Firstly, I am a guy who is goal driven. I work my ass off to ensure that I earn a living and this has left me with hating anyone who is lazy.
I met my fiance about a year ago. We don't reside in the same town but we talk everyday. When we started dating, she had told me she was done with schooling but she had a few issues which have prevented her from graduating. According to her, she finished in 2019 but has not been cleared because of those issues.

In the first few months that we started dating, I asked her why she was idle since the school was yet to clear her. I further advised that she should start something rather than stay at home. She told me then that she would like to produce and sell a particular commodity. I asked her what it required for her to start. She told me and I provided those things and travelled all the way to see her and hand those items over to her. Few weeks after that, I asked how the business was doing - she went from one story to the other. I was pissed because I thought she could have put all those excuses into consideration before letting me go through the stress of providing those items - It is not about the money for it wasn't much, but her lukewarm interest in pursing goals. Truth is that she never started the trade.

I let that slide and we moved on... Each day I noticed she doesn't have the desire to pursue goals. I mean, how could she have stayed over 3years at home without learning any skill or being purposeful. When it was clear that she wasn't being purposeful, I told her crystal clear that I would not want to be with anyone who lacks purpose or isn't resourceful. In response, she told me that she would work harder and do something. But as each day passed, it was the same old story. Right now, she teaches at a school - this was after a lot of pushing, and forcing and begging and all of that. Even, of the teaching, she complains that it is stressful.

She visited my family house twice. The first time she visited, I had to literally tell her to help in the sweeping of the house the morning following the night she arrived, which she did - I mean, I expected her to know (without being told) that that was expected of her as a first-time visitor in the frame of a prospective wife/in-law. Even as a man, you don't stay inside the room when you visit a family especially when they are doing chores - that was how I was raised. Maybe it isn't a general expectation, but that was how I was raised (Don't crucify me).

As it stands now, she isn't cleared yet and each time I tell her to go to the school, she would either reply reluctantly or get upset. Moreso, she doesn't have a skill. The truth is that, though she is nice, a virgin apparently, she may end up depending on me 100%. Given the way Nigeria is, one needs a partner who can support one. Also, coupled with the fact that though she loves me 100%, she is not very exposed (a bit timid), and lacks the desire to be independent, hardworking or achieve her own goals.

We had discussed marriage, though I have not proposed yet. Conversely, right now, I am having a rethink which has caused me to be a bit withdrawn and retrogressive. I do not want a spouse who would drag me backwards, I have suffered a lot to get to where God placed me - I don't want a setback given that my family partly depends on me. From all indications, I don't know whether she will be able to handle and account for a business if one is established for her.

Even though the decision to either proceed with or withdraw from marriage is solely mine, I'd like a piece of advice.

For matured folks.... What do you think?

My advice is to give a little more push. I'm saying this because most resourceful ladies might also find it difficult to submit. I know there may be a lot of ranting and criticisms about submission but I'm giving you a honest advice as a realist for your future. Nothing makes you a fulfilled man than to have a resourceful wife who allows you to be in charge: such women are very rare. Once they can work hard on their own, submission with their money gradually slides out...it's psychological.

Now considering the fact that you can't find all you need in one person, you have to weigh your options which emphasizes the role of grooming. Grooming means training her to soothe your taste or standard. To be frank, it might not be a sweet experience at first but it's worth it. The point is you're not ready yet, when you're ready, you will drill her seriously and your love for her is the fuel. I did it for my wife. Anything that gives you peace of mind as you said; that she has good character, should be seriously guided and guarded. Only few women will give you such peace despite their imperfections.

Start from a small level, get her a shop if you can afford it to start selling provisions or likely things and monitor her totally so far she's not pissed to say you're domineering. In my case, my wife enjoyed my control and that made it easy for me. She said she likes the disciplinary love and that someone is mad over her. Now she's super-productive, she even charges me for her services and collects her money promptly. Business is business. I trained her.

This lady will end up being a full housewife. Don't marry her, except you can cope with a full housewife. Tell me you are joking, you don't want to leave her because she is nice and she is a virgin. Guy, marriage is deeper that.

Lol a virgin lol u dey give ur self hope, no wonder u wan die put, she never give u do u dey call her virgin 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

another relationship wahala...

1) see ehn, she has already showed you that she's a lazy woman who doesn't want to do anything, even if you marry her as a full house wife, you'll still end up taking care of the house yourself... she's a lazy woman and if you marry her, your kids will become very lazy as well and which will affect them greatly... she has shown you that was how was brought up - to depend totally on someone or the man who's to be her husband...

You have two choices in this case, if you marry her, you must be prepared to marry another wife or get a maid... if you are a man who's programmed his mind to get only one wife, ready to work as a slave for the woman till you die which she basically does nothing to improve or reduce the stress in your life... and don't forget, your kids will be greatly affected too... when considering marriage, always picture your kids with the person you're currently dating to see how she will handle it.. how she handle your space is how she will handle the kids...

2) because she's a virgin and so what?? in as much I advise men into going for virgins, they shouldn't sleep on it.. and you said you're in a long distance relationship, hmm I wouldn't say much that, but don't rely on her that she won't cheat on you...
you are already investing so much in this woman and you've even taken her to see your parents while you noticed all these red flags, I would say you acted based on emotional feelings and you were not being logical... never be in a rush to quicky introduce a woman for marriage to your parents without first seeking professional advice from them or without first scrutinising your prospective mate.. virginity and a woman's past should be a factor to check out for when considering a woman for a real relationship, but that's not the only thing to look out for in a woman... in fact, we have so many types of virgin now compared to the full virgin in mind, body and soul...

3) I can say you've really done enough for her... a woman who's ready to work just need a little push or opportunity and she will work.. nor be person be Dammy wey dey cook abi she nor see her mate? she's a liability and she will be when you eventually marry her.. she's shown you her real self and it's now left for you to enter the danger by yourself...

remember all these investments you're doing for the sake of your relationship is making you more emotionally attached to her which will haunt you later if she later dumps you after sucking another guy's dick or you've finally upgraded her passed the level you founded her.. I feel she's still young, and I feel you're even the one pushing to get married asap to her and not her doing the pressuring... bro, I just pray it doesn't end in tears... you can't change a woman when it comes to her personality, don't think you can....

Break up with her. Shikena!

You both are not compatible, what more do you want to hear again

Leave her, let her find a provider, generous husband that she can depend on 100% I don't know why stingy men like to make women suffer.

siofra:
Break up with her. Shikena!

You both are not compatible, what more do you want to hear again

Leave her, let her find a provider, generous husband that she can depend on 100% I don't know why stingy men like to make women suffer.

someone that will carry her generational problems abi? or someone that will slave away his life to make her happy? generous simp abi?

I'm not angry with the fact that your comment was directly below mine, I'm just angry with the fact that you chose to comment foolishly once again...

Reminderz:

someone that will carry her generational problems abi? or someone that will slave away his life to make her happy? generous simp abi?

I'm not angry with the fact that your comment was directly below mine, I'm just angry with the fact that you chose to comment foolishly once again...

Yes, how is that your business, sir
Are you the simp that will take care of her? Women have the right to choose whoever they want just as men want virgins and girls with big nyash. And women will choose generous, wealthy simps.

siofra:
Break up with her. Shikena!

You both are not compatible, what more do you want to hear again

Leave her, let her find a provider, generous husband that she can depend on 100% I don't know why stingy men like to make women suffer.

Of all the things I wrote, the only thing you understood was that I am a stingy man. Well done

Oluromantic:
My advice is to give a little more push. I'm saying this because, most resourceful ladies too might also find it difficult to submit. I know there may be a lot of ranting and criticisms about submission but I'm giving you a honest advice as a realist for your future. Nothing makes you fulfilled than to have a resourceful wife that allows you to be in charge which is very rare. Once they can work hard on their own, submission with their money gradually slides out...it's psychological.

Now considering the fact that you can't find all you need in one person, you have to weigh your options which emphasizes the role of grooming. Grooming means training her to your taste or standard. I bet you it might not be a sweet experience at first but it's worth it. The point is you're not ready yet,when you're ready, you will drill her seriously. Your love for her is the fuel. I did it for my wife. Anything that gives you peace of mind as you said that she has good character, should be seriously guided and guarded. Only few women will give you such peace despite their imperfections.

Now, start from a small level, get her a shop if you can afford it to start selling provisions or likely things and monitor her totally so far she's not pissed to say you're domineering. In my case, my wife enjoyed my control and it made it easy for me. She said she likes the disciplinary love and that someone is mad over her. Now she's super productive, she even charge me for her services and collects her money promptly. Business is business. I trained her.

...

Thanks, but what if she doesn't learn....?

boborosky:
...

Thanks, but what if she doesn't learn....?

She will bro. Be optimistic

Very sound advices you've gotten here oga. I am proud over the way and manner sound minds here did justice on this topic of yours, this is the very first rational series of talks I have passed through on NLD since a while now and I must say, they have nailed it all !. (1)Red flags are there, (2) push one more time with love and encouragement,(3):do not push for marriage yet unless changes for smartness come in, (4) you need some level of patience Sir, try getting to know her family and study the tree too (5): you don't Wana get hooked up to your kind , una go blow away the roof of una house o !! (I speak with plenty experiences here. If you TRUELY ned the peace ,quietness and joy at home ,be careful of zealous, very" your kind" of 'hard working and money busy busy 'kinda women !! For your kind of man. You need a cool headed sound , smart,humble broken and simple woman sir,to keep your home front. Get her organised and settled , she isn't settled at all, get into her mind and know her fears, she has some , ensure she gets her school cert and go for NYSC, she will gradually come out of her she'll but definitely not your way and class sir.

Don't lower your standards for anyone.

The purpose of a woman is to take care your children while you provide, protect, and lead her.

If want her to have something doing, then;

Start up a small business in your name based on what you know she can handle, teach her how to run the business, and employ her as the manager. She must always report to you.

Stop asking her what she wants to do, tell her what to do.

Be a leader, she will follow.

If she doesn't follow, dump her because she doesn't respect to you.

Oluromantic:

She will bro. Be optimistic

This is the mistake a lot of people make when picking a partner, they believe they can change their partner's attitude. He is doing himself and the lady a favour if doesn't marry her. Why force things? She will find someone that loves her the way she is and he will also find someone that his compatible with him.

You have to weigh the risks and rewards of having her as a life partner...

The way you're going with trying to secure your future with a woman who's working, you may end up with a disloyal and disrespectful wife.

The probability of finding a resourceful, fulltime employed woman who will be loyal, respectful and serve the duties of a wife diligently in Nigeria is 1%.

I wish you all the best

My kind of girl.
Marry her

It is very bad for you to beg someone to he useful to him/herself, that is BS. Anybody that wants to be useless, let that person be.

But for you and your baby, bro I advice you move before she moves you to unrecoverable mode.
She has a bigger gbese awaiting her in sch, that's why she's reluctant to go back. Yes laziness is a big curse.
The day my woman will come to my family house (visiting or whatever) and you allow my mum sweep the floor you step on, or wash the dish you use in eating or anything other fuckin thing, that day you will find you way home.

I have come to realize something these days, why do hard working guys always ends up with a useless/semi useless ladies.
I was pissed when I saw you where you wrote she started a teaching job after series of begging.

Bro move , before she move you first.

Not everyone is cut out to be an entrepreneur.

Some people do well leading, others do well being led.

My 2kobo though

She not being resources none of my business but she being lazy is my business.

Be prepared for a dirty home if you eventually marry her Brrrrr!

Merry100:

This is mistake a lot of people make when picking a partner, they believe they can change their partner's attitude. He is doing himself and the lady a favour if doesn't marry her. Why force things? She will find someone that loves her the way she is and he will also find that his compatible with him.

The change process is not in marriage, it's during dating

boborosky:
Firstly, I am a guy who is goal driven. I work my ass off to ensure that I earn a living and this has left me with hating anyone who is lazy.

Discontinue!

[color=#990000][/color]
Mine is resourceful but not good in terms of character

Irony of life

Better appreciate that good character ooo... e no reach 3 girls wey still gett am for this naija !!

boborosky:
Firstly, I am a guy who is goal driven. I work my ass off to ensure that I earn a living and this has left me with hating anyone who is lazy.
I met my fiance about a year ago. We don't reside in the same town but we talk everyday. When we started dating, she had told me she was done with schooling but she had a few issues which have prevented her from graduating. According to her, she finished in 2019 but has not been cleared because of those issues.

In the first few months that we started dating, I asked her why she was idle since the school was yet to clear her. I further advised that she should start something rather than stay at home. She told me then that she would like to produce and sell a particular commodity. I asked her what it required for her to start. She told me and I provided those things and travelled all the way to see her and hand those items over to her. Few weeks after that, I asked how the business was doing - she went from one story to the other. I was pissed because I thought she could have put all those excuses into consideration before letting me go through the stress of providing those items - It is not about the money for it wasn't much, but her lukewarm interest in pursing goals. Truth is that she never started the trade.

I let that slide and we moved on... Each day I noticed she doesn't have the desire to pursue goals. I mean, how could she have stayed over 3years at home without learning any skill or being purposeful. When it was clear that she wasn't being purposeful, I told her crystal clear that I would not want to be with anyone who lacks purpose or isn't resourceful. In response, she told me that she would work harder and do something. But as each day passed, it was the same old story. Right now, she teaches at a school - this was after a lot of pushing, and forcing and begging and all of that. Even, of the teaching, she complains that it is stressful.

She visited my family house twice. The first time she visited, I had to literally tell her to help in the sweeping of the house the morning following the night she arrived, which she did - I mean, I expected her to know (without being told) that that was expected of her as a first-time visitor in the frame of a prospective wife/in-law. Even as a man, you don't stay inside the room when you visit a family especially when they are doing chores - that was how I was raised. Maybe it isn't a general expectation, but that was how I was raised (Don't crucify me).

As it stands now, she isn't cleared yet and each time I tell her to go to the school, she would either reply reluctantly or get upset. Moreso, she doesn't have a skill. The truth is that, though she is nice, a virgin apparently, she may end up depending on me 100%. Given the way Nigeria is, one needs a partner who can support one. Also, coupled with the fact that though she loves me 100%, she is not very exposed (a bit timid), and lacks the desire to be independent, hardworking or achieve her own goals.

We had discussed marriage, though I have not proposed yet. Conversely, right now, I am having a rethink which has caused me to be a bit withdrawn and retrogressive. I do not want a spouse who would drag me backwards, I have suffered a lot to get to where God placed me - I don't want a setback given that my family partly depends on me. From all indications, I don't know whether she will be able to handle and account for a business if one is established for her.

Even though the decision to either proceed with or withdraw from marriage is solely mine, I'd like a piece of advice.

For matured folks.... What do you think?

Everyday, different wahala.

NL boys are coming to advise you sha. The people who so love a woman who wants to stay at home and do nothing.

Oluromantic:
My advice is to give a little more push. I'm saying this because most resourceful ladies too might also find it difficult to submit. I know there may be a lot of ranting and criticisms about submission but I'm giving you a honest advice as a realist for your future. Nothing makes you fulfilled than to have a resourceful wife that allows you to be in charge which is very rare. Once they can work hard on their own, submission with their money gradually slides out...it's psychological.

Now considering the fact that you can't find all you need in one person, you have to weigh your options which emphasizes the role of grooming. Grooming means training her to your taste or standard. I bet you it might not be a sweet experience at first but it's worth it. The point is you're not ready yet,when you're ready, you will drill her seriously. Your love for her is the fuel. I did it for my wife. Anything that gives you peace of mind as you said that she has good character, should be seriously guided and guarded. Only few women will give you such peace despite their imperfections.

Now, start from a small level, get her a shop if you can afford it to start selling provisions or likely things and monitor her totally so far she's not pissed to say you're domineering. In my case, my wife enjoyed my control and it made it easy for me. She said she likes the disciplinary love and that someone is mad over her. Now she's super productive, she even charge me for her services and collects her money promptly. Business is business. I trained her.

I will strongly advice you to go with this advice.

TrainPark:
Better appreciate that good character ooo... e no reach 3 girls wey still gett am for this naija !!

He did not mention any good character or attitude, he only said she is nice and she is a virgin.

boborosky:
Firstly, I am a guy who is goal driven. I work my ass off to ensure that I earn a living and this has left me with hating anyone who is lazy.
I met my fiance about a year ago. We don't reside in the same town but we talk everyday. When we started dating, she had told me she was done with schooling but she had a few issues which have prevented her from graduating. According to her, she finished in 2019 but has not been cleared because of those issues.

In the first few months that we started dating, I asked her why she was idle since the school was yet to clear her. I further advised that she should start something rather than stay at home. She told me then that she would like to produce and sell a particular commodity. I asked her what it required for her to start. She told me and I provided those things and travelled all the way to see her and hand those items over to her. Few weeks after that, I asked how the business was doing - she went from one story to the other. I was pissed because I thought she could have put all those excuses into consideration before letting me go through the stress of providing those items - It is not about the money for it wasn't much, but her lukewarm interest in pursing goals. Truth is that she never started the trade.

I let that slide and we moved on... Each day I noticed she doesn't have the desire to pursue goals. I mean, how could she have stayed over 3years at home without learning any skill or being purposeful. When it was clear that she wasn't being purposeful, I told her crystal clear that I would not want to be with anyone who lacks purpose or isn't resourceful. In response, she told me that she would work harder and do something. But as each day passed, it was the same old story. Right now, she teaches at a school - this was after a lot of pushing, and forcing and begging and all of that. Even, of the teaching, she complains that it is stressful.

She visited my family house twice. The first time she visited, I had to literally tell her to help in the sweeping of the house the morning following the night she arrived, which she did - I mean, I expected her to know (without being told) that that was expected of her as a first-time visitor in the frame of a prospective wife/in-law. Even as a man, you don't stay inside the room when you visit a family especially when they are doing chores - that was how I was raised. Maybe it isn't a general expectation, but that was how I was raised (Don't crucify me).

As it stands now, she isn't cleared yet and each time I tell her to go to the school, she would either reply reluctantly or get upset. Moreso, she doesn't have a skill. The truth is that, though she is nice, a virgin apparently, she may end up depending on me 100%. Given the way Nigeria is, one needs a partner who can support one. Also, coupled with the fact that though she loves me 100%, she is not very exposed (a bit timid), and lacks the desire to be independent, hardworking or achieve her own goals.

We had discussed marriage, though I have not proposed yet. Conversely, right now, I am having a rethink which has caused me to be a bit withdrawn and retrogressive. I do not want a spouse who would drag me backwards, I have suffered a lot to get to where God placed me - I don't want a setback given that my family partly depends on me. From all indications, I don't know whether she will be able to handle and account for a business if one is established for her.

Even though the decision to either proceed with or withdraw from marriage is solely mine, I'd like a piece of advice.

For matured folks.... What do you think?

Base on all you have narrated about your girlfriend

She will be more comfortable to be a house wife

Even at that most house chores will be waiting for you, including nursing the baby

In another words she may not be lazy
But she can't kill herself

So follow your heart

siofra:


Yes, how is that your business, sir
Are you the simp that will take care of her? Women have the right to choose whoever they want just as men want virgins and girls with big nyash. And women will choose generous, wealthy simps.

Your search for a simp ends here

Merry100:

He did not mention any good character or attitude, he only said she is nice and she is a virgin.

My Fiancee Is Good In Terms Of Character
But just out of curiosity, why the thing pain you so!

TrainPark:
My Fiancee Is Good In Terms Of Character
But just out of curiosity, why the thing pain you so!

Which thing?

I’m sure that the girl is not a virgin their are a lot of ladies that use their pussy to make money which is one of them

It's obvious you are a very ambitious person and your girlfriend is not.
She is not bad, not everyone is goal driven and some ladies grow up with the mindset that the man should provide all their needs and no matter what you do, you can't change that.
From my perspective I think your girlfriend will hardly change, you will keep pushing and pushing until you are tired and even if she does something now once she start giving birth she might use that as an excuse to stop doing any work so if you want to be with her just know you might take 100% of the responsibility and if that's not to your liking you can break up now.

Ask yourself whether you like her enough to take care of all her responsibilities or you just like her because from your post she is a virgin and she loves you.