lishman1010:
My dear brother, am atleast 5 years older than you in age and been married for for 11yrs now blessed with three beautiful boys.
Sir, when i was reading your post i thought at some point you were narrating my case. Today makes it four days that we just settled what would have turned out to be a major catastroph.
I mean almost the same ordeal to yours especialy the food part.

And when i confronted her she got aggresive and said to me, that the fact she got extra money that week and suported with food supply that i have to assume the role of a wife too. That hurts alot i said to her never to ever help again , thinking it will help but she vent rubbish the more.

What i did.,..

I then called her mum and explain to her whom in return summoned her afterwards and querried her.

Effect.

She came back a day after and first thing in the morning she came to me coddled me and softly apologized and we settled and she has since show a great deal of change. In fact as am typing this post am served breakfast already despite bein late for work thank God.

My thoughts.

My brother every body have thier mumu bottens and you should know by now what is your wife's own. Above all that nothing must tamper with the love you have for each other which in return give room for other codiments such as mutual respect, compassion, honor sacrifice and so on.
I pray you communicate effectively as a "stich in time saves nine".

You will get through these wilderness experience i pray you Amen.

You are lucky not to have a witch as MIL

SIRTee15:


If u think gift will change anything in that house, then I guess we done. Bye.

smh

If both of you can't forgive each other and get things right, I we advise you go for devoice...

Enemyofpeace:
so he should continue to take the bullshiiiiiit from a woman who is just occupying space in his house? A log of wood for that matter

The problem with you men is that you don’t appreciate what wives do. Do you know how tasking it is to look after children, especially the mental effort it requires. You have to be constantly on alert to make sure they are okay, and you guys have not made it easy by preying on children. Imagine being in a state of constant adrenaline all the time. That will drain any human being. Then you now add household chores on top. Well, the woman has checked out.

The husband should better stop doing the bare minimum and start helping the wife with the household chores, even if it requires going to the market to buy the food ingredients, getting the laundry prepared for the house-help or wife to do, cooking everyday things like rice, yam, eba if the wife makes the soup and stew etc.

I’m pretty sure If the husband is as stressed as the wife he won’t be thinking about sex all the time.

Guy, be patient, and always tell her what you hate, they do come with different package which you have to sought yournown package to your taste, its very sure if no changes in your marriage it will crash, I saw that church activity is consuming her time, tell her the time you want her in church and when she must not be there, and make sure you mean it that if the marriage want to crash it should. She will start begging. frkm there you will proof oher points, Also make sire you are a good husband to her.

BloomingDale:


As if I will be so stupid to fall for a man that is easily lead by his belly.

Well, if the man wants to save his marriage he should compromise more, as we see the wife has already checked out. No one wants to be a slave to anyone in the guise of marriage and the wife feels she is one. The husband should do more of the housework to relieve the wife, like maybe going to the market to buy the ingredients, getting them prepared for the wife to cook them etc. I’m sure the wife also wants to come home from work and put up her feet too like the husband does.

Giving her 75k to feed a family of five for a month. Lol.

n he thinks she doesn't contribute

Dogalmighty17:
Your situation sounds just exactly like mine. I have never believed in divorce. But God knows I have been pushed to the wall. I won't tell you to be patient and understanding. I know that for you to make this post now shows how deeply pained you are.
At the end of the day, the question we should all ask ourselves is this: Is marriage worth it?

It doesn't at all worth it, most times I think the same as you. Faking smiles around as if all is well but...its not

Ortintin:


Mr Bratislava... I know u don't understand my point so I will break it down. You see am not talking about spiritual aspect but it's psychology.

Have you ever taught someone something eg a game, trick or trade and they become better than you? At that moment, some begin to ridicule you, see you as nothing and feel on top of the world. The truth is that they have used you as their ladder (Dem don use your brain/head).

Though people who behave like that are fools for a wise person won't do such. So you have to dissociate from such people.

In the man's case the wife has seen him finish, and until he stops living under the same roof (or divorce) her before she realizes his value.

But the majority of men are guilty of this.

This particular story is much deeper than he's letting on.

If you ask the OP to be truthful, he has made some comments in the past that made her that way, or has done things that made her decide to compete with him. His story has a huge red flag which is that he is constantly criticizing/nagging her and never says how it got that way. Maybe he cheated on her and she realized she needed to up her game. Saintly spouses are tiresome.

Plus, a ladder is something one stands on to get to a place they couldn't otherwise. Many men can only achieve because their wives have to sit back and support them without achieving their own dreams. If they don't, look no farther than the OP. Some men hate to see their women better than they are. They begin to see disrespect at every corner once their wife is high flying.

BloomingDale:


As if I will be so stupid to fall for a man that is easily lead by his belly.

Well, if the man wants to save his marriage he should compromise more, as we see the wife has already checked out. No one wants to be a slave to anyone in the guise of marriage and the wife feels she is one. The husband should do more of the housework to relieve the wife, like maybe going to the market to buy the ingredients, getting them prepared for the wife to cook them etc. I’m sure the wife also wants to come home from work and put up her feet too like the husband does.

Giving her 75k to feed a family of five for a month. Lol.

Make the husband dey go market go buy pepper, dey do her laundry abi....why she con get maid

If the money provided by the husband is not enough, why is she not communicating but want the marriage to end

In fact, the husband might not even have an idea of how much contribution she's putting in terms of finances to keep the family, she should communicate.

All these are not even enough to want your own marriage to crash... women used to put in more effort, make sacrifices to keep their marriage.... but today.... divorce is not a thing of shame and disgrace any longer

Lol

jesmond3945:
i think you have huge disrespect for Op's wife. Op this man here is clearly insulting your wife and I blame you for it. I pity the woman that would marry you.

It's what he wanted. He wanted his wife to be insulted by people she doesn't even know. Pity her, he's not as good as he portrays in his story.

ConfidentialDoc:

You didn't marry your soul mate.
It's better not to marry than marry a non soulmate.
Since divorce isn't on the table then you're ready for a really long tin..

There's nothing called a soul mate. That is star-crossed high fantasy.

Don't spoil a great thing.

Your situation was my reality some years ago before i cracked the code. Unfortunately, we were all not prepared for marriage.

I truly wish i can get around to speak with you. The key to making this marriage work is in your hands.

I believe that you should be abit more patient and circumspect. You need to build a common family vision with your wife, something she will buy into, else OYO lo wa o.

You both have great potentials and don't be stupid here.

Let me get a feedback and I may arrange to speak with you.

tomi4life:


I am tempted to agree with you. I dont think we love each other, infact when I reflect on things we really have alot of problems.

I have decided to fight back, I wont take any of this crap again. I think I have been too weak as the leader of the house this is why all this is happening.

Let not live in pretense anymore, there is a problem, a big one for that matter.

This may seem harsh I will hold back all the her entitlement, she cant expect me to play all the husband roles and she refuses to play hers as a wife.

It not even about the cooking itself, but how she responds when I raise certain matters.

Kobojunkie:
1. Most men who "easily" remarry find themselves in the same exact situation they left off in their previous relationship. So what good is it that one can "easily" remarry when by doing so you don't in fact learn from your past mistakes enough to ensure they do not repeat themselves in your next chance?

Na English you dey talk
Ask Tonto Dike and others, they'll tell you

Continue to talk English and play

Darkerberry:
I pray for u dt God by the power of Jesus' resurrection resurrects your marriage and keep your home together.

Amen in Jesus name

SirLakes:


Make the husband dey go market go buy pepper, dey do her laundry abi....why she con get maid

If the money provided by the husband is not enough, why is she not communicating but want the marriage to end

In fact, the husband might not even have an idea of how much contribution she's putting in terms of finances to keep the family, she should communicate.

All these are not even enough to want your own marriage to crash... women used to put in more effort, make sacrifices to keep their marriage.... but today.... divorce is not a thing of shame and disgrace any longer

Lol

Did you not hear the husband say they fight about food, sex and finances? I’m sure the women of old would have left too if divorce was not a thing of shame.

I just use those examples as things that can be done to relieve the wife. I’m trying to save the man’s marriage and you guys are letting your ego get in the way.

I think she is way more mentally stressed than physically stressed. She has to be making constant decisions for the household. That’s why I said the husband should relieve her of that, like noticing when they are running out of things and making the effort to replenish them, looking after the children, sitting out which clothes are clean and which are dirty and putting them in the laundry basket. Those are mental tasks.

BloomingDale:


The problem with you men is that you don’t appreciate what wives do. Do you know how tasking it is to look after children, especially the mental effort it requires. You have to be constantly on alert to make sure they are okay, and you guys have not made it easy by preying on children. Imagine being in a state of constant adrenaline all the time. That will drain any human being. Then you now add household chores on top. Well, the woman has checked out.

The husband should better stop doing the bare minimum and start helping the wife with the household chores, even if it requires going to the market to buy the food ingredients, getting the laundry prepared for the house-help or wife to do, cooking everyday things like rice, yam, eba if the wife makes the soup and stew etc.

I’m pretty sure If the husband is as stressed as the wife he won’t be thinking about sex all the time.

U claim the man should go to the market and cook. Did u read where op said the wife mocked him for doing just that??

U just talking nonsense since the beginning of this thread. U are nothing but a jealous home breaker. I doubt u have a man in your real life.
U don't know the purpose of marriage and lacks the intelligence to understand the special role of man and woman in that institution.
Toxic feminism will only breed rebellious men. If u think men will cower to disrespectful wife, u must be joking.
That's why the likes of Andrew Tate are becoming popular on social media- because he ignites that natural dominance instinct of men in marriage.
Now even western men are demanding virgins and mocking only fans girls calling them 'only for the street'.
Western men now talk about passport wife- travelling to South America and Asia to get a wife.
If u like continue to support rubbish and see the man that will put u in the house as wife. Loneliness is real and trust me, u dont want to be lonely as an elderly woman- it's a miserable existence.

SIRTee15:



U claim the man should go to the market and cook. Did u read where op said the wife mocked him for doing just that??

U just talking nonsense since the beginning of this thread. U are nothing but a jealous home breaker. I doubt u have a man in your real life.
U don't know the purpose of marriage and lacks the intelligence to understand the special role of man and woman in that institution.
Toxic feminism will only breed rebellious men. If u think men will cower to disrespectful wife, u must be joking.
That's why the likes of Andrew Tate are becoming popular on social media- because he ignites that natural dominance instinct of men in marriage.
Now even western men are demanding virgins and mocking only fans girls calling them 'only for the street'.
Western men now talk about passport wife- travelling to South America and Asia to get a wife.
If u like continue to support rubbish and see the man that will put u in the house as wife. Loneliness is real and trust me, u dont want to be lonely as an elderly woman- it's a miserable existence.

The world is changing. You better move with it or forever be left behind. Use that natural dominant instinct to compete with the white man, not your wives. No one likes being a slave disguised as a wife.

BloomingDale:


Did you not hear the husband say they fight about food, sex and finances? I’m sure the women of old would have left too if divorce was not a thing of shame.

I just use those examples as things that can be done to relieve the wife. I’m trying to save the man’s marriage and you guys are letting your ego get in the way.

I think she is way more mentally stressed than physically stressed. She has to be making constant decisions for the household. That’s why I said the husband should relieve her of that, like noticing when they are running out of things and making the effort to replenish them, looking after the children, sitting out which clothes are clean and which are dirty and putting them in the laundry basket. Those are mental tasks.

A career woman with 5 kids who is fully committed to see her marriage work won't see these as an excuse to say... maybe we should dissolve this marriage



Make she kukuma find husband wey she go pay him groom price

tomi4life:
I am 35 and my wife is 29, we have been married for 6 years now, we have 2 children a boy and a girl. We didnt court much during our courtship because of long distance.

I really have a problem with my wife and not sure what can be done to address, now I must be very honest am not sure there is anything I can do I just want to use the platform to vent my frustration.

My marriage has not been very good, lately myself and my wife leave like room mates and not lovers, despite the age difference between me and my wife she doesnt really respect me. For the 6 years we have been in marriage 3 things have caused all our fights: cooking, Sex and finance

My wife rarely cooks in the house, things around welfare are not taken seriously, actually in a week, my wife can cook for me just 1 time. She cooks for the children and baths for them daily, we also have a help who does alot of cooking. She rarely askes me what I will eat, honestly I always have to go to the kitchen to sort myself, sometimes I buy food outside from eateries and bucker. Sometimes when she cooks it usually very late 10pm. I have complained severally and what happen is she tries to change, after a week, we are back to the same state. My wife can do without cooking for me for weeks. It really really pains me cos am a foody and I knw hw my mum treats matters of food. she is this person that forms busy, either she is busy with work or some church activities, she always has an excuse. She goes to work only ones a weeks the remaining 4days are remote. To address this issue I now order soups from major restaurant outlets, An example is today easter sunday, I had to tell our maid to prepare rice for myself and the kids, cos my wife was in church, we all went to church but she decided to stay back, knowing fully well no food was prepared.

Sex: [/b]our sex life is very boring, when we got married we always fight about sex, cos anytime I ask for it she always complain she is tired, so what I now do is ask for it only sat morning, brethen this is only day I get sex. If I miss that day, it is still next week. We sleep in different rooms, she sleeps with the children in the master bedroom while I sleep alone in another room. I can tell most time she doesnt enjoy it and never ever askes for it, I always ask and initiate it. She just lays like a log, even kisses is a no no, except she is really on, which rarely happens.
[b]
Finance: I have always earned more than my wife, when we got married, I was earning 3 times what she was earning, but she changed jobs and got promoted severally and we were earning the same amount. she also does alot of side runs where she gets 200-300k monthly as side hustle, there was even a time she was earning more than I did. I dint let it bother me I continue to foot the entire house bills. 95% of the enitre house of comes from me, she only pays the maid , buys cooking gas and my sons diaper. Every other thing in the house is covered by me, house rent, school fees, project, all the bills. I give her 75k as food money monthly. I have continue to question her why I should give her food moeny if I still have to end up going out to eat. I think the only reason she sometime listens to me is cause i still provide the finances for the house. The time she was earning more I could see how she belittle some of my decisions. I just prayed to God, cos I noticed the respect was gone, when I talk to her about her role as a mum and mother to the home, she says she is working, she is busy, I mentioned to her that the money she works is for her, she doesnt share with the house, I have never asked her for it and am not against her working, she however should not neglect her responsibility as a mum. That my role as a father, God helping me is to provide, and this is why I work. I also noticed when I got a new job and my salary increased she kinda off felt jealous she didnt tell me but i noticed it, she began to aggressively look for jobs.


I really dont think we have that initmacy, we are just there, my wife cant come to tell me anything bothering her, she keeps to herself. Funny part is she is a very religious person, my wife will sleep with bible on her hand, wake up with bible pray and serve in various church unit, I however dont think she really understands what she reads. She also has a very bad temper sometimes when I raise certian issues, the ways she talks sometimes I have to hold back a response if not the whole thing will escalate. There are days I will raise certain issue up, the next things she mentions is " let just dissolve this marriage as it is not working" sometimes , I just refer her to her bible cos the utterances that come out of her mouth makes me doubt her understanding of Christianity.


I have never assaulted her, we have nt had any physically fight, what happens is most times when we have issues, I dont speak to her for days, then she come back apologizing. Sometimes when am wrong I also apologies.

Am not saying am perfect, I know there are areas I can do better, like in the buying off gift, I rarely buy her gift, not cause I cant but Cos she earns well and I believe she should buy whatever she needs with her money my wife earns approximately 800k monthy.


I expect my wife will support me but it like she is stressing me. when we go see my parent or our parent, it is all smiles, they dont knw hw stressful their daughter is, she even forms trying to serve me food and all.

Dont get me wrong she has some good side, but this thing is really getting into me. I dont drink, smoke or womanise, divorce is also not on the table for me.

My brother is good to court with a lady first before getting marriage ,if the distance is the problem invite her to spend some weeks with you so you can know her lapses ..

Sex ...am not married but due to my ashawo life I have careful study and examine ladies..
If a woman is complaining all the time she is tired or she is not in the mode my brother another guy is bleeping her secretly...
How good are you on bed because naturally women don't enjoy dull sex. Have you go on pre-intimacy with a hard romance? Personal hygiene could bring discomfort to a woman even when she on the mode poor personal hygiene could destroy everything, asked her about her favorite sex position make things real with her don't be scared she is your wife .
Sex is not all about penetration only there are more about sex which only few guys understand it ...

Finance.... first you shouldn't let your wife knows the exact amount of your salary because there will be a problem ..If a woman knows a man's salary and maybe she is earning more than the man there will be no respect in the house..

My advice.... Women do listen at midnight, so call her at night talk peacefully with her , asked her some questions like if she really enjoys the way the marriage is going..

Foodqueen:
She has a maid who she doesn't instruct to cook for you.

That's the height of it.

Abi o. You and your family went to church. You stayed back after dismissal while your family goes home to no food. Thats really some strong mentality from a wife and mother. Then on an Easter Sunday? Nawao

SirLakes:


A career woman with 5 kids who is fully committed to see her marriage work won't see these as an excuse to say... maybe we should dissolve this marriage

Make she kukuma find husband wey she go pay him groom price

That’s why she has checked out and left the husband to take care of himself. I’m also sure she has to wake up very early to bathe the children and get them ready for school, get herself ready for work while the husband is still in lala land. Lol. Then the husband expects to wake up and be served a hearty breakfast by his slave, sorry wife, before he goes to work. Let the husband either get the children ready for school or cook breakfast. Not while he is sleeping while the wife is slaving.

How much come be bride price compared to what the parents has spent on her?

isabi2lof:
She's already fed up with the marriage but OP won't talk about his own bad side , we all need to hear from the wife.

I completely concur

BloomingDale:


Did you not hear the husband say they fight about food, sex and finances? I’m sure the women of old would have left too if divorce was not a thing of shame.

I just use those examples as things that can be done to relieve the wife. I’m trying to save the man’s marriage and you guys are letting your ego get in the way.

I think she is way more mentally stressed than physically stressed. She has to be making constant decisions for the household. That’s why I said the husband should relieve her of that, like noticing when they are running out of things and making the effort to replenish them, looking after the children, sitting out which clothes are clean and which are dirty and putting them in the laundry basket. Those are mental tasks.

Did you read that they have a househelp?

First, start sharing your bills equally. You can do extra sometimes. Second put your foot on the ground and be a man. Be the leader and dominate. Rebrand yourself. Also if she threatens to dissolve the marriage, push for it. When she sees your boldness, she will calm down. You need to take charge bro.

Nothing dey outside my brother.
You own small compared to the real marital issues out there.

I think you're threatened by your wif's earnings.
A Black man don't like to see a Black Woman at the top. And you may continue to whine, nag and think like a clown until lose your wife to a better person (man or woman).

You get wife wey dey earn 800k and you want her to have sex with you everyday?
Cook!
be mom to your two sons
be a w.h.o.r.e in bed.
be a good wife to your family members.
be all good and all you do is..what!? Remind me again!?

Y'all need to come to terms that if you want traditional values, you can't have it with Capitalism at the brisk of getting it. .

Who's the perfect person? You? Me? oh yo mama!?..

You do, you're damned, you don't do, you're still damn.
Your wife dey go church, not club o, not party with friends o.
Just a metime away from your drama and the kids.

Marry a Black man at your own peril.
These set of homosapien will take away your Autonomy!.

Without the maid bros,
Do you help with chores in the house?
Do you do Parenting your boys too? Or its just her duty alone.
King wey no fit enter kitchen cook soup for him wife and pikin. ....yeyeKing dey buy soup outside...
You got a maid, but you still buy soup outside because you're MAD at your wife.
Just dey play!

You're not Special.
She has given you the option of divorce, Dear King, Take it! Divorce your wife since you're the trophy like your Redgang make you believe..and watch yourself slip into the rabbit hole like your ancestors.

Imagine comparing your wife to your mom.
You're an entitled sicko. You need a lot of unlearnings lest you fall.

How about your tell your mama to sUck your D!ckkk. ..

My brother, I want to believe this story is true as much as I hate to give my opinion without hearing from both parties. If she keeps mentioning or suggesting that the marriage be dissolved then u have to check, someone is sharing her with you. At this stage, stop bottling up, speak to her father and let them call her to order, find ways to make yourself happy and make her feel you can do without her, good enough you have a maid, concentrate on your maid for food, care and the likes, that would make your wife jealous but Mk sure to not cross boundaries with the maid, if possible, try to monitor her social life, check her phone, these are some of the reasons men die on time

Montaque:


Did you read that they have a househelp?

And so? Do you know the duties of the househelp? Do you know how old the househelp is?

I’m reading btw the lines of what the man wrote up there since the wife is not here to give her own version and he ain’t lily white. They fight about food, sex and finances which means he is slacking, especially when it comes to the finance aspect, that he craftily put himself as a saint.

BloomingDale:


The world is changing. You better move with it or forever be left behind. Use that natural dominant instinct to compete with the white man, not your wives. No one likes being a slave disguised as a wife.

Tell that to the white men travelling to Asia and South America to get a wife. They are sick and tired of brainwashed western women and their whoredom.
The world isnt going to change marriage institution. It's women like u who should receive sense and understand the role of women in marriage which is submission while the man should live his wife.

Montaque:


Did you read that they have a househelp?

Stop replying that kid.

BloomingDale:


That’s why she has checked out and left the husband to take care of himself. I’m also sure she has to wake up very early to bathe the children and get them ready for school, get herself ready for work while the husband is still in lala land. Lol. Then the husband expects to wake up and be served a hearty breakfast by his slave, sorry wife, before he goes to work. Let the husband either get the children ready for school or cook breakfast. Not while he is sleeping while the wife is slaving.

How much come be bride price compared to what the parents has spent on her?

To take care of children and home is slaving even with a maid to run errands


It is well 👏

SIRTee15:


Tell that to the white men travelling to Asia and South America to get a wife. They are sick and tired of brainwashed western women and their whoredom.
The world isnt going to change marriage institution. It's women like u who should receive sense and understand the role of women in marriage which is submission while the man should live his wife.

Only the losers are traveling out. If the man is playing his role it makes the woman naturally feminine and loving. If the man ain’t, the woman becomes masculine and defensive to protect against the source of constant irritation. Imagine a man cheating and you expect the woman not to put up barriers to protect herself. You a crazy sonafabitch.

SirLakes:


To take care of children and home is slaving even with a maid to run errands

It is well 👏

She is working full time with side hustles.