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A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by Vyvyanvyvy: 4:21pm On Feb 22, 2023 |
Hello guys, I am a 36 years old single mother of four. My son will be 15 in August, first daughter 10 in october, my third 5 and youngest 3 by june. I have separated from my husband because he didn't want my son to come and live with us, I have been taking care of them singlehandedly for 3 years. I have been friend with this man, a widower who is 57 years and a father of 2 children. He is asking for my hand in marriage. To be honest, I don't want to be married again, all I want is to focus on raising my kids because I have been through a lot in my previous marriage and I don't want another marriage wahala. He asked for my hand in marriage, I rejected him and I had explained to him why I don't want to marry again. I told him what my ex did, he said he is a mature man he will love me and my children and he will never hate them or ask them to leave his house. I told him I have to think about it and I will get back to him ASAP. But I am still scared to accept his proposal because I don't want history to repeat itself and he is still on my neck. He wants me to accept his proposal. I am confused. Please advice me. Is it a wise choice for me to get married again after everything I have been through in the past? 11 Likes 1 Share |
Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by gaby(m): 4:23pm On Feb 22, 2023 |
Always follow your instincts and you'd hardly go wrong and whatever the results, you'd take it in good fate knowing you listened and acted according to the dictates of your inner man. 177 Likes 14 Shares |
Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by Nobody: 4:27pm On Feb 22, 2023 |
Likes for OBI 444 Likes 6 Shares |
Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by ValCon888: 4:28pm On Feb 22, 2023 |
Firstly, a single mother of four is a steep hill to climb for any man. You're lucky someone is ready and willing to accept you and your four kids into his home. Not to cohabit, but to make an honest woman out of you by asking for your hand in marriage. At the end of the day, the choice is yours. If you don't want to then don't. For me, I'd advise you to for the security and companionship. One thing's certain; offers like this only happen once in a lifetime. I hope 20 years from now you won't look back at this moment and be gnashing your teeth. 329 Likes 13 Shares |
Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by slan87(m): 4:28pm On Feb 22, 2023 |
I will advise you to focus more on your children @ the moment, truly been a single parent can be very boring @ times. But since you said you don't want to go into marriage stress for now. Then, I think the best for you is just to stand on your NO. It always start with sweet talks @ the beginning, don't be a victim twice 31 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by Klass99(f): 4:37pm On Feb 22, 2023 |
96 Likes 1 Share |
Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by Vyvyanvyvy: 4:51pm On Feb 22, 2023 |
gaby: Thanks 5 Likes |
Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by Vyvyanvyvy: 4:51pm On Feb 22, 2023 |
ValCon888: You are right thanks 12 Likes |
Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by Vyvyanvyvy: 4:52pm On Feb 22, 2023 |
slan87: Thanks 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by Vyvyanvyvy: 4:56pm On Feb 22, 2023 |
Klass99: Thanks for the helpful advice 10 Likes |
Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by sisisioge: 4:59pm On Feb 22, 2023 |
It is well....why not date him for a while to understand his kind of person? You've been there with marriage, you of all people should know not to jump into another. Besides, you're a full package that requires input from all participants, what do your kids think of him and his of you? Good luck. 38 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by Vyvyanvyvy: 5:10pm On Feb 22, 2023 |
sisisioge: Thanks. I have known him for a year he is a great man and would love to be a part of his life my children adore him but when I remember how my ex husband was also a saint in the begining, he promised me heaven on earth, he even swore in front of my late mother and elder brother that he love me and my kids like his own , only for him to change his mind after the wedding , that's why I am scared that the same thing may happen again. I haven't met or spoken to his children ,they are adult the daughter is already married with kids and the son lives abroad. 29 Likes |
Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by silibaba: 5:18pm On Feb 22, 2023 |
remain as you dey. your kids are already matured to start blessing you. except say t.o .t. o dey scratch you already 13 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by Weirdcamila: 5:19pm On Feb 22, 2023 |
Vyvyanvyvy: You didn’t include if you had sex with him 7 Likes |
Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by Vyvyanvyvy: 5:24pm On Feb 22, 2023 |
silibaba: Thanks |
Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by Vyvyanvyvy: 5:24pm On Feb 22, 2023 |
2 Likes |
Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by sisisioge: 5:25pm On Feb 22, 2023 |
Vyvyanvyvy: Dicey....it is well. If you are of the new age where divorce is viewed as simply a break of contract, then go ahead to marry him. Just ensure you dont have any more kids with him for a while so you dont keep having kids with different fathers. If he turns out to be bad market, you tear the contract. Simple. With that in mind, you have more to gain than loose. Yorubas will say if you decide to close your eyes to avoid seeing bad people, goood people may also pass you by without you realizing it. Good luck. 37 Likes 4 Shares |
Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by Klass99(f): 5:28pm On Feb 22, 2023 |
60 Likes 7 Shares |
Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by Vyvyanvyvy: 5:30pm On Feb 22, 2023 |
sisisioge: Thanks . We don't want more kids. 1 Like |
Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by ceeceeuwa: 5:37pm On Feb 22, 2023 |
Vyvyanvyvy:Please let him see the elders in your family. They should make him understand that your children are to be accepted by him just as you are ready to accept his. Please, double your hustle so you won't be at his mercy when it comes to the financial responsibility of your children. But if you genuinely feel you are good without any man,then listen to your instinct. 5 Likes |
Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by Vyvyanvyvy: 5:44pm On Feb 22, 2023 |
Klass99: I had 2 children before my ex husband , my daughter was staying with us and my son was staying with my elder brother. I agreed with you same as me I don't expect him to love them unconditionally but i just want them to feel loved , safe around him and be comfortable in the house even if he will not foot all the bills I am hard working I will take care of the rest . When i was with my ex husband I footed 70% of the bills but still he didn't want my son to stay with us , he was not even the one that was paying their school fees and all i wanted is for my son to stay with us so he can feel loved , safe and comfortable around him he refused which I don't know why he choose to hate my boy for no valid reason. that's why I had to choose my son over him. 16 Likes |
Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by ekitimanalways(m): 5:44pm On Feb 22, 2023 |
Vyvyanvyvy: Have you sought your children's opinion(s) before asking Nairalanders for advice? 6 Likes |
Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by Vyvyanvyvy: 5:49pm On Feb 22, 2023 |
ceeceeuwa: Thanks. Not looking forward for him to carry all their responsibilities. I am hard working , I have a shop , I recently rented a 2 bedroom apartment and all my children are attending a private school without any help from their fathers or him. 17 Likes |
Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by Weirdcamila: 5:55pm On Feb 22, 2023 |
Vyvyanvyvy: Don’t marry him You guys are not in love And people around him will frustrate you if he dies first . 6 Likes 1 Share |
Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by Klass99(f): 5:56pm On Feb 22, 2023 |
16 Likes 1 Share |
Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by ceeceeuwa: 5:57pm On Feb 22, 2023 |
Vyvyanvyvy:Then double it! Don't relent sis. 6 Likes |
Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by Vyvyanvyvy: 5:58pm On Feb 22, 2023 |
ekitimanalways: They're minors their decision doesn't matter. It is only me that can decide on the right thing to do but I am confused and I don't know what to do, that's why I came to deek for advice because I know we have wise men and women in this forums who will be able to offer me some great advices that will help me to make the right decision. 5 Likes |
Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by shortgun(m): 6:42pm On Feb 22, 2023 |
You said, you and your husband are separated... does this mean you are divorced or not? I'll advise you to get married to this man if you have divorced your husband legally and traditionally. A time will come when your kids will be too busy with their own lives and won't have the time to always be around you, you will feel lonely and become depressed. 22 Likes |
Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by ekitimanalways(m): 6:46pm On Feb 22, 2023 |
Vyvyanvyvy:Your children may be minors but they have emotions. Letting your children know about your plans in a loving manner can help ease their acceptance of this next step. When done successfully, you can assist them in processing their emotions about the new marriage and the changes it may mean for their home life. 18 Likes 1 Share |
Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by churro: 7:03pm On Feb 22, 2023 |
I have read all your points. My candied advice is for you to go ahead and marry him. Why? Your ex-husband didn't want your son to live with him. But this older man doesn't seem to mind, not to take one but all four! f you are scared of him changing his mind, have him see your relatives and reaffirm his stance. Just trust God, and pray to him to help your husband love you all. He also needs to be encouraged. It's not easy. No one knows the future. Who knows you may be the one giving him attitude tomorrow. Trust God. Do not Fear. Marry him. Pray. Encourage him. Love him. Pray. All will be well. 7 Likes |
Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by techWriter3: 7:20pm On Feb 22, 2023 |
tastes for sash |
Re: A Widower Asking For My Hand In Marriage by Ulunne777(f): 7:22pm On Feb 22, 2023 |
Not all heroes wear capes!I haven't forgotten you dear.standing up for that boy was a mean feat.I hope he's good and well behaved now. For me I'd say check very well but keep your expectations low. Sometimes loneliness isnt good but don't expect much from the man.Then again fortify yourself as in family planning.Don't mistakenly carry belle. 12 Likes |
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