Foodqueen:
Forget the emotional part, she will play the " you took my love for granted card" and might even kill you.

U should be very discipline and strict when u are around her.

Let her know that you haven't forgotten her cheating life.

We don't want to read bad news from nairaland about you.

Nice2023:
Why not consider her for marriage?

But if u must look gor another woman pls,do not have sex with her oh.

E get why?

LilMissFavvy:
If she is not the type of woman you would like to marry, then why are you still wasting her time/emotions? This lady might even be above 30yrs, but still allows men waste her time? You told her you will be coming back to find a wife, yet she is still glued to you. So she cannot ask herself if she isn't good enough for a wife, then end the friendship? She has a low self-esteem. You need to help her out, by ending that closeness, why should you be calling her daily if you don't want her?

Tell her you have found a wife then end the friendship or at least reduce how you call each other. I am wondering what she really did wrong that disqualifies her to be your wife. Or If she hasn't changed for the better. You made her lose a marital opportunity in the past, allow her to be focused at this time of her life.

oldienavie:
I am a single man in my early 30s, I used to have a girlfriend some couple years ago .
She cheated on me, I didnt break up with her but the relationship just kinda died and she moved on .

She started dating another guy but I was also sleeping with her occasionally cos she liked me, anyway, the guy found out and he decided he was not going to marry her, but somehow she got pregnant for the guy.
I was already out of the country when she got pregnant for him.

The guy wanted her to abort but she wouldn't, she has a beautiful daughter now, she is not doing so bad as she works with one of the top banks as she is very comfortable.
Because of the trauma she suffered during pregnancy, she became close to me as the boyfriend totally abandoned her and the guy has not set eyes on the daughter till today, the daughter is now 6 years old.

I have been out of the country for 7 years and I am due to be back in Nigeria in a few weeks time, I am going back to purposely to look for a wife, we are going to be in the same city .

We currently talk everyday and it has been like that since more than 6 years ago, she is not dating anyone at the moment and she also knows I am coming to look for a wife.

Its almost certain that we are going to get back to having sex as its just obvious despite that we have never discussed that, its hard to really stay away from her but not impossible I am thinking there is nothing wrong having her as a Friend With Benefit pending when I get a wife that I want to marry and then discharge her.

Will it be possible to be Friend With Benefit with her and easily discharge her when I find another woman I want to marry without issues ? I love her and would have considered marrying her if not for the history that we shared, we have now become the best of friends, but I am just confused if resuming sex with her will not make it difficult to keep her away from me when I find another woman.

You know women can be very emotional .

AndroBlaze:


Interesting but I think you can avoid sleeping with her if you want too. You guys have a strong emotional connection, which is extremely clear from your writeup, also its clear that you have a strong physical connection to her.....but imagine once you get into Nigeria and she now doesn't want to sleep with you...my brother it will drive you crazy! If I was her friend I'd advise her to play this trick on you and all this one that you are saying you can't marry her because she cheated and has a baby will be stories for the gods.

You are the one who has asked for advice so I would strongly advise that you control the power dynamic immediately and not sleep with her if you know in your heart of hearts you can't marry her ever. My fear is once you start sleeping with her again, even if you marry someone else you will always go back to her to share those moments.

But honestly, I actually think it would be better for both of you if you could get over the past and just try again sha...but trust me,I understand your predicament as a man and not wanting all that baggage.

I wish you all the best.

oldienavie:

Thanks for taking time to respond, but sup with the bolded.
I am confused ?
Why would she kill me, we are good friends more like confidant. I don't trust her 100% but I trust her 90%.
Also, by letting her know I haven't forgotten her cheating, am I still going to be knacking her ?
She is an incredibly beautiful lady, its going to be difficult not to sleep with her atleast 2ce but its not impossible.

LilMissFavvy:
Tell her you have found a wife then end the friendship or at least reduce how you call each other. I am wondering what she really did wrong that disqualifies her to be your wife. Or If she hasn't changed for the better. You made her lose a marital opportunity in the past, allow her to be focused at this time of her life.

Fahvvy:
[/b]

@oldienavie you see the emotional blackmail card that @Foodqueen talked about earlier ba @bolded ...

Madam favvy fyi...
The OP didn't make her lose anything, SHE DECIDED TO THROW AWAY WHAT SHE HAD...

And she did that by cheating on the OP whilst they were dating and by cheating with the OP whilst she was in another relationship ...

What y'all ladies don't understand is that sleeping around and/or cheating in the long run will hurt you ...

The guy you cheated on won't want to have anything to do with you and the guy you cheated with, will reconsider his decision to building something long lasting with you (just as it is with the OP) ...

So play all these emotional card BS, it won't change anything!!! ...

And if you're still wondering @italics, then it's either you didn't take time to read and comprehend the write up of the OP or you don't see anything wrong with cheating and sleeping around ...

Either ways, it tells a lot about your kind of person ...

@OP...
I won't suggest you marry her (unless God Himself tells you to)...

Cause if she can cheat on (and with) you in the past, what makes you think she can't do it again now? What's the assurance?

And besides that, are you aware of the baggage(s) that single mothers go around with? Has she dealt with them? Or can you handle them without complaining?

Thus...
If you know you don't intend to marry her, then don't even bother sleeping with her, cause if you do, she will DEFINITELY play the emotional card, just as the fellow I'm quoting is doing right now ...

Go somewhere and find yourself a wife...
But if you intend to marry her (which I don't advice), then go ahead and make things official ...

Biglittlelois:
Was it not last year abi two years ago you said you are back in naija to look for wife? Or you came back and traveled out again? Because the part where you said you'd come back in few weeks time is not jelling with some of your previous comments.

pocohantas:


Na everyday e dey find wife. Few months back, I am sure he was here to ask us the best possible/safest route to his fiancee’s village.

Abi no be him?

oldienavie:

Thank you for your suggestion, you understand the reality I am faced with.
At this time, she is the only person I can call friend as we have known each other for almost 10 years now and we do share intimate details, for the past 7 years we have been kinda each others emotional support, even when I was dating other ladies here in France and she too back in naija, we both knew everything about each other.

Its just a messed up situation. If I can find a lady as soon as I land in naija then maybe I could disconnect from her but its going to be difficult not to sleep with her while not having any other lady in the picture.

ProphetM0hammad:


So at your age, you know nothing about jealousy and rivalry in women.
You want to come back, have sex with, her, open up her wounds take a brand new wife and go back
Nice plan

pocohantas:


Na everyday e dey find wife. Few months back, I am sure he was here to ask us the best possible/safest route to his fiancee’s village.

Abi no be him?

oldienavie:

I currently live in France and my caucasian friend just told me something today that broke my heart and don't know whether to ruin this Naija guy life.

She is married to a Naija guy who from my investigation just needed the oyinbo for papers.

This stupid guy without papers has been beating his wife, this is very sad and I am trying to really manage my emotions.
My wife wants me to tell the lady the truth so that she can report and expose him(I found out the guy has a family in NIgeria)..

Do you guys think I should expose ? I don't want to get involved but my wife is putting pressure on me.

oldienavie:
Wow.... A thread about women completely avoided by women, I guess that tells you all that you need to know.
My fiance is a virgin... Let's hope we can make it to marriage.