Hello guys sorry to bother you again, I have a question to ask you if you can help me with answers , my ex husband sent his brother to my shop to give me 30k for our 2 children upkeep the children he hasn't bothered to cater for 3 years since our separation. The brother has also asked me for my number because my ex has something important to tell me. I told him to call him with his phone so I can talk to him which he did and my ex asked to see the children that he will be sending his brother to pick them up every 2 weeks on satursay to spend time with him and he will be bringing them back in the evening he also added he will be giving me 30k every 2 weeks saturday. He remmaried he has a son. I told him that I don't trust him with the children because of what happened when we separated he seize our daughter and I had to report him to the human rights to get her back and I don't want to go through it again. He said we should put the past behind all he wants is to have a great relationship with his children , I told him I can't release the children to him he should go to human rights or court he cut the call and I gave back the 30k to his brother to give it back to him. He left he hasn't returned back and I want to know if I was wrong for asking him to go court or human rights for visitation because I am scared he will seize them again . please advise me

For the sake of the children in the middle of this drama, let them have access to their father. It seems he is back to his senses afterall.

He's entitled to know his children and if you continue holding them back from him they will get to know in future and despise you for it. Moreover, engaging in a legal battle with him will not only put stress on the mental state of the children but it will also affect your your happiness and the chances of ever letting go of the past

Vyvyanvyvy:
He left he hasn't returned back and I want to know if I was wrong for asking him to go court or human rights for visitation because I am scared he will seize them again . please advise me

Did he hurt the children..??
If no...u cant prevent him from seeing his children....human right will grant him permission and the law doesnt award more than 10-20k per child for a month....so 60k per month is not a bad deal if u have not bitten more than u can chew in the name of giving ur children the best.m...u add to the 60k.......with time u will pay for school fees separately, buy them toys, clothes.....

All this agidi is not neccessary.... whats the point of using pride and anger to weather the challenges alone when small help is dropping on ur lap....if u want to be the mother that did it all by herself...thats fine...

Dont let it shock u when they start asking for their father..

Just know he's using scope to try to collect the children totally from you. But it's all good he's still their father no matter what.

You did very well my lady. Let the human rights or courts be involved if not he will try to scam you.


Tell him again that you are not denying him access to see or be responsible in the lives of the kids but the law must be involved for the sake of everyone's security and peace.

advanceDNA:


Did he hurt the children..??
If no...u cant prevent him from seeing his children....human right will grant him permission and the law doesnt award more than 10-20k per child for a month....so 60k per month is not a bad deal if u have not bitten more than u can chew in the name of giving ur children the best.m...u add to the 60k.......with time u will pay for school fees separately, buy them toys, clothes.....

All this agidi is not neccessary.... whats the point of using pride and anger to weather the challenges alone when small help is dropping on ur lap....if u want to be the mother that did it all by herself...thats fine...

Dont let it shock u when they start asking for their father..

Who told you that guy will pay 60k per month;
can he put it in writing?

Pls let them go through the legal process for the sake of equity.

Just be careful so he doesn't seize your 2 kids and you don't get to see them again

Someone that abandoned them for 3 good years may be up to something

If he wants to see the kids,I will suggest an open place and you must also be there for security purpose..I don't trust that man

The kids will understand and they will never put the blame on you for ensuring their safety

You love them and they will understand that

Klass99:


A rare and refreshing male opinion on nairaland!!! I like

I have no issues with any religion, tribe, gender , race unless they indeed have done wrong ( based on the facts).

Peace be with you .

yomi007k:


Who told you that guy will pay 60k per month;
can he put it in writing?

Pls let them go through the legal process for the sake of equity.

Lol.....

We have seen this many times...this is nigeria.....even if he goes to court...and court says pay 10k per child.....situation can arise that he wont be able to afford it..pple lose their jobs...does it automatically null their father status.... will the court say if u lose ur job then u cant see ur kids.....??

Amicable arrangements works many times....she's akready doing it on her own...if she see extra help fine....out of court settlement sometimes works better...cos court will just make one small payment official

Yes you are not wrong....
He's not changed yet for him to be cut the call on u..
He has motives.
He was supposed to make u see reasons to him being a changed man.

Is there anything preventing him from actually making this request through the court?
Are you a court staff?

Mrlola:
For the sake of the children in the middle of this drama, let them have access to their father. It seems he is back to his senses afterall.

He should request through the court.

Abeg you're not wrong, let him go through the right channel so that if he misbehaves again, they can help you.

The only wrong is in returning his money. Any money he sends, biko collect it.

Do not fall for his games. Tell him to go through legal means with both families as witness before you agree to his terms.

I no too trust his moves

Based on the history, you did nothing wrong. He has taken one child before, he can do it again. Once bitten always shy.

Let the same people who helped you get your daughter back be involved in spelling out the specifics of the children's visit so everything will be defined.

He can come visit the kids for now.

That 30k you shouldn't have returned it. It will buy provisions small.

advanceDNA:


Lol.....

We have seen this many times...this is nigeria.....even if he goes to court...and court says pay 10k per child.....situation can arise that he wont be able to afford it..pple lose their jobs...does it automatically null their father status.... will the court say if u lose ur job then u cant see ur kids.....??

Amicable arrangements works many times....she's akready doing it on her own...if she see extra help fine....out of court settlement sometimes works better...cos court will just make one small payment official

Out of court settlement happens when the individual is straightforward,never try that with someone who will scam you along the line.

yomi007k:


Out of court settlement happens when the individual is straightforward,never try that with someone who will scam you along the line.

U still dont get my point....court or no court....this is nigeria..
..there is no effective system of making parents pay child support..they can even refuse to show up in court.....

advanceDNA:


U still dont get my point....court or no court....this is nigeria..
..there is no effective system of making parents pay child support..they can even refuse to show up in court.....

Then he should forget about seeing his kids as well.

Becos a honest man wont mind going to court.

Mrlola:
For the sake of the children in the middle of this drama, let them have access to their father. It seems he is back to his senses afterall.

I haven't denied him access to his children I want him to have a great relationship with them but he should go through the right channel to avoid story that touch.

Jashub:
He's entitled to know his children and if you continue holding them back from him they will get to know in future and despise you for it. Moreover, engaging in a legal battle with him will not only put stress on the mental state of the children but it will also affect your your happiness and the chances of ever letting go of the past

He should go through the right channel for our girls safety.

advanceDNA:


Did he hurt the children..??
If no...u cant prevent him from seeing his children....human right will grant him permission and the law doesnt award more than 10-20k per child for a month....so 60k per month is not a bad deal if u have not bitten more than u can chew in the name of giving ur children the best.m...u add to the 60k.......with time u will pay for school fees separately, buy them toys, clothes.....

All this agidi is not neccessary.... whats the point of using pride and anger to weather the challenges alone when small help is dropping on ur lap....if u want to be the mother that did it all by herself...thats fine...

Dont let it shock u when they start asking for their father..

I am not after his money my children are surviving fine without his money , if he want to have a great relationship with his daughters I have no problem with that but he should go through the right channel.

Get a family lawyer involved as he also needs to get his own lawyer, the court should be involved to legally establish visitations and its frequency, what each party would contribute to the welfare of the children.......every arrangement and agreement needs to be documented and signed by both parties.

You need to have a clear idea where he presently lives and work.

Vyvyanvyvy:


I am not after his money my children are surviving fine without his money , if he want to have a great relationship with his daughters I have no problem with that but he should go through the right channel.

I am.not saying u are after his money....
Im just saying u dont have to do it alone if their father wants to be part of it....choice is urs though

Vyvyanvyvy:


He should go through the right channel for our girls safety.

My friend allow the man access to his kids.

Children who will grow up and leave your side na him you dey struggle for like a parcel of land!

Werey dey disguise … lol

If his intentions are genuine, what is there in going to court? It will even help him earn your trust.

Vyvyanvyvy:
Hello guys sorry to bother you again, I have a question to ask you if you can help me with answers , my ex husband sent his brother to my shop to give me 30k for our 2 children upkeep the children he hasn't bothered to cater for 3 years since our separation. The brother has also asked me for my number because my ex has something important to tell me. I told him to call him with his phone so I can talk to him which he did and my ex asked to see the children that he will be sending his brother to pick them up every 2 weeks on satursay to spend time with him and he will be bringing them back in the evening he also added he will be giving me 30k every 2 weeks saturday. He remmaried he has a son. I told him that I don't trust him with the children because of what happened when we separated he seize our daughter and I had to report him to the human rights to get her back and I don't want to go through it again. He said we should put the past behind all he wants is to have a great relationship with his children , I told him I can't release the children to him he should go to human rights or court he cut the call and I gave back the 30k to his brother to give it back to him. He left he hasn't returned back and I want to know if I was wrong for asking him to go court or human rights for visitation because I am scared he will seize them again . please advise me

Get legal backing n let it b documented for future reference. U can as well get guildline from the human right activist

Vyvyanvyvy:
■ I told him that I don't trust him with the children because of what happened when we separated he seize our daughter and I had to report him to the human rights to get her back and I don't want to go through it again. He said we should put the past behind all he wants is to have a great relationship with his children , I told him I can't release the children to him he should go to human rights or court he cut the call and I gave back the 30k to his brother to give it back to him. He left he hasn't returned back and I want to know if I was wrong for asking him to go court or human rights for visitation because I am scared he will seize them again . please advise me

1. There is nothing wrong with him going through the right channels to get access to his kids. Unless you would rather hand over the kids to him for good this time around.

Latty88:
Do not fall for his games. Tell him to go through legal means with both families as witness before you agree to his terms.

I no too trust his moves

Same here I don't trust him too, I have a feeling that he want to take them away from me for his wife to turn them into maids.. if his intentions were good he will not refuse to go to court or human rights.