When we were growing up. My mum got married and brought two of her sisters to her husbands house it was my dad that trained them up till University level till they got married. Moral of the story, men are naturally good compare to hoes of these generation. They will leave you once you go broke so why take rubish from a woman who isn't family.

Enny2013:
To me, she was overreacting. Wetin come b her own? Afterall, she's not yet a wife.
What privacy does she need with a boyfriend except sexapedes Doggies.

No mind that selfish girlfriend. Privacy to dey f*ck na. What else? I don leave a girl cuz of that. Like seriously? I don't just understand how some ladies reason.

My siblings I grew up with, I should drive them away cuz of one selfish girl I am not even sure of that can run away any time.

Na wa o.

When you marry that girl after all the red flags, you better stay away from creating topics regarding your marriage on Nairaland.

It's high time we started collecting a fee for every advice given on Nairaland.

I will be collecting mine in Dollars.

Eyinju112:
People like you heaven and earth would fall if your man tries all of the above with you. Stop forming soro soke.... imagine you not having privacy with your man this weekend, next weekend and upper weekend, how will you react Abeg... or after you and your man had planned on how to dirty the weekend on bed then on getting to his house you met the every time sis... and how many rooms do you think all of this dramas are happening as Op is still single ...
Abeg madam he no easy we’re all women and we should yarn truth when needed

Instead of you to drop your own solution.. You are here condemning someone that gave a nice solution.. seems you are very wicked

Any girl that cannot accommodate her in-laws for a while... Should not accommodate her own family in my house... The day she tries it.. otilo

Slime7:
Hi guys,
I need your advice on this. It is causing issues in my 2 years relationship.
I came to Lagos in 2018 after my NYSC. Prior to that, I had plans for my older sister to come stay with me, considering how difficult things were.
Note that my married eldest brother was in Lagos before then. I understand that maybe he needs his privacy, but he didn't help in any way (he didn't have to).
 
When I got the apartment, I met my girlfriend while she was serving in Lagos. My older sister has yet to move in with me, but I have mentioned to her not once but twice that she will soon come and live with me.
 
I will also like to mention that my elder sister was living with her boyfriend before I came to Lagos. This doesn't seem right to me or to her.
 
She moved in, and we were living together peacefully. Along the way, she broke up with her boyfriend. About 6 months later, she got into another relationship. The man seems interested in marrying her. And they were making plans for settling down. Unfortunately, she got pregnant out of wedlock for the man. She had to move in with the man.
 
Now this is where the issues begin. After a few months (after her childbirth), they always have issues. They go on and off. Two times they had issues; she carried her bag and came to my place. Two times it happened, and she stayed with me for not more than two months put together. This didn't go well with my girlfriend. She complained that my sister is always in the picture, and she doesn't like that.
 
The third time, the man abused my sister, and he beat her up. I went to the man's house with my "married eldest brother." We fought with the man and threatened to arrest him. He pleaded, plus the neighbors and the landlord too. That night, we took my sister away from him. My sister chose to stay at my place until she gets an apartment for herself and her kid.

This really annoyed my girlfriend. She always says things like, "My family does not respect me." That's why my sister can move in to my house knowing that I am in a relationship.
"Why does she like to stay with me and not my brother?" "Why do I have to always be the one to bear the burden?" Note that my sister works, and she can take care of herself and her kid. She just needed a place to stay until she got her own apartment.

She feared that my sister could just move in with her bags when we get married, which I have assured her is not possible.
She claims she likes her space and all. She claims she doesn't like the "on and off" as sometimes she may want to spend a "lone" time with me. Spend weekends... and this won't be possible when my sister is around.
She claims that she has never seen a scenario where an older sister with a kid is leaving with younger brother.
She always give instances where she has never seen guys in relationships allow their older sister to come stay with them.
She claimed that sometimes I should "man up" and say NO to her. 
 
Is she overreacting? What did I do wrong in all of this? Am I being manipulated? Is her anger justified?
 
N.B My sister has gotten a place for herself and has moved out.

She acted how a typical Nigerian female will act. Checking how it affects them and not looking at the bigger picture.
How you handled the issue was okay. She is a girlfriend. Meaning she never get say yet when it comes to family affairs.

She is only human. So don't expect her to see it how you saw it. It doesn't mean that she is a bad person. Just observe how she acts towards others and draw your conclusion from there.

Mcslize:


That's the one thing some men don't know. A woman will run away from a man at the slight life issues. We have seen where things get hard for a man and the so called woman he claimed to have dump him, and ran away. We have heard many stories like that. It's the blood family of the man that will always come standing by him.

Some women are really selfish. When the good become bad, they will take off at the slight misfortune of a man. They won't stand by the man o. Only few women will stand by a man that is passing through difficult life circumstances.

That's when such men will realise that family should always come first, cuz no matter the situations of a man, your family will be the one that will run helter and skelter for the man while the so called claimed girlfriend or even some wives will be no where to be found. They will dump the man and start seeking other affairs outside.

Men don't trade your family member in the place of a girlfriend. This one is not even wife yet o. A so-called girlfriend that can still be collecting dicks on a low outside o.

You can imagine the selfishness.

True

.

Eyinju112:
People like you heaven and earth would fall if your man tries all of the above with you. Stop forming soro soke.... imagine you not having privacy with your man this weekend, next weekend and upper weekend, how will you react Abeg... or after you and your man had planned on how to dirty the weekend on bed then on getting to his house you met the every time sis... and how many rooms do you think all of this dramas are happening as Op is still single ...
Abeg madam he no easy we’re all women and we should yarn truth when needed

Be sincere with your self, if it were your sister going through what the OP stated and you are squatting with your boyfriend, will you accommodate her or not?

The OP explained what his sister is going through and I believe her stay with him is for a while. There are times we should make sacrifices for people even if they are not family.

I fear for this generation

She should put herself in your sister's shoe. Too bad
Somebody you are not even married to

looking for privacy to forn**cate, to walk around the house na*Ed, to k*SS you at every given opportunity.
If you like no use your head.

gaby:
Nope, she isn't overreacting.. Knowing that your house is always available for her to run to for refuge could be a part responsible for the many fights with her man. When it becomes clear that she can no longer find a place to run to at yours, she'd be forced to learn to work her issues out amicably with her guy.

My mama dey make one parable those days say "na woman wey see who dey back am dey complain say kpekus dey pepper her, meanwhile, plenty dey wey no even see who ask dem say how far".


Una dooooooohhhhh

Your head is there!
7 Crates of Beer for You!!

vincenteger:
I fear for this generation

She should put herself in your sister's shoe. Too bad
Somebody you are not even married to

looking for privacy to forn**cate, to walk around the house na*Ed, to k*SS you at every given opportunity.
If you like no use your head.

I also like the angle you're coming from.
In all things, na to use your sens
Dats y them call you man
Talk sens into your sista head
No fall asleep inside Love for your girlfriend

lbczurs:
u didn't grow with them.

Some family are like dat. D one dey gf dey act like witch of a wife is too much

Showing up without warning should not be encouraged abeg. There's nothing like the gf is doing too much

This is very simple. First, is she already your wife? I believe your sister should have more right and access to your house and property than your girlfriend should. If she was your wife, then maybe she might have a point in complaining about you guys privacy. But it's stupidity to place your girlfriend in a more important position than your own blood. That same girlfriend who's complaining would not think twice about dumping you if someone like Dangote chykes her nut your sister has seen you completely since you were a kid and both of you share a lot, and I'm sure that same sister probably took care of you guys at some stage in your life.
But also, you should make sure that you sort out your sister accomodation wise if you're about to settle down, so there'd be less interference in your marriage. For now, a girlfriend has no right to complain in this when she's not a wife.

Nazgul:

If the tables were turned and it's his girlfriend's sister who's having serious accommodation issues to the extent that she's on the verge of becoming homeless, would the girl in question frown at her boyfriend for providing shelter to her own sister?

Many men accommodate their wife's siblings, feed them, train them, even send some of them abroad. And they don't complain about privacy.

If I'm in a relationship with you and you cannot see my blood sister as your own sister...and her presence in my house irritates you to the extent that you openly confront me to get rid of her, my dear such relationship cannot work.

It's good that we're at this impasse.

Cause if your sibling doesn't understand decorum and why she can't just show up whenever she feels like it, then I can't be in a relationship with a man who encourages such lack in their sibling.

OP, I have always watched my elder brother putting me before his wife. He made sacrifices, inconvenience himself for me the way he never did for his wife. Then one day I asked him why he always does that. He looked up at me and said; never in my life should I choose a partner over family.

Personally, I can go to any length to sacrifice for my family. I can sacrifice that parasitic and self centred relationship just to help a family, I won't think twice.

The kind of help and encouragement I have received from family, I don't think a girlfriend or any girl at all can tell me how to help my family.

From my elder brother, I have learned to leave my doors open for family come rain or sunshine.

You are a great brother for always standing up for your sister and I will advise you to take your stand with that girl. An NYSC Corp should know the importance of shelter. I bet if she is contributing anything apart from sex.

Family first.

Demigod22:
OP, I have always watched my elder brother putting me before his wife. He made sacrifices, inconvenience himself for me the way he never did for his wife. Then one day I asked him why he always does that. He looked up at me and said; never in my life should I choose a partner over family.

Personally, I can go to any length to sacrifice for my family. I can sacrifice that parasitic and self centred relationship just to help a family, I won't think twice.

The kind of help and encouragement I have received from family, I don't think a girlfriend or any girl at all can tell me how to help my family.

From my elder brother, I have learned to leave my doors open for family come rain or sunshine.

You are a great brother for always standing up for your sister and I will advise you to take your stand with that girl. An NYSC Corp should know the importance of shelter. I bet if she is contributing anything apart from sex.

Family first.

And the sister?
Unfortunately she's gtn a home for herself nw. What an avenue for pride, lust and raising bastards

Marriages r now for better or best

Sixfeetbelle:


Showing up without warning should not be encouraged abeg. There's nothing like the gf is doing too much

The question is, who has more right or access to his house? His girlfriend who isn't his wife? Or his blood sister? If she was his wife, then she'd have had a point! But I don't even understand why a girlfriend should be cohabiting with a guy she isn't married to in the first place, let alone complaining about the guy's blood sister having access to her brother's house anytime she wills. Note that this very girlfriend can dump him if someone like Dangote chykes her, but his sister would always be there for him. The girlfriend would have had a point only if she was legally married to him. Then she could make a point about their marital privacy being breached. But for now, I think it's insulting for a common girlfriend to make such rules and hinder a guy's blood from access to his house as they please. The guy looks like a simp sef

Sixfeetbelle:


Showing up without warning should not be encouraged abeg. There's nothing like the gf is doing too much

dey play

chymeze:

The question is, who has more right or access to his house? His girlfriend who isn't his wife? Or his blood sister? If she was his wife, then she'd have had a point! But I don't even understand why a girlfriend should be cohabiting with a guy she isn't married to in the first place, let alone complaining about the guy's blood sister having access to her brother's house anytime she wills. Note that this very girlfriend can dump him if someone like Dangote chykes her, but his sister would always be there for him. The girlfriend would have had a point only if she was legally married to him. Then she could make a point about their marital privacy being breached. But for now, I think it's insulting for a common girlfriend to make such rules and hinder a guy's blood from access to his house as they please. The guy looks like a simp sef

You're arguing because it's a girlfriend. If it came from his wife nko??



It should not be encouraged. That's my own point.

Whether the complain came from a girlfriend or a fiancee or a wife, showing up whenever you feel like it to your sibling's houses should not be encouraged.

Slime7:
Hi guys,
I need your advice on this. It is causing issues in my 2 years relationship.
I came to Lagos in 2018 after my NYSC. Prior to that, I had plans for my older sister to come stay with me, considering how difficult things were.
Note that my married eldest brother was in Lagos before then. I understand that maybe he needs his privacy, but he didn't help in any way (he didn't have to).
 
When I got the apartment, I met my girlfriend while she was serving in Lagos. My older sister has yet to move in with me, but I have mentioned to her not once but twice that she will soon come and live with me.
 
I will also like to mention that my elder sister was living with her boyfriend before I came to Lagos. This doesn't seem right to me or to her.
 
She moved in, and we were living together peacefully. Along the way, she broke up with her boyfriend. About 6 months later, she got into another relationship. The man seems interested in marrying her. And they were making plans for settling down. Unfortunately, she got pregnant out of wedlock for the man. She had to move in with the man.
 
Now this is where the issues begin. After a few months (after her childbirth), they always have issues. They go on and off. Two times they had issues; she carried her bag and came to my place. Two times it happened, and she stayed with me for not more than two months put together. This didn't go well with my girlfriend. She complained that my sister is always in the picture, and she doesn't like that.
 
The third time, the man abused my sister, and he beat her up. I went to the man's house with my "married eldest brother." We fought with the man and threatened to arrest him. He pleaded, plus the neighbors and the landlord too. That night, we took my sister away from him. My sister chose to stay at my place until she gets an apartment for herself and her kid.

This really annoyed my girlfriend. She always says things like, "My family does not respect me." That's why my sister can move in to my house knowing that I am in a relationship.
"Why does she like to stay with me and not my brother?" "Why do I have to always be the one to bear the burden?" Note that my sister works, and she can take care of herself and her kid. She just needed a place to stay until she got her own apartment.

She feared that my sister could just move in with her bags when we get married, which I have assured her is not possible.
She claims she likes her space and all. She claims she doesn't like the "on and off" as sometimes she may want to spend a "lone" time with me. Spend weekends... and this won't be possible when my sister is around.
She claims that she has never seen a scenario where an older sister with a kid is leaving with younger brother.
She always give instances where she has never seen guys in relationships allow their older sister to come stay with them.
She claimed that sometimes I should "man up" and say NO to her. 
 
Is she overreacting? What did I do wrong in all of this? Am I being manipulated? Is her anger justified?
 
N.B My sister has gotten a place for herself and has moved out.

Once women come into ur life, their first rule of thumb is divide and rule, isolation of their victim from their family , a source of aid in d times to come, they cause enmity btw the family she came into so that she only gets to av a say, if peradventure u die now, she wants to av sole discretion of property rights, let me tell one thing, if its her own sister going thru d same thing she wouldn't mind her staying in ur house , she doesn't even care about ur family otherwise she would understand ! she's not overreacting, u need to drop her if she's not comfortable with u helping ur own family members when they need u the most

It's a woman thing, they are always jealous of each other, you should also man up and don't always allow your sister to be coming back and forth.

She needs to learn to settle down and talk things out with her man. Guy, your girl can be manipulative I don't really care but your sister too is being manipulative. Learn to be a man bro. Can't she settle back with her husband, If it's settleable than being a single mom?

Sixfeetbelle:
I'm glad your sister has moved out. I was just about to advise that.

Relationships need privacy and intimacy to grow. Constant, unannounced disruption from outsiders puts a strain on any relationship. This has been proven time and time again.

I don't know why Nigerian men like constructing avenues for such issues to crop up.

You mean for fornicationship to grow? And must a relationship grow only when she's cohabiting with her boyfriend in same house? Infact that's when most relationships fail! She's not his wife for crying out loud, and cannot claim access or more right to his house than his blood sister.

Sixfeetbelle:


You're arguing because it's a girlfriend. If it came from his wife nko??



It should not be encouraged. That's my own point.

Whether the complain came from a girlfriend or a fiancee or a wife, showing up whenever you feel like it to your sibling's houses should not be encouraged.

That's my point. Her right to argue depends on her status... whether she's a wife or just a girlfriend. Why should a common girlfriend even have access to his house as per sleeping over and cohabiting like they're already married? Is that proper I'm the first place. Let her become a wife first, then she would have a valid point of argument.

OP, this one no be wife material. Better think twice before marrying her

chymeze:

You mean for fornicationship to grow? And must a relationship grow only when she's cohabiting with her boyfriend in same house? Infact that's when most relationships fail! She's not his wife for crying out loud, and cannot claim access or more right to his house than his blood sister.

Note the difference here. Please.

The sister isn't coming over to stay for a certain time period till she finds her feet. She's coming over and then going back to her baby daddy's. And when they fight again, she'll run back to her brother's place. The reason she's being like that is cause she knows she has a refuge in her brother's house. This refuge encourages her to not be sensible about her relationship with her baby daddy, or even her adult life for that matter.

And as long as the Op keeps allowing her to come over whenever she feels like it because she's family, he'll keep rewarding her "unseriousness"

Sixfeetbelle:


Note the difference here. Please.

The sister isn't coming over to stay for a certain time period till she finds her feet. She's coming over and then going back to her baby daddy's. And when they fight again, she'll run back to her brother's place. The reason she's being like that is cause she knows she has a refuge in her brother's house. This refuge encourages her to not be sensible about her relationship with her baby daddy, or even her adult life for that matter.

And as long as the Op keeps allowing her to come over whenever she feels like it because she's family, he'll keep rewarding her "unseriousness"

It still doesn't matter. It doesn't matter whether the sister even has her own mansion or business to cater for herself. The point is that his sister has more access to his place than a girlfriend. For the girlfriend to even have the audacity to complain about his sister coming to her brother's house even when she (the girlfriend) knows that she's illegally living (not married) in her boyfriend's house is insulting and hypocritical. The girlfriend should first start by not visiting or living illegally in her boyfriend's house before she can even have the guts to complain about someone's sister coming over to her brother's house

chymeze:

It still doesn't matter. It doesn't matter whether the sister even has her own mansion or business to cater for herself. The point is that his sister has more access to his place than a girlfriend. For the girlfriend to even have the audacity to complain about his sister coming to her brother's house even when she (the girlfriend) knows that she's illegally living (not married) in her boyfriend's house is insulting and hypocritical. The girlfriend should first start by not visiting or living illegally in her boyfriend's house before she can even have the guts to complain about someone's sister coming over to her brother's house

Agree to disagree

LoudlyMouthed:

Your head is there!
7 Crates of Beer for You!!

Orijin bitters, please.

You first question is contradicting itself madam

Latty88:


Be sincere with your self, if it were your sister going through what the OP stated and you are squatting with your boyfriend, will you accommodate her or not?

The OP explained what his sister is going through and I believe her stay with him is for a while. There are times we should make sacrifices for people even if they are not family.

Slime7:
Hi guys,
I need your advice on this. It is causing issues in my 2 years relationship.
I came to Lagos in 2018 after my NYSC. Prior to that, I had plans for my older sister to come stay with me, considering how difficult things were.
Note that my married eldest brother was in Lagos before then. I understand that maybe he needs his privacy, but he didn't help in any way (he didn't have to).
 
When I got the apartment, I met my girlfriend while she was serving in Lagos. My older sister has yet to move in with me, but I have mentioned to her not once but twice that she will soon come and live with me.
 
I will also like to mention that my elder sister was living with her boyfriend before I came to Lagos. This doesn't seem right to me or to her.
 
She moved in, and we were living together peacefully. Along the way, she broke up with her boyfriend. About 6 months later, she got into another relationship. The man seems interested in marrying her. And they were making plans for settling down. Unfortunately, she got pregnant out of wedlock for the man. She had to move in with the man.
 
Now this is where the issues begin. After a few months (after her childbirth), they always have issues. They go on and off. Two times they had issues; she carried her bag and came to my place. Two times it happened, and she stayed with me for not more than two months put together. This didn't go well with my girlfriend. She complained that my sister is always in the picture, and she doesn't like that.
 
The third time, the man abused my sister, and he beat her up. I went to the man's house with my "married eldest brother." We fought with the man and threatened to arrest him. He pleaded, plus the neighbors and the landlord too. That night, we took my sister away from him. My sister chose to stay at my place until she gets an apartment for herself and her kid.

This really annoyed my girlfriend. She always says things like, "My family does not respect me." That's why my sister can move in to my house knowing that I am in a relationship.
"Why does she like to stay with me and not my brother?" "Why do I have to always be the one to bear the burden?" Note that my sister works, and she can take care of herself and her kid. She just needed a place to stay until she got her own apartment.

She feared that my sister could just move in with her bags when we get married, which I have assured her is not possible.
She claims she likes her space and all. She claims she doesn't like the "on and off" as sometimes she may want to spend a "lone" time with me. Spend weekends... and this won't be possible when my sister is around.
She claims that she has never seen a scenario where an older sister with a kid is leaving with younger brother.
She always give instances where she has never seen guys in relationships allow their older sister to come stay with them.
She claimed that sometimes I should "man up" and say NO to her. 
 
Is she overreacting? What did I do wrong in all of this? Am I being manipulated? Is her anger justified?
 
N.B My sister has gotten a place for herself and has moved out.

She is just your girlfriend, not your wife yet.


What nonsense alone time was she jabbering about?


She is manipulative abeg, and you need to rethink your future with that type of woman.