Now it is important that we draw a clear line between acquaintanceship and friendship. The two are not the same.

An acquaintance is someone that you are just familiar with. Someone that you are cordial to and share greetings and small talk with. Beyond the surface, they do not know anything deep about you. Such a person is an acquaintance and not a friend because Nigerians tend to abuse the word friend.

A friend is something much more different. Someone who knows you all the way in. Not just on the surface. If you hit "Friend definition" on Google, what you'll get is

a person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection e.g. "she's a friend of mine"

I want you to take note of the mutual affection part because it will come back in soon.

So back to the topic, why is it that men and women cannot be friends?

1. Aim

Believe it or not, every friendship has an aim even when it seems like there isn't any. A friendship can have a parasitic or mutualistic aim.

Apart from the rare occasion, what is generally the aim of a man who is chasing a friendship with a woman or women; or a lady who is chasing friendships with men?

Some of you are thinking that you're the exception. Poppycock and nonsense. Odds are that you're not.

You don't need me to spell out the obvious.

2. Foundational interests

There are friends that are your crypto guys, others for football, or sports in general, betting, gaming, politics, work, academics etc. These are the foundations on which friendships are built.

How many women bet or enjoy sports? How many men truly love Zee World or Telenovela? Are you seeing a pattern here?

3. Costs

It is no news that male friendships generally cost nothing. Zero. Even if you're broke, your guys will chip in to cover your part of the bills if you guys go out. Whatever resources are doled out in the course of male friendships are done mostly willingly and without coercion.

On the flip side, female friendships are expensive! This is more so if you're the guy. You must spend money, by hook or by crook. You must spend time, expertise, physical energy etc. You have to be the psychiatrist, psychologist, therapist, electrician, engineer, phone technician, driver, escort, body guard, teacher, assignment solver etc.

On the other hand all she mostly has to do is show up, be nice to you and maybe make food for the both of you. Of which more often than not, you paid nothing less than 50% for.

4. Benefits

Besides sex, there's no benefit to female friendship. In fact, you get to see her jump from one relationship to another and trauma dump on you. She would block your opportunities with other girls because that would mean losing you. You will stay single and miserable.

5. Feelings

The way men and women express feelings is patently different. The way one person expresses the same feelings to different people is absolutely not the same.

If two real men were to share the same space for a while, (if they don't hate each other) there is usually forged a brotherly union. Both men will stand up for and defend each other.

However if a man and a woman were to share the same space when they're not biologically related. More often than not, it's romantic feelings that develop thus defeating the friendship aim.

Conclusion

This is why when ladies say they have serious male friends, the first male instinct is to laugh but if she's actually serious, we feel pity (for the guy).

During my NYSC days, I met this Yoruba babe from Kwara, three years my senior and her male friend from Fed. Poly Offa. They attended the same CAC from home and after camp soon moved into the same CAC family house at Koko road in Sokoto.

True story.

I always told her that this your friend wants you but she'll maintain that they're just friends. This lady left Sokoto to my village PPA for premium knacks and I still went to their family house to give her premium knacks under his nose.

One night he was outside calling her phone while we were getting it on inside the room. She didn't pick so he left her a message. The next day she admitted that she knew he likes her but he's not her type.

I felt really terrible and couldn't look him in the eye the next day because he was absolutely very nice to me. I returned to my PPA and never went back. Ever. I also stopped picking her calls. Last time I checked, she was with someone else whilst he was still there. A friend indeed.

It may be the other way around, it could be your man parading different ladies as his friends.

Can please summarise? You can summerbeans too

When you're friends with a girl, just ready to be a mugu.

fyzaila:
Can please summarise? You can summerbeans too

You guys are just too lazy to read. Or I could say the topic may be of little or no interest to you, because this is not too long to read especially if you want to know the thoughts of the writer.

atheistandproud:
Now it is important that we draw a clear line between acquaintanceship and friendship. The two are not the same.

An acquaintance is someone that you are just familiar with. Someone that you are cordial to and share greetings and small talk with. Beyond the surface, they do not know anything deep about you. Such a person is an acquaintance and not a friend because Nigerians tend to abuse the word friend.

A friend is something much more different. Someone who knows you all the way in. Not just on the surface. If you hit "Friend definition" on Google, what you'll get is

a person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection e.g. "she's a friend of mine"

I want you to take note of the mutual affection part because it will come back in soon.

So back to the topic, why is it that men and women cannot be friends?

1. Aim

Believe it or not, every friendship has an aim even when it seems like there isn't any. A friendship can have a parasitic or mutualistic aim.

Apart from the rare occasion, what is generally the aim of a man who is chasing a friendship with a woman or women; or a lady who is chasing friendships with men?

Some of you are thinking that you're the exception. Poppycock and nonsense. Odds are that you're not.

You don't need me to spell out the obvious.

2. Foundational interests

There are friends that are your crypto guys, others for football, or sports in general, betting, gaming, politics, work, academics etc. These are the foundations on which friendships are built.

How many women bet or enjoy sports? How many men truly love Zee World or Telenovela? Are you seeing a pattern here?

3. Costs

It is no news that male friendships generally cost nothing. Zero. Even if you're broke, your guys will chip in to cover your part of the bills if you guys go out. Whatever resources are doled out in the course of male friendships are done mostly willingly and without coercion.

On the flip side, female friendships are expensive! This is more so if you're the guy. You must spend money, by hook or by crook. You must spend time, expertise, physical energy etc. You have to be the psychiatrist, psychology, therapist, electrician, engineer, phone technician, driver, escort, body guard, teacher, assignment solver etc.

On the other hand all she mostly has to do is show up, be nice to you and maybe make food for the both of you. Of which more often than not, you paid nothing less than 50% for.

4. Benefits

Besides sex, there's no benefit to female friendship. In fact, you get to see her jump from one relationship to another and trauma dump on you. She would block your opportunities with other girls because that would mean losing you. You will stay single and miserable.

5. Feelings

The way men and women express feelings is patently different. The way one person expresses the same feelings to different people is absolutely not the same.

If two real men were to share the same space for a while, (if they don't hate each other) there is usually forged a brotherly union. Both men will stand up for and defend each other.

However if a man and a woman were to share the same space when they're not biologically related. More often than not, it's romantic feelings that develop.

Conclusion

This is why when ladies say they have serious make friends, the first male instinct is to laugh but if she's actually serious, we feel pity.

During my NYSC days, I met this Yoruba babe from Kwara, three years my senior and her male friend from Fed. Poly Offa. They attended the same CAC from home and after camp soon moved into the same CAC family house at Koko road in Sokoto.

True story.

I always told her that this your friend wants you but she'll maintain that they're just friends. This lady left Sokoto to my village PPA for premium knacks and I still went to their family house to give her premium knacks under his nose.

One night he was outside calling her phone while we were getting it on inside the room. She didn't pick so he left her a message. The next day she admitted that she knew he likes her but he's not her type.

I felt really terrible and couldn't look him in the eye the next day because he was absolutely very nice to me. I returned to my PPA and never went back. Ever. I also stopped picking her calls. Last time I checked, she was with someone else whilst he was still there. A friend indeed.

It may be the other way around, it could be your man parading different ladies as his friends.

Excellent write up, detailed and properly delivered.
It is in a woman's nature to manipulate, deceive and pretend because this is the only way she can obtain power. No matter how much you expose female nature they will always deflect, this is to maintain the illusion of power. Men know this aquire knowledge and power

fyzaila:
Can please summarise? You can summerbeans too

Lazy youth

fyzaila:
Can please summarise? You can summerbeans too

Give it up bro

Message is not for low IQs

fyzaila:
Can please summarise? You can summerbeans too

I'd rather not. Sorry.

fyzaila:
Can please summarise? You can summerbeans too

Use chatgpt

It's there for a reason.

marlow1962:
When you're friends with a girl, just ready to be a mugu.

Oh my!

Been there, done that, never ever doing it again. Ever!

When there's real job opportunities or connections, she'll give it to the boyfriend. When there's problem in the relationship, that time is when she'll remember you exist. That's when you'll become psychiatrist + psychologist + therapist. You'll listen to family and relationship problems that absolutely do not concern you.

She'll steal money and time that should be used in bettering yourself, relaxing, looking for better jobs or chasing another woman. The day you say you're busy, you're not a good friend. You will suffer all the boyfriend responsibilities with zero boyfriend benefits.

Money you won't get, knack you no go get, she will not position her friends for you to knack because of jealousy, cash you will spend, time you will waste, mumu you will be.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

So when I hear he's my friend, it's two things

1. The guy wan knack
2. The guy na big mumu


It's usually 1 out of the two but sometimes it's both.

I once tried this shit... Before I knew, we Don dey fuvk each other 😂

ibkonekt:


Excellent write up, detailed and properly delivered.
It is in a woman's nature to manipulate, deceive and pretend because this is the only way she can obtain power. No matter how much you expose female nature they will always deflect, this is to maintain the illusion of power. Men know this aquire knowledge and power

It's the nature of soft power. Soft power cannot use brute force so it manipulates, obfuscates and meanders it's way into total and absolutely control.

As a guy never give that much power away. Even women will never give that much control to a fellow woman. It's why female friendships no dey last.

A woman will quickly spot manipulation tactics and more often than not will not tolerate it. This is why they quickly quarrel and stop talking to each other.

To quote Al Bundy, "Don't try to understand women women understand women and they hate each other".

wahalawahala:
I once tried this shit... Before I knew, we Don dey fuvk each other 😂

Exactly!

The only way these "friendships" actually last is if one party allows themselves to be used. That is the girl allows herself to be a fck-mate or the guy allows himself to be tool.

Other than that, they never truly last. Because they were never built on the same solid foundation that women-women or men-men friendships are built.

atheistandproud:


Oh my!

Been there, done that, never ever doing it again. Ever!

When there's real job opportunities or connections, she'll give it to the boyfriend. When there's problem in the relationship, that time is when she'll remember you exist. That's when you'll become psychiatrist + psychologist + therapist. You'll listen to family and relationship problems that absolutely do not concern you.

She'll steal money and time that should be used in bettering yourself, relaxing, looking for better jobs or chasing another woman. The day you say you're busy, you're not a good friend. You will suffer all the boyfriend responsibilities with zero boyfriend benefits.

Money you won't get, knack you no go get, she will not position her friends for you to knack because of jealousy, cash you will spend, time you will waste, mumu you will be.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

So when I hear he's my friend, it's two things

1. The guy wan knack
2. The guy na big mumu


It's usually 1 out of the two but sometimes it's both.

I agree with the exception if boundaries are set right from the beginning, then friendship can flourish . When boundaries are set by both mutual sexes such as there is no Romantic feelings or we cannot be alone together. Then the relationship can happen.
Not all men wants to have sex with all the women they met. Some are just friends without the intention of having sex. I had female friend who i respected and never thought of being in a romantic relationship. She gave me good advices and helped me out a lot in life. I keep saying not all woman who are friendly with you that you must knack , you can control your urge to have sex if you have sex regularly with your significant other.
And the man is not a mumu

Abi1985:


I agree with the exception if boundaries are set right from the beginning, then friendship can flourish . When boundaries are set by both mutual sexes such as there is no Romantic feelings or we cannot be alone together. Then the relationship can happen.
Not all men wants to have sex with all the women they met. Some are just friends without the intention of having of having sex or being in a romantic relationship, then the friendship can flourish. I am one i had female friends who i respected and never thought of being in a romantic relationship. She gave me good advices and helped me out a lot in life. I keep saying not all woman who are friendly with you that you must knack , you can control your urge to have sex if you have sex regularly with your significant other.

Apart from the rare occasion, what is generally the aim of a man who is chasing a friendship with a woman or women; or a lady who is chasing friendships with men?

Take note of the bolded.

But that's besides the point, let's talk about the need to set boundaries. Would you set those exact same boundaries with a male friend?

I presume not.

Why so? See point number 5. Feelings.

Thus female friendships feel more like friendship lite or acquaintanceship pro plus (to use a smartphone analogy) than actual friendship. So what's the point of that?

Again many Nigerians confuse acquaintanceship with actual friendship and call their acquaintances friends.

It's like that most times.

A lot of men are Naturally Stuupid and They Can't think straight when it gets to matter of the Female gender.

The funny thing is A large chunk of this Stuupid men are quite well to do and they are Solely the ones Throwing we the Alpha under the bus in most cases.

These men keep emasculating themselves at a rapid rate day by day.

They can be friends but should avoid physical relationships and both partners should know each other

You guys are simply foolish. Pray that you become a man who helps women.

atheistandproud:


Oh my!

Been there, done that, never ever doing it again. Ever!

When there's real job opportunities or connections, she'll give it to the boyfriend. When there's problem in the relationship, that time is when she'll remember you exist. That's when you'll become psychiatrist + psychologist + therapist. You'll listen to family and relationship problems that absolutely do not concern you.

She'll steal money and time that should be used in bettering yourself, relaxing, looking for better jobs or chasing another woman. The day you say you're busy, you're not a good friend. You will suffer all the boyfriend responsibilities with zero boyfriend benefits.

Money you won't get, knack you no go get, she will not position her friends for you to knack because of jealousy, cash you will spend, time you will waste, mumu you will be.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

So when I hear he's my friend, it's two things

1. The guy wan knack
2. The guy na big mumu


It's usually 1 out of the two but sometimes it's both.

Na foolish guys they be friend gal because of sex. The moment you don't send any lady, watch them beef you cus you no send them. But bitch niggas will do anything to please them because they know one day she might pity him and tell him to do small

marlow1962:

Na foolish guys they be friend gal because of sex. The moment you don't send any lady, watch them beef you cus you no send them. But bitch niggas will do anything to please them because they know one day she might pity him and tell him to do small

Lmao

Once ladies start to praise you as a guy, have it in mind that you're doing something very wrong! Very very wrong!

Of course if they cannot manipulate you, then you are not useful to them. Funnily enough, you please them, they'll still look down on you. You no please them, they'll still look down on you.

If men can control konji, 99% of our problems solved, just like that.

atheistandproud:



Lmao

Once ladies start to praise you as a guy, have it in mind that you're doing something very wrong! Very very wrong!

Of course if they cannot manipulate you, then you are not useful to them. Funnily enough, you please them, they'll still look down on you. You no please them, they'll still look down on you.

If men can control konji, 99% of our problems solved, just like that.

I no blame them, na olaniyi and emeka where they please them because them wn fck I blame.

marlow1962:

Na foolish guys they be friend gal because of sex. The moment you don't send any lady, watch them beef you cus you no send them. But bitch niggas will do anything to please them because they know one day she might pity him and tell him to do small

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Yes I've learnt this recently that men hardly want friendships with women.

But women are much more naive and think we can be friends with men. The reason is because men approach women under the guise of friendship, knowing they wanted something deeper.

There are men that intentionally friendzone themselves, it's not always the women!

.

rabankonchas:
Maybe 1 percent can be friends (very rare and there's a time factor). There's no argument here, women know but like to feign ignorance and enjoy the attention. The guys also know and are not bold enough to define what they want. It swings both ways, but time must reveal original intentions. Even the acquaintance tag is still 1 percent, as long as its the opposite sex, we all know when the handshake extends past the palm to the elbow.

If the man is gay, then yes. A woman can go and be friends with him. Some gay men and women make the best friends because of shared interests

1Sharon:
Yes I've learnt this recently that men hardly want friendships with women.

But women are much more naive and think we can be friends with men. The reason is because men approach women under the guise of friendship, knowing they wanted something deeper.

There are men that intentionally friendzone themselves, it's not always the women!

Some women are very naive but not all of them are. I think women are very much blessed with the intuition to smell intentions from afar. The problem is that the lure of possible benefits override the intuition.

The last paragraph is me these days. Whilst I do come out cleanly with my intentions, I like to allow for a definite time period to see if and where our outlook and interests overlap. If they don't, I will gladly friend zone myself and allow the connection to wither. So I totally agree with you.

I wish more guys will come out cleanly and be bold enough to speak their mind instead of behaving cowardly.

1Sharon:


If the man is gay, then yes. A woman can go and be friends with him. Some gay men and women make the best friends because of shared interests

This gay thing can be a scam. I don't want to post private chats but I have a lesbian friend in Texas who said that a so-called gay man was thrown out of an LGBTQ lodge for sleeping with a quarter of the femme lesbians 🤣🤣🤣🤣. The butch lesbians were so mad.

They couldn't sue him because Texas law doesn't formally recognize them yet.

Just reminded me of my secondary school days this guy liked the girl so much but the girl don already friend zone am since🤣🤣🤣, meanwhile the guy would even still be performing manly responsibilities like sponsoring her,chaii

Postinor:
Just reminded me of my secondary school days this guy liked the girl so much but the girl don already friend zone am since🤣🤣🤣, meanwhile the guy would even still be performing manly responsibilities like sponsoring her, chaii

Another solid example. Hope say no be you sha 😌😌😌👀👀👀

atheistandproud:


Another solid example. Hope say no be you sha 😌😌😌👀👀👀

it can't be me naw, alpha guy like me

atheistandproud:


This gay thing can be a scam. I don't want to post private chats but I have a lesbian friend in Texas who said that a so-called gay man was thrown out of an LGBTQ lodge for sleeping with a quarter of the femme lesbians 🤣🤣🤣🤣. The butch lesbians were so mad.

They couldn't sue him because Texas law doesn't formally recognize them yet.

Lol. Now how did that happen?

I guess the lesbians weren't really lesbianing either if they could be seduced by a gay man.

1Sharon:


Lol. Now how did that happen?

I guess the lesbians weren't really lesbianing either if they could be seduced by a gay man.

The man wasn't actually gay and the girls were bisexuals, straight men disguise as gay men to get into lesbian bars