Curse777:
You owe your biological parents respect

But

Those who showed you love like your step mother and grandfather you owe them love and loyalty

Battlefield2:
Your story is confusing Mr Man

Meritjoshua:
i don't want my step mom, my dad and the rest of the family to know about what happned recently. Won't it back fire in the future? Won't i look like a traitor to my step mom?

Wawelexy:
You need to tell your dad about it, your dad would decides if your step mother should be carried along... You can't neglect her even though she goofed up

Curse777:


Like my father would say... God gave you Adams apple in your throat as a man to be able to keep secrets

Whatever you do for your mother your step mother and father don't have to know vice versa

Also when you marry a wife, whatever you do for your wife and her family never let your family know

Meritjoshua:
■ My mom left my dad when i was just 6month old. Since then i have been living with my mother until 2010 when she took me to live with a relative in kwara state, i lived there for six years.
During my time there my mom only visited twice, so there is no strong relationship between us. During my stay in kwara state i was badly maltreated. Ïn 2016 my grandpa( my mother's father) came to kwara and took me to ibadan to live with him. But unfortunatly i misbehave and i was taken to my mom. I was about 13yrs old at that time, and i didn't really see her as a mother tho my step dad treated me well. I left her place in 2017 to live with my dad for the first time in my life. And since them my mom has refused to visit me. My step mom never knew i existed(she later met me in 2022) and she took me as her son having heard that my mom dumped me. My mom started calling me few months back which is unknown to the rest of the family. xi

Meritjoshua:
■ My mom narrated how her husband(my step father) ran away leaving her with three kids. She is now working in a private h institution tho she isn't financialy boyant yet. She keep telling me to forgive her that she didn't delibratly leave me. She tried to brainwash me but i don't give a Bleep coz i didn't receive any parental care from her and my dad.
■ So my question is i do i cope coz my dad, step mom and the rest of the family didn't know that she has been calling me. I'm just afraid because it might cause issue in the future. I don't want to hurt my step mom. I don't want to snub my mom and l don't want to tell my dad about her. What do i do?

Kobojunkie:
So, your father watched as your mother did all you accuse her of doing for all that while? And your dad also never even mentioned to his own wife that he already had you before you showed up in the picture? How come?

Kobojunkie:
So, your father watched as your mother did all you accuse her of doing for all that while? And your dad also never even mentioned to his own wife that he already had you before you showed up in the picture? How come?

Kobojunkie:
You have been living with your father since 2017, and how has that time really been for you? Does he, your father give you love or is it your stepmother doing the loving of you in his stead?

I don't think it makes any sense to report your mother to your father is why I ask. And your stepmother, she may just be doing what she feels is recommended of her as your father's wife. If you really need advice, I would suggest your report your mother and your hurt straight to your grandfather. He alone seems in best place to scold her correctly for her foolishness towards you.

Meritjoshua:
■ i stayed with my grandpa while my dad and his wife stay in lagos. My dad comes home at least five times a year(he is a public servant) my step mom met me after grandpa died... [b]She was angry at first but later accepted m[/b]e

Kobojunkie:
Your grandfather is dead? That is sad news! Honestly, I think you are right to admit to yourself that both your father and your mother failed you as parents. So, it makes no sense to report one to the other in this. As for your stepmother, what your father did to her was wrong and it wouldn't be right for you to burden her with other things that could her to have to be fed with stories of the past.

You were 13 in 2016 meaning you are about 20 at this point, am I correct? A 20-year-old ought to be focused on acquiring the skill and education necessary to build a solid future, not concerning himself with the lives and burdens of other people. You heard your mother's story, and nothing says you can't let it be just that... her story. Are you ready to carry on your shoulders a burden like that even at this point in your life?

Meritjoshua:
My mom narrated how her husband(my step father) ran away leaving her with three kids. She is now working in a private h institution tho she isn't financialy boyant yet. She keep telling me to forgive her that she didn't delibratly leave me. She tried to brainwash me but i don't give a Bleep coz i didn't receive any parental care from her and my dad.
So my question is i do i cope coz my dad, step mom and the rest of the family didn't know that she has been calling me. I'm just afraid because it might cause issue in the future. I don't want to hurt my step mom. I don't want to snub my mom and l don't want to tell my dad about her. What do i do?

Meritjoshua:
■ you're right! I will be 20 in few months time.. Ion want to have any issue in future. Ion want to be like a betrayer. -

Kobojunkie:
Let's think about it. You are 20 and some strange woman who never paid attention to you wants you to now carry her life and mistakes on your shoulder. What aspect of that is betrayal or do you assume will cause a problem for you in the future?

Mindlog:


Reading through your narration, I am just visualizing rough wiring of a brain and a venn diagram with 3 circles that overlaps each other with you being the coloured centre, a basic mapping of your family.

One theme is very constant and that is PARENTAL NEGLECT and that made you being tossed around, bad for a wholesome development of a child.

In one venn, you have your father, your step mother and possibly half-siblings, then in the second venn is your mother with another set of half-siblings and a step father who have absconded and finally in the third venn, your grandfather and your other maternal relatives.

Meritjoshua:
■ what if my step mom get to know that i have been calling my mom? My step mom and dad are not aware of what is happening presently. I can't keep it forever.
■ I just gained admission into unilorin(tho i wrote utme in 2022 but they delayed us) my step mom is the one supporting me financialy coz daddy has retired since last x year. what should i do?

Kobojunkie:
1. Well, did your dad and your stepmom actually tell you that you had to cut ties with your mother in order to benefit anything from them or something? They ought not to do that and it is for your own mental sanity that you maintain connection with both parents until such a time as you are ready, if at all, to cut off.

2. You can maybe mention in passing that your mother calls you every now and then and see how she might react to it. Only do this if you have a very good relationship with her.

Meritjoshua:
■ i'm currently not living with my step mom but she do call me and we have met several times. If i tell her about my mom she would expect her to contribute to somethings in my life. And my mom isn't financialy boyant. Ion want to make her a laughing stock. She shouldn't have left my dad

Kobojunkie:
You gave the impression that you currently live with your stepmom. Since you are not best buddies with your stepmom then why do you feel pressured to tell her or reveal any of your private situations to her?

Meritjoshua:
■ telling her might ruin everything. We all know the mentality of an average over religious nigeria woman. I don't want her to feel like my mum is trying to occupy a space.

Meritjoshua:
My mom narrated how her husband(my step father) ran away leaving her with three kids. She is now working in a private h institution tho she isn't financialy boyant yet. She keep telling me to forgive her that she didn't delibratly leave me. She tried to brainwash me but i don't give a Bleep coz i didn't receive any parental care from her and my dad.
So my question is i do i cope coz my dad, step mom and the rest of the family didn't know that she has been calling me. I'm just afraid because it might cause issue in the future. I don't want to hurt my step mom. I don't want to snub my mom and l don't want to tell my dad about her. What do i do?

Kobojunkie:
So why make an issue of it when you already don't want to tell her? If you are not chummy with her, you don't live with her, and she is not able to search through your phone to find anything out about your relationship with the others in your life, why create a thread about this?

sisisioge:


Just tell your parents who have shown you love that your biological mom is calling. No need to hide anything. Transparency is the only reasonable thing to do here.

As for your biological mom, forgive her. Thank God you survived but be wary of any deep relationship with her. A good parent doesnt dump their young vulnerable kids because of the excuse she gave. You survived and dont need her now but do not carry any burden of forgiveness in your heart. Again, tell your loved ones what's going on. Good luck.