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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Nil (370 Views)
Nil by Shokoloko(f): 6:07pm On May 01, 2023 |
Please refrain from responding harshly as either spouse may be reading comments. |
Re: Nil by Shokoloko(f): 6:08pm On May 01, 2023 |
Shokoloko: 1 Like |
Re: Nil by Kobojunkie: 7:12pm On May 01, 2023 |
Shokoloko:1. Does the Mrs. feel she is unable to overcome the broken trust between them? Is that why she is thinking of moving on? ![]() |
Re: Nil by Shokoloko(f): 7:21pm On May 01, 2023 |
Kobojunkie:She says not having a post secondary degree was and still remains a dealbreaker. She will be content to have him pursue any formal of post secondary education and finish it. But the major problem is that she is not comfortable with a long distance marriage on a permanent scale. Her reason is she wants more children but is not willing to have children with a partner who will be present for only three weeks each year 1 Like |
Re: Nil by Kobojunkie: 7:29pm On May 01, 2023 |
Shokoloko:1. OK. And he has no intentions of doing that, even if done remotely? Online Education is the -ish everywhere plus it would greatly liven his resume for future! ![]() 2. What about her moving back to Nigeria and part-timing in Canada instead? ![]() |
Re: Nil by Shokoloko(f): 7:52pm On May 01, 2023 |
Kobojunkie: He said he would consider going back to school in the distant future. I didnt think of asking about moving back to Nigeria because she is settled here. There isn't any job waiting for her in Nigeria, and she is earning okay at her fulltime job here. Returning to Nigeria after getting her citizenship is definitely an option I should have presented to her but that means she is not having anymore children till she returns even if does not go back for the next 3-4 years. I cant tell if she wants to wait, they have an 8 year old. |
Re: Nil by bukatyne(f): 8:06pm On May 01, 2023 |
In Summary: 1. Mr. made Mrs. believe that he was onboard relocation prior to marriage because it seemed a deal breaker for her and Mr. wanted the marriage. 2 . During the process, he changed his tune and said she goes first hence did not contribute to the process 3. He got a job of $3k monthly and decided to join politics since his certs are fake as Nigerian politics would guarantee continued income 4. He wants to visit them once a year rather than work out a plan for them to be together. 5. Madam wants to move on after discovering the certs are fake and she doesn't want a long distance marriage. Unfortunately, they are both poorly matched from the beginning and this is because the husband married her under false pretext. He knew he couldn't go to Canada with her yet strung her along. The work of building the marriage afresh lies with him: 1. Is he willing to get further education and certification in line with his career? 2. Why is he satisfied with seeing his family once a year? Does he intend to build another family in Nigeria? Or is he trying to shield them from the roforofo of Nigerian politics when he goes mainstream? Is that why he insists she stays in Canada? 3. What has he said about the divorce? 4. What is the wife’s position about his political ambition? |
Re: Nil by Kobojunkie: 8:10pm On May 01, 2023 |
Shokoloko:1. And she sold everything she owned in order to get herself to where she is today so asking her to move back in hopes that the marriage can maybe be worked on would be kind of asking too much, I see. ![]() 2. You say He sends just $500 for the upkeep of a child living in Canada, is that per month, or all year? Is the child aware of the problem between them both? ![]() |
Re: Nil by sisisioge: 8:24pm On May 01, 2023 |
Actually, their matter shouldn't have been as complicated as they are making it... 1. If oga was actually serious about relocating, Mrs could have sponsored him without him evaluating his engineering credentials or going to school in the country. The only downside is once he gets to the country, he wont be able to do jobs that require that he presents his engineering certs. However, if he verifies his waec and take a host of genuine international engineering certifications ahead and able to demonstrate his experience, he will be just fine. 2. If Mr's goal nolonger involves relocating and prefers to do once a year visits, I think Mrs is in the right to divorce him if she's not down with the arrangement. We all know that Mr will most likely have a side chic here for company while Mrs would not want to soil the sanctity of marriage. Unless they both dont mind an open marriage, better to divorce now than waste Mrs time until the inevitable happens. Distance is always a biatch on relationships/marriages. 3. I honestly dont support sending the kid back to Nigeria at a later date. She has way better opportunities where she is while Mr. and Mrs sort their matter. As mentioned about, she could relocate back after her citizenship or work out a more robust timetable for visitations where both parties visit the other intermittently. Once a year vists won't cut it. 1 Like |
Re: Nil by Shokoloko(f): 8:35pm On May 01, 2023 |
bukatyne:For number 1 he says he will consider furthering his education in the distant future. When I asked him if the distant future was within the next five years, he got upset with her and I did not pursue further. He isn't insisting he stays in Canada. He is open to her returning if she can get another well-paying job in Nigeria. He is not open to her being a stay at home mum for whatever time it take her to find a job. Note in Nigeria, he is at work for weeks at a time so Mrs. is used to not seeing her spouse for weeks at a time Neither one of them is aware of a second family. He is very opposed to the divorce but he will not consider relocating. Mrs. wants Mr. to follow whatever dream makes him happy, including politics. |
Re: Nil by Shokoloko(f): 8:50pm On May 01, 2023 |
Kobojunkie:$500 monthly and the child believes that the whole family will be re-united soon. Mr. says the monthly upkeep will stop the day Mrs. files for divorce and he will not want to continue contact with either Mrs. or child until the child is old enough to return to Nigeria. Mrs. says she will not be asking for child support if/when she files. While think that Mr. was very deceptive prior to marriage I also must commend him for ALLOWING her to follow her dreams as some partners would frustrate the other person |
Re: Nil by bukatyne(f): 8:51pm On May 01, 2023 |
Shokoloko: 1. From his antecedents, we can say no show I.e. he is not furthering his education 2 - 4: He doesn'tind her returning but doesn't want her staying at home till she gets another job. If he is away weeks on end and earns $3k plus monthly in Nigeria, shouldn't he be more open to her staying at home for a while to help their daughter settle in? 5. Hmmmmm 6. Hmmmmmmm 7. OK, is she open to supporting him? What I hear from the husband is that he no longer wants the marriage however, wants to frustrate the wife to divorce herself so he can absolve himself of blame. He is not willing to compromise in any area. God teach you & the wife what to do in this case. 1 Like |
Re: Nil by Kobojunkie: 8:55pm On May 01, 2023 |
Shokoloko:1. OMGosh! ![]() 2. ![]() I think I can understand now why the woman wants over with the union. Sad situation indeed. ![]() |
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