Must you sleep with her? Hian!

Since you claim it's difficult not to get down with her but not impossible, so what's the fuss about? Simply rule out the making out aspect and focus on the purpose you're coming to Nigeria for!
Regard her as a sister or platonic friend and reduce your level of communication with her. Since she's equally aware that there's no marriage prospect between you two, that's the more reason you need to start reducing your level of commitment to your so- called intimate friendship with her. This is because you're tagging her along and at the back of her mind, she might be thinking that you'll change your mind and marry her. I know my gender very well.

oldienavie:

We both know I cannot get married to her, so I do not think I am wasting her time as she is aware we cannot get married.

We both like each other, my concern is how easy it will be for her to move on if I start sleeping with her again and I find someone else.

@the bolded, she cheated on me in the past and she is now a single mother, thats a lot of baggage in my opinion. I think our history is just too messed up to make a good family despite that we love each other.

Seems its best we both start afresh.

Bro. She's the wife you need. She's your wife. No stress yourself. Sit down and reflect on this alone. You're a grown man, you should kniw what you want better than anyone else. Past experiences has humbled the both of you. Wife her abeg. No time

oldienavie:
I am a single man in my early 30s, I used to have a girlfriend some couple years ago .
She cheated on me, I didnt break up with her but the relationship just kinda died and she moved on .

She started dating another guy but I was also sleeping with her occasionally cos she liked me, anyway, the guy found out and he decided he was not going to marry her, but somehow she got pregnant for the guy.
I was already out of the country when she got pregnant for him.

The guy wanted her to abort but she wouldn't, she has a beautiful daughter now, she is not doing so bad as she works with one of the top banks as she is very comfortable.
Because of the trauma she suffered during pregnancy, she became close to me as the boyfriend totally abandoned her and the guy has not set eyes on the daughter till today, the daughter is now 6 years old.

I have been out of the country for 7 years and I am due to be back in Nigeria in a few weeks time, I am going back to purposely to look for a wife, we are going to be in the same city .

We currently talk everyday and it has been like that since more than 6 years ago, she is not dating anyone at the moment and she also knows I am coming to look for a wife.

Its almost certain that we are going to get back to having sex as its just obvious despite that we have never discussed that, its hard to really stay away from her but not impossible I am thinking there is nothing wrong having her as a Friend With Benefit pending when I get a wife that I want to marry and then discharge her.

Will it be possible to be Friend With Benefit with her and easily discharge her when I find another woman I want to marry without issues ? I love her and would have considered marrying her if not for the history that we shared, we have now become the best of friends, but I am just confused if resuming sex with her will not make it difficult to keep her away from me when I find another woman.

You know women can be very emotional .

oldienavie:
I am a single man in my early 30s, I used to have a girlfriend some couple years ago .
She cheated on me, I didnt break up with her but the relationship just kinda died and she moved on .

She started dating another guy but I was also sleeping with her occasionally cos she liked me, anyway, the guy found out and he decided he was not going to marry her, but somehow she got pregnant for the guy.
I was already out of the country when she got pregnant for him.

The guy wanted her to abort but she wouldn't, she has a beautiful daughter now, she is not doing so bad as she works with one of the top banks as she is very comfortable.
Because of the trauma she suffered during pregnancy, she became close to me as the boyfriend totally abandoned her and the guy has not set eyes on the daughter till today, the daughter is now 6 years old.

I have been out of the country for 7 years and I am due to be back in Nigeria in a few weeks time, I am going back to purposely to look for a wife, we are going to be in the same city .

We currently talk everyday and it has been like that since more than 6 years ago, she is not dating anyone at the moment and she also knows I am coming to look for a wife.

Its almost certain that we are going to get back to having sex as its just obvious despite that we have never discussed that, its hard to really stay away from her but not impossible I am thinking there is nothing wrong having her as a Friend With Benefit pending when I get a wife that I want to marry and then discharge her.

Will it be possible to be Friend With Benefit with her and easily discharge her when I find another woman I want to marry without issues ? I love her and would have considered marrying her if not for the history that we shared, we have now become the best of friends, but I am just confused if resuming sex with her will not make it difficult to keep her away from me when I find another woman.

You know women can be very emotional .

What I don't understand is, she cheated on you with someone and you eft her, but you didn't see wrong in her cheating on her boyfriend with you? You both are the same. Her mistakes are the same with yours, is just because she's a woman. Don't take advantage of her again please.

Lol 🤣. You're following him bumper to bumper to scrutinize his claims. Opor !

Biglittlelois:
Was it not last year abi two years ago you said you are back in naija to look for wife? Or you came back and traveled out again? Because the part where you said you'd come back in few weeks time is not jelling with some of your previous comments.

oldienavie:

Thank you for your suggestion, you understand the reality I am faced with.
At this time, she is the only person I can call friend as we have known each other for almost 10 years now and we do share intimate details, for the past 7 years we have been kinda each others emotional support, even when I was dating other ladies here in France and she too back in naija, we both knew everything about each other.

Its just a messed up situation. If I can find a lady as soon as I land in naija then maybe I could disconnect from her but its going to be difficult not to sleep with her while not having any other lady in the picture.

If I may, what is the assurance that the fantasy girl you have in mind when you get to Nigeria won't have her own baggage? In my opinion, you know her better and you are clearly attracted and attached to each other, that should give you enough reasons to trust her and give her another chance. What if the new girl you meet has a more filthy pasts but refuse to divulge it to you, would that be better?

PS: Do not sleep with her.

Aliou007:
Bro. She's the wife you need. She's your wife. No stress yourself. Sit down and reflect on this alone. You're a grown man, you should kniw what you want better than anyone else. Past experiences has humbled the both of you. Wife her abeg. No time

You said it so well. The only reason to avoid her is if she hasn't changed her ways. I don't know why op thinks his yet-to-be found wife will have no baggage...

oldienavie:
Thanks to those that have provided reasonable advice.

This is all you have to spew even if after all the evidence?

You're a shameless man!

abdullahi45:


You said it so well. The only reason to avoid her is if she hasn't changed her ways. I don't think why op thinks his yet-to-be found wife will have no baggage...

OP wants a virgin but he is second-hand 😉 it's the lady who made herself so cheap to be used and discarded I blame.

Marry your best friend... Thank me in your 50 years anniversary, she is the best wife for you the bond is deep.

Where you dey for Yankee you nor dey straff... Marry her and have peace

I just found out that in one of your threads in the recent past, you claimed to be married in France.

You also claimed to be about getting married to a premature lady who was 23 years old.

And now, you're claiming coming down to Nigeria to find a wife
Mr. Man, na only you follow come,?

Foodqueen:
Forget the emotional part, she will play the " you took my love for granted card" and might even kill you.

U should be very discipline and strict when u are around her.

Let her know that you haven't forgotten her cheating life.

We don't want to read bad news from nairaland about you.

If the tables were turned, would she have forgiven you and moved on with you?
Apparently, you guys are friends and have a connection, which is the bedrock of a beautiful marriage. Bros! Marry your friend o, Tor!.

This Op issa joker!!!!

You stayed abroad chatting and gisting with your Ex for 6-7 years so how long are you staying in Nigeria for, to search for the good wife you created here?
"You love your ex and you are certain she loves you too"

The heart wants what it wants, dude ( Assuming it's a true story)

oldienavie:

When a woman cheats on you, it never goes away, atleast for me it never does.
It's better not to marry her and start from a new slate.

She is my best friend now, you know that kind of friendship that's just so intimate and pure.
She has a child, that complicates the issue, I'd rather not get into marriage with her but like I said, I love her and I am sure she loves me too.

Love is not enough, I am just wondering if shes not gonna become clingy and impossible to detach when I finally find another person I want to settle down with.

Also this kind of situation is not so easy to move on from since I am still single.

You are a stubborn person...stop fucking her if you can't make her your woman ...don't tell me you have not cheated or sinned b4... Using her as a intimacy gadget will make God unhappy with you ...when in future your sin starts affecting your kids ...kindly know you are responsible...whatever a man does to another woman ...any of her female child will be treated in same way .. call it karma ..most times is the attitude if those kids caused by what there father did to others will end up giving him hpb ...

oldienavie:
I am a single man in my early 30s, I used to have a girlfriend some couple years ago .
She cheated on me, I didnt break up with her but the relationship just kinda died and she moved on .

She started dating another guy but I was also sleeping with her occasionally cos she liked me, anyway, the guy found out and he decided he was not going to marry her, but somehow she got pregnant for the guy.
I was already out of the country when she got pregnant for him.

The guy wanted her to abort but she wouldn't, she has a beautiful daughter now, she is not doing so bad as she works with one of the top banks as she is very comfortable.
Because of the trauma she suffered during pregnancy, she became close to me as the boyfriend totally abandoned her and the guy has not set eyes on the daughter till today, the daughter is now 6 years old.

I have been out of the country for 7 years and I am due to be back in Nigeria in a few weeks time, I am going back to purposely to look for a wife, we are going to be in the same city .

We currently talk everyday and it has been like that since more than 6 years ago, she is not dating anyone at the moment and she also knows I am coming to look for a wife.

Its almost certain that we are going to get back to having sex as its just obvious despite that we have never discussed that, its hard to really stay away from her but not impossible I am thinking there is nothing wrong having her as a Friend With Benefit pending when I get a wife that I want to marry and then discharge her.

Will it be possible to be Friend With Benefit with her and easily discharge her when I find another woman I want to marry without issues ? I love her and would have considered marrying her if not for the history that we shared, we have now become the best of friends, but I am just confused if resuming sex with her will not make it difficult to keep her away from me when I find another woman.

You know women can be very emotional .

you are a wicked man.
what is wrong with marrying her ?
because she has a daughter.
she has loved you for a long time
make we see d wife u dey go find.

Ogbeni shine your eyes, delete her number and ask your mummy to look for a good wife for you
Or
Let her come pick you up at airport/go straight to her house from airport, continue knacking, don't use condom, tell her everything you have seen abroad and marry her cus she is obviously very beautiful i don't want to believe you are simping for a ugly woman.
If you need more advice i believe you are a Nigerian by birth and you know what to do. Laugh wan kill me
LAST LAST NA YOU GO STILL CARRY YOUR CROSS !!!!!!!!

oldienavie:

Thank you for your suggestion, you understand the reality I am faced with.
At this time, she is the only person I can call friend as we have known each other for almost 10 years now and we do share intimate details, for the past 7 years we have been kinda each others emotional support, even when I was dating other ladies here in France and she too back in naija, we both knew everything about each other.

Its just a messed up situation. If I can find a lady as soon as I land in naija then maybe I could disconnect from her but its going to be difficult not to sleep with her while not having any other lady in the picture.

Now you are becoming baggage yourself. I can't imagine my sister getting married to a man that has a running 10 years intimate relationship with another lady that is not his sister. There would be too little to hold on to in that marriage because you will keep running to your cocoon when little issues arise. You caused this by playing second fiddle to a woman that cheated on you simply because you can't control your third legs. I think you should be more worried about that.

oldienavie:

Thanks for taking time to respond, but sup with the bolded.
I am confused ?
Why would she kill me, we are good friends more like confidant. I don't trust her 100% but I trust her 90%.
Also, by letting her know I haven't forgotten her cheating, am I still going to be knacking her ?
She is an incredibly beautiful lady, its going to be difficult not to sleep with her atleast 2ce but its not impossible.

Na mu squared dey trust Nigerian woman 90%. You're allowing sex and beauty to override your sense of reasoning. We don't wanna mourn you on nairaland. My brother has given you an honest advice.

oldienavie:

We both know I cannot get married to her, so I do not think I am wasting her time as she is aware we cannot get married.

We both like each other, my concern is how easy it will be for her to move on if I start sleeping with her again and I find someone else.

@the bolded, she cheated on me in the past and she is now a single mother, thats a lot of baggage in my opinion. I think our history is just too messed up to make a good family despite that we love each other.

Seems its best we both start afresh.

you're trying to eat ur cake and have it back.......my guess is she's still hopeful that you'll come thru......and if u don't.....she may just tie u down with Belle......women are guided by their emotions......u may claim to love but can't marry her.......hers may be Interpreted as.....she loves u and would try her best to make u realise she's the best for u.....by all means possible....... Just be careful sha

oldienavie:
I am a single man in my early 30s, I used to have a girlfriend some couple years ago .
She cheated on me, I didnt break up with her but the relationship just kinda died and she moved on .

She started dating another guy but I was also sleeping with her occasionally cos she liked me, anyway, the guy found out and he decided he was not going to marry her, but somehow she got pregnant for the guy.
I was already out of the country when she got pregnant for him.

The guy wanted her to abort but she wouldn't, she has a beautiful daughter now, she is not doing so bad as she works with one of the top banks as she is very comfortable.
Because of the trauma she suffered during pregnancy, she became close to me as the boyfriend totally abandoned her and the guy has not set eyes on the daughter till today, the daughter is now 6 years old.

I have been out of the country for 7 years and I am due to be back in Nigeria in a few weeks time, I am going back to purposely to look for a wife, we are going to be in the same city .

We currently talk everyday and it has been like that since more than 6 years ago, she is not dating anyone at the moment and she also knows I am coming to look for a wife.

Its almost certain that we are going to get back to having sex as its just obvious despite that we have never discussed that, its hard to really stay away from her but not impossible I am thinking there is nothing wrong having her as a Friend With Benefit pending when I get a wife that I want to marry and then discharge her.

Will it be possible to be Friend With Benefit with her and easily discharge her when I find another woman I want to marry without issues ? I love her and would have considered marrying her if not for the history that we shared, we have now become the best of friends, but I am just confused if resuming sex with her will not make it difficult to keep her away from me when I find another woman.

You know women can be very emotional .

the cheats are mostly work in banks and nurses.Women are evul

faithfull18:

OP wants a virgin but he is second-hand 😉 it's the lady who made herself so cheap to be used and discarded I blame.

Lol. I suppose.

YoshihideSuga:


This is all you have to spew even if after all the evidence?

You're a shameless man!

You can't shame the shameless

joyousever:
I just found out that in one of your threads in the recent past, you claimed to be married in France.

You also claimed to be about getting married to a premature lady who was 23 years old.

And now, you're claiming coming down to Nigeria to find a wife
Mr. Man, na only you follow come,?

Believe the op at your own peril. I'm sure he is one of these idle boys writing stories upandan to denigrate women for their own entertainment.

Dear OP as you have clearly said, don't be mischievous and try to use and dump her, Let her move on with her life. You have travel out of the country for 6 years.

6 Years and you are unable to find a black african or black american or carribean or even white females in the western world, you are rushing to nigeria to look for a wife, well I pray you do not regret your actions.

Marry in the western world where you stay and look for a partner that understand how lives works and play out over there instead of coming to marry naija girls that just want to JAPA and then show you shege when they enter abroad.

even the woman wey you dey plan to knack you think she neva prepare kayamata wey go cover your eye to marry her instead.

FEAR WOMAN oh especially fear naija woman wey you wan import oh, they are deadly.

i dont intend to discredit naija girls but this is just an advise against marrying a strange lady you have not dated for a good number of years before you travel.
Instead mingle with females abroad and find love there.

oldienavie:
I am a single man in my early 30s, I used to have a girlfriend some couple years ago .
She cheated on me, I didnt break up with her but the relationship just kinda died and she moved on .

She started dating another guy but I was also sleeping with her occasionally cos she liked me, anyway, the guy found out and he decided he was not going to marry her, but somehow she got pregnant for the guy.
I was already out of the country when she got pregnant for him.

The guy wanted her to abort but she wouldn't, she has a beautiful daughter now, she is not doing so bad as she works with one of the top banks as she is very comfortable.
Because of the trauma she suffered during pregnancy, she became close to me as the boyfriend totally abandoned her and the guy has not set eyes on the daughter till today, the daughter is now 6 years old.

I have been out of the country for 7 years and I am due to be back in Nigeria in a few weeks time, I am going back to purposely to look for a wife, we are going to be in the same city .

We currently talk everyday and it has been like that since more than 6 years ago, she is not dating anyone at the moment and she also knows I am coming to look for a wife.

Its almost certain that we are going to get back to having sex as its just obvious despite that we have never discussed that, its hard to really stay away from her but not impossible I am thinking there is nothing wrong having her as a Friend With Benefit pending when I get a wife that I want to marry and then discharge her.

Will it be possible to be Friend With Benefit with her and easily discharge her when I find another woman I want to marry without issues ? I love her and would have considered marrying her if not for the history that we shared, we have now become the best of friends, but I am just confused if resuming sex with her will not make it difficult to keep her away from me when I find another woman.

You know women can be very emotional .

It's better you stay away from her if you don't want the drama she would bring. She sees you as a potential husband, so why tie up yourself with such a person? Flee now!

oldienavie:
I am a single man in my early 30s, I used to have a girlfriend some couple years ago .
She cheated on me, I didnt break up with her but the relationship just kinda died and she moved on .

She started dating another guy but I was also sleeping with her occasionally cos she liked me, anyway, the guy found out and he decided he was not going to marry her, but somehow she got pregnant for the guy.
I was already out of the country when she got pregnant for him.

The guy wanted her to abort but she wouldn't, she has a beautiful daughter now, she is not doing so bad as she works with one of the top banks as she is very comfortable.
Because of the trauma she suffered during pregnancy, she became close to me as the boyfriend totally abandoned her and the guy has not set eyes on the daughter till today, the daughter is now 6 years old.

I have been out of the country for 7 years and I am due to be back in Nigeria in a few weeks time, I am going back to purposely to look for a wife, we are going to be in the same city .

We currently talk everyday and it has been like that since more than 6 years ago, she is not dating anyone at the moment and she also knows I am coming to look for a wife.

Its almost certain that we are going to get back to having sex as its just obvious despite that we have never discussed that, its hard to really stay away from her but not impossible I am thinking there is nothing wrong having her as a Friend With Benefit pending when I get a wife that I want to marry and then discharge her.

Will it be possible to be Friend With Benefit with her and easily discharge her when I find another woman I want to marry without issues ? I love her and would have considered marrying her if not for the history that we shared, we have now become the best of friends, but I am just confused if resuming sex with her will not make it difficult to keep her away from me when I find another woman.

You know women can be very emotional .

If you know the kind trap that have been set for you, you will run like an antelope but since you are still single, enjoy your self while it last. A single mother and a banker may be damaged by now. She may be toxic and mean right now

joyousever:
I just found out that in one of your threads in the recent past, you claimed to be married in France.

You also claimed to be about getting married to a premature lady who was 23 years old.

And now, you're claiming coming down to Nigeria to find a wife
Mr. Man, na only you follow come,?

Me

you said you can't marry her because she cheats?what do you think other woman you want to marry have in common?what if you can't endure it?

You trust her 90% and that isn't enough
So you are looking for a 100% trust.Maybe you should search for that in heaven.She cheated and you found out but never said anything then you are ok with it.The new wife you want to look for what gives the assurance she won't do the worse.Oga that lady is already good for you ,you know so much about her and I believe she would be better for you to tolerate in marriage than a complete stranger ,you barely know nothing about.At least the devil you know is better than an unknown angel.Abeg you can pass me her contact rather than wasting her time and toying with her emotions.

Sirqt5:
38 year old claiming early 30s.

Lol..... 70 years old man. Joking though

Bros let it go. Marry the lady we all make mistake... Don't create an issue your generations unborn will come to regret.

This lady have been with you, you know her well. Obviously, you still love her. And I'm sure even after you find'a wife' you will still find reasons to have sex with her.

Move on. Marry the Lady. If you don't still want to then let her go... Though I doubt you can. You love her and can't let her go and same can be said of her too

oldienavie:

When a woman cheats on you, it never goes away, atleast for me it never does.
It's better not to marry her and start from a new slate.

She is my best friend now, you know that kind of friendship that's just so intimate and pure.
She has a child, that complicates the issue, I'd rather not get into marriage with her but like I said, I love her and I am sure she loves me too.

Love is not enough, I am just wondering if shes not gonna become clingy and impossible to detach when I finally find another person I want to settle down with.

Also this kind of situation is not so easy to move on from since I am still single.

Don't sleep with a woman you are not married to. Simple. Find a wife and cling to her

Na only one woman dey your life? If she is the one, marry her. I don’t see why you haven’t made a list of many women you’ve slept with which should include her. Stay there thinking she’s celibate while waiting for you.

Guy, marry a wife and cut this leech of a female off. You haven’t mentioned it, though I know she’s financially dependent on you. A Nigerian woman will quickly cut off a man who won’t aid her.