Candidlady:
RAISING A SON AS A SINGLE MOTHER HOW HAS LIFE BEEN

Pojomojo:
I was raised by my father. I was 10 and my sister 6 when our parents split.

My dad was the far more responsible one to take care of us. Especially since my mother moved to another country. My parents did have joint custody though and I saw my mother on (ir)regular basis.

My dad has always been my rock, he has encouraged me to spread my wings and fly and warned me about bad decisions.
He has been there for me - always.

I am now 1 years old. I have never been arrested, nor have I ever done anything that would give cause for such actions, I have not even gotten into trouble with any law enforcement agencies, I am educated, I have a professionally satisfying career, I have always taken care of my responsabilities.

When I was a teenager I had a steady boyfriend and even though me and my dad fought from time to time and I thought he was stupid and inflexable we never had anything worse to say to each other really.

So yeah, I was raised by my dad and I’m a real bad-ass. I fight for equality, I am pretty vocal about how I feel about politics and unfair treatment of elders, children and unemployed people.
I am fiercly protective of my family and I am passionate about many things.
I have a firm confidence in myself and wont be knocked down easily and I am not afraid to speak my mind.

So yeah, my dad really raised an bad-ass.

(Short answer is: Surely there are single dads doing a bad job at raising their kids, aswell as single mothers doing a bad job raising their kids, but as a parent myself I have not once needed my Instruments to raise my kids, apart from birthing them, so I would say, bad parenting has nothing to do with gender.)

Candidlady:
RAISING A SON AS A SINGLE MOTHER HOW HAS LIFE BEEN

Candidlady:
RAISING A SON AS A SINGLE MOTHER HOW HAS LIFE BEEN

Pojomojo:
I was raised by my father. I was 10 and my sister 6 when our parents split.

My dad was the far more responsible one to take care of us. Especially since my mother moved to another country. My parents did have joint custody though and I saw my mother on (ir)regular basis.

My dad has always been my rock, he has encouraged me to spread my wings and fly and warned me about bad decisions.
He has been there for me - always.

I am now 1 years old. I have never been arrested, nor have I ever done anything that would give cause for such actions, I have not even gotten into trouble with any law enforcement agencies, I am educated, I have a professionally satisfying career, I have always taken care of my responsabilities.

When I was a teenager I had a steady boyfriend and even though me and my dad fought from time to time and I thought he was stupid and inflexable we never had anything worse to say to each other really.

So yeah, I was raised by my dad and I’m a real bad-ass. I fight for equality, I am pretty vocal about how I feel about politics and unfair treatment of elders, children and unemployed people.
I am fiercly protective of my family and I am passionate about many things.
I have a firm confidence in myself and wont be knocked down easily and I am not afraid to speak my mind.

So yeah, my dad really raised an bad-ass.

(Short answer is: Surely there are single dads doing a bad job at raising their kids, aswell as single mothers doing a bad job raising their kids, but as a parent myself I have not once needed my Instruments to raise my kids, apart from birthing them, so I would say, bad parenting has nothing to do with gender.)

Oyindamolah:
Boys who are raised by single moms are no “better or worse than children who are raised by any other family situation. Think about how ridiculous it sounds to lump male children of single moms into one group and ask for an opinion about them. I think perhaps you should rephrase the question.

But if you are looking for advice from a single mom raising a boy, I can tell you my opinion on what I find difficult in raising him.

I want my son to see that his mom works hard inside and out side the home and that women are productive and capable.

I want him to know that men should work just as hard as women and be just as hands on as a parent. I can not model male behavior but I make sure that he knows what it is and how men interact in this world.

I model love and acceptance and responsibility but I can’t model everything so when I see some attribute that I think a male should possess, I point out examples and situations and how he should behave.

I don’t want him to be a pushover and I want him to be protective and be a gentleman and a guy who “shows up” so I give him opportunities to do so and I explain why it’s right for him to possess those qualities.

So back to your question… my “opinion” of boys who have single moms is that they are pretty lucky if their mom takes the time to show them the way and to point out what they think is important…. Now go thank your mom… NOW

lavylilly:

I believe depending on the mother they are very succesful. My auntie has 3 boys, she had to raised them by herself as the father walked away from them when they were young. The three of them are super amazing, loving and protecting. They are all happily married and raising children, the oldest is a business owner and has a company, the second became a police officer and now he just finished his as Law degree. The youngest is a OBGyn and is planning on opening his own clinic. My auntie worked hard and paid for their studies, as they live in a country where no help, loans or scholarships are available. They are super grateful to my auntie for she was more than enough to raise three succesful men.

Funny though, when my cousin became a doctor, about 30 years after he left, their father showed up and wanted to be part of their lives. They all said no thank you, their mom was both mother and father to them, so they had everything that they needed.

Hamachi:
I just want to emphasize that a boy does not become a man because he’s learned how to be masculine.

My ex, the biological father of my daughter, was a male. He mas masculine. He liked things that interest a typical male. But I do not believe he is a man. Because a man does not abandon his own child. A man does not make promises he cannot keep or commit to. A man holds up to his responsibilities instead of making excuses. A man does best by the people he owes out of self respect and gratitude. He failed to do all that. So he’s not a real man in my eyes.

If I had a son, I would not be worried at all. Because I can teach him about being a man more than anyone can. I think I can be more of a man than most men I know (which is really sad if you would think about it).

I acknowledge the need of a boy to have a male role model growing up - there are just some things both physical and emotional that only an actual male can guide him through. This he can find from his extended support system - grandfathers or uncles or even older siblings, teachers and mentors from the community.

If I had a son, I would be confident raising him with the right values. I would raise him to treat others with kindness, to keep his word, to own up to his responsibilities and to respect other people. And that’s really all that matters.

For my sister, it has been very hard. She was widowed when their son was just a baby, and my heart broke for him that he didn’t have a dad in his life.

Financially, for a while it was a struggle - I have major envy of all of those women that can be stay at home mums, or just need to work part-time - they have more money and more time.

Society is hard and judgy on single moms. People can be mean. I was probably more strict and had very high expectations of behaviour, as people almost expect the offspring of a single mum to be a bad asrse.

The hardest thing I found was there was no one to talk about the stuff the son was up to. If he did something cool, or funny, or reached a milestone… it would be nice to tell the person that loved them as much as you. Or even if they do something worrying… you don’t want to be slagging off your kid to your friends or even their grandparents.

I wish I had been better at asking for help.

In all though, it has been hard but it’s also been a blessing. The boy is an amazing teenager now, and a really good and hard working person.

Meerahbel:
The best parenting advice I ever got didn’t come from another parent. It wasn’t even about parenting. Nonetheless, I’ve used this advice every single day of my 5years+, and it’s the most valuable tool in my toolkit.

When I was pregnant with my eldest son, I was reading through some old Reader’s Digest magazines, and came across one of those cute, funny stories used as place-fillers at the end of an article. It went something like this:

Our last pet had passed away, so we bought a new kitten. The first day we had her at home, she started sharpening her claws on the side of the couch—as kittens do—so my dad picked her up and put her outside. Fifteen years later, she still claws the side of the couch every time she wants to go out.

This story is my guiding beacon as a parent.

Every moment of every day, you are teaching your children something. With every single thing you say, do, or don’t do, you are teaching your children what they should say, do, and not do. The trick, as a parent, is not to teach your children the right things; the trick is to know what you’re teaching them.

If your children overhear you telling your friend how much you hate Susan’s new haircut, and then they hear you telling Susan you love her hair, you might think you’re teaching them the value of being kind to people, even if it involves a little white-lie.

But what you may actually be teaching your children is that:

1. It’s okay to talk about people behind their back.
2. It’s okay to insult people behind their back.
3. It’s okay to lie to people.

If you tell your child to clean up his/her room, and when he asks why, you yell: “Because I’m your mother and I said to do it!”, you might think you’re teaching them both the importance of keeping their living space tidy, and of respecting their elders.

But what you may actually be teaching your children is that:

1. It’s okay to yell at people if they don’t do what you say.
2. Being older, bigger, and stronger than someone gives you the right to treat them however you want.
3. When you’re bigger than someone, you can control their environment and there’s nothing they can do about it.
If you’re running late to get to an important event and you happen across a car that’s broken down, so you stop and help the driver, you might worry that you’re teaching your children that punctuality doesn’t matter. (You may also worry that you’re inadvertently teaching them a variety of swear words as you get on your way once more!)

But what you may actually be teaching your children is that:

1. The well-being of people is more important than any single event.
2. All people matter—even people you don’t personally know.
3. Helping people is the right thing to do.
Often we don’t know what we’re teaching our kids until after they’ve learned it, but this “advice”, such as it is, helps me be more mindful in the moment of the lessons I’m teaching. And, most importantly, it allows me to reflect back on when and how I taught the behaviour I’m seeing in my children.

If your children—especially small children—are behaving in ways you don’t like, it’s not because they’re not good at learning, or they’re not paying attention, or you need to discipline them more; it’s because you’re accidentally teaching them the wrong things.

Stop trying to change them. Start changing yourself.

Otherwise, in fifteen years, they’ll still be clawing the side of the couch when they want to go outside.

Good morning!

Dc14:
. When they no they will comeback why do they leave before

Kajaard:


Na wah oh The op didn't ask about children raised by single dads na

He simply asked for those people raised by single moms to see reactions as society has a negative notion that kids raised by single moms become soft or lack charracter and engage in vices.

And we wonder why our graduates are not employable when they cannot answer simple questions

ChybuzzDD:

This is still wrong, grammatically and contextually.
In your own case, the question is meant to be answered by the single mothers.
In his case, he wants the sons raised by single mothers to answer the question.

Dc14:
it has not been easy but i guess mother do raise kid better than father

Hamachi:
I don't get.

Dc14:
sister oyin i think this is the perfect way i was raise my mom has taught me alot but now she is no more. Would i still associate with my father ?

Dc14:
sister oyin i think this is the perfect way i was raise my mom has taught me alot but now she is no more. Would i still associate with my father ?

Hamachi:


If I had a son, I would not be worried at all. Because I can teach him about being a man more than anyone can. I think I can be more of a man than most men I know (which is really sad if you would think about it).


Society is hard and judgy on single moms. People can be mean. I was probably more strict and had very high expectations of behaviour, as people almost expect the offspring of a single mum to be a bad asrse.

Mille:


I really enjoyed reading your reply. Back to the topic.No; You alone cannot teach a son on how to be a man.

I grew up in a lower middle class environment with a very alarming rate of single motherhood. In fact, our building had 4 single mother tenants and I had to befriend, play and go to school with plenty of guys who were raised by single moms. My observations are the following;

- There is an absence of a father's authority and discipline. Despite the women's effort, many of the male children become delinquent. For those with the presence of an involved father, the situation is mostly different. In fact, the threat of "I'll tell your father when he comes back" by your mother is enough to turn you straight. I am sure you yourself have heard the phrase " I go tell your papa" quite often.

- It tends to open up the children to all forms of abuse by their peers and other members of the society. From physical abuse to bullying to sexual abuse etc. because most times, members of the society have no one to fear.

- They tend to be very emotional and sensitive just like women. Take decisions with emotions and no logic. And to hide their sensitivity, they become unnecessarily aggressive. As we know, aggressiveness leads to delinquency which leads to a violent street attitude which then leads to a life of crime.

- Crime; My God. That's the most significant effects. All of the factors I have listed contribute to it. Our streets, our schools can just turn upside down in the blink of an eye. I always had to wear "civilian clothes" under my school uniform just in case of trouble which could happen anytime.
From Lagos to London where the teenage sons of these single mothers are stabbing each other to the US where "a child raised without a father is five times more likely to commit crime and be poor, nine-times more likely to drop out of school, and 20 times more likely to end up in jail or prison". The situation is the same.

- As we all know, the absence of a father is the single most important cause of poverty. Too bad Nigeria doesn't have a statistics.

*For the US, Children living in female-headed families with no spouse present have a poverty rate of 45.8 percent, over four times the rate of children in married-couple families (9.5 percent)

Dc14:
hmm nice writeup but i really dnt agree with u on what u said. Can a single father raise better than a singlemother cause i think am lost,,