive your family away cuz of having privacy doesn't have the good of your family at heart.

Family first brother. A girlfriend will dump you at any slight life misfortune but your family will always stand by you and come to your rescue.

A good woman will never ask her man to drive away his own blood relation cuz of her own selfish interest. Not that your sister will live with you forever. It's just for the main time due to circumstances and your selfish girlfriend that will never stand by you when the chips are down is the one asking you to drive away your own blood sister.

This is how you know a good woman. Your girlfriend is nothing but an outright selfish woman. The decision to marry her is in your court but just know that when you marry her, be rest assured she will do everything to separate you from your immediate family for sure.

If u marry her she'll turn u against ur family. What's the big deal in ur sister staying with u for sometime? Who is she to dictate to u how u treat ur family member. She's not even a wife and she's behaving like a spoilt brat. Dump that girl nd move on

The big problem i see here is that,you are not yet married to her.she7 just a girlfriend and yet she has the audacity to be teleguarding you and ordering you on what to do and what not to do.when you marry her. you would certainly have issue with her because she's selfish,manipulative and domineering.the good thing is that when you marry her,you may be running to your elder sisters house to stay because that lady would definately show you pepper.

.

If op want put that babe to text tell her your rent has expired and things are not really good for you now, then watch as the drama unfolds.

Sixfeetbelle:

You'd rather your sister show up at your house at any slightest thing just because she's "family" without regards to your "privacy and intimacy"?

If the tables were turned and it's his girlfriend's sister who's having serious accommodation issues to the extent that she's on the verge of becoming homeless, would the girl in question frown at her boyfriend for providing shelter to her own sister?

Many men accommodate their wife's siblings, feed them, train them, even send some of them abroad. And they don't complain about privacy.

If I'm in a relationship with you and you cannot see my blood sister as your own sister...and her presence in my house irritates you to the extent that you openly confront me to get rid of her, my dear such relationship cannot work.

Perfectbeing:
I would never trade a family member for an outsider. Never ever.
Even if my brother sleeps with my girlfriend or wife, I won't cut him out of my life. But the girl is gone and forgotten.
I love my family that much.

That's the one thing some men don't know. A woman will run away from a man at the slight life issues. We have seen where things get hard for a man and the so called woman he claimed to have dump him, and ran away. We have heard many stories like that. It's the blood family of the man that will always come standing by him.

Some women are really selfish. When the good become bad, they will take off at the slight misfortune of a man. They won't stand by the man o. Only few women will stand by a man that is passing through difficult life circumstances.

That's when such men will realise that family should always come first, cuz no matter the situations of a man, your family will be the one that will run helter and skelter for the man while the so called claimed girlfriend or even some wives will be no where to be found. They will dump the man and start seeking other affairs outside.

Men don't trade your family member in the place of a girlfriend. This one is not even wife yet o. A so-called girlfriend that can still be collecting dicks on a low outside o.

You can imagine the selfishness.