Re: Frustrated With My Wife by jesmond3945: 8:28am On Apr 11, 2023 |
seanwilliam:
You’re a very dumb person and you’re not supposed to be putting mouth on matters on here. So because she’s earning just 800k , she should neglect her wifely duty ? So the money is more important than the family ? Now I know the kind of person you are, you worship money in your family.
You’re just being mischievous because no where from his post did he mention that his wife should be cooking every day . But atleast, she should show concern not I-don’t-care attitude. All this simply means , the money has boosted her ego and she doesn’t seem like a good mother to me. Even the maid dictates what her children eat ! Arrant nonsense!
She even denies him sex which is the height of it. Op earns about the same amount or more , yet he provides financial and emotional support for his family .
So na the man supposed Dey work like Jackie and sacrificing his comfort while his partner just sit back and relax.
I pity the op, your wife has sized you up, divorce her and marry someone that understands importance of sacrifice for the family.
And mind you, even if she earns billions monthly, she’s still the wife and it’s expected of her to discharge her duty efficiently same as the husband( if one is tired , the other comes in to help, not that one will feel to big to help or sacrifice for the family). If she divorces now, she’s already a single mother and no sensible man created by God will settle for that secondhand good-for-nothing just because of money.
I know a dumb human being like you will settle for that cos u don see sugar mommy earning meager 800k .
Rubbish . No qoute me again abeg. U Dey vex me
i think you have huge disrespect for Op's wife. Op this man here is clearly insulting your wife and I blame you for it. I pity the woman that would marry you. 1 Like |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by Passionate1(m): 8:28am On Apr 11, 2023 |
EriMma1: Settle it on your knees in prayers. At least you should be grateful you didn't marry an olosho.
If possible, you both should visit a marriage counselor. There's still room for adjustments and amendment.
How are u sure, she's not giving it to someone else. Fear women! |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by ConfidentialDoc: 8:31am On Apr 11, 2023 |
You didn't marry your soul mate. It's better not to marry than marry a non soulmate. Since divorce isn't on the table then you're ready for a really long tin.. tomi4life: I am 35 and my wife is 29, we have been married for 6 years now, we have 2 children a boy and a girl. We didnt court much during our courtship because of long distance.
I really have a problem with my wife and not sure what can be done to address, now I must be very honest am not sure there is anything I can do I just want to use the platform to vent my frustration.
My marriage has not been very good, lately myself and my wife leave like room mates and not lovers, despite the age difference between me and my wife she doesnt really respect me. For the 6 years we have been in marriage 3 things have caused all our fights: cooking, Sex and finance
My wife rarely cooks in the house, things around welfare are not taken seriously, actually in a week, my wife can cook for me just 1 time. She cooks for the children and baths for them daily, we also have a help who does alot of cooking. She rarely askes me what I will eat, honestly I always have to go to the kitchen to sort myself, sometimes I buy food outside from eateries and bucker. Sometimes when she cooks it usually very late 10pm. I have complained severally and what happen is she tries to change, after a week, we are back to the same state. My wife can do without cooking for me for weeks. It really really pains me cos am a foody and I knw hw my mum treats matters of food. she is this person that forms busy, either she is busy with work or some church activities, she always has an excuse. She goes to work only ones a weeks the remaining 4days are remote. To address this issue I now order soups from major restaurant outlets, An example is today easter sunday, I had to tell our maid to prepare rice for myself and the kids, cos my wife was in church, we all went to church but she decided to stay back, knowing fully well no food was prepared.
Sex: [/b]our sex life is very boring, when we got married we always fight about sex, cos anytime I ask for it she always complain she is tired, so what I now do is ask for it only sat morning, brethen this is only day I get sex. If I miss that day, it is still next week. We sleep in different rooms, she sleeps with the children in the master bedroom while I sleep alone in another room. I can tell most time she doesnt enjoy it and never ever askes for it, I always ask and initiate it. She just lays like a log, even kisses is a no no, except she is really on, which rarely happens. [b] Finance: I have always earned more than my wife, when we got married, I was earning 3 times what she was earning, but she changed jobs and got promoted severally and we were earning the same amount. she also does alot of side runs where she gets 200-300k monthly as side hustle, there was even a time she was earning more than I did. I dint let it bother me I continue to foot the entire house bills. 95% of the enitre house of comes from me, she only pays the maid , buys cooking gas and my sons diaper. Every other thing in the house is covered by me, house rent, school fees, project, all the bills. I give her 75k as food money monthly. I have continue to question her why I should give her food moeny if I still have to end up going out to eat. I think the only reason she sometime listens to me is cause i still provide the finances for the house. The time she was earning more I could see how she belittle some of my decisions. I just prayed to God, cos I noticed the respect was gone, when I talk to her about her role as a mum and mother to the home, she says she is working, she is busy, I mentioned to her that the money she works is for her, she doesnt share with the house, I have never asked her for it and am not against her working, she however should not neglect her responsibility as a mum. That my role as a father, God helping me is to provide, and this is why I work. I also noticed when I got a new job and my salary increased she kinda off felt jealous she didnt tell me but i noticed it, she began to aggressively look for jobs.
I really dont think we have that initmacy, we are just there, my wife cant come to tell me anything bothering her, she keeps to herself. Funny part is she is a very religious person, my wife will sleep with bible on her hand, wake up with bible pray and serve in various church unit, I however dont think she really understands what she reads. She also has a very bad temper sometimes when I raise certian issues, the ways she talks sometimes I have to hold back a response if not the whole thing will escalate. There are days I will raise certain issue up, the next things she mentions is " let just dissolve this marriage as it is not working" sometimes , I just refer her to her bible cos the utterances that come out of her mouth makes me doubt her understanding of Christianity.
I have never assaulted her, we have nt had any physically fight, what happens is most times when we have issues, I dont speak to her for days, then she come back apologizing. Sometimes when am wrong I also apologies.
Am not saying am perfect, I know there are areas I can do better, like in the buying off gift, I rarely buy her gift, not cause I cant but Cos she earns well and I believe she should buy whatever she needs with her money my wife earns approximately 800k monthy.
I expect my wife will support me but it like she is stressing me. when we go see my parent or our parent, it is all smiles, they dont knw hw stressful their daughter is, she even forms trying to serve me food and all.
Dont get me wrong she has some good side, but this thing is really getting into me. I dont drink, smoke or womanise, divorce is also not on the table for me. |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by FireUpNow(m): 8:34am On Apr 11, 2023 |
leisuretym:
Wrong advice You can make her feel separated by finding happiness within and doing what you love
The first step is first find your happiness back, Swimming 🏊♀️ is the only one exercise that is sweeter than sex, it will always keep you fit , healthy and handsome , try it 3times a week and she will start wondering what’s the source of your happiness, start doing something you love, what makes you happy can you really make a spouse feel separated while living in the same house? |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by Passionate1(m): 8:34am On Apr 11, 2023 |
Women dey very complicated. . contact me make I teach u how to solve dis issue. .give it a try. |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by MadamOk(f): 8:35am On Apr 11, 2023 |
Poster your marriage is perfect With what you have written here, I don't really see big issue here One of the things I observed from your post is... It seems you have not probably talk about the issue with your wife You said she has money she can buy gift for herself, for this statement you are wrong, even if she is billionaire, sometimes buy gift for her when she did not expecting, spoil her with gift, take her out for a godly diner night, since you said she love the bible Talk to her to make time for family outing Not be only church work alone. 2 Likes |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by ONNYX: 8:38am On Apr 11, 2023 |
Dogalmighty17: Your situation sounds just exactly like mine. I have never believed in divorce. But God knows I have been pushed to the wall. I won't tell you to be patient and understanding. I know that for you to make this post now shows how deeply pained you are. At the end of the day, the question we should all ask ourselves is this: Is marriage worth it? May the day come when we all understand that divorce is a wonderful window when compared to options like dying slowly or irreversible depression. The new lease of life you get when you are free of a bond that isn't mutually beneficial is indescribable. Freely we get married and bind ourselves to each other......freely we should unbind ourselves and start a new life altogether when we realize that we have made mistakes. A bad marriage is one of the best recipes for an early death. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by BloomingDale(f): 8:39am On Apr 11, 2023 |
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Re: Frustrated With My Wife by nonny1212: 8:44am On Apr 11, 2023 |
JeffreyJunior: I took my time to read your epistle and one thing I quickly noticed is that you two are no longer couples but strangers, competing ones at that.
You are yet to see her true color because you still support your home financially. The worst in her will manifest if anything happens to your income.
Whenever a woman opens her mouth to say let's dissolve this marriage or this relationship, I would go for it immediately. If you don't, you will remain at her mercy forever and all your efforts in keeping the relationship will be unappreciated and underappreciated by her.
One thing is certain now. Your wife already has an exit plan and she is only waiting for a perfect time to strike. Most times, they don't strike until you are in the lowest of your lows so I suggest you start making your own exit plans because this rain I dey see so, it will definitely fall. It's only a matter of when.
Shalom. The bolded is the biggest punchline. I learnt this the hard way.
This is the red flag of "I'm tired of you". Once a woman voices that out, my brother LEAVE.
PEACE OF MIND is priceless 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by candygist: 8:44am On Apr 11, 2023 |
You married men should not come here and cry. On your wedding day you danced like you've made it in life. Enjoy your wedding abeg. 2 Likes |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by dee92(f): 8:44am On Apr 11, 2023 |
tomi4life: I am 35 and my wife is 29, we have been married for 6 years now, we have 2 children a boy and a girl. We didnt court much during our courtship because of long distance.
I really have a problem with my wife and not sure what can be done to address, now I must be very honest am not sure there is anything I can do I just want to use the platform to vent my frustration.
My marriage has not been very good, lately myself and my wife leave like room mates and not lovers, despite the age difference between me and my wife she doesnt really respect me. For the 6 years we have been in marriage 3 things have caused all our fights: cooking, Sex and finance
My wife rarely cooks in the house, things around welfare are not taken seriously, actually in a week, my wife can cook for me just 1 time. She cooks for the children and baths for them daily, we also have a help who does alot of cooking. She rarely askes me what I will eat, honestly I always have to go to the kitchen to sort myself, sometimes I buy food outside from eateries and bucker. Sometimes when she cooks it usually very late 10pm. I have complained severally and what happen is she tries to change, after a week, we are back to the same state. My wife can do without cooking for me for weeks. It really really pains me cos am a foody and I knw hw my mum treats matters of food. she is this person that forms busy, either she is busy with work or some church activities, she always has an excuse. She goes to work only ones a weeks the remaining 4days are remote. To address this issue I now order soups from major restaurant outlets, An example is today easter sunday, I had to tell our maid to prepare rice for myself and the kids, cos my wife was in church, we all went to church but she decided to stay back, knowing fully well no food was prepared.
Sex: [/b]our sex life is very boring, when we got married we always fight about sex, cos anytime I ask for it she always complain she is tired, so what I now do is ask for it only sat morning, brethen this is only day I get sex. If I miss that day, it is still next week. We sleep in different rooms, she sleeps with the children in the master bedroom while I sleep alone in another room. I can tell most time she doesnt enjoy it and never ever askes for it, I always ask and initiate it. She just lays like a log, even kisses is a no no, except she is really on, which rarely happens. [b] Finance: I have always earned more than my wife, when we got married, I was earning 3 times what she was earning, but she changed jobs and got promoted severally and we were earning the same amount. she also does alot of side runs where she gets 200-300k monthly as side hustle, there was even a time she was earning more than I did. I dint let it bother me I continue to foot the entire house bills. 95% of the enitre house of comes from me, she only pays the maid , buys cooking gas and my sons diaper. Every other thing in the house is covered by me, house rent, school fees, project, all the bills. I give her 75k as food money monthly. I have continue to question her why I should give her food moeny if I still have to end up going out to eat. I think the only reason she sometime listens to me is cause i still provide the finances for the house. The time she was earning more I could see how she belittle some of my decisions. I just prayed to God, cos I noticed the respect was gone, when I talk to her about her role as a mum and mother to the home, she says she is working, she is busy, I mentioned to her that the money she works is for her, she doesnt share with the house, I have never asked her for it and am not against her working, she however should not neglect her responsibility as a mum. That my role as a father, God helping me is to provide, and this is why I work. I also noticed when I got a new job and my salary increased she kinda off felt jealous she didnt tell me but i noticed it, she began to aggressively look for jobs.
I really dont think we have that initmacy, we are just there, my wife cant come to tell me anything bothering her, she keeps to herself. Funny part is she is a very religious person, my wife will sleep with bible on her hand, wake up with bible pray and serve in various church unit, I however dont think she really understands what she reads. She also has a very bad temper sometimes when I raise certian issues, the ways she talks sometimes I have to hold back a response if not the whole thing will escalate. There are days I will raise certain issue up, the next things she mentions is " let just dissolve this marriage as it is not working" sometimes , I just refer her to her bible cos the utterances that come out of her mouth makes me doubt her understanding of Christianity.
I have never assaulted her, we have nt had any physically fight, what happens is most times when we have issues, I dont speak to her for days, then she come back apologizing. Sometimes when am wrong I also apologies.
Am not saying am perfect, I know there are areas I can do better, like in the buying off gift, I rarely buy her gift, not cause I cant but Cos she earns well and I believe she should buy whatever she needs with her money my wife earns approximately 800k monthy.
I expect my wife will support me but it like she is stressing me. when we go see my parent or our parent, it is all smiles, they dont knw hw stressful their daughter is, she even forms trying to serve me food and all.
Dont get me wrong she has some good side, but this thing is really getting into me. I dont drink, smoke or womanise, divorce is also not on the table for me. I am a woman, and a mom of two kids, seven and five years old, been married for nine years. But this is not right. She is married and has to look for a balance between being a wife and a mom. Nothing wrong if she cooks now and then, and delegates it sometimes to the help also. But the aspect of rarely cooking.... Hmmm. Also, what's the point of you engaging in sex with a woman who doesn't want or enjoy it most times? How do YOU enjoy it when it's like pseudo rape? Her utmost cooperation is required. As per finances, thank God that his provision is there and you are meeting up, but she ought to assist you the way she would love to be assisted were she to be the man. Let me end by saying that, some issues can not be resolved unless you involve parents, her parents in this case, especially as she knows that what she's doing is wrong as indicated by the eye service she displays when you both go to see her parents, also she appears to be immature to not know what is expected of her, maybe it's her age. You also hinted that you have spoken to her before, she turned a new life for a while before reverting to her former behaviour. Endeavour to be on the good side of her parents, don't be a hypocrite though, take care of them and relate with them the way you relate with yours, it makes it easy for them to reprimand their daughter when you show up with a complaint. Let me also end by saying, I am interested in those side hustles that pay 200k-300k monthly if you aren't exaggerating the amount. I am a lawyer but honestly could make do with that extra 200k/300k monthly. I Wish you the best! 6 Likes |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by BigBizzy(m): 8:47am On Apr 11, 2023 |
As a married man, if my wife tells me "let just dissolve this marriage as it is not working", then that's a super red flag.
For me, I'll begin to prepare for its eventuality. 1 Like |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by Princedapace(m): 8:51am On Apr 11, 2023 |
Dogalmighty17: Your situation sounds just exactly like mine. I have never believed in divorce. But God knows I have been pushed to the wall. I won't tell you to be patient and understanding. I know that for you to make this post now shows how deeply pained you are. At the end of the day, the question we should all ask ourselves is this: Is marriage worth it? It is like asking ur self is school worth it because one didn't secure a good job after school. That u didnt find exactly what u seek in marriage doesnt mean that marriage is not worth it. The problem is compatibility. No one is fully bad o, it is just compatibility. This guy and u off course, ur partners may also not find you guys funny to be married to. Not becus u two are bad, it is just compatibility issue. And humans make this mistake a lot. There are husband who wouldn't see all of these this guy wrote here as a problem. Take for instance, those very rich men who wouldn't care if their wives contribute financially or not. Those men who aren't sexually interested in sex matters and are okay with a few sex a week, etc. There is a compatible one for everyone. The problem is that we humans don't understand our selves first befofe moving into marriage. Then, Nigerians don't want to accept divorce. Divorce shouldn't be seen as evil. U may discover who u are and what type of partner suits u better after few years of marriage, u two can decide to divorce and u seek ur self a partner that aligns with ur type of person. But in Nigeria, we are too greedy. We don't want to let go. Lol 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by isabi2lof: 8:56am On Apr 11, 2023 |
Try and settle with your wife , na ogbanje human beings full outside. Person wey get head no get cap , the one wey get cap no get head ![undecided](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/undecided.png) |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by SIRTee15: 8:56am On Apr 11, 2023 |
jesmond3945: you dont ask for respect, you earn it. Op doesnt buy gift for his wife He doesnt help in the house except to surprise the wife He doesnt Bleep her real good Common no woman will respect you. Women respect actions you take to make her happy and not your earning power. If u think gift will change anything in that house, then I guess we done. Bye. |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by isabi2lof: 8:57am On Apr 11, 2023 |
BigBizzy: As a married man, if my wife tells me "let just dissolve this marriage as it is not working", then that's a super red flag.
For me, I'll begin to prepare for its eventuality. She's already fed up with the marriage but OP won't talk about his own bad side , we all need to hear from the wife. 1 Like |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by isabi2lof: 9:01am On Apr 11, 2023 |
franchasofficia: There are a lot of things your wife doesn't like about you and it seems she knew those things before you guys got married but she just had to marry you for marrying sake maybe cos you pestered her a lot.
This is why I dont advice guys to marry ladies below 27yrs.
You married your wife when she was 23 so she didn't enjoy her girlie period much and she jumped into wifely and mummy roles which killed her joy side.
The truth is, she has falling out of love with you completely and she is wishing you were a kind of man or men she probably sees in her Church or workplace or on TV lol.
Its an unfortunate situation.
Guys stop marrying girls, marry ladies.
Exactly she didn't enjoyed all the fun at a younger age , the issue of alphamale and feminist online is also contributing to all these madness |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by daramolaj1: 9:05am On Apr 11, 2023 |
Bro, I was actually in your shoe and i will be sincere with you, shes playing a game she herself cannot handle. but in all of these, you need to find your happiness first, like one of the comment said, some have bigger problems than this, in my case, i might not even get it for 2-3months. you need to find your happiness first and while you are doing that, you need to talk to God on your knees about the whole situation that his will be done. everything you mentioned in paramount in a man's life and if hes not getting it, then what is he living for ? In my opinion, look for job far away, let her feel your absence, and if she doesnt thats still her loss. I noticed a lot of ladies in marriage these days, only married for pressure purposes not because they really want to get married and after they dive into it , they remain stagnant and make the man miserable. Get a job far away, relief her completely off her duty and make her know you re independent of her. even the sex, no ask her again ...send me a mail on daoleboptions@gmail.com lets share knowledge on how im handling mine. tomi4life: I am 35 and my wife is 29, we have been married for 6 years now, we have 2 children a boy and a girl. We didnt court much during our courtship because of long distance.
I really have a problem with my wife and not sure what can be done to address, now I must be very honest am not sure there is anything I can do I just want to use the platform to vent my frustration.
My marriage has not been very good, lately myself and my wife leave like room mates and not lovers, despite the age difference between me and my wife she doesnt really respect me. For the 6 years we have been in marriage 3 things have caused all our fights: cooking, Sex and finance
My wife rarely cooks in the house, things around welfare are not taken seriously, actually in a week, my wife can cook for me just 1 time. She cooks for the children and baths for them daily, we also have a help who does alot of cooking. She rarely askes me what I will eat, honestly I always have to go to the kitchen to sort myself, sometimes I buy food outside from eateries and bucker. Sometimes when she cooks it usually very late 10pm. I have complained severally and what happen is she tries to change, after a week, we are back to the same state. My wife can do without cooking for me for weeks. It really really pains me cos am a foody and I knw hw my mum treats matters of food. she is this person that forms busy, either she is busy with work or some church activities, she always has an excuse. She goes to work only ones a weeks the remaining 4days are remote. To address this issue I now order soups from major restaurant outlets, An example is today easter sunday, I had to tell our maid to prepare rice for myself and the kids, cos my wife was in church, we all went to church but she decided to stay back, knowing fully well no food was prepared.
Sex: [/b]our sex life is very boring, when we got married we always fight about sex, cos anytime I ask for it she always complain she is tired, so what I now do is ask for it only sat morning, brethen this is only day I get sex. If I miss that day, it is still next week. We sleep in different rooms, she sleeps with the children in the master bedroom while I sleep alone in another room. I can tell most time she doesnt enjoy it and never ever askes for it, I always ask and initiate it. She just lays like a log, even kisses is a no no, except she is really on, which rarely happens. [b] Finance: I have always earned more than my wife, when we got married, I was earning 3 times what she was earning, but she changed jobs and got promoted severally and we were earning the same amount. she also does alot of side runs where she gets 200-300k monthly as side hustle, there was even a time she was earning more than I did. I dint let it bother me I continue to foot the entire house bills. 95% of the enitre house of comes from me, she only pays the maid , buys cooking gas and my sons diaper. Every other thing in the house is covered by me, house rent, school fees, project, all the bills. I give her 75k as food money monthly. I have continue to question her why I should give her food moeny if I still have to end up going out to eat. I think the only reason she sometime listens to me is cause i still provide the finances for the house. The time she was earning more I could see how she belittle some of my decisions. I just prayed to God, cos I noticed the respect was gone, when I talk to her about her role as a mum and mother to the home, she says she is working, she is busy, I mentioned to her that the money she works is for her, she doesnt share with the house, I have never asked her for it and am not against her working, she however should not neglect her responsibility as a mum. That my role as a father, God helping me is to provide, and this is why I work. I also noticed when I got a new job and my salary increased she kinda off felt jealous she didnt tell me but i noticed it, she began to aggressively look for jobs.
I really dont think we have that initmacy, we are just there, my wife cant come to tell me anything bothering her, she keeps to herself. Funny part is she is a very religious person, my wife will sleep with bible on her hand, wake up with bible pray and serve in various church unit, I however dont think she really understands what she reads. She also has a very bad temper sometimes when I raise certian issues, the ways she talks sometimes I have to hold back a response if not the whole thing will escalate. There are days I will raise certain issue up, the next things she mentions is " let just dissolve this marriage as it is not working" sometimes , I just refer her to her bible cos the utterances that come out of her mouth makes me doubt her understanding of Christianity.
I have never assaulted her, we have nt had any physically fight, what happens is most times when we have issues, I dont speak to her for days, then she come back apologizing. Sometimes when am wrong I also apologies.
Am not saying am perfect, I know there are areas I can do better, like in the buying off gift, I rarely buy her gift, not cause I cant but Cos she earns well and I believe she should buy whatever she needs with her money my wife earns approximately 800k monthy.
I expect my wife will support me but it like she is stressing me. when we go see my parent or our parent, it is all smiles, they dont knw hw stressful their daughter is, she even forms trying to serve me food and all.
Dont get me wrong she has some good side, but this thing is really getting into me. I dont drink, smoke or womanise, divorce is also not on the table for me. |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by Bombeverybody: 9:06am On Apr 11, 2023 |
You are full of wisdom. Your words were short and straight to the point. Only the wise ones on this forum can will align with your thinking. I'm one of them. Amayabor1: Oga, your wife is just tolerating you in the marriage. She doesn't love you! She has been trying to see if she can love you, but to no avail. You most likely was not her true love. She probably married you because you were ready for marriage and she wanted to get married. You disgust her.
Sorry, but that's the truth! 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by uche92(m): 9:09am On Apr 11, 2023 |
Surprised no one has mentioned the OPs wife might be lesbian hiding behind religion. That could explain a lot 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by Iheakonye(m): 9:10am On Apr 11, 2023 |
I feel u bro. Most people will tell u to talk to her about the issue, tell her parents or see a marriage counselor, which is good., Only a fraction of women will listen to talks from outsiders, and majority of women will change temporarily n revert to their abnormal behaviour
My small contribution is. 1) in the aspect sex. Get a side chick. to avoid prostrate cancer in the future/b4 conji make u loose guard. If not, she will weaponise sex against u. 2) as for the food aspect. Since you have househelp cooking for you guys. Give her d money for cooking n telling her what u want her to b preparing per time. This will make your wife sense that she's gradually loosing her position as a wife. 3) as for the aspect of responsibility. Do the necessary ones u can, if u can do all, do all without bordering if she contribute or not. Most women see ur money as the family money but their money is their money. 4) lastly, u are your own priority. Don't trade ur happiness with ur wife's weakness, expecially if u have discussed with her or see a marriage counselor n she refuse to change. Remember your role to your kid, provision, protection n guidance. When a woman feels she doesn't need u any longer, don't beg, because u will continue to beg her. Set ur mind for d worst which is separation. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by pedrilo: 9:11am On Apr 11, 2023 |
Omon after reading this, I need to start worshipping my wife oh. She cooks daily for me and my son, submits 100% of her salary to me and ask me to give her money for monthly upkeep. My wife is gold. Na only sex she no too like 5 Likes |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by solreb: 9:12am On Apr 11, 2023 |
tomi4life: I am 35 and my wife is 29, we have been married for 6 years now, we have 2 children a boy and a girl. We didnt court much during our courtship because of long distance.
I really have a problem with my wife and not sure what can be done to address, now I must be very honest am not sure there is anything I can do I just want to use the platform to vent my frustration.
My marriage has not been very good, lately myself and my wife leave like room mates and not lovers, despite the age difference between me and my wife she doesnt really respect me. For the 6 years we have been in marriage 3 things have caused all our fights: cooking, Sex and finance
My wife rarely cooks in the house, things around welfare are not taken seriously, actually in a week, my wife can cook for me just 1 time. She cooks for the children and baths for them daily, we also have a help who does alot of cooking. She rarely askes me what I will eat, honestly I always have to go to the kitchen to sort myself, sometimes I buy food outside from eateries and bucker. Sometimes when she cooks it usually very late 10pm. I have complained severally and what happen is she tries to change, after a week, we are back to the same state. My wife can do without cooking for me for weeks. It really really pains me cos am a foody and I knw hw my mum treats matters of food. she is this person that forms busy, either she is busy with work or some church activities, she always has an excuse. She goes to work only ones a weeks the remaining 4days are remote. To address this issue I now order soups from major restaurant outlets, An example is today easter sunday, I had to tell our maid to prepare rice for myself and the kids, cos my wife was in church, we all went to church but she decided to stay back, knowing fully well no food was prepared.
Sex: [/b]our sex life is very boring, when we got married we always fight about sex, cos anytime I ask for it she always complain she is tired, so what I now do is ask for it only sat morning, brethen this is only day I get sex. If I miss that day, it is still next week. We sleep in different rooms, she sleeps with the children in the master bedroom while I sleep alone in another room. I can tell most time she doesnt enjoy it and never ever askes for it, I always ask and initiate it. She just lays like a log, even kisses is a no no, except she is really on, which rarely happens. [b] Finance: I have always earned more than my wife, when we got married, I was earning 3 times what she was earning, but she changed jobs and got promoted severally and we were earning the same amount. she also does alot of side runs where she gets 200-300k monthly as side hustle, there was even a time she was earning more than I did. I dint let it bother me I continue to foot the entire house bills. 95% of the enitre house of comes from me, she only pays the maid , buys cooking gas and my sons diaper. Every other thing in the house is covered by me, house rent, school fees, project, all the bills. I give her 75k as food money monthly. I have continue to question her why I should give her food moeny if I still have to end up going out to eat. I think the only reason she sometime listens to me is cause i still provide the finances for the house. The time she was earning more I could see how she belittle some of my decisions. I just prayed to God, cos I noticed the respect was gone, when I talk to her about her role as a mum and mother to the home, she says she is working, she is busy, I mentioned to her that the money she works is for her, she doesnt share with the house, I have never asked her for it and am not against her working, she however should not neglect her responsibility as a mum. That my role as a father, God helping me is to provide, and this is why I work. I also noticed when I got a new job and my salary increased she kinda off felt jealous she didnt tell me but i noticed it, she began to aggressively look for jobs.
I really dont think we have that initmacy, we are just there, my wife cant come to tell me anything bothering her, she keeps to herself. Funny part is she is a very religious person, my wife will sleep with bible on her hand, wake up with bible pray and serve in various church unit, I however dont think she really understands what she reads. She also has a very bad temper sometimes when I raise certian issues, the ways she talks sometimes I have to hold back a response if not the whole thing will escalate. There are days I will raise certain issue up, the next things she mentions is " let just dissolve this marriage as it is not working" sometimes , I just refer her to her bible cos the utterances that come out of her mouth makes me doubt her understanding of Christianity.
I have never assaulted her, we have nt had any physically fight, what happens is most times when we have issues, I dont speak to her for days, then she come back apologizing. Sometimes when am wrong I also apologies.
Am not saying am perfect, I know there are areas I can do better, like in the buying off gift, I rarely buy her gift, not cause I cant but Cos she earns well and I believe she should buy whatever she needs with her money my wife earns approximately 800k monthy.
I expect my wife will support me but it like she is stressing me. when we go see my parent or our parent, it is all smiles, they dont knw hw stressful their daughter is, she even forms trying to serve me food and all.
Dont get me wrong she has some good side, but this thing is really getting into me. I dont drink, smoke or womanise, divorce is also not on the table for me. My advice. 1. Have you tried to talk with your pastor on this matter. It really could help based on my personal experience. 2. Have you tried to go for counselling with certified marriage counsellors who are Christians. This does help too and a lot of marriages have been saved. 3. Commit the matter to God through prayer and fasting. |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by baywatch123: 9:16am On Apr 11, 2023 |
Sorry about your situation but your marriage has ended except you are ready to forgive your wife.
You and your wife have lost that emotional connection that women need to love a man, i don't know if it was ever there. A woman has to stay connected 247 and if its not to you then she will most definitely look for someone else.
She has slept with someone else ( or still is sleeping with the person) hence the over religiosity without following the dictates of the bible. Clutching the bible and staying back in church is because she is trying to find forgiveness from God and from her self. Your first suspect should the most frequent male she calls or calls her because she may be deleting SMS and chats. Also the male she sees most frequently at work, church or your children's school, who she is mostly online with too. don't trust anyone at this point.
Your wife is on self destruct mode ,meaning she wants to escape the trauma her infidelity is causing her by spoiling the marriage so you will take the blame for it ending( gas lighting).
Unfortunately married women when they cheat will never confess except you catch them red handed with receipts.
Every thing that is playing out is because she has decided what to do and you are not part of her plan and also her lover does not want her for anything more than what they have .
if i were you i will begin investigation to gather evidence of her infidelity and i am sure you will find what you are looking for especially now that she is in a weak emotional state which will make her sloppy.
Good luck with your findings and do revert back on what you find. |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by BloomingDale(f): 9:22am On Apr 11, 2023 |
ben1daEbiri:
Her work schedule might be hectic but reading through the thread you can see through her sheer unwillingness to make the marriage work. The effort is too one-sided. It's only a matter of time before OP passes breaking point. She makes good money (~800k/month) so he can afford to pay a maid since she's failed to do the basic things a woman should in her marriage. She's also depriving the husband of sex; see there are too many of these kind of movie script in nollywood and we all know how most of them end. If the OP starts engaging the made for sex then she's doomed. I'll give you one little advice: Never outsource cooking for your husband to a maid! You job might me demanding and all that but make out to time to cook for your husband as much as you can even if you have a made. These little things increases the bind and synergy in marriage. If a maid that cooks food your husband eats has an eye for your husband she can do it with so much ease either my making very delicious meals or use juju and in some cases both. There's so much already to end the marriage and you can see the OP is thr one holding onto it. Please don't try defending this nonsense again! As if I will be so stupid to fall for a man that is easily led by his belly. Well, if the man wants to save his marriage he should compromise more, as we see the wife has already checked out. No one wants to be a slave to anyone in the guise of marriage and the wife feels she is one. The husband should do more of the housework to relieve the wife, like maybe going to the market to buy the ingredients, getting them prepared for the wife to cook them etc. I’m sure the wife also wants to come home from work and put up her feet like the husband. Giving her 75k to feed a family of five for a month. Lol. 1 Like |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by Enemyofpeace: 9:22am On Apr 11, 2023 |
Oga Op, if your housemaid is old enough for marriage, impregnate her and let her overthrow the government of your wife. I ate nonsense |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by Oluwadare316(m): 9:24am On Apr 11, 2023 |
Eyah🤔sorry for the shege. It's time u talk to her family and tell them to talk to their daughter. Incase she doesn't change, pls consider your life and peace of mind before any woman. Whatever happens she will move on. I don't think I can tolerate sh#t up to such level though my religion Islam permits us to marry more if u are fit and able to meet some conditions but it depend on individual choice. You can also seek for advice from marriage counselor on how you can solve the issues. I hope u find peace and happiness in ur marriage. If u have offended her before, she should talk. Just try ur best to determine if she is still interested in marriage or not. best of luck |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by BloomingDale(f): 9:26am On Apr 11, 2023 |
Enemyofpeace: Oga Op, if your housemaid is old enough for marriage, impregnate her and let her overthrow the government of your wife. I ate nonsense I’m sure they wife won’t care as she has already checked out. By the time the new wife tells him 75k is not enough for feeding and he still has to spend for the maids/new wife’s personal maintenance, something he’s not doing right now, he will run into much more heartache. Lol. The new slave, sorry wife will also rebel. 1 Like |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by Lifeitself: 9:27am On Apr 11, 2023 |
Permit me to say this to all of you commenting cos I can clearly figure out that you people forget that the wife has needs to be met and plus she is not a full time house wife. So please, cut me some Slack, let the OP satisfy her needs if he can identify them and the wife will reciprocate. Biko, she was Married, not bought. Just my Piece |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by Enemyofpeace: 9:29am On Apr 11, 2023 |
BloomingDale:
I’m sure they wife won’t care as she has already checked out. By the time the new wife tells him 75k is not enough for feeding and he still has to spend for the maids/wife personal maintenance, something he’s not doing right now, he will run into much more heartache. Lol. so he should continue to take the bullshiiiiiit from a woman who is just occupying space in his house? A log of wood for that matter 1 Like |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by Ortintin: 9:31am On Apr 11, 2023 |
BRATISLAVA:
That means countless men have used the glory of their wives to shine, yet are angry and feel alimony and child support are theft. Yet you expect her to be the subservient one knowing this.
The kind of selfish one-sided things one reads on the forum sicken. Mr Bratislava... I know u don't understand my point so I will break it down. You see am not talking about spiritual aspect but it's psychology. Have you ever taught someone something eg a game, trick or trade and they become better than you? At that moment, some begin to ridicule you, see you as nothing and feel on top of the world. The truth is that they have used you as their ladder (Dem don use your brain/head). Though people who behave like that are fools for a wise person won't do such. So you have to dissociate from such people. In the man's case the wife has seen him finish, and until he stops living under the same roof (or divorce) her before she realizes his value. |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by moralex(m): 9:32am On Apr 11, 2023 |
2dice01: Suffering and smiling 🤩
¹ Once a week sex 🤔 ² She has no Respect for you ³ Won't cook for you ⁴ She even told you if the marriage ain't working you should divorce
Yet divorce isn't an option for you 😂☺️ What exactly are you enjoying in your marriage? That's why you don't beg a woman who's not in love with you for marriage, it's better to get married to a woman who's crazy about you. I pity the guy sha.
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