Godaloneisable:


How long bro? This is the 7th month. Anyways, thanks

bigtt76:
Una still de f@ck abi una stop?

AgentXxx:
.

Like one frequent question asked above that you have been ignoring. Are you guys having good sex. Good sex makes women compassionate towards you and would willingly assist you and aftersex is always an opportunity for heart to heart communication.

Noworries11:
Please for expierenced parents
My EDD is fast approaching.... much as I am excited for an obodo oyibo pikin

Please I need to be proactively informed especially on the baby's data registrationa and stuffs... are we expected to register the baby at the Nigeria High commission? The NIN thing blabla

How soon is this supposed to happen? Please any vital info as regards to this journey will be highly appreciated
Note I am on tier 2 visa (dem go give my baby ILR? )

Godaloneisable:


It's not a care job, we are both professionals and when she got the job she told but I just finished a project. I tried all I could to get funds and I even borrowed.. I still owe some of my friends till date.

The main thing we paid was IHS and Visa fees which I closed all my account and borrowed to be able to contribute. She was never the breadwinner and that's been her mentality from Nigeria because I was doing well in Nigeria. It was just unfortunate that when she got the job I was really broke cos of the project I just finished which she's aware of. It's just her mentality that man must take care of everything and that's why she's being using that as a leverage.

I came here also and I got my first job within 2 months with a pay of 49k thinking all will be well. As everyone suggested, I will continue till next year February hoping there will be a change.

Thanks everyone.

Cc. Jlaw1
Justwise
Dygeasy

Lexusgs430:



Where does this reasoning come from, that good sex heals all wounds.......... The Koko is what happens after good sex........🤣

AgentXxx:
Only if you won't your details 😛

Jlaw1:


Dear Godaloneisable,

From your writeup, I can confidently reach the conclusion that the issue you have tabled here is simply one symptom of much deeper problems in your marriage.

Your marriage appears to be suffering from a chronic lack of the following;

•trust
•love
•understanding/communication
•mutual respect
•unity
•empathy (not the same as sympathy)

Until both of you resolve these issues between yourselves, standoffs such as the one you have highlighted will remain unresolved, & may even get worse. This may in turn put your matrimony in jeopardy.

The fact that you didn't know (or she didn't tell you) how she financed this expensive relocation to the UK in the first place is another indication of previous troubles.

Because I don't want to write an epistle, I will advise you to act like a LEADER by honestly LOOKING INWARDS FIRST in admitting, acknowledging, addressing and correcting the role that you personally have played, that has led to the current state of things in the relationship. Then you can SUBSEQUENTLY reach out to your wife in good faith. Own up like a leader & apologize to her for your long-term and short-term faults/wrongs, BEFORE pointing out her own shortcomings as well (again in good faith). Also, let her know that you truly appreciate her sacrifices. Then patiently allow her explain things from her own perspective, & make sure that you genuinely LISTEN to her (so as to understand her point of view). This approach may help both of you reach a WIN/WIN solution to the issue at hand (and to other deep-rooted ones as well).

This may not be an overnight cure (because the problems are not "overnight problems" either), so a holistic, patient, effective & continuous medication/communication is what is needed for resolving these deep-seated troubles. I'm afraid to tell you that there are no short-cuts at this stage.

Your post seems to suggest that you may have already logged out of the marriage, but only bidding your time. I hope I'm wrong.

I'm sorry if I haven't been able to give you a magical & fast-track solution that you may have been expecting.

PS: Find time to take your wife out on a date. If you still truly love her, let her know by your words and actions on a regular basis. Rediscover her love language.

Cheers.

nymphomaniac:
Hi guys. Please what app can I use to send GBP to UK from Nigeria?

Dortune2:
Hello guys.

My girl friend applied as a Care Worker to work and live in the UK and she has been working and living in the UK for 1 year.

We are planning to get married next year and I am wondering if it is possible for her to bring me in to the UK as a dependent because I have just be hearing different things from people.

Some are saying that it is not possible because she does not have "stay" to bring people in because she only has a work visa and she has not spent a lot of years in the UK.

UK Experts, please help.

Progressivegee:



Yes it's on the gov.uk website
https://www.gov.uk/health-care-worker-visa/taking-a-second-job.

The rule is in place till August 27th 2023.

See screenshot below

koonbey:
@The man being oppressed by his wife, I'm sorry to be that guy but it's key someone cuts through this Hakuna matata nonsense some seem to be peddling here.

You must not allow anyone gaslight you into thinking there's anything normal about what your wife is doing. It's not your fault in any way even if you were the sole breadwinner back home. You did your role as best you could in those circumstances and now that circumstances have changed only someone diabolical will demand that you kill yourself with overwork and high blood pressure because you want to continue a trend.

It's also irrelevant if some people run things that way in their own homes. They chose to do so as a couple. You on the other hand are being conscripted into being a perpetually poor labourer.

The crucial factor here is not about the money. It's about the fact that your wife is blackmailing you financially, immigration-wise and emotionally. In fact the repeated emphasis on how she 'brought you here’ is an extreme red flag that shows she’s an abuser, before we begin to consider the refusal to tell you how much the debt is so you can contribute all while insisting you suffer financial hardship for an indeterminate period of time, presumably until such a time as she deigns to unshackle you at her leisure.

I don’t know the solution to your marital dispute as a whole, but I know that the solution to your being oppressed is to free yourself from her control, which in this case is being tied to her visa. She has all the leverage and no incentive to meet you halfway as things stand. Get your own visa and then have a discussion to try to fix your marriage overall. You’ll share she’s more reasonable then.

Do whatever you can. Speak to your work people and even apply to other roles with sponsorship if you must. In the meantime ensure you’re l constantly trying to make her see reason, but don’t slack on your plan B.

Best of luck.

PS. All the above is based on the assumption that you have told the whole truth here sha. If not and there’s something you have done or are doing that’s made your wife this way, please put all efforts into mending fences.

hustla:


Don't understand this Chief

koonbey:


She can. Her visa entitled her to bring in her spouse and children regardless of how long she has spent.

She should go home so you guys get married and you apply as her husband.

You might want to explore the route of being unmarried partners but that’s dicey.

Read more here - https://www.gov.uk/health-care-worker-visa/your-partner-and-children

kwakudtraveller:


a simple solution can resolve.

Dortune2:


..............

God bless you for your response bro.

So the fact that she has spent just 1 year in the UK does not mean anything?

So the fact that she only has a work visa as a Care Worker in the UK does not mean anything?

She did not study in the UK and she moved from Nigeria to start work in the UK as a Care Worker.

Will she come back to Nigeria for the marriage and we would go back to the UK together?

koonbey:


Bossman give your simple solution let’s hear.

mayowa94:
Is it advisable for an international to travel out of the UK immediately after his course without changing changing his visa from student visa?

Lexusgs430:
One of the main causes of DIVORCE in the UK, is due to financial greediness........
... ...
A couple CANNOT {have} one part of that couple decides all financial dealings, would only be the sole responsibility of only one couple…......
This is a simple recipe for heavy debt, cardiac events, stroke, untimely death, depression etc etc etc ......

Godaloneisable:
... ... My wife has refused to do anything at home cos she claims she wants to rest and I should be grateful that she brought me here. ... ... This has been on for over 7 months and i can not boast of 2k savings even with 49k salary.
How do I manage this? Just confused tbh cos she's also working full time even grossing more than I

koonbey:
@The man being oppressed by his wife, I'm sorry to be that guy but it's key someone cuts through this Hakuna matata nonsense some seem to be peddling here.

You must not allow anyone gaslight you into thinking there's anything normal about what your wife is doing. It's not your fault in any way even if you were the sole breadwinner back home. You did your role as best you could in those circumstances and now that circumstances have changed only someone diabolical will demand that you kill yourself with overwork and high blood pressure because you want to continue a trend.

It's also irrelevant if some people run things that way in their own homes. They chose to do so as a couple. You on the other hand are being conscripted into being a perpetually poor labourer.

The crucial factor here is not about the money. It's about the fact that your wife is blackmailing you financially, immigration-wise and emotionally. In fact the repeated emphasis on how she 'brought you here’ is an extreme red flag that shows she’s an abuser, before we begin to consider the refusal to tell you how much the debt is so you can contribute all while insisting you suffer financial hardship for an indeterminate period of time, presumably until such a time as she deigns to unshackle you at her leisure.

I don’t know the solution to your marital dispute as a whole, but I know that the solution to your being oppressed is to free yourself from her control, which in this case is being tied to her visa. She has all the leverage and no incentive to meet you halfway as things stand. Get your own visa and then have a discussion to try to fix your marriage overall. You’ll share she’s more reasonable then.

Do whatever you can. Speak to your work people and even apply to other roles with sponsorship if you must. In the meantime ensure you’re l constantly trying to make her see reason, but don’t slack on your plan B.

Best of luck.

PS. All the above is based on the assumption that you have told the whole truth here sha. If not and there’s something you have done or are doing that’s made your wife this way, please put all efforts into mending fences.

kwakudtraveller:

Why do I have to repeat sound advice that has already been given by others. Is it an advice giving competition?

Adunnishugar:
Hello house
sorry to derail from current discussion(s)
Please I need advice and it’s a long read
I was in a serious relationship before deciding to move to the UK on study route, we decided to get married and come together.
Now I am done with studies and currently on tier 2 visa (support work). I studied MSc Human Resources management btw.
The issue now is… my partner has an OND in marine engineering and minimal experience, age is also not on his side. And he is currently working in care.
I don’t want us to be stuck on this care work for too long. And I have been overthinking lately on what else is there to do, especially for him. As I still have my masters to fall back on. I keep asking him what he would like to do personally but it keeps changing. It’s almost like he doubts his own ability to take up some new career opportunities. We have tried cyber security but I don’t think he has any motivation for it. And I don’t want us to keep wasting time and money on it.

Please which other career options would you advise on based on this brief background information. I just want him to have something very stable going for him, especially since he is the dependant and has the flexibility to do almost any job or business.. we don’t mind the cost of training or the cost to startup a business, as long as it is a realistic long term investment.

He seems almost depressed with the care job and sometimes it’s as if I’m being blamed for bringing up the travelling/relocation idea, which I did because even back home things were stagnant and I did not see any future plans for improvement.

Jlaw1:


Dear Godaloneisable,

From your writeup, I can confidently reach the conclusion that the issue you have tabled here is simply one symptom of much deeper problems in your marriage.

Your marriage appears to be suffering from a chronic lack of the following;

•trust
•love
•understanding/communication
•mutual respect
•unity
•empathy (not the same as sympathy)

Until both of you resolve these issues between yourselves, standoffs such as the one you have highlighted will remain unresolved, & may even get worse. This may in turn put your matrimony in jeopardy.

The fact that you didn't know (or she didn't tell you) how she financed this expensive relocation to the UK in the first place is another indication of previous troubles.

Because I don't want to write an epistle, I will advise you to act like a LEADER by honestly LOOKING INWARDS FIRST in admitting, acknowledging, addressing and correcting the role that you personally have played, that has led to the current state of things in the relationship. Then you can SUBSEQUENTLY reach out to your wife in good faith. Own up like a leader & apologize to her for your long-term and short-term faults/wrongs, BEFORE pointing out her own shortcomings as well (again in good faith). Also, let her know that you truly appreciate her sacrifices. Then patiently allow her explain things from her own perspective, & make sure that you genuinely LISTEN to her (so as to understand her point of view). This approach may help both of you reach a WIN/WIN solution to the issue at hand (and to other deep-rooted ones as well).

This may not be an overnight cure (because the problems are not "overnight problems" either), so a holistic, patient, effective & continuous medication/communication is what is needed for resolving these deep-seated troubles. I'm afraid to tell you that there are no short-cuts at this stage.

Your post seems to suggest that you may have already logged out of the marriage, but only bidding your time. I hope I'm wrong.

I'm sorry if I haven't been able to give you a magical & fast-track solution that you may have been expecting.

PS: Find time to take your wife out on a date. If you still truly love her, let her know by your words and actions on a regular basis. Rediscover her love language.

Cheers.

justwise:





You too need to tell us more....

Adunnishugar:
Hello house
sorry to derail from current discussion(s)
Please I need advice and it’s a long read
I was in a serious relationship before deciding to move to the UK on study route, we decided to get married and come together.
Now I am done with studies and currently on tier 2 visa (support work). I studied MSc Human Resources management btw.
The issue now is… my partner has an OND in marine engineering and minimal experience, age is also not on his side. And he is currently working in care.
I don’t want us to be stuck on this care work for too long. And I have been overthinking lately on what else is there to do, especially for him. As I still have my masters to fall back on. I keep asking him what he would like to do personally but it keeps changing. It’s almost like he doubts his own ability to take up some new career opportunities. We have tried cyber security but I don’t think he has any motivation for it. And I don’t want us to keep wasting time and money on it.

Please which other career options would you advise on based on this brief background information. I just want him to have something very stable going for him, especially since he is the dependant and has the flexibility to do almost any job or business.. we don’t mind the cost of training or the cost to startup a business, as long as it is a realistic long term investment.

He seems almost depressed with the care job and sometimes it’s as if I’m being blamed for bringing up the travelling/relocation idea, which I did because even back home things were stagnant and I did not see any future plans for improvement.

bigtt76:
If you know you know boss! ... ... Women want to be loved and if you go beyond and above, you will get all the love in the world.
... ...

koonbey:
@The man being oppressed by his wife, I'm sorry to be that guy but it's key someone cuts through this Hakuna matata nonsense some seem to be peddling here.


.

The crucial factor here is not about the money. It's about the fact that your wife is blackmailing you financially, immigration-wise and emotionally. In fact the repeated emphasis on how she 'brought you here’ is an extreme red flag that shows she’s an abuser,.

jedisco:


The principle is same irrespective of narrative.

The higher one rises in a chosen field the more apparent it becomes to that person (if they're honest) that their success is not simply down to brilliance or hardwork. This hold true for any field or profession.

WB did say the two main reasons he's amassed billions are firstly cos he was born in America and secondly, he was born at the time he was.

CornOak:


The most intelligent analysis and comment on this issue. This is fantastic, God bless. 👍🏼