cazchi:


I no too send am before, but once I showed interest, she started talking long term. I think she does want it in her head, but doesn't truly understand what it means.
This attitude she has shown me isn't one that shows she's willing to allow a man lead. Merely thinking about it makes me uncomfortable.

That's the reason why I asked those questions

cazchi:


Last month, we had a discussion about boundaries and dynamics. After, we went for lunch, then were on our way to my friend's place with 2 cars. She was following me and it was raining and dark. I took the wrong exit on the highway which added 5 mins to our arrival time. When we finally arrived, I joked about it. Madam said she was very close to leaving me and driving there herself when that happened, but because she wanted peace, she chose to continue.
Omo, I just laughed. My own friend's place as well, after I invited you.

I'm telling you this as it's the same thing I'll tell my kid brother. I know I'm older than you and by proxy more experienced. Please, be intentional about your next lines of action as regards your relationship with that young lady. Don't think she'll change cause she's deeply entrenched in that air of supremacy. If you don't mind that she's domineering, you may not sever ties with her; my husband tolerates me too. But if you won't stomach it, the time to act is now. Goodluck!

You are weak.

She is just controlling you.

A woman that respects you will follow your lead.

Go out, and get a new one that will listen to you.

Pus*y is pus*y. Dump her now.

Find a younger woman. The younger, the better.

Victor2707:
You are weak.

She is just controlling you.

A woman that respects you will follow your lead.

Go out, and get a new one that will listen to you.

Pus*y is pus*y. Dump her now.

Find a younger woman. The younger, the better.

Lol a life lesson I learned is to let a person show their character freely first. Not because you can't counter it, but because you want to see how far they'd get. Like I eluded to, I'm looking for a wife. Not just "p*ssy".

placeofallure:



I'm telling you this as it's the same thing I'll tell my kid brother. I know I'm older than you and by proxy more experienced. Please, be intentional about your next lines of action as regards your relationship with that young lady. Don't think she'll change cause she's deeply entrenched in that air of supremacy. If you don't mind that she's domineering, you may not sever ties with her; my husband tolerates me too. But if you won't stomach it, the time to act is now. Goodluck!

I broke it off earlier his week.
I already fight battles outside I.e. at work, gym everywhere else. I sure as he'll don't want another one in my household. For a life partner, I intend on choosing a reasonable, God fearing feminine, Woman!

Kindly end that situationship NOW. There is no headway there.

Thank you.

cazchi:
His guys,
This will be a bit long, but I ask for your honest, well meaning opinion.
Firstly, my approach to dating is to date to marry.
I'm 28 and she's 26. We are both professionals in our fields and we live outside Nigeria

We started dating a couple of months ago and she has expressed to me that she doesn't want to have sex or do anything sexual before marriage, which I thought of deeply and accepted.

She also has said things like she would like yo adopt a child one day, she would get a cook in the house and some strong religious beliefs as well, all of which I've been thinking about.

In recent times however, I haven't been able to stomach something and have spoken out. Please see below for some occasions:

1. Thursday 26/04/23:

She had suggested that we involve God in what we were doing about our relationship and that she needed to pray about it and get His direction before going forward with the relationship. I agreed and told her to take all the time she needed, that I’ll also do the same.

We didn’t talk for a few days and I had a truly intense session with God where I had driven my car out to a secluded area and prayed and called on him for my direction.
She later called me on Sunday, 3 days after we went mute, while I was at work (night shift) and said she had prayed about it and that she liked many things about me and that these are the things she would want in a husband, but that my faith is the one thing that isn't as strong and that it is something she wasn’t sure about. I listened and we discussed where I was with the Catholic Church and my transition and open mindedness in search for the truth and where to serve God. She then suggestef some books and also sent me a testimony from her mum. She then explained the other things she got from her break, but still sounded unsure whethet she wanted this relationship. Towards the end of our conversation, it dawned on me that we had spoken about her experience and her views on me as a partner, taken a break, but hadn’t even touched on mine or my experiences. I was disturbed by this and called her out on it. We argued and said our goodnight after.

2. Wednesday 03/05
We were talking about family, children and roles in the house. She started to ask me about my past relationships and how many women I’ve been with. I answered only the first question. She then said something about men being with women but then marrying a woman who is clean/hasn’t been with other men. I ignored that statement. She asked me if I’d marry a woman who has been with many men, I said no. She went on about that as well, arguing that it was hypocrisy. I haven't even been with many women, mostly those I've dated.

3. Friday 5/05/23
We were talking and I shared with her some issues I was dealing with I.e. my housemate deeply betraying my trust and hurting me and as such, I was going to end that relationship and keep my distance. She then revealed that she had matched and briefly conversed with my housemate on a dating app around the time we started talking, which I didn’t have an issue with, but she said she had recognised him when I introduced them. I felt as though she could’ve told me earlier. Moving on, after I’d shared my experience and decision with her, she made a blanket statement that it’d be unwise to cut my friend off and then went on a tangent about something she didn’t fully understand.
After listening to her, I asked her if she had even asked how I was coping with this, if I was ok or where I was with it first before straightaway undermining the decision that I had made based of my own experience. She went on trying to justify it and then made a flimsy apology at the end.
At the end, we had a truce and I remembered that we had been talking about the church before ( she’s Pentecostal, I’m Catholic, but leaning away from Catholicism for personal reasons) and I told her I would like to come to her church on the third Sunday of the month and that I would like her to come to my service the following week ( this service happens once a month because it is an Igbo service). She declined saying that she doesn’t believe In the Catholic Church. I asked her to perhaps comes for the cultural aspect and to also meet the people that are in my life. She refused, I kept quiet.

4. 07/05/23
We were discussing and the church came up again. She had a lot to say about the Catholic Church (mostly things I’d told her). She seemed to have developed such strong views against the Catholic Church. After we had discussed it, I asked her if she had ever been to the Catholic Church or if she understood the ways of the church? She said no. I asked her this “if your friend was getting married in the Catholic Church, would you go?” She said yes. I asked how that would be any different to her visiting my community to meet them and learn more about why I’m leaning away from that church. She couldn’t reply, but was trying to justify her stance. We argued and then ended the conversation.


I'm deeply worried about these because she always has a response to everything. She rarely wants to be corrected and has strong views of what she doesn’t understand. Are these fundamental issues that can be resolved? Am I being too compromising?

Thanks for your time!

cazchi:


Lol a life lesson I learned is to let a person show their character freely first. Not because you can't counter it, but because you want to see how far they'd get. Like I eluded to, I'm looking for a wife. Not just "p*ssy".

Then you will never have a wife.

Every woman will always disrespect you if you tolerate it. There is no special woman out there.

You command respect, and control. It is not given.

Learn or perish.

Victor2707:


Then you will never have a wife.

Every woman will always disrespect you if you tolerate it. There is no special woman out there.

You command respect, and control. It is not given.

Learn or perish.

Interesting view.
I won't be so hard headed by disregarding your point. Perhaps it's time I experiment by calling their bs out at the first occurrence.

JONSYN7154:
Why are you so blind?

Can't you see that she doesn't want to marry you?

Exactly.

But seems he's blinded by love.

cazchi:


I broke it off earlier his week.
I already fight battles outside I.e. at work, gym everywhere else. I sure as he'll don't want another one in my household. For a life partner, I intend on choosing a reasonable, God fearing feminine, Woman!

I can't like your statement more than once.

How do you feel now?

cazchi:


I broke it off earlier his week.
I already fight battles outside I.e. at work, gym everywhere else. I sure as he'll don't want another one in my household. For a life partner, I intend on choosing a reasonable, God fearing feminine, Woman!

Thumbs up for seeing the red flags and acting promptly! God will provide a better woman for you.

Guys, She came back apologising with a long, emotional text. I'm in 2 minds.

She apologised for several things and expressed how I am truly her priority but she let her pride conceal it.

Without posting the text here, they was a lot of gratitude and prayers in the message as well, but for the most part, she was just apologising.

I'm very upset that it has come to this.

cazchi:
Thank you all. It seems as though 99% are saying the same thing. I can't work with this woman. I asked some of my guys about it today and he said the same thing.

Biblically and culturally, the man marries the woman and the woman comes over to the man. I'm breaking my back here trying to please this one and it not only seems as though she's not sure, it also feels like I need to prove worthy. Seeing as all of this is happening so early, it is the most telling sign that the dynamic will not change. I'll pass!

Thank you again my guys! Una don save me!

You don't need to prove anything to a lady.
For you to reach talking stage with a lady you must have met some certain criteria in her life already.