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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Frustrated With My Wife (74491 Views)
Mothers Please Advice A Frustrated Married Man. / 'Frustrated' Lastborn Tired Of Housework Writes Warning Letter To Family Members / I Beat My Wife. What Would You Have Done Differently In My Situation? (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Frustrated With My Wife by Montaque(m): 3:57pm On Apr 11, 2023 |
BloomingDale:Only? She doesn't also sweep the house, run errands, or do laundry. what does the househelp do when Children go to school? On weekends when no one goes to work, does Househelp still keep to that one job? I am trying to see how a wife with the added advantage of a househelp cannot cook on a Sunday for her family. |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by Odogwu70: 4:03pm On Apr 11, 2023 |
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Re: Frustrated With My Wife by Malawian(m): 4:07pm On Apr 11, 2023 |
Person need to tell you say she get her private prik outside? e fit even be una pastor. |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by BloomingDale(f): 4:09pm On Apr 11, 2023 |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by fxexperts: 4:15pm On Apr 11, 2023 |
Princessdainty:Imagine the rubbish written up here. Keep deceiving yourself, you will later find out that she will loose her husband to a better woman out there. Foolish Feminsim thought will end up killing all of you guys. Tzar:Baba don provoke end the marriage for the last sentence. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by Montaque(m): 4:18pm On Apr 11, 2023 |
BloomingDale: Nne, you are avoiding the issue here. What plan does a wife and mother have for feeding her husband and kids on a Sunday after church? 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by BloomingDale(f): 4:19pm On Apr 11, 2023 |
Montaque: Shey you dey whine me ni. The husband can’t fend for himself and his children? He’s handicapped? |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by Montaque(m): 4:21pm On Apr 11, 2023 |
BloomingDale:Okay. You are saying the woman has no meal plans for that day? |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by BloomingDale(f): 4:22pm On Apr 11, 2023 |
Montaque: I’m pretty sure stew and soup dey fridge. Make the man make eba or boil rice for himself and the children. He should use that time and opportunity to bond with his children. Las, las if none of those things are in the fridge he should buy bread and eggs or noodles etc. So many ways he can survive without the wife, biko. |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by Montaque(m): 4:24pm On Apr 11, 2023 |
BloomingDale:I remember you said you are single. Its well. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by BloomingDale(f): 4:26pm On Apr 11, 2023 |
Montaque: Single does not mean relationship less and not having learnt the beauty of compromise. |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by fxexperts: 4:28pm On Apr 11, 2023 |
BloomingDale:Person has decided he is not doing again and he doent want those woke women, who feels they are wiser than a man and he is giving after a woman who will value and respect him and you are here calling them losers. You are just joking i swear. BRATISLAVA:This woman again. A wife who disrespects her husband at home definitely cannot be respected outside her home. that is what it is. Princedapace:You are right though, i still think base on this. the Op should divorce his wife and move on. 1 Like |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by Neverlookback: 4:54pm On Apr 11, 2023 |
See what exactly in the post? Your last two sentences just confirmed why I said the woman should have been better off a single mom. jesmond3945: |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by Montaque(m): 4:58pm On Apr 11, 2023 |
BloomingDale:No relationship on earth is like that of a mother and child. That's why you don't appreciate the questions I have been asking you all the while. You think you have issues with the husband; you don't know a mother is involved. Children not more than 9 years starved by no less person than their own mother because she is beefing her husband. Single mothers should carry their trophy to your house. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by ConfidentialDoc: 5:04pm On Apr 11, 2023 |
freshboi88: The above you wrote is what's going on in most marriages right now. Man is mostly on the receiving end of passive agression from the wife and the guy is supposed to suck it up.. The worst thing is some of these 'wives' use the church as shield against any blame from the man. The church is a like strolling in a mine field now when it comes to finding a good wife 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by BloomingDale(f): 5:06pm On Apr 11, 2023 |
Montaque: The children are with the father. Why should the mother be worried? You want the children to be with the mother 24/7? How would the father bond with them? Now I’m confused. |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by Montaque(m): 5:10pm On Apr 11, 2023 |
BloomingDale:Single mothers should give you their trophy. They don't deserve it. |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by BloomingDale(f): 5:12pm On Apr 11, 2023 |
Montaque: Go sleep. You are just talking gibberish and wasting my time. If you don’t want to look after your kids as a man, don’t have them. Easy peasy. |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by Princedapace(m): 7:40pm On Apr 11, 2023 |
fxexperts: Yes, divorce is best for both parties |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by Ilekokonit: 7:44pm On Apr 11, 2023 |
jubrilELsudan: No wonder my friends dad impregnated their housegirl. When a woman starts using sex as a weapon and treating her husband like a nobody, then any available housegirl that will always respect the man suddenly looks like a God sent queen. After all, housegirl na still human being and some of them are far better for a man's mental health and life expectancy that any stuck up, haughty and cantankerous wife. In fact I look forward to marrying an illiterate woman that can not use social media. |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by Poleski: 8:45pm On Apr 11, 2023 |
tomi4life: Most women tend to change after having kids and getting a job but not to the extent of starving their husbands. Your wife may have an issue with you or the marriage. You need to sit her down one more time to discuss how she's treating you and how you feel. Be very polite while doing it. You two need to compromise where necessary to fix whatever the problem is before it becomes irreconcilable. Divorce should be the last thing you do after you've done everything humanly possible to fix your marriage and failed. |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by DIntegrity: 9:22pm On Apr 11, 2023 |
.quote author=tomi4life post=122408712]I am 35 and my wife is 29, we have been married for 6 years now, we have 2 children a boy and a girl. We didnt court much during our courtship because of long distance. I really have a problem with my wife and not sure what can be done to address, now I must be very honest am not sure there is anything I can do I just want to use the platform to vent my frustration. My marriage has not been very good, lately myself and my wife leave like room mates and not lovers, despite the age difference between me and my wife she doesnt really respect me. For the 6 years we have been in marriage 3 things have caused all our fights: cooking, Sex and finance My wife rarely cooks in the house, things around welfare are not taken seriously, actually in a week, my wife can cook for me just 1 time. She cooks for the children and baths for them daily, we also have a help who does alot of cooking. She rarely askes me what I will eat, honestly I always have to go to the kitchen to sort myself, sometimes I buy food outside from eateries and bucker. Sometimes when she cooks it usually very late 10pm. I have complained severally and what happen is she tries to change, after a week, we are back to the same state. My wife can do without cooking for me for weeks. It really really pains me cos am a foody and I knw hw my mum treats matters of food. she is this person that forms busy, either she is busy with work or some church activities, she always has an excuse. She goes to work only ones a weeks the remaining 4days are remote. To address this issue I now order soups from major restaurant outlets, An example is today easter sunday, I had to tell our maid to prepare rice for myself and the kids, cos my wife was in church, we all went to church but she decided to stay back, knowing fully well no food was prepared. Sex: [/b]our sex life is very boring, when we got married we always fight about sex, cos anytime I ask for it she always complain she is tired, so what I now do is ask for it only sat morning, brethen this is only day I get sex. If I miss that day, it is still next week. We sleep in different rooms, she sleeps with the children in the master bedroom while I sleep alone in another room. I can tell most time she doesnt enjoy it and never ever askes for it, I always ask and initiate it. She just lays like a log, even kisses is a no no, except she is really on, which rarely happens. [b] Finance: I have always earned more than my wife, when we got married, I was earning 3 times what she was earning, but she changed jobs and got promoted severally and we were earning the same amount. she also does alot of side runs where she gets 200-300k monthly as side hustle, there was even a time she was earning more than I did. I dint let it bother me I continue to foot the entire house bills. 95% of the enitre house of comes from me, she only pays the maid , buys cooking gas and my sons diaper. Every other thing in the house is covered by me, house rent, school fees, project, all the bills. I give her 75k as food money monthly. I have continue to question her why I should give her food moeny if I still have to end up going out to eat. I think the only reason she sometime listens to me is cause i still provide the finances for the house. The time she was earning more I could see how she belittle some of my decisions. I just prayed to God, cos I noticed the respect was gone, when I talk to her about her role as a mum and mother to the home, she says she is working, she is busy, I mentioned to her that the money she works is for her, she doesnt share with the house, I have never asked her for it and am not against her working, she however should not neglect her responsibility as a mum. That my role as a father, God helping me is to provide, and this is why I work. I also noticed when I got a new job and my salary increased she kinda off felt jealous she didnt tell me but i noticed it, she began to aggressively look for jobs. I really dont think we have that initmacy, we are just there, my wife cant come to tell me anything bothering her, she keeps to herself. Funny part is she is a very religious person, my wife will sleep with bible on her hand, wake up with bible pray and serve in various church unit, I however dont think she really understands what she reads. She also has a very bad temper sometimes when I raise certian issues, the ways she talks sometimes I have to hold back a response if not the whole thing will escalate. There are days I will raise certain issue up, the next things she mentions is " let just dissolve this marriage as it is not working" sometimes , I just refer her to her bible cos the utterances that come out of her mouth makes me doubt her understanding of Christianity. I have never assaulted her, we have nt had any physically fight, what happens is most times when we have issues, I dont speak to her for days, then she come back apologizing. Sometimes when am wrong I also apologies. Am not saying am perfect, I know there are areas I can do better, like in the buying off gift, I rarely buy her gift, not cause I cant but Cos she earns well and I believe she should buy whatever she needs with her money my wife earns approximately 800k monthy. I expect my wife will support me but it like she is stressing me. when we go see my parent or our parent, it is all smiles, they dont knw hw stressful their daughter is, she even forms trying to serve me food and all. Dont get me wrong she has some good side, but this thing is really getting into me. I dont drink, smoke or womanise, divorce is also not on the table for me.[/quote] Greetings Sir, Uhmm I celebrate your tolerance and patience. I hope you read this. I believe the problem started with not taking out time to know each other well during courtship but that's a past issue. Personally, I believe counselling will have the possibility of 50% success . Here is my advice and before you do this, call your wife one more time, sit down and tell her all these you've said to us. Do it with an open mind and let her know she has the right to dispute anything you say but with proper valid reasons because the way you see things may not be the way she sees it. Make sure she tells you why she's behaving that way and ask her what she wants you to do. After you've done this, I believe you'd know what to do. It might not work but do this before you embark on the next thing I'm about to say. Seeing that she's devoted to religious activities (although she lives in a lot of ignorance as touching what her faith demands she do as a wife), it means that there's something/someone she listens to. No one is void of influence and one advice to people getting into marriage is to check to know if there's anyone their partner listens to. Someone who your partner respects alot and cannot go against no matter what they think because of the honour they have for them. Someone who can call them to order and make them rethink their actions because sometimes, problems can come up that can't be solved easily until someone that he /she listens to or respects alot calls them to order. Take out time to find out who, both men and women. It may be just be 2, 1 or even more but I'm sure they're not much. make sure that person is someone she honors alot and listens to. While doing this, be prayerful and trust God for wisdom that I may not be able to trap in my writings now. When you find that person, speak to the person, pour our your grievances and let that person speak to her. Things should get better if she really listens to anyone. If it persists , tell her parents but remember I said talk to her first. If after all these nothing positive happens, consult an expert and take necessary actions. I wouldn't recommend this on a good day but if you tried everything I have pened down and you don't see changes and you can't be patient for a long time because it takes a very long time for some people to realize the wrong they've done but it requires a very patient partner. If you can't be patient and you still see the need to have a woman in your life to perform certain duties for you , go marry another wife. Since you don't believe in divorce, seeing how she's mentioned dissolving the marriage, you should prayerfully consider it if it comes to that no way out point. No extra marital affairs pls. But make sure you do all I've pened down. Umm one more thing, you didn't do well in terms of how responsibilities are shared in the house. The fact that you're carrying almost everything is a NO NO and you're helping to spoil her. Share the responsibilities since she earns well. Take the major ones but make sure she gets a share of the responsibilities of the house. Never make that mistake of carrying everything on you when she is capable enough to share the burden. I hope you sort this out soon My prayers are with you. |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by Ilekokonit: 9:41pm On Apr 11, 2023 |
Connected1: Nice guys come last. |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by Ilekokonit: 9:43pm On Apr 11, 2023 |
chatinent: Men have to start being ruthless 'cos it seems that is the only language women understand. 1 Like 3 Shares |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by paduzman: 9:47pm On Apr 11, 2023 |
All I can say is many married men are suffering sha. ![]() |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by Kobojunkie: 10:23pm On Apr 11, 2023 |
baba4thegehs:1. So, it never occurred to you in this that OP's heart is likely also hardened in this as well? ■ Counseling isn't meant to change a person but to get two individuals to reach a concession of sorts, an agreement, which is what marriage is after all. ![]() 2. Leave God and His mention out of these things. God did not tell you that He will change people for your sake, So continually insisting that rather than negotiate with others, you would use God against them, reveals you don't have a clue who He is. ![]() 3. By the way, there are no such things as "Christian" couples. God never sanctioned your couplings. Rather He sanctioned those who would instead live as Eunuchs for the sake of His Kingdom - Matthew 19 vs 12. ![]() |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by Kobojunkie: 10:28pm On Apr 11, 2023 |
Rosana13:1. Counseling is not meant to solve problems overnight. Also, God Himself said He has nothing to do with your marriages so it makes absolute sense to tell folks to stop dragging His name around in their marriages since He Himself talks am say Him hand no dey am at all. As for divorce, Jesus Christ did not teach that divorce in marriage is a sin against Him there is absolutely nothing wrong in telling people that fact of Jesus Christ, is there? ![]() 3. Stop lying! God said He will counsel only those who abandon everything — father, mother, children, wife, husband, etc. — in other to follow Him so clearly His counseling is not what this couple is in need of. ![]() 4. Your churches happen to be the genesis of most of the delusions people hold to in marriage. Imagine the wife sleeping with a bible as if it is some sort of charm, and the husband using the bible to imprison his wife in marriage. Clearly, this marriage has had more damage done it by your pastors and mogs than anyone else can imagine. ![]() |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by KoolBigk(m): 10:44pm On Apr 11, 2023 |
tomi4life: Both of you should seek counselling. |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by Fredoh(m): 12:18am On Apr 12, 2023 |
Heathrow44: Lmao Abeg, you be Edo man? Feminism in itself is internally inconsistent and contradictory. They want gender balance in only top job roles but not in brick laying!? Last I check even female footballers are demanding equal pay little did they know that it’s revenue based and there’s far more interest on male football! At OP there’s not a thing I can say that hasn’t been said already cos I’ve been following this thread since day before yesterday!! The answer you seek is within you and your ability to take action. With all said here, at least you must have gotten a clue! Good luck buddy!! 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by Fredoh(m): 5:08am On Apr 12, 2023 |
BloomingDale: Nonlywood said “wonders shall never end !” Somebody footing 95% of the household bills and you’re still saying this? Damn! |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by Moses247(m): 7:01am On Apr 12, 2023 |
I dey laugh people wey de talk about him settling and pleasing her with gifts. . See once women don dislike u to the extent of asking for divorce, u are on the same level with her ex while still married to her. Women are brutal bro, once disrespect don de to much like this, d next thing she go do U, u sef go shock. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Frustrated With My Wife by Rollitout: 7:51am On Apr 12, 2023 |
Many married women don't respect their husband this days. There was a time my wife didn't give me food in the house for 3months. I was eating outside. |
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