Sorry for the long write up my people, I need advice.

My first son has been behaving somehow in our family, as if he's not part of this family...
You and this boy can be in the same house but you might not set your eyes on him once for a whole day. He will be inside his room through out...

He has been telling me that he is currently working on going to rent his own place and live on his own and that if God helps him and he is able to achieve that, He will not have anything to do with our family again and that we will never set eyes on him ever again :[ ...

I would have not been bothered by such statement if it were coming from someone else, I would take it as a bluff. But this my son is someone that normally doesn't call people to check on them, not even us his parents..

When he was in his previous University before he dropped out, this boy can go for months, that is a whole semester stretch without calling anybody to know how you're doing, except you call him or maybe he wants to ask for money for something or school stuff....

We have five children and he is the first, the second and third children are away in University, he and the two last siblings are the only one's with us.. My husband refused him from going to University in a far place instead he gives him transport money to be going to his own University from home everyday...... He and his father don't even talk again except good morning greetings. He is only 21 ohh..

Let me give you guys small back story so that you can understand how all these things started.

My son graduated from secondary school (a boarding school) in 2017 at 16 years old... Initially, he said he wanted to study computer science as he said that was the course he loved and wanted to study. But my husband refused and persuaded him to study pharmacy because he worked at NAFDAC and he saw the way pharmacy graduates were living at his work place and the salary they were recieving. He and one of his chemist friend sweet talked him into going to study the course and I guess it was because he was young then and could not challenge his dad then that was why he gave in....

He wrote JAMB but he did not meet the cut of mark for pharmacy (but I later realised his score was good for computer science then)... No public University was willing to admit him for pharmacy then because his score was not good for the course but due to my husband love for the course and not wanting my son to lose admission that year , he decided to go the way of private University not minding their school fees...Long story cut short, my son got admitted into Madonna University where we were paying 1M naira every year.....After 3 years in the school and in 300L @18 years old, he began saying he was not interested in the school any longer, that he was tired of the course, that he's body is no longer in the school and blablabla that he wants to go and play football in Europe...

He came back for holiday during the beginning of covid and refused to go back to the school when they resumed, saying that he was only wasting our money by being in that school and he did not want to continue.....This got my husband really sad and angry....My son stayed home for almost two years doing nothing because my husband was adamant that if he would not go back to school, nothing for him, that all the money he has spent for school fees in that school can not be for waste that he can become a footballer after he graduates, saying no one can become a successful footballer without being a graduate, that it would later affect them in life...

But my son refused. I must confess, my son is extremely good at playing football. That was the talent i can confidently say that God personally gave to him from birth. Infact when he was graduating from secondary school, they gave him the award for the best graduating footballer and he was always the centre of attention anytime he plays at our church events. He friends used to call him "nima" then, I think...

I and my husband got tired of him staying at home for long so I went to meet with one pastor in our street who was based in the UK with his family but comes home sometimes for church related matters. I explained my son's situation to him and he offered to help my son travel out to chase his football career provided we have the funds for it. The man was secondary school class mates with "victor ikpe ekong" who was a former super eagles player but currently a pastor in Sweden. To my greatest surprise he called him on a WhatsApp video call in my presence and i was really surprised...He gave me the man's phone number to keep in contact and also scheduled a day to meet with my husband and have a discussion.. I told my son and he was very happy..I also told my husband and he was eager to meet with him at least, anything to solve my sons idleness at the time..

The pastor came to my our house on several occasions and discussed with my husband. My husband kept telling the pastor, saying he would like my son to be going to school while chasing his football career at the same time, a feat which pastor let us know would be difficult as one has to be dropped for the other. Unfortunately, my husband changed he's mind and said he was no longer interested in the whole footballer thing. He said he knew that my son wanted to become a footballer only because of girls. That he, my son knew that if he becomes a footballer, all the girls would like him, that that was the only reason he wanted to become a footballer, and that if football was his true destiny, he doesn't need to travel out for it to manifest, that he can be in Nigeria and make it from here.....That was how that chapter close like that. Pastor left for England few months after.....

After years of my son staying at home, my husband got tired. One night, he hired some Street thugs to come take my son away and beat him up...my son stayed with them for 2 weeks. When he returned, he said he was ready to go back to school. But my husband told him he won't be going back to any private University again. My son wrote jamb again to study computer science and was admitted into COOU. but my said he would not allow him go to any University that is not in the same state we are residing. Now the problem here was that all the public schools in the state we are staying will not accept you to study computer science unless you did chemistry in jamb. And my son did not do chemistry in jamb because he is not good in chemistry. If he was to study in the same state we were staying, he had to settle for another course, which he did...Now another problem arose. My husband refused to rent an apartment for my son around the school because the school is considerably far from our house, instead he decided to be giving him money (2000) everyday as transport fare to be going from home. This did not sit down well with my the boy and he again, said he was no longer interested in schooling again sef that he can't be going such far distance from home to the school everyday to study a Course he does not even like siting that it would be stressful and affect his academics and that it was unwise to be paying 60k a year as school fees while you spend 2k everyday as transport..My husband got angry and called on our estate CSO to come pick him up. They beat him so badly in public that when he got back home later in the evening, I went to check him in his room, his buttocks and back where scarred and red with huge marks...

Ever since, he has been going to the school from home and he has become very distant from us especially his dad. They don't talk again in the same house except "good morning sir"...

My son has turned into something else. He can stay indoors from morning till night. I would have said he has started keeping bad company but he does not even have a single friend, not one..Nobody calls him, and he doesn't call anybody...I have five children and he is the first. The second and third already gained admission this year in a private University and are in school currently, so he and he's last two siblings are the only one's with us now..

Why I'm writing this is because I'm scared..I'm beginning to fear that my son might commit suicide, he's beginning to show that kind of attitude.. And the plans he have to leave us forever to go and stay alone, I don't like it ohhhh...

Nairalanders please I need your advice.

Good morning Madam,

How are you today?

After reading your message, I felt its imperative to note, the Lord that answered all prayers will take a good measures in your family.

Your son is a living glory in your family and he will be the leader of your offsprings after you have aged.

Take heed my advice thus!!

*Don't give the pastor friend hope of taking him abroad
* If he refuses to study A better professional course, get a reliable agent to chase for a contract/trial with a professional football team as age is no longer on his side
*Remember No1. Rule
*Rebuff the attitude of giving him freewill colded thoughts. Approach him and talk to him.
*Don't take his career for granted.
*Pray 🙏

Mehn, this post long pass NairaBet slip...

I wish you guys all the best.

Your husband is the cause of everything

He'll learn.

He's still young.

Keep advising him though..


Perhaps he's an introvert

Esortigress:
Your husband is the cause of everything

You want him to do something to please his child and he can't afford to do it?

I am sorry ma, but your husband has damaged his self esteem and many more.... I felt angry on his behalf reading this and I wonder what you did to save him.
The earlier you as his mother start to try to get through to him, the better!

It does not take rocket science to know that your husband is the problem. His refusal to let your son follow his own path by studying Computer Science that the kid seems to have the passion and brains for, has led to the squabbles in your household, between them, and your son's current/ongoing unhappiness. I feel sorry for him, tbh, because your husband has not been treating him well. It's a different story if he wanted to study a useless course but Computer Science isn't one. The opportunities in the field are endless. With his passion for football/soccer, if he combines the two and comes abroad for his undergraduate degree or his masters, he will thrive. But your [controlling] husband that won't let him study it, let alone go to a University away from home there in Nigeria, is only hindering him from spreading his wings and succeeding. Pharmacy's a good course as well but his passion isn't there and both of you should've realized this by now and should stop trying to force it on him. Lastly, I can't speak for Nigeria, but abroad there are much broader opportunities and with higher pay potential in Computer Science than in Pharmacy.

I feel so sorry for your son...one day he'll leave and you'll never hear from him till death.
Your husband is the wrong father for him.
The amount of pain that young man has been through is enough to turn a man cold!
Or you think studying for a well paying future everything?
The boy has never been happy with himself or his surroundings.
I'm sure he's planning something already...
I just feel so sad after reading this 💔

I think you people started late with the iron hand.

Involve him in family activities like church (Sunday service, mid-week service, make him join maybe the usher or choir), sometimes knowingly ask him questions involving the family issues and seek his ideas even though you won’t be making use of it much, send him on family errands and try and make him in charge to boost his self esteem.

Las las you guys have to seriously pray

NeoWanZaeed:


You want him to do something to please his child and he can't afford to do it?

you're saying complete stinking bull/human and dog $hitt...
I'm already filled with so much anger after reading this story.
That boy can end his father just to feel alive if his father keep being that way.
You just talk!! Talk from your head without thinking of others...

Iliveforever:
I think you people started late with the iron hand.

Involve him in family activities like church (Sunday service, mid-week service, make him join maybe the usher or choir), sometimes knowingly ask him questions involving the family issues and seek his ideas even though you won’t be making use of it much, send him on family errands and try and make him in charge to boost his self esteem.

Las las you guys have to seriously pray

advices like this will just dip him more into his depression...this is crazy!!! No one is even trying to carefully look into him!!!
Damn! They've all destroyed him and in the process even made him feel like it was partly his fault!!! Do you know what's going on in his mind? Do you understand the amount of pain he might be dealing with waking up to see himself everyday??

Three mistakes were made
1. He should have been allowed to study his preferred course- Computer Science
2. You guys should have grabbed the pastor's help to enable him launch his football career.
3. Your husband should NEVER have brutalized his own son whether by himself or hired thugs. That has broken the young man.

Possible Solutions:
You must try to reach him emotionally, connect with him no matter how hard it may seem. You the mother have a very important role to play here. Get him to open up and start talking. If he keeps bottling up his anger, he is gonna blow up one day. I do not wish you this.

His father owes him an apology for getting thugs to brutalize him. You must convince your husband to take this first step to aid his healing. His father should be his protector, not his tormentor.

You may also need to seek professional help to aid his healing. Show him more love.

What a touching story. I believe your husband is a kind of man that always like to force his opinion on others.

I am sure there is computer department at NAFDAC too. Computer science is a very good course too.
Meanwhile, tell your husband to swallow his pride and apologize to his son. You cannot hire thugs to torture your son for two weeks and expected such son to jump at you again. He still went ahead again after that to hire your estate CSO to beat him up like a criminal.

Your husband killed that boy.. spiritually, physically and emotionally

He killed him twice ..

And you didn’t help when he need you.. now the good boy is about to turn sour ..

No be person do am.. na you and your husband do am.. no need for prayer and fasting ..

As long as he sees that your husband .. healing is very very far from him..

Support him the very best you can .. and pretend to say yes .. to his demands .. yes! Even the most foolish ones .. maybe he will come home to you first.. before you try connecting ..

Pray you receive favor from God .. so he will be able to connect to you.. while you try .

Wish you all good


He’s 21.. all hope ain’t lost… he still have time to chase his dreams .. let him know this In sincerity

Hmm...i feel sorry for the young man, this is not how to train a child. You don't force a child to study a course, instead you carefully observe your child and get to understand what he loves most and help encourage him/her towards developing such talent. Beating up your child, locking him up, hiring thugs to chain and flog him...to what end now? Is he not your blood and flesh or did you both adopt him? I felt like crying for him and this can make him run away from you guys for life or worst kill himself as a result of being fed up with life

AndrewTate:
you're saying complete stinking bull/human and dog $hitt...
I'm already filled with so much anger after reading this story.
That boy can end his father just to feel alive if his father keep being that way.
You just talk!! Talk from your head without thinking of others...

When you are not a father.
You have no idea what it costs.

Go and kill your father because he punished you.

We know your type. Your father abuses you badly. Mentally and physically..

Keyboard warrior

NeoWanZaeed:


When you are not a father.
You have no idea what it costs.

Go and kill your father because he punished you.

We know your type. Your father abuses you badly. Mentally and physically..

Keyboard warrior

what would it cost to allow him study what he wanted in the first place?
What did it cost to take him to a private university just to force his will on him?
There is something in your head but it's not a brain... It's something, I don't know what its called but it's responsible for your one sided thinking!
Stupidity warrior!

Your boy is not even adventurous. At 21,he is still afraid of missing the free food and shelter you provide

Anybody that attended a boarding house will have an independent mindset but too bad your husband is the controlling type.

Moving on, he needs to apologize to the boy.
Relationship with him will become worst after his siblings graduate and he is still in one spot so it's best to let him determine his own future by himself so if he fails he will not blame any one but himself

booksbo0k:
Sorry for the long write up my people, I need advice.

My first son has been behaving somehow in our family, as if he's not part of this family...
You and this boy can be in the same house but you might not set your eyes on him once for a whole day. He will be inside his room through out... He has been telling me that he is currently working on going to rent his own place and live on his own and that if God helps him and he is able to achieve that, He will not have anything to do with our family again and that we will never set eyes on him ever again :[ ... I would have not been bothered by such statement if it were coming from someone else, I would take it as a bluff. But this my son is someone that normally doesn't call people to check on them, not even us his parents.. When he was in his previous University before he dropped out, this boy can go for months, that is a whole semester stretch without calling anybody to know how you're doing, except you call him or maybe he wants to ask for money for something or school stuff....

We have five children and he is the first, the second and third children are away in University, he and the two last siblings are the only one's with us.. My husband refused him from going to University in a far place instead he gives him transport money to be going to his own University from home everyday...... He and his father don't even talk again except good morning greetings. He is only 21 ohh..

Let me give you guys small back story so that you can understand how all these things started

My son graduated from secondary school (a boarding school) in 2017 at 16 years old... Initially, he said he wanted to study computer science as he said that was the course he loved and wanted to study. But my husband refused and persuaded him to study pharmacy because he worked at NAFDAC and he saw the way pharmacy graduates were living at his work place and the salary they were recieving. He and one of his chemist friend sweet talked him into going to study the course and I guess it was because he was young then and could not challenge his dad then that was why he gave in.... He wrote jamb but he did not meet the cut of mark for pharmacy (but I later realised his score was good for computer science then)... No public University was willing to admit him for pharmacy then because his score was not good for the course but due to my husband love for the course and not wanting my son to lose admission that year , he decided to go the way of private University not minding their school fees...Long story cut short, my son got admitted into Madonna University where we were paying 1M naira every year.....After 3 years in the school and in 300L @18 years old, he began saying he was not interested in the school any longer, that he was tired of the course, that he's body is no longer in the school and blablabla that he wants to go and play football in Europe...
He came back for holiday during the beginning of covid and refused to go back to the school when they resumed, saying that he was only wasting our money by being in that school and he did not want to continue.....This got my husband really sad and angry....My son stayed home for almost two years doing nothing because my husband was adamant that if he would not go back to school, nothing for him, that all the money he has spent for school fees in that school can not be for waste that he can become a footballer after he graduates, saying no one can become a successful footballer without being a graduate, that it would later affect them in life...But my son refused. I must confess, my son is extremely good at playing football. That was the talent i can confidently say that God personally gave to him from birth. Infact when he was graduating from secondary school, they gave him the award for the best graduating footballer and he was always the centre of attention anytime he plays at our church events. He friends used to call him "nima" then, I think...
I and my husband got tired of him staying at home for long so I went to meet with one pastor in our street who was based in the UK with his family but comes home sometimes for church related matters. I explained my son's situation to him and he offered to help my son travel out to chase his football career provided we have the funds for it. The man was secondary school class mates with "victor ikpe ekong" who was a former super eagles player but currently a pastor in Sweden. To my greatest surprise he called him on a WhatsApp video call in my presence and i was really surprised...He gave me the man's phone number to keep in contact and also scheduled a day to meet with my husband and have a discussion.. I told my son and he was very happy..I also told my husband and he was eager to meet with him at least, anything to solve my sons idleness at the time..

The pastor came to my our house on several occasions and discussed with my husband. My husband kept telling the pastor,saying he would like my son to be going to school while chasing his football career at the same time, a feat which pastor let us know would be difficult as one has to be dropped for the other. Unfortunately, my husband changed he's mind and said he was no longer interested in the whole footballer thing. He said he knew that my son wanted to become a footballer only because of girls. That he, my son knew that if he becomes a footballer, all the girls would like him, that that was the only reason he wanted to become a footballer, and that if football was his true destiny, he doesn't need to travel out for it to manifest, that he can be in Nigeria and make it from here.....That was how that chapter close like that. Pastor left for England few months after.....

After years of my son staying at home, my husband got tired. One night, he hired some Street thugs to come take my son away and beat him up...my son stayed with them for 2 weeks. When he returned, he said he was ready to go back to school. But my husband told him he won't be going back to any private University again. My son wrote jamb again to study computer science and was admitted into COOU. but my said he would not allow him go to any University that is not in the same state we are residing. Now the problem here was that all the public schools in the state we are staying will not accept you to study computer science unless you did chemistry in jamb. And my son did not do chemistry in jamb because he is not good in chemistry. If he was to study in the same state we were staying, he had to settle for another course, which he did...Now another problem arose. My husband refused to rent an apartment for my son around the school because the school is considerably far from our house, instead he decided to be giving him money (2000) everyday as transport fare to be going from home. This did not sit down well with my the boy and he again, said he was no longer interested in schooling again sef that he can't be going such far distance from home to the school everyday to study a Course he does not even like siting that it would be stressful and affect his academics and that it was unwise to be paying 60k a year as school fees while you spend 2k everyday as transport..My husband got angry and called on our estate CSO to come pick him up. They beat him so badly in public that when he got back home later in the evening, I went to check him in his room, his buttocks and back where scarred and red with huge marks...

Ever since, he has been going to the school from home and he has become very distant from us especially his dad. They don't talk again in the same house except "good morning sir"... My son has turned into something else. He can stay indoors from morning till night. I would have said he has started keeping bad company but he does not even have a single friend, not one..Nobody calls him, and he doesn't call anybody...I have five children and he is the first. The second and third already gained admission this year in a private University and are in school currently, so he and he's last two siblings are the only one's with us now.. Why I'm writing this is because I'm scared..I'm beginning to fear that my son might might commit suicide, he's beginning to show that kind of attitude.. And the plans he have to leave us forever to go and stay alone, I don't like it ohhhh...
Nairalanders please I need your advice.

dominique nlfpmod farano lalasticlala Myndd44 justwise Disguy

Every thing has been messed up

Right now just leave that guy to follow his heart

If you guys don't want to loose him to suicide, just allow him to get an accommodation
But just find out where he will be living and visit him once a while

Then be putting him into prayers because it's only God that can deliver him from this life style

God will see you truu 🙏

I AM GOING TO BE VERY BLUNT WITH YOU
YOU ARE A VERY USELESS MOTHER IF NOT THE MOST USELESS MOTHER IN THE WORLD, YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND DO NOT DESERVE CHILDREN NOT EVEN PETS, RATHER YOU DESERVE ROBOTS YOU CAN CONTROL AROUND, EVERYTHING YOU ARE SAYING IS YOUR HUSBAND THIS YOUR HUSBAND THAT, THEN WHAT IS YOUR DUTY AS A MOTHER? TO OPEN LEG AND BORN CHILDREN LIKE CHICKENS? I FEEL SO BAD FOR THAT BOY, YOU MAY EVENTUALLY LOOSE HIM IF HE DECIDES TO TAKE HIS LIFE. I HOPE YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND CAN STILL CONTROL HIM AROUND WHEN HE IS DEAD. THE ONLY SOLUTION TO THAT BOY IS FOR YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND TO SIT HIM DOWN ASK HIM WHAT HE WANTS AND GIVE HIM WHATEVER HE REQUESTS FOR EVEN IF IT IS MONEY FOR RENT, HOW CAN A 21 year old FIRST BORN FOR THAT MATTER BE LIVING THE LIFE HIS PARENTS ARE DECIDING FOR HIM AND YOU EXPECT HIM TO BE ALRIGHT.
SHAME ON YOU AS A PARENT.

So you need our help; total strangers, on what to do with a child you carried in your wombs for 9 months?

You and your husband should drink your own medicine and leave that boy alone.

Alow him to be whatever he wants to be.

The matter long o

As mothers sometimes, we need to know when to defend our children against their dictator fathers.

Your husband has messed up your son's self-esteem. Pls try to be closer to him. You can even help him get accommodation elsewhere after all he's 21 before he harms himself.

Who’s reading for us now

Oh sorry