I want to start like this, love is beautiful. And we humans were created with the heart to love. It is our nature, and there is nothing you or I can do about it.

So to those of us who have been through the receiving end of loving and not being loved, find comfort and find peace. And as I wrote above, we were created to love and be loved. You will find your own. The someone that will make your heart do "GRAGRIGRO"... Smiles😊

But Why is it so hard and so painful at the same time to truly love someone whose affection is with somebody else? Why does this happen?

You saw her, beautiful, smart, and caring. Every time you are around her she just makes you flustered. You don't why she has that much effect on you. But the more you try to make a move, you can see it written on the walls, " My heart is with someone else"

Whereas there is another who sees you, whose heart is warmed by your presence. But whom you choose not to see. Hmm!!!


It is a very sad state to be in. In this state, your eyes are completely blinded. So blinded that you will refuse to see the one who truly loves you right by your side.

Then I will ask again, do you pursue the one that loves you or keep pursuing the one you love but who does not see it? I have my comment on this but I will reserve it.

I know one thing about love, it can be built. It just takes an eye that can see something that will be the spark for that fire.


I believe in true love and I know that what is meant to be will be. So don't kill yourself.

I have been there I know what it is.

To others who have been there too, how was it? If I see your response, I know you did not die. How did you heal? How did you move on? Did you finally find love in the person who truly sees you for you?

Your response who knows might help someone else.

Interesting read. I have been in this scenario in the past when i used to love. Now i realised that Nigerian women can't love, they are only interested in your pocket - this is their default mode and there is nothing anybody can do about it. So now, nothing like I'm falling in love, it's of no use.

It' has been said that we should concentrate on those who love us but in reality it isn't always easy, especially as there may be no attraction or chemistry whatsoever.

A wise adult shouldn't chase love. Look for whom likes you and you like in return. Look for chemistry and one who meets at least a good percentage of your requirements. Leave love for teenagers.

zed7:
It' has been said that we should concentrate on those who love us but in reality it isn't always easy, especially as there may be no attraction or chemistry whatsoever.

A wise adult shouldn't chase love. Look for whom likes you and you like in return. Look for chemistry and one who meets at least a good percentage of your requirements. Leave love for teenagers.

God bless u 100% I have tried this and it's working for me now..

The lady that I later married was a lady I like but not love but due toy experience Abt love so I forgot everything Abt it ... I just focus on compatibility.

But from d side of the girl to me she was too acttracted to me like she can do anything for me just to satisfy me .there was a time I want to end the game because she sees it iny eyes and my feelings that I like her but not love meaning we may not last..

Then she held my two hands and look into my eyes and called my name and said I really love u with passion with kiss 💋..
You know something came to my brain that since have found someone that really loved me then why can't I wait to develop my own for her too 🤔

But thank God after giving birth to a boy for me now the love has skyrocket from my heart too and she keeps loving me more more and more ...
Like anytime she sees me I am like an angel to her life ..

So in conclusion a man should forget love and look for campanion and campatibility later una go develop love if those things has been found..

Peace ✌️

The most painful thing is life is loving someone with all ur heart but in return she don't have any feelings for u or rather don't want to see you 😢 😭
Have fell in many pit hole of love but at last d lady I later married I just like her normally like just an ordinary girl but she made me love her because I am everything to her whenever she sees me she have seen everything in her life ..so I was confused to d extent she told me face to face private room that she loves me and want to marry me 🤔 I was shocked because dis was a girl I have such in mind for but I continue the game just to see if truly what she said is reality .. to God be d glory she is now my wife and am not regretting it and my own love for her too now is intact after given birth to a bouncing baby boy for me 😊😊

My advise to single guys is that love is not enough for everything in marriage and it's better to marry someone that loves u more than u love her .it will really give u peace of mind ..cheers

Paulajeigbe:

I want to start like this, love is beautiful. And we humans were created with the heart to love. It is our nature, and there is nothing you or I can do about it.

So to those of us who have been through the receiving end of loving and not being loved, find comfort and find peace. And as I wrote above, we were created to love and be loved. You will find your own. The someone that will make your heart do "GRAGRIGRO"... Smiles😊

But Why is it so hard and so painful at the same time to truly love someone whose affection is with somebody else? Why does this happen?

You saw her, beautiful, smart, and caring. Every time you are around her she just makes you flustered. You don't why she has that much effect on you. But the more you try to make a move, you can see it written on the walls, " My heart is with someone else"

Whereas there is another who sees you, whose heart is warmed by your presence. But whom you choose not to see. Hmm!!!


It is a very sad state to be in. In this state, your eyes are completely blinded. So blinded that you will refuse to see the one who truly loves you right by your side.

Then I will ask again, do you pursue the one that loves you or keep pursuing the one you love but who does not see it? I have my comment on this but I will reserve it.

I know one thing about love, it can be built. It just takes an eye that can see something that will be the spark for that fire.


I believe in true love and I know that what is meant to be will be. So don't kill yourself.

I have been there I know what it is.

To others who have been there too, how was it? If I see your response, I know you did not die. How did you heal? How did you move on? Did you finally find love in the person who truly sees you for you?

Your response who knows might help someone else.

Love does not exist anywhere in the world.

Love is a myth.

Love is a veil behind which women extort men.

Tayorshd2:
The most painful thing is life is loving someone with all ur heart but in return she don't have any feelings for u or rather don't want to see you 😢 😭
Have fell in many pit hole of love but at last d lady I later married I just like her normally like just an ordinary girl but she made me love her because I am everything to her whenever she sees me she have seen everything in her life ..so I was confused to d extent she told me face to face private room that she loves me and want to marry me 🤔 I was shocked because dis was a girl I have such in mind for but I continue the game just to see if truly what she said is reality .. to God be d glory she is now my wife and am not regretting it and my own love for her too now is intact after given birth to a bouncing baby boy for me 😊😊

My advise to single guys is that love is not enough for everything in marriage and it's better to marry someone that loves u more than u love her .it will really give u peace of mind ..cheers

Another man might have been digging your wife steadily since your wedding night.


What you paid for, someone is getting it freely on a daily basis.


Be wise.

Winterhaven:
Interesting read. I have been in this scenario in the past when i used to love. Now i realised that Nigerian women can't love, they are only interested in your pocket - this is their default mode and there is nothing anybody can do about it. So now, nothing like I'm falling in love, it's of no use.

Hmm. It can be hard though. But me I know you will still love when that one person with genuine interest for you for you show up.

GeorgWashinton:
Love does not exist anywhere in the world.

Love is a myth.

Love is a veil behind which women extort men.

Hmm. Reading your response, I know you have been through the pain. Yet, humans were created with the capacity to love.

GeorgWashinton:
Another man might have been digging your wife steadily since your wedding night.


What you paid for, someone is getting it freely on a daily basis.


Be wise.

Hmm... When you find someone that loves you, it makes your loving in return easy.

Tayorshd2:


God bless u 100% I have tried this and it's working for me now..

The lady that I later married was a lady I like but not love but due toy experience Abt love so I forgot everything Abt it ... I just focus on compatibility.

But from d side of the girl to me she was too acttracted to me like she can do anything for me just to satisfy me .there was a time I want to end the game because she sees it iny eyes and my feelings that I like her but not love meaning we may not last..

Then she held my two hands and look into my eyes and called my name and said I really love u with passion with kiss 💋..
You know something came to my brain that since have found someone that really loved me then why can't I wait to develop my own for her too 🤔

But thank God after giving birth to a boy for me now the love has skyrocket from my heart too and she keeps loving me more more and more ...
Like anytime she sees me I am like an angel to her life ..

So in conclusion a man should forget love and look for campanion and campatibility later una go develop love if those things has been found..

Peace ✌️

Good read. It shows that love can be developed it can be built.

zed7:
It' has been said that we should concentrate on those who love us but in reality it isn't always easy, especially as there may be no attraction or chemistry whatsoever.

A wise adult shouldn't chase love. Look for whom likes you and you like in return. Look for chemistry and one who meets at least a good percentage of your requirements. Leave love for teenagers.

Lol! Hmm

Paulajeigbe:


Good read. It shows that love can be developed it can be built.

Yes it can

Paulajeigbe:
■ I want to start like this, love is beautiful. And we humans were created with the heart to love. It is our nature, and there is nothing you or I can do about it. So to those of us who have been through the receiving end of loving and not being loved, find comfort and find peace. And as I wrote above, we were created to love and be loved. You will find your own. The someone that will make your heart do "GRAGRIGRO"... Smiles😊
But Why is it so hard and so painful at the same time to truly love someone whose affection is with somebody else? Why does this happen?
■ You saw her, beautiful, smart, and caring. Every time you are around her she just makes you flustered. You don't why she has that much effect on you. But the more you try to make a move, you can see it written on the walls, " My heart is with someone else"
Whereas there is another who sees you, whose heart is warmed by your presence. But whom you choose not to see. Hmm!!!
■ It is a very sad state to be in. In this state, your eyes are completely blinded. So blinded that you will refuse to see the one who truly loves you right by your side. Then I will ask again, do you pursue the one that loves you or keep pursuing the one you love but who does not see it? I have my comment on this but I will reserve it.
■ I know one thing about love, it can be built. It just takes an eye that can see something that will be the spark for that fire.

■ I believe in true love and I know that what is meant to be will be. So don't kill yourself. I have been there I know what it is. To others who have been there too, how was it? If I see your response, I know you did not die. How did you heal? How did you move on? Did you finally find love in the person who truly sees you for you? Your response who knows might help someone else.

1. You do know that there are so many other ways you can love others that does not have to involve having to bed and possess em?

2. Wetin this one dey talk! We know why. They are called brain chemicals and they play games on your mind deluding you with thoughts and ideas that you ought to be even more careful of but more times than not are not.

3. It is only sad if you let yourself be manipulated by mindless chemicals swooshing around in your brain.

4. Love can be built? Love can be built around an agreement between partners or individuals maybe. Love is a decision made either by individuals or in submission to an agreement between partners. It does not pop out of nowhere and no, it isn't unconditional either. Love without rules is brain damage and that is instead what hate stems from.

5.

Paulajeigbe:

To others who have been there too, how was it? If I see your response, I know you did not die. How did you heal? How did you move on? Did you finally find love in the person who truly sees you for you?

Your response who knows might help someone else.

Personally, I think the term "love" and "attraction/attachment" are sometimes confused. I believe emotional and physical attraction (falling in love) is often beyond our control, we cannot choose the people we get physically or emotionally attracted/attached to. It can come as an unexplainable longing for someone. However, you can choose who you will love. Let me share my experience though it is a little bit different from what you wrote.
My experience
As young girl i have always wanted "one relationship, one marriage". So, i decided i was going to face my studies, only get into a relationship when I'm ready for marriage and marry the love of my life forever. I met guys who really loved me, but i let go as soon as possible because I don't believe in leading people on emotionally.
I was almost 24 years when I got into my first relationship ever, i believed I had found the person i will be committed to for the rest of my life. I wasn't emotional attracted at first but I feel in love few months into the relationship. We planned marriage and he met my parents.
Unfortunately for me, the relationship broke after a while. But I could not detached from him emotionally. I couldn't just imagine my life without him. He was always in thoughts and dreams, faces i see around me were looking like his. I thought I was going mad. I just couldn't let go. I couldn't stop communicating with him, i will block and unblock him. I hoped and prayed that things will work out, that he will come back to his senses. He disrespect me a few times, took me for granted and often advised me to move on.
After a while, he became a little bit serious with me, though he never committed to a relationship with me like he did before. Unknowingly to me, he had been in another relationship all these while and the relationship broke. He will often advice me to move on, that he doesn't want to be the reason for my late marriage, he had no plans to marry me. However, i just could not find closure or any tangible reason to move on.
Through these period, i cried bucket of tears, lost appetite for food, there were times i couldn't sleep, i had to take pills, so i could sleep. I had to seek counsel from a psychologist and spiritual counsel. Everyone was screaming "move on" into my ears but i just couldn't help myself. I will promise everyone never to contact him again, but i will end up breaking my promise.
Then i started researching into "being in love" and what it does to the brain. I discovered that being in love is similar to alcohol or drug addiction. They all release dopamine in the brain which give you a sense of pleasure. When you see or talk to the person you love, you get excited because of dopamine release, then you want more. Your brain craves for it more. You want to see the person more or talk to them, then you become addicted. Other people don't excite you as much as this person, you want them around all the time.
Similar to other addictions, once, the person breaks up with you or doesn't give you a chance, then it seems like your whole world had comes crashing. The craving starts, you are looking for every means possible to get the dopamine release. It seems you cannot do without the person.
Back to my story
Finally, two years after the break up, i was able to let go and move on. This was because I got enough support from family and friends. Also, i met a friend here on Nairaland whom i was emotionally attracted to for a while. This showed me i can still fall in love.
Then my Ex came back, he said it was after I moved on and reduced all communication with him that he became attracted to me. Unfortunately for him, that ship has already sailed. He is still trying to get me back till now.
It's been almost four years since the break up drama, never been into any other relationship. I'm still single and trusting God to be married. Honestly, i don't think i can stupidly fall in love with any guy till marriage. "Once bitten, twice shy". However, anything can happen o.