Good afternoon Nl family
Please pardon my epistle

My husband lost his job two years ago and ever since he has been so reluctant on getting another.. not to brag but I can say I have been the one keeping the family going ever since the job incidence (not like I ever complained) .

What I noticed about him is he now drinks and smokes and he is always hissing (obviously he is not happy and I try to always console him just to elate his Spirit)

Fast forward to last two months.. I got back from work and I was very tired.. I had to go pick the kids from school , bathe them, feed them and to make matters worst I wasn't feeling too alright .. (when I got home he (my husband) wasn't at home)

When I was done with the kids and fixing the house I was so tired I thought to myself to take a lil nap that was how I slept off (and this was around 9pm) ..

He got back around 10pm obviously drunk and smelling like a skunk.. he went straight to the kitchen. That was how the whole problem started.. first was insult.. then my phone, smashed it on the ground later my clothes he started tearing them .. saying all those things he was destroying was why I was feeling untouchable that he knows I have male friends sleeping with me..

I tried securing my items so he doesn't destroy more things that was how he pounced on me..

The next day I got him arrested he spent two days there.. but now I feel so guilty... He doesn't talk to me anymore.. I have apologized times without number

I don't just know what to do...


Nb: even while he was there I was still taking food to him

A man can feed his family for years and no one will hear about it. He's often proud to bear the responsibility. But the moment a woman starts bearing the responsibility, all hell must break loose, sooner or later

Like seriously?

You arrested and lucked up your husband for 2 days? No one is dumb here ma. No right thinking woman just suddenly locks up her husband. Was there food in the kitchen for him when he came home? Did you cook for yourself and just the children?

There are other crises resolution and mediation channels available to resolve issues within spouses. Did you explore any of them?

You most probably had nurtured this thought of locking your husband up for a while. You also most probably have mocked him in your actions and your words.

Madam, you don buy market o! I assure you of this, your husband will never forgive you. The day that man gets a job and finds his feet you will be the one begging for divorce.

I am not making excuses for him. Your husband is going through serious depression. No man wants to not be able to provide for his family. The present economy doesn't help at all. You could have handled the situation better.

Na wah

Well, what he did was unlawful and if you ask me, you did the right thing by getting him arrested.

Let it be a warning to him that next time you wouldn't be lenient on him.... You can apologize to him for getting him arrested, but let him know that you don't appreciate what he did to you and you're not going to stand for it if he continues with his behavior.

It's not your fault that he lost his job and can't find another one.

Beating u up is a big time fuckup'' but you arrest him because u are doing better than him' if not there would have been another method to settle the issue''
Your husband don't have work at the moment and he is traumatized' it is not easy for a man who was once feeding the family and having some cash to spend to depend on a woman for survival''
Your husband may forgive u but i don't think he will forget the incident in a hurry' because it sound like an oppression to him''
You are in best position to arrange ur house''
Something might be right in ur hand but depend on the action u take, you will be blamed at the end'''

Men are endangered species now

Men's life matter

Dogalmighty17:
You arrested and lucked up your husband for 2 days? No one is dumb here ma. No right thinking woman just suddenly locks up her husband. Was there food in the kitchen for him when he came home? Did you cook for yourself and just the children?

There are other crises resolution and mediation channels available to resolve issues within spouses. Did you explore any of them?

You most probably had nurtured this thought of locking your husband up for a while. You also most probably have mocked him in your actions and your words.

Madam, you don buy market o! I assure you of this, your husband will never forgive you. The day that man gets a job and finds his feet you will be the one begging for divorce.

I am not making excuses for him. Your husband is going through serious depression. No man wants to not be able to provide for his family. The present economy doesn't help at all. You could have handled the situation better.

I have never ever nortured such thought.. I have endured countless insults and provocations..

What else could I have done.. ? Like I said I regret my actions but I just wished he had never touched me or raising his hands to the kids.. saying he doesn't even know if the kids were his.. since he lost his job it has been one issue to another.. but I try to see through his eyes .. to understand what he is going through..

I do not have excuse for my actions.. I just need a solution

Thanks for your contributions anyways

Samantha124:
Well, what he did was unlawful and if you ask me, you did the right thing by getting him arrested.

Let it be a warning to him that next time you wouldn't be lenient on him.... You can apologize to him for getting him arrested, but let him know that you don't appreciate what he did to you and you're not going to stand for it if he continues with his behavior.

It's not your fault that he lost his job and can't find another one.

It was more of a warning to him.. I didn't neglect him there.. he had access to his phone.. even though as first he wasn't taking my call but I kept texting him..

Now the thing is he was supposed to come out the next day but he refused. Said since I placed him there he'd wish to die there(emotional blackmail if you ask me)

I had to go with his friends to beg him the next day..

It's a clear case that your husband is going through depression and transferred aggression.

You should have just left the house for him with your kids to stay with your parents.
Laslas you don show am say you get power with the arrest. I can't judge you though...

But the man will never forget it.
I can't say whether the arrest is right or wrong. We live in an era where spouses kill each other.

Just understand he is frustrated...

Dogalmighty17:
You arrested and lucked up your husband for 2 days? No one is dumb here ma. No right thinking woman just suddenly locks up her husband. Was there food in the kitchen for him when he came home? Did you cook for yourself and just the children?

There are other crises resolution and mediation channels available to resolve issues within spouses. Did you explore any of them?

You most probably had nurtured this thought of locking your husband up for a while. You also most probably have mocked him in your actions and your words.

Madam, you don buy market o! I assure you of this, your husband will never forgive you. The day that man gets a job and finds his feet you will be the one begging for divorce.

I am not making excuses for him. Your husband is going through serious depression. No man wants to not be able to provide for his family. The present economy doesn't help at all. You could have handled the situation better.

The man deserves more than that. He has been without job for 2 years and all he could do was to drink, smoke, destroy his wife stuff and even went as far as hitting her.

I am a man and i will keep saying it, we men can't take half of what we dish out to women.

These same men cannot try all these nonesense in developed countries. Naija na shithole truly. Too many things wrong about the country

I'm sorry to say this, but your husband is childish.

If he was my husband and he starts emotionally blackmailing me like that by refusing to leave those police cells... I was going to leave him there until the police kick him out, or until he decides to leave.

As long as I'd have apologized to him and explained the reason why I got him arrested, I'd have left him there with his childish tantrums.

Maybe it's because I don't tolerate nonsense.

Verokeena:



It was more of a warning to him.. I didn't neglect him there.. he had access to his phone.. even though as first he wasn't taking my call but I kept texting him..

Now the thing is he was supposed to come out the next day but he refused. Said since I placed him there he'd wish to die there(emotional blackmail if you ask me)

I had to go with his friends to beg him the next day..

Verokeena:
■ Good afternoon Nl family Please pardon my epistle
My husband lost his job two years ago and ever since he has been so reluctant on getting another.. not to brag but I can say I have been the one keeping the family going ever since the job incidence (not like I ever complained) . What I noticed about him is he now drinks and smokes and he is always hissing (obviously he is not happy and I try to always console him just to elate his Spirit)
Fast forward to last two months.. I got back from work and I was very tired.. I had to go pick the kids from school , bathe them, feed them and to make matters worst I wasn't feeling too alright .. (when I got home he (my husband) wasn't at home)
When I was done with the kids and fixing the house I was so tired I thought to myself to take a lil nap that was how I slept off (and this was around 9pm) ..
■ He got back around 10pm obviously drunk and smelling like a skunk.. he went straight to the kitchen. That was how the whole problem started.. first was insult.. then my phone, smashed it on the ground later my clothes he started tearing them .. saying all those things he was destroying was why I was feeling untouchable that he knows I have male friends sleeping with me. I tried securing my items so he doesn't destroy more things that was how he pounced on me.. The next day I got him arrested he spent two days there.. but now I feel so guilty... He doesn't talk to me anymore.. I have apologized times without number I don't just know what to do... Nb: even while he was there I was still taking food to him

So why exactly do you feel guilty for having him arrested for 2 days? Would this all had gone better if he had taken to smashing your head after smashing everything else?

Now that you are obviously aware the man has taken to acting out violently, don't you think it makes sense at this point to distance yourself and your kids from him instead of worrying whether he is in speaking terms and if he has eaten or not? Please, separate yourself from that man asap. The space might do him a whole hell of good..

Lucky you to even have such options. The evil "women are created for us to torture and transfer aggression on, and we are entitled to keep doing so, without/ despite correction" gender won't like this. Ignore whatever they say. I suggest you stop apologizing to your husband, and watch your back. God be with you.

@ Verokeena

Please do not feel guilty about arresting him, after all he behaved like an animal.

If it has happened before, please do not ignore it. Tell your parents or brothers to call an extended family meeting. In this inflation, a man will be misbehaving anyhow, still maltreating your wife upon say she is taking good care of the home without disturbing you.

Nawa o,this one is strong.

Wetin poverty go do man for this life ba..e no get wetin that woman go fit do the husband that will make him lock her up in the the police cell….I’m not in support of domestic violence oh but there are better ways to handle things like that….what about moving out until the man comes to his senses?
That man pride has been punctured for life!!

Persephone1:
May we not marry a boy man

Dear Op, may people have an adage it is: Aiki lo kabo ile ejo , ka tun sore. It means we don't come back from court to become friends. Arresting your husband may be right or wrong but what happens when he is released?
If you were arrested as a wife, will you be happy with your husband and let everything go back to normal when you are released?
Especially in this part of the world.

If you still want a happy marriage after a dispute, police station should not an option. In the sight of the law, you are right but culturally you are not.

Get elders to speak to him, I hope he listens. May God help you. This matter deep i can't think straight self

The only reasonable submission I completely agree with. Nice one.

Verokeena:
■ It was more of a warning to him.. I didn't neglect him there.. he had access to his phone.. even though as first he wasn't taking my call but I kept texting him. Now the thing is he was supposed to come out the next day but he refused. Said since I placed him there he'd wish to die there(emotional blackmail if you ask me). I had to go with his friends to beg him the next day..

OP, you did nothing wrong and so have no reason to feel guilty at all. He attacked and you had to defend yourself the best way you know to. He needs to process what he did and what resulted in order to realize how far he has fallen. Will he get back up and become the husband you once loved? That all depends on how he manages his ego, and it is not for you to help him with it. He needs to grow with this experience, on his own. Else, you will continue to manage his tantrums and attitude for a long time to come. I wouldn't wish such a thing on anyone.

UnfairLife7:
The man deserves more than that. He has been without a job for 2 years and all he could do was drink, smoke, destroy his wife's stuff and even went as far as hitting her.

I am a man and I will keep saying it, we men can't take half of what we dish out to women.

These same men cannot try all these nonsense in developed countries. Naija na shithole truly. Too many things wrong about the country

You think it's easy

The man was going through a lot. I've seen young boys passing through family issues start taking drugs not to talk of a grown man who lost his job.

Do you know what the community must have been saying and treated him?

You are not nice with your comment, neither is his wife that locked him up. From her story, she's obviously a good wife, but she got it wrong at that point. Just because she's been good dosen't mean we should overlook the bad she did.

Dammm, that man might never forget this. I am certain the moment he gets his shit right (which he eventually will) he will remind her of this.

dreamxhaser:
■ You think it's easy The man was going through a lot. I've seen young boys passing through family issues start taking drugs not to talk of a grown man who lost his job. Do you know what the community must have been saying and treated him? You are not nice with your comment, neither is his wife that locked him up. From her story, she's obviously a good wife, but she got it wrong at that point. Just because she's been good dosen't mean we should overlook the bad she did. Dammm, that man might never forget this. I am certain the moment he gets his shit right (which he eventually will) he will remind her of this.

She did bad by defending herself from an assailant the only way she knew to which is calling the cops to stop him. So, you would rather she had sat there, with the kids, and taken the assault abi?

If say na man wey dey reason well well, him suppose know say na him supposed to dey apologize to his wife and children for his violent outburst scaring his loved ones the way he did. But sadly, to the average Nigerian, the ego is an excuse not to apologize for wrongs done, rather than a tool showcasing his intelligence.

Samantha124:
Well, what he did was unlawful and if you ask me, you did the right thing by getting him arrested.

Let it be a warning to him that next time you wouldn't be lenient on him.... You can apologize to him for getting him arrested, but let him know that you don't appreciate what he did to you and you're not going to stand for it if he continues with his behavior.

It's not your fault that he lost his job and can't find another one.

Home adviser, where’s your husband?
You don’t have a husband but can advise people on how to lock up theirs. Lmao

Okay.

Omoawoke:


Home adviser, where’s your husband?
You don’t have a husband but can advise people on how to lock up theirs. Lmao

Samantha124:
Okay.

Where’s your husband. You think boyfriend is same as having a husband.

The man can even take another woman to change her except he let it slide'' the woman locked him up because he is broke at the moment''

dreamxhaser:


You think it's easy

The man was going through a lot. I've seen young boys passing through family issues start taking drugs not to talk of a grown man who lost his job.

Do you know what the community must have been saying and treated him?

You are not nice with your comment, neither is his wife that locked him up. From her story, she's obviously a good wife, but she got it wrong at that point. Just because she's been good dosen't mean we should overlook the bad she did.

Dammm, that man might never forget this. I am certain the moment he gets his shit right (which he eventually will) he will remind her of this.

The one pouncing on his overworked wife is 'endangered species'? I hear you, I really do.

TINUBUISMAD:
Men are endangered species

Men's life matter

Dogalmighty17:
You arrested and lucked up your husband for 2 days? No one is dumb here ma. No right thinking woman just suddenly locks up her husband. Was there food in the kitchen for him when he came home? Did you cook for yourself and just the children?

There are other crises resolution and mediation channels available to resolve issues within spouses. Did you explore any of them?

You most probably had nurtured this thought of locking your husband up for a while. You also most probably have mocked him in your actions and your words.

Madam, you don buy market o! I assure you of this, your husband will never forgive you. The day that man gets a job and finds his feet you will be the one begging for divorce.

I am not making excuses for him. Your husband is going through serious depression. No man wants to not be able to provide for his family. The present economy doesn't help at all. You could have handled the situation better.

Mumunatu

dreamxhaser:


You think it's easy

The man was going through a lot. I've seen young boys passing through family issues start taking drugs not to talk of a grown man who lost his job.

Do you know what the community must have been saying and treated him?

You are not nice with your comment, neither is his wife that locked him up. From her story, she's obviously a good wife, but she got it wrong at that point. Just because she's been good dosen't mean we should overlook the bad she did.

Dammm, that man might never forget this. I am certain the moment he gets his shit right (which he eventually will) he will remind her of this.

trust me i understand what he's going through. I sincerely understand. I am not a married man but his condition isn't completely different from mine honestly. Or would you consider a graduate earning 20k with lots of dependants (old and young) gainfully employed? Did you know how unhappy and frustrated i am? I can't even had half of the money to myself. Would you expect me to hit my siblings or aged dependant because they're somewhat thorn on my flesh? Or i should be angry at them for giving birth to me in this harsh economy? Or you think they don't offend me in one way or the other? So destroying properties, getting drunk, hitting them will put an end to my worries right?

The worst that probably happened was that he returned home and met no food right? Was that the reason for all that actions? Do you know how many night I've gone to bed with empty stomach while my dependants had something to eat? Do you expect me to cut off their head for not keeping something down for me no matter how little?

I know you might want to say i am not married yet. I should get married first and all that. What makes you feel marriage will change who i am? Like marriage will suddenly make me a violence person?


I don't condole violence no matter the situation.

talented321:
The man can even take another woman to change her except he let it slide'' the woman locked him up because he is broke at the moment''

This your comment is really unfair...

This has nothing to do with his financial status.. for two years i tried everything within my strength to make him not feel like he was jobless.. at a point i connected him to a job but he turned it down cos he feels that position is too low for him..



But thanks for your contributions