Does he still have someone he regards?

Verokeena:
Good afternoon Nl family
Please pardon my epistle

My husband lost his job two years ago and ever since he has been so reluctant on getting another.. not to brag but I can say I have been the one keeping the family going ever since the job incidence (not like I ever complained) .

What I noticed about him is he now drinks and smokes and he is always hissing (obviously he is not happy and I try to always console him just to elate his Spirit)

Fast forward to last two months.. I got back from work and I was very tired.. I had to go pick the kids from school , bathe them, feed them and to make matters worst I wasn't feeling too alright .. (when I got home he (my husband) wasn't at home)

When I was done with the kids and fixing the house I was so tired I thought to myself to take a lil nap that was how I slept off (and this was around 9pm) ..

He got back around 10pm obviously drunk and smelling like a skunk.. he went straight to the kitchen. That was how the whole problem started.. first was insult.. then my phone, smashed it on the ground later my clothes he started tearing them .. saying all those things he was destroying was why I was feeling untouchable that he knows I have male friends sleeping with me..

I tried securing my items so he doesn't destroy more things that was how he pounced on me..

The next day I got him arrested he spent two days there.. but now I feel so guilty... He doesn't talk to me anymore.. I have apologized times without number

I don't just know what to do...


Nb: even while he was there I was still taking food to him

Samantha124:
Well, what he did was unlawful and if you ask me, you did the right thing by getting him arrested.

Let it be a warning to him that next time you wouldn't be lenient on him.... You can apologize to him for getting him arrested, but let him know that you don't appreciate what he did to you and you're not going to stand for it if he continues with his behavior.

It's not your fault that he lost his job and can't find another one.

With this attitide and mentality just forqet it, you will never get a happy home. Am not sure you will do well in marriage....*Spits*

Verokeena:
Good afternoon Nl family
Please pardon my epistle

My husband lost his job two years ago and ever since he has been so reluctant on getting another.. not to brag but I can say I have been the one keeping the family going ever since the job incidence (not like I ever complained) .

What I noticed about him is he now drinks and smokes and he is always hissing (obviously he is not happy and I try to always console him just to elate his Spirit)

Fast forward to last two months.. I got back from work and I was very tired.. I had to go pick the kids from school , bathe them, feed them and to make matters worst I wasn't feeling too alright .. (when I got home he (my husband) wasn't at home)

When I was done with the kids and fixing the house I was so tired I thought to myself to take a lil nap that was how I slept off (and this was around 9pm) ..

He got back around 10pm obviously drunk and smelling like a skunk.. he went straight to the kitchen. That was how the whole problem started.. first was insult.. then my phone, smashed it on the ground later my clothes he started tearing them .. saying all those things he was destroying was why I was feeling untouchable that he knows I have male friends sleeping with me..

I tried securing my items so he doesn't destroy more things that was how he pounced on me..

The next day I got him arrested he spent two days there.. but now I feel so guilty... He doesn't talk to me anymore.. I have apologized times without number

I don't just know what to do...


Nb: even while he was there I was still taking food to him

You are cheap liar for not saying what happened in between the bolded.

I don't even trust your words or submission here, My Dad will never beat anybody with his clear eyes, he was drunk once and beat my mum, it didn't end well that night, in the long run it turned out my mum used verbal insults on him and even some physical power though considered weak.

A Drunk Man will beat if you annoy him unless you are stronger, locking your husband up and starving him of sex show you are an evil woman, if he was completely useless in the past 2 years you wouldn't even create the thread, he still has a purpose in your life that you can't fill.

Well I don't wish you Good Luck but God knows best, after all Mason Greenwood got married to a woman who accused of rape.

MrAbufayed:
■ A man's ego is like his life,trust me you just bruised it.being a man I can give you a manipulative solution,but I'm a real nigga so I won't. just invite someone he respects and let the person speak for you that you only did what you did because you felt that in that state he could have hurt you and the kids.even cite the fact that he stayed for two days the policemen elongated his stay because you couldn't provide a bribe,let him tell your husband that you still love and honor him, reason you have not run away since he Lost his job.Do this and come back and say thank you

1. Stop telling this lie! In saner climes, men use their egos to showcase their intelligence and ability to respect other humans. Nigerian men on the other hand use their egos as the format to bully women and others who they consider lesser beings -- unacceptable behavior.

BRATISLAVA:


My dear, who is not married? You are not married yourself, neither do you know the full details of the beatings he gave her that made her resort to getting him where he belongs.

If he didn't beat her he wouldn't be hanged. But since he had, what other defense do you have for him?

Marriage is not a do or die affair. Ask Osinachi if she still thinks it is.

Wow, do you think the beating just started because he went to the kitchen, as she puts it? He got to where he belongs and she regrets it. Marraige is not about who is wrong or right, her present stand spells that.. well I will leave u to ur understanding. Marraige is not do or die, using osinach as a yardstick, is very narrow of you. May the soul of osinachi rest in peace and if the man is wrong, let him get the full punishment. Let life not happen to u.

So according to you, a happy marriage equals to a woman getting beaten up and having her dishes getting broken by her husband?

KingLennon:

With this attitide and mentality just forqet it, you will never get a happy home. Am not sure you will do well in marriage....*Spits*

Kobojunkie:
So, even if they both want to, they shouldn't even try to reconcile and mend the marriage? Do you listen to yourself at all?

Mend what exactly? Have you not been listening to your self asking me multiple times how the man is an animal, plus the woman's action of locking the animal up? What nonsense reconciliation is being suggested here?

The woman's actions has not reduced the tensions that induced the animalistic venture of the man, it rather exacerbated the whole thing, so how else will this be resolved? Abeg let everyone dey their dey.

KingLennon:

With this attitide and mentality just forqet it, you will never get a happy home. Am not sure you will do well in marriage....*Spits*

she won't tolorate or condole violence in marriage. Only a foolish or naive woman will take that shit from Men

Microwhy:

Bro thanks..
I initially wanted to take her side but you opened my mind.

I concur with you.
I had wanted to pity her but when I read this bros comment, I realized I have a woman in the house and honestly, they can be mouthful when a man is cashless.

We only heard her side. We didn’t hear from the man.

Locked him up

Better you find another man to marry. As for the man you locked up, sope, otilor

The deed is done and we shouldn't continue the blame game. Explore these options and I'm sure there will be a way out.
1. Pray to God for him to have a change of heart as I can see he is extremely wounded in his heart.
2. Get him a gift and once again sincerely apologize to him for locking him up.
3. Involve those he has high regard for: this could be his family members, Elders, religious leaders or his close friends to make him forgive you.

If you follow up on these suggestions, I trust that God will help you.

Kobojunkie:
So, even if they both want to, they shouldn't even try to reconcile and mend the marriage? Do you listen to yourself at all?

Wife batterers rarely change. They have deep behavioral issues and feel entitled to exerting themselves on their wives, and will go to any extent to justify it. And in a patriarchal society full of people with the mentality like what comments are found on this thread, they will never want to change.

It's their "right".

victorazy:


Sharap!!!!
What do you know, what have u seen.

Don't you know that whoever arrest you is your enemy.

You're a foolish man. If you like beat your wife. You will sleep inside cell and they will tear your yansh brokeback style. Idi0t

Samantha124:
So according to you, a happy marriage equals to a woman getting beaten up and having her dishes getting broken by her husband?

don't mind those brain dead men. To them happy marriage is once they are still together irrespective of the situation then they are happily married. African Men

Believe this poster at your own peril.

Until we hear from the husband too before we know what really happened. I'm my experience, Women have a way of narrating events like they never had any faults....

The deed has been done.....
Find him a job, be a bitch, let him call soldier make them arrest you for barracks for only one day......
Teeth for tat......
Let's see

A40:
You're a foolish man. If you like beat your wife. You will sleep inside cell. Idi0t

What else to expect from poor, angry men? Their only entertainment is sex and beating up their women.

LilMissFavvy:
Nairaland is a Nigerian forum, the men here are always biased* and supportive of their malefolk. They will always support evi!l comm'itted by their menfolk no matter what. Never take all the advice/condem'nation from them.

You did the right thing to get him arres'ted. He has a duty to provide for his family, rather than provide, he is drinking and keeping late nights. He lost his job and you are trying your best to provide. Even if there was no food, he is supposed to be understanding. some women would have abandoned him for being unable to provide. He was very wrong to tearrr your clothes, destroy your phone, accuse you and had the guts to beat* you.

Yes it was right to get him arrested*, you have taught him a good lesson.

Stop feeling guilty, and if possible stop apologizing, the more you apologize, the more he will ignore you so that you feel guilty.

Reduce the way you spend in that home, save more, draw your children closer, you can about it, then whatever will be, take it like a strong woman.

did the right thing then why is she begging him for days
You go go marry her or send her to your brother.

Take this:

Woman is just gate keeper of Sex
Man can get as many with money.

Man is gate keeper of Marriage....
Woman only earn it with loyalty & respect.

tunwumi:
Does he still have someone he regards?

Why does it matter whether he has someone he regards? He violently assaulted his own family members. If he does not know how utterly terrible an act that is— if his own conscience has yet to click on the horribleness of what he did—, then nobody can make him truly see it.

KingLennon:

With this attitide and mentality just forqet it, you will never get a happy home. Am not sure you will do well in marriage....*Spits*

I agree.

The crop of women on this platform scares me.

To think this is a microcosm of what is obtainable out there is even more scary.

Hisincrease:


I concur with you.
I had wanted to pity her but when I read this bros comment, I realized I have a woman in the house and honestly, they can be mouthful when a man is cashless.

We only heard her side. We didn’t hear from the man.

if you like beat your wife, you go sleep for cell for days. If your wife is too naive to stand for herself your neighbour will do that for her

BRATISLAVA:
■ Wife batterers rarely change. They have deep behavioral issues and feel entitled to exerting themselves on their wives, and will go to any extent to justify it. And in a patriarchal society full of people with the mentality like what comments are found on this thread, they will never want to change.

It's their "right".

OP played superwoman for 2 years so she probably has it in her to try to make the marriage work.

You locked your husband up... So sick... and now you're feeling bad... As painful as the truth sounds, you'll continue to live with that guilt for a long time until maybe when your husband is back stable and gets back his mental health 100%


What you did is like making someone who is already going through trauma go through more trauma

thesicilian:
A man can feed his family for years and no one will hear about it. He's often proud to bear the responsibility. But the moment a woman starts bearing the responsibility, all hell must break loose, sooner or later

You nailed it man

A40:
You're a foolish man. If you like beat your wife. You will sleep inside cell and they will tear your yansh brokeback style. Idi0t

For your info, am married for 6yrs
I can't beat my wife BUT there are many ways to beat woman.

Akuya! Your just a boy no worry u go understand better in future.

your wife u married with ur sweat and blood go lock u for days then you'll know how it taste.

Procashtips:


I didn't even lay any verdict in the comment you quoted, so the role of chief justice goes to you that already condemned the man.

How are you sure he was truly drunk?
How did you know he actually beat her?

Seems you have not been framed before by a woman.

Hopefully you don't end up in such a situation.

Amen

Kobojunkie:
WOW... Do you actually believe there is a valid reason why you would want to attack another human being and destroy property that is not yours?

Okay, wait until someone attempts to kill you first

I don’t support violence.
But who will speak for the man?

Madam, I really feel bad for you. Hitting you wasn’t right. But you could have reported him to his people or your people or elders; especially if this is the first time.

In this part of the world, we men are quite egoistic. The man’s ego has been bruised and he will never forgive you earlier except the spirit of wisdom intervenes.

Please get the family elders to intervene.
They will caution him not to hit you again and you may have to appease the gods.

I know lots of people will say you did nothing wrong; remember they are in their houses, typing with their phones.

Na you de house with an angry man.

UnfairLife7:
she won't tolorate or condole violence in marriage. Only a foolish or naive woman will take that shit from Men

Have u heard the man's side of the story? Wisdom is required in marriage

We have different breaking point. A punch cant make you cry does not mean another can not cry with just a poke.

UnfairLife7:
trust me i understand what he's
I don't condole violence no matter the situation.

I'm not sorry to say this, "YOU DON'T HAVE RESPECT FOR YOUR WIFE".....I ACCEPT ALL HIS WRONG DOINGS, THAT'S HIS PRESENT MENTALITY. HE NEEDED YOUR FULL SUPPORT AT THIS POINT.



HE MIGHT FORGIVE YOU BUT WILL MEVER BE ERASED IN HIS MEMORY..


ALSO, YOU JUST PASSED A STRONG MESSAGE TO YOUR DAUGHTER IN THE FUTURE.


I RISE!!!

Verokeena:



I have never ever nortured such thought.. I have endured countless insults and provocations..

What else could I have done.. ? Like I said I regret my actions but I just wished he had never touched me or raising his hands to the kids.. saying he doesn't even know if the kids were his.. since he lost his job it has been one issue to another.. but I try to see through his eyes .. to understand what he is going through..

I do not have excuse for my actions.. I just need a solution

Thanks for your contributions anyways

braine:


I agree.

The crop of women on this platform scares me.

To think this is a microcosm of what is obtainable out there is even more scary.

if you like beat your wife you go sleep for cell for days. If your wife is too naive to stand for herself your neighbours will do that for her