*From a concerned lady*👇‼️

My husband is not the same man I fell in love with.

My husband changed totally after wedding day, in fact, it started on the wedding night and its giving me a lot of concern.

It's not that he is not talking to me or we are fighting, but he is not the cheerful happy person anymore.

After months of trying to get what the problem is, he finally opened up to me and I don't know what my fault is, I think he is overreacting.

My husband works in an insurance company and he is just a junior staff, he earns 150k per month, so he is not doing that bad.

When we wanted to get married, my dad wrote the wedding list and everything he would bring, when he saw them, he fumed that they were too much and they should reduce it but my dad insisted that he won't collect it twice, I also told him if he really loves me, he would provide them, he could get help from his family too, it is called bride price and other things, and it is once.

We had little issue then but he later resolved it.

He brought everything they asked for.

During the wedding, my parents told him to buy a cow, rent a hall and decorate it then they'll take care of other things. He said he didn't have money for a big hall and he would prefer a field ground but my dad insisted that rain could disrupt things and he has many people coming.

That almost cause issues too, I had to support him with 50k to get the hall because I know who my dad is, he won't back out.

I didn't know how he did it, he took the hall and designed it, he bought cow too.

His family brought food and everything went fine and that was it.

I don't know what was keeping him moody until he spoke up.

He said I couldn't fight for him, I was there supporting my parents and watch them extorting him, did I even know he had to collect loan to pay for those things?

I got angry because he used the word 'extorting'.

He was the one that wanted to have my hand in marriage and if he cherish me, he should do all they wanted since he is not paying twice.

After I said this, he stopped talking in the house, he comes home, eat and go to bed.

I tried talking to him but he would listen but not talk, he is cold to himself and prefer his privacy.

Have I said something wrong?

I don't like whats happening. My marriage is too young to be going through all these.

I am tired, I don't know what to do.

Advise this lady

Guys, marriage is not chere wereh. Be financially prepared when planning a wedding and stop making the woman feel bad at the end of the day like she caused your downfall.

You are the one who went for her hand in marriage so you should be very ready on all levels to go through with it and provide all that is required in the list and for the ceremony. This why I said some time ago that a guy earning 100k can not get married and many came for me. You will end up borrowing at one point or the other.


Why he's ignoring the lady in the new marriage now is what I don't get. Dem force am? Biko kwa. Make una dey hold enough before talking about marriage and wedding ceremony.

Relationship and marriage ain't for the faint hearted...........

And so long change is constant,it's likely to happen to anybody........So don't be surprised.

Why stress a man so much just because of a wedding. If I had my ways nobody will know I'm married sef 😂 but it can't happen sha because it's going to be a very loud one due to some reasons beyond me . I'm with the man on this, she should genuinely apologize to him or she leaves the marriage.

He said I couldn't fight for him, I was there supporting my parents and watch them extorting him, did I even know he had to collect loan to pay for those things?

I'm afraid I must agree with him that you supported your parents and not your future husband, though I understand how you might not have since you think loving you is shown by how much he pays for you.

Now he's paying loan for buying you and likely feels it when money he should be using to form home with you is being used to pay a loan used to buy you.

Help him pay off the loan, is what I suggest, then he might likely return to being the man you married before you let your parents put him in debt.

And try to let your parents know you are not a goat they sell in the market!

Hh

I will love to marry quietly... Just pay the dowry and that's all. But my fiancee may not agree. I don't like public stuffs.

Etosha:
I will love to marry quietly... Just pay the dowry and that's all. But my fiancee may not agree. I don't like public stuffs.

Same here

People get into debt because of marriage and burial, these events should be on a very low key, you see guys selling properties to collect marriage and burial list then become poorer than they use to be....so sad na by force..

This same story again?


https://www.nairaland.com/7796598/new-marriage-crash

From what i can deduce from your narration above. Your father/parents seems agitative.
Your husband seems coerced.
And it feels like there was nothing you could do.
Was your marriage born out of necessity or by divine occurance?

YouandiAllofus:
From what i can deduce from your narration above. Your father/parents seems agitative. Your husband seems coerced. And it feels like there was nothing you could do. Was your marriage born out of necessity or by divine occurance?

..

Im not the lady in the story.

I personally blame him for still going ahead to marry her.

Jewessgratitud3:
..

Im not the lady in the story.

You definitely can't answer that question.
Because the response to my question determine how best I'm able to put my advise forward

The man found out that all his efforts does not worth it

Jewessgratitud3:

*From a concerned lady*👇‼️

My husband is not the same man I fell in love with.

My husband changed totally after wedding day, in fact, it started on the wedding night and its giving me a lot of concern.

It's not that he is not talking to me or we are fighting, but he is not the cheerful happy person anymore.

After months of trying to get what the problem is, he finally opened up to me and I don't know what my fault is, I think he is overreacting.

My husband works in an insurance company and he is just a junior staff, he earns 150k per month, so he is not doing that bad.

When we wanted to get married, my dad wrote the wedding list and everything he would bring, when he saw them, he fumed that they were too much and they should reduce it but my dad insisted that he won't collect it twice, I also told him if he really loves me, he would provide them, he could get help from his family too, it is called bride price and other things, and it is once.

We had little issue then but he later resolved it.

He brought everything they asked for.

During the wedding, my parents told him to buy a cow, rent a hall and decorate it then they'll take care of other things. He said he didn't have money for a big hall and he would prefer a field ground but my dad insisted that rain could disrupt things and he has many people coming.

That almost cause issues too, I had to support him with 50k to get the hall because I know who my dad is, he won't back out.

I didn't know how he did it, he took the hall and designed it, he bought cow too.

His family brought food and everything went fine and that was it.

I don't know what was keeping him moody until he spoke up.

He said I couldn't fight for him, I was there supporting my parents and watch them extorting him, did I even know he had to collect loan to pay for those things?

I got angry because he used the word 'extorting'.

He was the one that wanted to have my hand in marriage and if he cherish me, he should do all they wanted since he is not paying twice.

After I said this, he stopped talking in the house, he comes home, eat and go to bed.

I tried talking to him but he would listen but not talk, he is cold to himself and prefer his privacy.

Have I said something wrong?

I don't like whats happening. My marriage is too young to be going through all these.

I am tired, I don't know what to do.

Advise this lady

The man is obviously in debt.

He also feels betrayed cos you didn't fight for him concerning the unnecessary expenses.

I support the man on this one. He has potentially entered serious debt for an event that barely lasts a day and you didn't do anything to convince your father that the investment is not worth the pay off in regards to the wedding.

Your husband doesn't feel he has someone he can rely on

Jewessgratitud3:
Guys, marriage is not chere wereh be financially prepared when planning a wedding and stop making the woman feel bad at the end of the day like she caused your downfall.

You are the one who went for her hand in marriage so you should be very ready on all levels to go through with it and provide all that is required in the list and for the ceremony. This why I said some time ago that a guy earning 100k can not get married and many came for me. You will end up borrowing at one point or the other.


Why he's ignoring the lady in the new marriage now is what I don't get. Dem force am? Biko kwa. Make una dey hold enough before talking about marriage and wedding ceremony.

Age is truly not a measure of maturity. I'm beyond shocked that a woman in her forties can reason this way.

Marriage is meant to be a partnership. A woman coming into a man's life is supposed to be a helpmate to him. That is making his life better in all ramifications.

Heck if the lady in question is not able to support her fiancé (now hubby) financially in the wedding expenses, at least she should be able to make her family see reasons on making things easy for him by doing a low key wedding ceremony. Sensible and reasonable ladies do this all the time, a father wields a very strong influence in his daughter's traditional marriage, it is what he says, that happens. So, the onus lies on the lady to make her father see reasons why she and her fiancé who are just about to start their lives should not be stressed.

For the records, a man earning 100k can get married if he marries a woman who is an helpmate. If the lady is earning at least 70k, they can plan themselves, highest they would not have a child immediately until their combine income increases.

Women should know that a man is not looking for burden, but a partner to help and improve his life.

saladinnoir:


The man is obviously in debt.

He also feels betrayed cos you didn't fight for him concerning the unnecessary expenses.

I support the man on this one. He has potentially entered serious debt for an event that barely lasts a day and you didn't do anything to convince your father that the investment is not worth the pay off in regards to the wedding.

Your husband doesn't feel he has someone he can rely on

How is that the ladys fault?
What if her father is the unapproachable type? Besides the guy had a choice not to go ahead with the ceremony but chose to go ahead inspite of all. Then he should bear it and stop transferring aggression on the innocent wife.

Is he saying now that if someone tells him to put his fingers inside fire he will do it because the wife didn't tell the person not to tell her husband to do it? I don't get it.

The man never talk wetin dey vex am. I'm not sure its the issue he's raising. Maybe he has seen that marriage is not all that lovey dovey cruise like he imagined. Bills and other responsibilities don dey wave at him, body come dey pepper 🌶️ am. Kikikikiiiii...

Marriage na una mate.

Anfieldboss:


Age is truly not a measure of maturity. I'm beyond shocked that a woman in her forties can reason this way.

Marriage is meant to be a partnership. A woman coming into a man's life is supposed to be a helpmate to him. That is making his life better in all ramifications.

Heck if the lady in question is not able to support her fiancé (now hubby) financially in the wedding expenses, at least she should be able to make her family see reasons on making things easy for him by doing a low key wedding ceremony. Sensible and reasonable ladies do this all the time, a father wields a very strong influence in his daughter's traditional marriage, it is what he says, that happens. So, the onus lies on the lady to make her father see reasons why she and her fiancé who are just about to start their lives should not be stressed.

For the records, a man earning 100k can get married if he marries a woman who is an helpmate. If the lady is earning at least 70k, they can plan themselves, highest they would not have a child immediately until their combine income increases.

Women should know that a man is not looking for burden, but a partner to help and improve his life.

Mr maturity, if them born you well, try go marry a woman earning 70k with 100k salary, body go tell you. It is people like you that use your sentiments to override logical reasoning and reality, then end up in a huge mess.

As s a single lady, I'm earning way above 100k with other side hustles that bring in money and I know how it feels to survive on such income in a month not to talk of earning that as a couple.

You talk as if you can control birth when it's infact, younger generations like you that don't know the a-z of family planning and will immediately start birthing children like rats.

Abeg, try another line cos if na my age you want take shame me, you don fail. Me no give a hoot cos last I checked, I look and feel 20 years younger than you and the so called age.

Try again.

Jewessgratitud3:


Mr maturity, if them born you well, try go marry a woman earning 70k with 100k salary, body go tell you. It is people like you that use your sentiments to override logical reasoning and reality, then end up in a huge mess.

As s a single lady, I'm earning way above 100k with other side hustles that brings money and I know how it feels to survive on such income in a month not to talk of earning that as a couple.

You talk as if you can control birth when it's infact, younger generations like you that don't know the a-z of family planning and will immediately start birthing children like rats.

Abeg, try another line cos if na my age you want take shame me, you don fail. Me no give a hoot cos last I checked, I look and feel 20 years younger than you and the so called age.

Try again.

You can actually control birth, if you want to. I am married and I am planning my family based on my income. I have a child, and I am not going to have another until I consider myself financially ready.

I didn't mean to shame you based on your age, I only expected more from you. Age is age, we shouldn't let appearance deceive us. (Mind you I am also speaking to myself)

I still maintain my stance on the ability of a man earning 100k to get married provided he finds himself a helpmate indeed. Ask yourself a true and sincere question, how many Nigerians are even earning 100k? People should learn to live within their means, that's the simple way to have a peaceful and happy life.

Anfieldboss:


You can actually control birth, if you want to. I am married and I am planning my family based on my income. I have a child, and I am not going to have another until I consider myself financially ready.

I didn't mean to shame you based on your age, I only expected more from you. Age is age, we shouldn't let appearance deceive us. (Mind you I am also speaking to myself)

I still maintain my stance on the ability of a man earning 100k to get married provided he finds himself a helpmate indeed. Ask yourself a true and sincere question, how many Nigerians are even earning 100k? People should learn to live within their means, that's the simple way to have a peaceful and happy life.

Ok. why body com dey pepper the man earning 150k just because of a one-off expenses he made and is not willing to forgive the wife? It's because his earnings are not enough or doesn't qualify him for such expenses as he has to repay the loan for a longer time ( from the meager salary) and the more it lingers, the more the anger builds.

Nobody sent him. Besides the girl may be the type that fears the father and so wouldn't have been able to talk to the father.

Jewessgratitud3:

Ok. why body com dey pepper the man earning 150k just because of a one-off expenses he made and is not willing to forgive the wife? It's because his earnings are not enough or doesn't qualify him for such expenses as he has to repay the loan for a longer time ( from the meager salary) and the more it lingers, the more the anger builds.

Nobody sent him. Besides the girl may be the type that fears the father and so wouldn't have been able to talk to the father.

See it is not even about the fact that the man is earning 150k, that is why he is upset. The man is upset because "his so called in-laws made life difficult for him just because he wants to marry their daughter". I have seen men that are very well to do, and encountered such from their in laws. The in laws were so demanding just because the man wanted to marry their daughter, after the wedding, the men refused his wife from going to see her people, neither can the woman's people visit her in her matrimonial home (in a bid to pay their in laws back for stressing them out for wanting to marry their daughter)

Families should know that because a man is coming for your daughter's hand in marriage, you should not tax and overburden him.

Ultimately, I blame the man for still going ahead with the marriage despite seeing the overbearing attitude and over demands from his would be in laws. He would have simply walked away and would have found a better girl from a better family background.

Anfieldboss:


See it is not even about the fact that the man is earning 150k, that is why he is upset. The man is upset because "his so called in-laws made life difficult for him just because he wants to marry their daughter". I have seen men that are very well to do, and encountered such from their in laws. The in laws were so demanding just because the man wanted to marry their daughter, after the wedding, the men refused his wife from going to see her people, neither can the woman's people visit her in her matrimonial home (in a bid to pay their in laws back for stressing them out for wanting to marry their daughter)

Families should know that because a man is coming for your daughter's hand in marriage, you should not tax and overburden him.

Ultimately, I blame the man for still going ahead with the marriage despite seeing the overbearing attitude and over demands from his would be in laws. He would have simply walked away and would have found a better girl from a better family background.

Is it easy to find a good girl to marry that he'll just switch overnight like that?

Fact still remains, if he was capable, all that wouldn't be an issue to make a big deal. He's overflooding the matter.

You are not making sense with your submission.
Quite unreasonable

Jewessgratitud3:


Is it easy to find a good girl to marry that he'll just switch overnight like that?

Fact still remains, if he was capable, all that wouldn't be an issue to make a big deal. He's overflooding the matter.

This is the result of marrying for the sake of love lmao.

When reality hit, it does hit hard.

Jecci:
You are not making sense with your submission.
Quite unreasonable

Says a senseless goat. Now I've noticed you. Buzz off!

Who needs your notice. Like it pays my bills or what.

Thought with age comes reasoning but sadly I can't say the same for you.

Jewessgratitud3:


Says a senseless goat. Now I've noticed you. Buzz off!

My dear when he came back from work. Ask him the loan is how much and how much is remaining so far and what are the schedule of payment. And discuss with him on helping out or supporting in payment and you will see the happy hubby

🥹

Why this story again

Before I judge the guy, I want to see the bride price list