Maturity sometimes means minding your own bussiness.

You'd better ask or do your due diligence.

I think you should ask for the reason

Well, I think it is necessary. Beyond the story you hear from him/her because people play victim a lot especially women. Try do your home work well before forging ahead.

Well, while it's not out of place to ask (if he or she truly cares for you, they should open up), it still shouldn't affect your relationship with the person.


Divorce happens because two people in a marriage simply can't make it work any longer, no matter how hard they try.

The only problem with divorcees might be "extra baggage" and unresolved emotional attachments.... Same with those who break up from intimate relationships.

1MILLIONLiGHTS:
Maturity sometimes means minding your own bussiness.

Minding your business does not apply in this situation

fyzaila:
Is it necessary when you meet a divorced man or woman and you want to start a relationship, to start asking what happened? Like starting to dig and dig into the past of the person who is divorced.

In my opinion i don't think it's necessary, just focus on the person and see if you guys can work things out.

My fellow members, what's your opinion?

Not asking is akin to a pilot without map or compass.

better u ask and do ur underground investigation.Dnt let one jezebel sell u dummy story like he eloped with somebody, cheat on her,maltreatment her,womanizer and other scam story.SORRY GO BE UR CASE LATER

fyzaila:
Is it necessary when you meet a divorced man or woman and you want to start a relationship, to start asking what happened? Like starting to dig and dig into the past of the person who is divorced.

In my opinion i don't think it's necessary, just focus on the person and see if you guys can work things out.

My fellow members, what's your opinion?

I know of a lady whose cruel action led to the death of her hubby few years later.
The man refused to involve the police because he didn't want their young daughter to suffer when mother is incarcerated.
The man is long forgotten now.

The woman has remarried and current hubby does not know her history. At least he did not know before marriage. I don't know about now. I just dey pity the men, but late and current.

People dey change sha. Only time will tell.

Dancebreaker:

I know of a lady whose cruel action led to the death of her hubby few years later.
The man refused to involve the police because she didn't want their young daughter to suffer when mother is incarcerated.
The man is long forgotten now.

The woman has remarried and current does not know her history. At least did not know before marriage. I don't know about now. I just dey pity the man.

People dey change sha.

Wow
She must have had a learnt her lesson from the previous ( it's unfortunate that the ex husband had to pay the price) and be a changed person.

Yes before nko. Ask ooo

Klass99:


And you don't want to know his story? Girl, don't play yourself like that. Ask him what happened, what led to his divorce and what part he played in it, what he thinks he could have done differently to preserve the union etc....

You can make this a one time Q & A session and listen carefully to what he says, then subsequently pay attention to his actions to see if they line up with most of what he said in that conversation or what he says in other conversations. His actions should line up with his words and if you see a recurring pattern where words and actions are not aligning please walk and keep on walking.

Female intuition is like an alarm inside most women which goes off when someone is bullshitting us. Call it basic instinct if you want to but don't ever disregard or ignore it, it will hardly lead you astray. So factor that into your overall assessments of him and people in general.

Divorced men tend to have a lot of baggage and issues sha. It ranges from trust issues to lack of commitment, listlessness and never seeming to know what they want, loving booty calls, anger and bitterness towards women in general, where they are constantly judging other women based on their past experience with the ex or her conduct, etcetera. Do you want to dance that dance?

Divorce really rocks their world and messes with their psyche especially if wifey was the one who initiated it and followed through with it to the end. They grow up believing divorce hurts and ridicules us more, so we won't want it and we will never leave, not after 3 or 4 kids na. It's like blunt force trauma with a shock and awe effect when it happens to them. The hurt and pain lingers for a long time, some turn to alcohol others to hoeing for survival.

I prefer widowed men or single and unencumbered ones, they come with less baggage.

You advice is always superb
Noted with thanks 😊

It will be very wrong not to ask, because it is obvious and in the open that they are divorced.

If she is a good lady, it will be a red flag to her if you did not ask, one she is expecting that question, two if you don’t ask it would look as if you are desperate i.e. you just want pursue the relationship and want to avoid difficult and challenging conversations.

Don’t you want to know, if both of you could end up divorcing just like the previous guy? Don’t both of want to learn from the previous divorce and see if you can avoid it?

You must ask, but you have to be very sensitive about, though painful but she has been waiting for the day you will ask. She has been carrying a heavy burden in heart, thinking if known the circumstances would scare you away…the day you asked and both of discussed it in detail, a huge burden would be lifted off her.

It is also possible that, the discussion would make both of you to re-examine the relationship and maybe put a pause on it, it is all good and wonderful, a broken relationship is far more desirable and wonderful than a broken marriage.

It's important you ask what led to his first separation before you enter ooo.....
Even if he tells You, still dig deep to find out more for yourself!

Bahamas95:
Why won't I ask?

I don't want a repeat of what happened in 1960....I will listen attentively and pick the main points and ignore her lies and exaggerations.

talented321:
It is a normal question after over a short period into the relationship'' it is only men and women who have insecurities that take it as a big deal''

Samantha124:
I will ask him because I wouldn't want the same thing to repeat itself in our relationship.

Noted ✅
Thanks 😊 😚

If you are having a relationship with a divorcee, it's necessary to ask him/her what led to the divorce, in most cases your partner will not tell you the truth if her fault led to the divorce. A wife that was divorced for cheating will not tell her new guy what really led to the divorce, and her wife abuser will not tell his new babe what led to his wife divorcing him. It's better to independently verify what led to the divorce of your partner if you are in doubt of his/her account of what led to the divorce. Cheating, irresponsibility, spouse abuse, dire financial situation of the husband, family meddling in couple's affairs etc are some of the reasons couples seek divorce

This goes without saying.


They may not fully admit their error, but it you're discerning, you'll be able to make out the truth, especially as you begin to observe them closely.

Klass99:


And you don't want to know his story? Girl, don't play yourself like that. Ask him what happened, what led to his divorce and what part he played in it, what he thinks he could have done differently to preserve the union etc....

You can make this a one time Q & A session and listen carefully to what he says, then subsequently pay attention to his actions to see if they line up with most of what he said in that conversation or what he says in other conversations. His actions should line up with his words and if you see a recurring pattern where words and actions are not aligning please walk and keep on walking.

Female intuition is like an alarm inside most women which goes off when someone is bullshitting us. Call it basic instinct if you want to but don't ever disregard or ignore it, it will hardly lead you astray. So factor that into your overall assessments of him and people in general.

Divorced men tend to have a lot of baggage and issues sha. It ranges from trust issues to lack of commitment, listlessness and never seeming to know what they want, loving booty calls, anger and bitterness towards women in general, where they are constantly judging other women based on their past experience with the ex or her conduct, etcetera. Do you want to dance that dance?

Divorce really rocks their world and messes with their psyche especially if wifey was the one who initiated it and followed through with it to the end. They grow up believing divorce hurts and ridicules us more, so we won't want it and we will never leave, not after 3 or 4 kids na. It's like blunt force trauma with a shock and awe effect when it happens to them. The hurt and pain lingers for a long time, some turn to alcohol others to hoeing for survival.

I prefer widowed men or single and unencumbered ones, they come with less baggage.

You see why women are always assuming? Your statements sounded very generic, hence my reply. Men may tend to do better after divorce, they maybe be more happy as we have always seen from divorce made public. Both parties may hurt it all depends on who was the victim or the personality of the individual, on how many occasions do you see men initiate a divorce? Women lie alot and claim victims all the time. I repeat they lie alot and over blow everything, few years comes by and they realize they over reacted and lied everything out of proportion.. I mean a woman would even lie that she is been beaten, where that is not the case but just because she wants divorce, she would lie and say all sorts. Believe me women are worse in divorce.

IconicR:
It is very necessary to ask but apply sense to whatever story they'll tell you.
If it's a man, you should ask if his wife left or he pursued her, if it's the former run away from him but if it's the later you can give him a listening ear and try him out.
If it's a woman and her husband chased her away then ask questions and apply your sense because no man chases a good woman away from his life.
And lastly you can't hear the true stories from the individuals involved, apply sense.

Nice one.

Kajaard:


Nice one.

Say it louder same you guys reprimand me each time I make silly comments.
Don't just say nice one and end it there

IconicR:
Say it louder same you guys reprimand me each time I make silly comments

Lol

When you say sensible things I always praise you na

Likewise when you say silly things I attack you as well

Today your head is calm

fyzaila:
Is it necessary when you meet a divorced man or woman and you want to start a relationship, to start asking what happened? Like starting to dig and dig into the past of the person who is divorced.

In my opinion i don't think it's necessary, just focus on the person and see if you guys can work things out.

My fellow members, what's your opinion?

IMO,avoid divorcees except you are also one.

Those people have too many baggages.

Kajaard:


Lol

When you say sensible things I always praise you na

Likewise when you say silly things I attack you as well

Today your head is calm

Ordinary "nice one" is too short. But if it's a silly comment you all are reacting to it'll contain more than three paragraph

Akata will ask you in abroad. She will even request for divorce paper. It is only inferiority that will not make u to ask. Will otedola or dangote be dating a divorcee and they will not ask ?

Do what's right for you

IconicR:
It is very necessary to ask but apply sense to whatever story they'll tell you.
If it's a man, you should ask if his wife left or he pursued her, if it's the former run away from him but if it's the later you can give him a listening ear and try him out.
If it's a woman and her husband chased her away then ask questions and apply your sense because no man chases a good woman away from his life.
And lastly you can't hear the true stories from the individuals involved, apply sense.

I guess you don't know how to use former and later

fyzaila:
Is it necessary when you meet a divorced man or woman and you want to start a relationship, to start asking what happened? Like starting to dig and dig into the past of the person who is divorced.

In my opinion i don't think it's necessary, just focus on the person and see if you guys can work things out.

My fellow members, what's your opinion?

ask and investigate.

No need for such question, the saddest thing to befall any man is to marry a 9ja girl.

They will be sweet @first then after marriage, show you Yoruba pepper.

Yes! You totally should. However, irrespective of what he says you should still do further investigation. Some of these men can lie and blame their ex-wives for the divorce but if you do your findings you'll find out he was the one at fault (e.g. he was physically abusive towards her). So always ask, then dig further.

Honestly, it's best not to date or marry a divorcee. Non-divorcees should date and marry each other. Divorcees should date and marry each other. Make everybody stay in their lane.

spiceadole:


IMO,avoid divorcees except you are also one.

Those people have too many baggages.

Another angle, thanks