I have never felt this depressed all my life, and the thought of committing suicide has just gone to an all time high ... All thanks to my elder brother who finished me with some deregatory words, reminding me of my failures in life...

Ever since he lambasted me with harsh words, I have lost hope and confidence... His words keep on reminiscing to me that am a failure and I should end it all...

Suicide is not something someone just wake up one day and comit ... It's a collection of several events in the past that drives one to think about suicide...

I need help on my life...

Don't be tired and retire but refire to acquire whatever you desire even if you have to perspire tirelessly.

Ending it does not solve the problem because you can never be too sure of what is at the other end...

His words keep on reminiscing to me that am a failure and I should end it all...

Take this off from your mind....

You have a very good and bright future ahead of you.
Never Give Up!

SilentEmma:
I have never felt so depressed all my life, and the thought of committing suicide has just gone to an all time high ... All thanks to my elder brother who finished me with some deregatory words, reminding me of my failures in life...

Ever since he lambasted me with harsh words, I have lost hope and confidence... His words keep on reminiscing to me that am a failure and I should end it all...

Suicide is not something someone just wake up one day and comit ... It's a collection of several events in the past that drives one to think about suicide...

I need help on my life...

tell that brotha of yours how his harsh words made you feel suicidal... and that, as much as you may have been a failure, there is no need to remind you everytime something is not the way he wants it to be.

MrBrownJay1:


tell that brotha of yours how his harsh words made you feel suicidal... and that, as much as you may have been a failure, there is no need to remind you everytime something is not the way he wants it to be.

I can't even talk to him currently, I just feel so bad with all he said to me, I just need someone to give me a good advice on what to do with my life at this stage...

Truth be told at my current age, he himself has achieved alot before he eventually left the shores of the country, but I have not yet started my own life let alone dreaming of achieving even 10% of all he achieved when he was my age...

He meant well for me, but am afraid he has made me lost so much confidence in him and my relationship with him at the moment is not a sweet one...

And all these is because I don't have a job and I have never worked for any organisation all my life, compared to him...

Life is not easy for me at the moment I must confess

SilentEmma:
I can't even talk to him currently, I just feel so bad with all he said to me, I just need someone to give me a good advice on what to do with my life at this stage...

Truth be told at my current age, he himself has achieved alot before he eventually left the shores of the country, but I have not yet started my own life let alone dreaming of achieving even 10% of all he achieved when he was my age...

He meant well for me, but am afraid he has made me lost so much confidence in him and my relationship with him at the moment is not a sweet one...

And all these is because I don't have a job and I have never worked for any organisation all my life, compared to him...

Life is not easy for me at the moment I must confess

listen...
A) you have to go at the source of your problems, and thats your brotha. whatever you may have done in the past is the past, and nothing you do today can change that.
B) stop trying to compare your life with his. stop trying to value your life upon what he has achieved (at your age). you guys are different and what works for Jide may not be what works for Tunde. the fact that he will use his life to belittle yours, is silly.
C) again, you need to talk to your brotha and make him understand that you are doing your best to be better, and talking down on you is not helping the situation.... nor is suicide.

MrBrownJay1:


listen... you have to go at the source of your problems, and thats your brotha.

This is not true! Op said the "the thought of committing suicide has just gone to an all time high", which means the thought of committing suicide was high before the brother said anything.

Op should stop blaming others and take responsibility for op's self, for not is part of the source of op's problems!

MrBrownJay1:


listen...
A) you have to go at the source of your problems, and thats your brotha. whatever you may have done in the past is the past, and nothing you do today can change that.
B) stop trying to compare your life with his. stop trying to value your life upon what he has achieved (at your age). you guys are different and what works for Jide may not be what works for Tunde. the fact that he will use his life to belittle yours, is silly.
C) again, you need to talk to your brotha and make him understand that you are doing your best to be better, and talking down on you is not helping the situation.... nor is suicide.

May God help me here...

budaatum:


This is not true! Op said the "the thought of committing suicide has just gone to an all time high", which means the thought of committing suicide was high before the brother said anything.

Op should stop blaming others and take responsibility for op's self, for not is part of the source of op's problems!

I was raised up to look up or rather depend on my two brothers, hence I never realized one day I will have to stand on my own as a man, my two elder brothers always provide me with clothing and shoes mostly the one they use they dash me...

I so much depended on them that I forgot about my life, I wasted my 20's and now in my early 30's the past is now hunting me...

I would have taken a rash decision in doing any odd job just to make sure am using my hands to do something good for myself but my fear is that I don't want to take a decision that they would wash their hands totally from my life, and then when I am struggling they would say , it's u who chose this line...

3 years ago when I finished my nysc I thought of opening a cyber cafe but I was discouraged that such can't sustain me, 3 years on I don't have any source of livelihood, no job, no house...

With what he said to me days ago, I just feel like... That's it, I have to go and hustle my life out and not think of them anymore... Like I said I have literally lost confidence in the people I once looked up to...

MrBrownJay1:


listen...
A) you have to go at the source of your problems, and thats your brotha. whatever you may have done in the past is the past, and nothing you do today can change that.
B) stop trying to compare your life with his. stop trying to value your life upon what he has achieved (at your age). you guys are different and what works for Jide may not be what works for Tunde. the fact that he will use his life to belittle yours, is silly.
C) again, you need to talk to your brotha and make him understand that you are doing your best to be better, and talking down on you is not helping the situation.... nor is suicide.

They wanted the best for me, wanted me to start life without much struggles, but they are forgetting I have some weakness that's limiting me and not making me to achieve as much as they did when they were my age...

The whole mistake I made was when I was in my 20's...

I never did anything to better my life... Now am so bleeped up...

Don’t be discouraged. Everyone has his or her own time and season to show forth. In life we have the early and late bloomers. Focus on your journey and shift your focus to God not your brothers or any other human for that matter. God is the source of all things and humans are the channels hence your eyes must be on God alone.

Learn the lessons from your past and use them as building blocks for your future. No time for regrets you will be alright. However you may need to distance yourself a bit from your brothers to enable you focus. It is well!

SilentEmma:


I was raised up to look up or rather depend on my two brothers, hence I never realized one day I will have to stand on my own as a man, my two elder brothers always provide me with clothing and shoes mostly the one they use they dash me...

I so much depended on them that I forgot about my life, I wasted my 20's and now in my early 30's the past is now hunting me...

Now you are talking. You were raised to be irresponsible for yourself and are now being irresponsible for yourself.

Thankfully, it got you through NYSC, which makes me assume you got a degree in something (what in?), which I hope you studied for yourself instead of depending on others to pass your exams for you, in which case you must have learnt something, right?

If so, perhaps use what you learnt as a springboard to start learning to be responsible for yourself. Like instead of trying to open an internet cafe that you likely can't responsibly run, go and work in someone else's internet cafe to learn how internet cafés are run.

And remember. You are not learning about internet cafés, but how to be responsible for yourself which might take a few years depending on how irresponsible you were raised to be. In the end though, you'd be much less helpless and much more responsible for yourself.

SilentEmma:

I would have taken a rash decision in doing any odd job just to make sure am using my hands to do something good for myself but my fear is that I don't want to take a decision that they would wash their hands totally from my life, and then when I am struggling they would say , it's u who chose this line...

I think you are not hearing what they are telling you, or you don't understand what you are telling yourself, so listen carefully while I interpret you for you.

You would have become responsible for yourself but you fear becoming responsible for yourself because if you fail they will say you were responsible for yourself.

Now, you see that "rash" in yours above? That is you lying to yourself to convince yourself to continue to be irresponsible. You very well know that you are not brave enough to "take a rash decision", but will instead take time to consider carefully before you make any decision!

budaatum:
This is not true! Op said the "the thought of committing suicide has just gone to an all time high", which means the thought of committing suicide was high before the brother said anything.

Op should stop blaming others and take responsibility for op's self, for not is part of the source of op's problems!

true but probably the reason for such negative thoughts is because of the pressure that the family puts upon him/her to find a job and be self sufficient etc.

MrBrownJay1:


true but probably the reason for such negative thoughts is because of the pressure that the family puts upon him/her to find a job and be self sufficient etc.

The truth is that ... I am a computer science graduate with 3rd class... With all I have heard about how 3rd class certificate is so useless... I zeroed my mind on anything education immediately after I graduated, I felt going into any business that I liked was the way forward...

Me still depending on my elder brothers, and also me not doing enough to come up with something while still in my 20's knowing my 3rd class is a as good as useless... I wasted my early 20's doing nothing...

And now my brothers can't even get me a job, neither can they just dish out money to me to go start any business I like...

Probably if I have started something without telling them maybe by now I would have learnt alot through experience... But like I said I grew up waiting upon them, telling them everything... The moment I brought up that idea of opening a cafe to start something and they quashed it, infact the words were (is that what u want for Ur life?) The moment those words came out I felt useless instantly... And I kept on depending on them hoping they would come up with something good for me, but as years roll by, nothing tangible, they suggested Forex trading which I learnt, nothing came out, I am trying UI UX... Still struggling to get clients and make my first sale...

Infact the moment they asked me about my transcript and certificate which I told them I haven't collected fours years after graduation, they concluded I was not serious in life (where as I have long ago written my mind off those certificate)

Hmmmm in fact the story is so long... I just need help on where I have to start my life from

SilentEmma:
And now my brothers can't even get me a job, neither can they just dish out money to me to go start any business I like...

here above i see part of your problem... you had plenty of time to do what "you like" and it would probably be wise now to do what THEY ADVISE YOU TO DO.... since they are the one bankrolling your life.
if you bring up an idea of a cafe to me, and i ask you ,"is that what u want for Ur life?"... i expect you to give me a valid answer to that question. i want you to make me believe that this is IT (probably bring me some business plan etc) before i put up my money for it. you sound like someone who has been living on cotton all your life and the little "off" issue in your life makes you retract on yourself.

get them the certificates so that they stop bothering you about it, put all efforts in order to do what they want you to do and if not, then probably make them understand that you just aint good at the stuff they want you to do.

MrBrownJay1:


true but probably the reason for such negative thoughts is because of the pressure that the family puts upon him/her to find a job and be self sufficient etc.

I see no such probability of "pressure that the family puts upon him/her to find a job and be self sufficient" in what op has said.

And in fact, op should be putting pressure on him or herself to find a job and be self sufficient, instead of allowing negative thought to stop him or her from even bothering to try!

Op is in early 30s, and is using words like failure, suicide, when in fact op is only just beginning life and should be considering and planning and working towards how he'd like to describe himself when he is 45-50 and beyond.

SilentEmma:

Infact the moment they asked me about my transcript and certificate which I told them I haven't collected fours years after graduation, they concluded I was not serious in life (where as I have long ago written my mind off those certificate).

So, you have written off a certificate you struggled hard for and that they supported you to achieve?

Tell me. Are you serious?

MrBrownJay1:


here above i see part of your problem... you had plenty of time to do what "you like" and it would probably be wise now to do what THEY ADVISE YOU TO DO.... since they are the one bankrolling your life.
if you bring up an idea of a cafe to me, and i ask you ,"is that what u want for Ur life?"... i expect you to give me a valid answer to that question. i want you to make me believe that this is IT (probably bring me some business plan etc) before i put up my money for it. you sound like someone who has been living on cotton all your life and the little "off" issue in your life makes you retract on yourself.

get them the certificates so that they stop bothering you about it, put all efforts in order to do what they want you to do and if not, then probably make them understand that you just aint good at the stuff they want you to do.

Now the latest they want me to do is write IELTS cause they see it as the last option to leave this country and better off my already damaged life, the transcript and certificate was meant to do WES Evaluation, hence the reason they requested for it ... But all this whole idea of travelling out to Canada was just brought up one day, without informing me that this is the latest plan we have for u, like they just wake up and control my life just as they have been doing for years

(but all that is now hunting me, as it makes me see myself more useless, more like I don't know my left from my right )

Things am supposed to have known before now that I don't know, is what is even making them mad at me, and I honestly feel their pains, they are all part of the mistake I have made... But they don't know I feel the pain more and saying negative things to me will only push me further into depression than take me out of it...

I know I have messed up my life over the years but there's no one in my house currently that I can put my confidence on currently, despite the fact they meant well for me

Don't mind him.

There are people like that in some family.

Sometimes it might even be your parents, always trying to run you down by comparing you with your other siblings, forgetting that they themselves are failures.

SilentEmma:

Now the latest they want me to do is write IELTS cause they see it as the last option to leave this country and better off my already damaged life,

Op, pay attention!

MrBrownJay1:

here above i see part of your problem... you had plenty of time to do what "you like" and it would probably be wise now to do what THEY ADVISE YOU TO DO.... since they are the one bankrolling your life.

But I think what op wants is a shoulder to cry on and to be pitied, so I'm out.

budaatum:


So, you have written off a certificate you struggled hard for and that they supported you to achieve?

Tell me. Are you serious?

Am so confused... Right now...

SilentEmma:


Am so confused... Right now...

You should be confused. You've let your life be driven for you and have now been handed the keys to drive yourself but don't know how to drive yourself because you never learnt to drive yourself. So you sit there confused instead of getting off your ass and going for lessons to learn to drive yourself.

SilentEmma, I hope it's obvious I have no sympathy for you, because you are the one who is doing yourself while trying to blame others. The word for it is, irresponsible. And the solution is for you to become responsible for yourself instead of blaming others.

Go and get your certificate, then do the IELTS they suggested you do. Both require you being responsible for yourself, and the practise would do you some good.

Guy wake up and encourage yourself first!


Its not over yet, Are your brothers aware of your result?

Even at that, you can still study in canada with the third class, go online and make research.

Take a bold step of faith and collect your certificate and start the process putting faith and trust in God.. all will be well..

Everybody have a story to tell, all that matters is getting up from ones mistake and keep moving for a better result.

budaatum:
but I think what op wants is a shoulder to cry on and to be pitied, so I'm out.

yep, think so too....

budaatum:


You should be confused. You've let your life be driven for you and have now been handed the keys to drive yourself but don't know how to drive yourself because you never learnt to drive yourself. So you sit there confused instead of getting off your ass and going for lessons to learn to drive yourself.

SilentEmma, I hope it's obvious I have no sympathy for you, because you are the one who is doing yourself while trying to blame others. The word for it is, irresponsible. And the solution is for you to become responsible for yourself instead of blaming others.

Go and get your certificate, then do the IELTS they suggested you do. Both require you being responsible for yourself, and the practise would do you some good.

Thanks alot... I will try hard to ensure I write and pass the IELTS... May God help me

SilentEmma:


Thanks alot... I will try hard to ensure I write and pass the IELTS... May God help me

Personally, I would ask that you try hard enough to ensure you pass your IELTS yourself without God helping you one tiny bit, because that way you would be being 100% responsible for passing your IELTS yourself.

But I guess baby steps in your case, though ensure you work so hard that God's help becomes minimal, I would suggest, since you need to practise and learn to stand on your own feet instead of replacing your brother's feet you currently stand on with God's feet.

budaatum:


Personally, I would ask that you try hard enough to ensure you pass your IELTS yourself without God helping you one tiny bit, because that way you would be being 100% responsible for passing your IELTS yourself.

But I guess baby steps in your case, though ensure you work so hard that God's help becomes minimal, I would suggest, since you need to practise and learn to stand on your own feet instead of replacing your brother's feet you currently stand on with God's feet.

You have spoken well, I just have to take this as my last chance... If I allow pride come in ... With what is on ground then am totally foolish, cause they my elder brothers will have nothing to lose, if even I commit suicide... Thanks once more

SilentEmma:


You have spoken well, I just have to take this as my last chance... If I allow pride come in ... With what is on ground then am totally foolish, cause they my elder brothers will have nothing to lose, if even I commit suicide... Thanks once more

It is not your "last chance", though, seeing it as such might be helpful so long as you realise that you always have chances while you are alive but absolutely none once dead.

However you see it, your brothers love you, and are very unlikely to forsake you if they see you are trying hard and haven't forsaken yourself.

I wish you the best of luck with your hard work and await the day you return to tell us how you overcame which I have no doubt you someday will.

Poster if them bo dey harsh with words sometimes you no go wake up . Na insult dey engineer hardwork

SilentEmma:
I have never felt this depressed all my life, and the thought of committing suicide has just gone to an all time high ... All thanks to my elder brother who finished me with some deregatory words, reminding me of my failures in life...Ever since he lambasted me with harsh words, I have lost hope and confidence... His words keep on reminiscing to me that am a failure and I should end it all...Suicide is not something someone just wake up one day and comit ... It's a collection of several events in the past that drives one to think about suicide...I need help on my life...

Go get mental health treatment for your condition. That is how you help your own life.