Dogalmighty17:
You arrested and lucked up your husband for 2 days? No one is dumb here ma. No right thinking woman just suddenly locks up her husband. Was there food in the kitchen for him when he came home? Did you cook for yourself and just the children?

There are other crises resolution and mediation channels available to resolve issues within spouses. Did you explore any of them?

You most probably had nurtured this thought of locking your husband up for a while. You also most probably have mocked him in your actions and your words.

Madam, you don buy market o! I assure you of this, your husband will never forgive you. The day that man gets a job and finds his feet you will be the one begging for divorce.

I am not making excuses for him. Your husband is going through serious depression. No man wants to not be able to provide for his family. The present economy doesn't help at all. You could have handled the situation better.

She don buy better market, God help any time that man finds a job, she's gone.

I will keep saying it for everyone to hear, women can not manage success and power, they will most likely abuse it and tell the world how she did this and that but if you find that woman who can cover your shame. My brother hold her tight

They never want to take responsibility for their actions, always playing victims.

UnfairLife7:
don't mind those brain dead men. To them happy marriage is once they are still together irrespective of the situation then they are happily married. African Men

UnfairLife7:
if you like beat your wife, you go sleep for cell for days. If your wife is too naive to stand for herself your neighbour will do that for her

Everyone is not an idiot like you.

Dogalmighty17:
You arrested and lucked up your husband for 2 days? No one is dumb here ma. No right thinking woman just suddenly locks up her husband. Was there food in the kitchen for him when he came home? Did you cook for yourself and just the children?

There are other crises resolution and mediation channels available to resolve issues within spouses. Did you explore any of them?

You most probably had nurtured this thought of locking your husband up for a while. You also most probably have mocked him in your actions and your words.

Madam, you don buy market o! I assure you of this, your husband will never forgive you. The day that man gets a job and finds his feet you will be the one begging for divorce.

I am not making excuses for him. Your husband is going through serious depression. No man wants to not be able to provide for his family. The present economy doesn't help at all. You could have handled the situation better.

it's always very easy to criticize people's actions when you are not in their shoes, whatever she did was out of frustration, although she should have subjugated the issue she let her emotions took the best of her and now she is facing the consequences, the deed has be done na solution remain find elderly people to help you beg him, join hands with him to get a new job, so issues like this won't repeat itself be supportive, this too shall pass

Samantha124:
So according to you, a happy marriage equals to a woman getting beaten up and having her dishes getting broken by her husband?

We haven't heard from both sides. What if he didn't literally do all what he has been accused of?

Persephone1:
May we not marry a boy man

Dear Op, my people have an adage it is: Aiki lo kabo ile ejo , ka tun sore. It means we don't come back from court to become friends. Arresting your husband may be right or wrong but what happens when he is released?
If you were arrested as a wife, will you be happy with your husband and let everything go back to normal when you are released?
Especially in this part of the world.

If you still want a happy marriage after a dispute, police station should not be an option. In the sight of the law, you are right but culturally you are not.

Get elders to speak to him, I hope he listens. May God help you. This matter deep i can't think straight self

You have spoken well, and like an elder. You see, in the last 2 years, August precisely my life, business and all is been upsidedown.

I live in Abuja, my home was demolished, and also this June my work station was demolished. So you can understand that the frustrations in my life are astronomical.

No marriage is perfect, especially when the primary source of financial flow drops or stops permanently.

I have a wife, and I have 2 kids with my wife and 2 other beautiful daughters outside my marriage. Yes! I am putting this out so that the OP knows that she's overdone this.

Any day I go to my new office space I spend roughly N3,500 and I may end up not getting any return for that day. Before now, every other month I make roughly 350k or more.

Because of this drop in funds, I get some silly behaviors from the wife, it is only normal for women to want to overdo things especially when they have friends, and maybe their husbands are doing fairly well.

There are issues here and there, but I try to never let it result into deep quarrels or me hitting my wife. May God never allow me do this.

You husband is totally wrong for hitting you, and there are no justification for even damaging your things. But let me tell you ooh! Some of these people that are advising you don't mean well.

Anybody wen arrest me na there our friendship end, this is why I have never thought about arresting anybody. If it turns out that my wife would be the one to arrest me Hmmm! That Marriage is Over and I mean it.

Forgive and avoid, simple. Where una elders or neighbors dey wen you go bring police? Na power play be that na! Like you planned it out.

But then you know your husband, try to get family and friends to beg him, and I pray he forgives.

Money and Job will come...na small time remain.

Styluss:
We have different breaking point. A punch cant make you cry does not mean another can not cry with just a poke.

domestic violence is a No. It's a criminal offence

thesicilian:
A man can feed his family for years and no one will hear about it. He's often proud to bear the responsibility. But the moment a woman starts bearing the responsibility, all hell must break loose, sooner or later

That's life. Same way the day a man clean and keeps the house, cooks and feedback qnd bath the children, all hell must break loose.

royalfly:


Wow, do you think the beating just started because he went to the kitchen, as she puts it? He got to where he belongs and she regrets it. Marraige is not about who is wrong or right, her present stand spells that.. well I will leave u to ur understanding. Marraige is not do or die, using osinach as a yardstick, is very narrow of you. May the soul of osinachi rest in peace and if the man is wrong, let him get the full punishment. Let life not happen to u.

Let life not happen to you, since you have convinced yourself that you're posting for unmarried toddlers. Let life not happen to you.

If the man is wrong, you say, yet many people knew he was a wife beater and her own children testified that he was a wife batterer to the extreme. If the man is wrong you say. Is there a God anywhere that will consider beating ones wife as something debatable and be unsure if it is right or wrong? If the man is wrong, you say. Even the law knows it is a crime punishable with jailing. And that's why he's there.

Thank God it is your opinion despite the plain evidence before you, and not the truth.

Have you beaten your woman today? Because that's what this liberality in the face of evil has gotten to. People like you helped Osinachi to where she is.

victorazy:


For your info, am married for 6yrs
I can't beat my wife BUT there are many ways to beat woman.

Your just a boy no worry u go understand better in future.

You're a fool. You can try it now and see how they will turn you to a mummy inside cell. What a m0ron.

KEEP QUIET MADAM... WARNING BY 🔒 NG HIM UP?

Verokeena:



It was more of a warning to him.. I didn't neglect him there.. he had access to his phone.. even though as first he wasn't taking my call but I kept texting him..

Now the thing is he was supposed to come out the next day but he refused. Said since I placed him there he'd wish to die there(emotional blackmail if you ask me)

I had to go with his friends to beg him the next day..

Verokeena:



I have never ever nortured such thought.. I have endured countless insults and provocations..

What else could I have done.. ? Like I said I regret my actions but I just wished he had never touched me or raising his hands to the kids.. saying he doesn't even know if the kids were his.. since he lost his job it has been one issue to another.. but I try to see through his eyes .. to understand what he is going through..

I do not have excuse for my actions.. I just need a solution

Thanks for your contributions anyways

examining your comments and topic. I can bet you have cheated on your husband or have been cheating on him

Ma'am is your husband on nairaland if not i reserve my comments. Thanks.

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Verokeena:



This your comment is really unfair...

This has nothing to do with his financial status.. for two years i tried everything within my strength to make him not feel like he was jobless.. at a point i connected him to a job but he turned it down cos he feels that position is too low for him..



But thanks for your contributions

In the eyes of the law and feminism you are right to have looked your jobless,broke and depressed husband but in the eyes of culture and religion you are extremely wrong....

Your husband is depressed, ashamed and angry with himself and life for his inability to get a job and provide for his family.

And instead of encouragement, understanding and patience, you decided to lock him up for two days as a result of his depressed outrage.

Did you report him to the family elders ?

Did you report to your pastor or any family members or family friends ?

You could have used the police to threatened him but instead you went for outright arrest.

There are more effective ways to handle such situations but I believe you wanted to prove your superiority over your husband as the Bread winner of the house. I am 100% sure your female friends suggested and encouraged you to go to such extreme....

One thing I can assure is that by locking him up in the worst stage of his life, you have succeeded in destroying your home and marriage. That man will never forgive such inhumane and disgraced treatment from his wife....

Nigerian men are only vocal when it comes to oppressing their women. They will not try this nonsense with white men or women. Put them face to face in the same room for intellectual sparring with white people that's when you'll realize how dark and empty their arrogant heads are.

Op your husband was wrong to assault you. Don't let anyone emotionally blackmail you into thinking it's his right to misbehave because he is male.

He would have been arrested for months or years at least if you were in any of the saner countries where women are treated like human beings and not emotional punching bags for men.

Apologize if you feel like it, if not divorce him. He can Bleep right off with his childish/worthless self.

thesicilian:
A man can feed his family for years and no one will hear about it. He's often proud to bear the responsibility. But the moment a woman starts bearing the responsibility, all hell must break loose, sooner or later

Because Adam was not created for Eve.

But Eve was created cos of Adam... Adam go hear pepper

Verokeena:
Good afternoon Nl family
Please pardon my epistle

My husband lost his job two years ago and ever since he has been so reluctant on getting another.. not to brag but I can say I have been the one keeping the family going ever since the job incidence (not like I ever complained) .

What I noticed about him is he now drinks and smokes and he is always hissing (obviously he is not happy and I try to always console him just to elate his Spirit)

Fast forward to last two months.. I got back from work and I was very tired.. I had to go pick the kids from school , bathe them, feed them and to make matters worst I wasn't feeling too alright .. (when I got home he (my husband) wasn't at home)

When I was done with the kids and fixing the house I was so tired I thought to myself to take a lil nap that was how I slept off (and this was around 9pm) ..

He got back around 10pm obviously drunk and smelling like a skunk.. he went straight to the kitchen. That was how the whole problem started.. first was insult.. then my phone, smashed it on the ground later my clothes he started tearing them .. saying all those things he was destroying was why I was feeling untouchable that he knows I have male friends sleeping with me..

I tried securing my items so he doesn't destroy more things that was how he pounced on me..

The next day I got him arrested he spent two days there.. but now I feel so guilty... He doesn't talk to me anymore.. I have apologized times without number

I don't just know what to do...
Nb: even while he was there I was still taking food to him

But Talk True O...Where you Snobbing Him bcoz he has been idle and with out Work? Have you been cheating on him and not giving him attention since? Then You Caused it. you push him into Depression and Alcoholism...Change Ur Ways,Pls. RECOVER UR HUSBAND PLS.

Verokeena:
Good afternoon Nl family
Please pardon my epistle

My husband lost his job two years ago and ever since he has been so reluctant on getting another.. not to brag but I can say I have been the one keeping the family going ever since the job incidence (not like I ever complained) .

What I noticed about him is he now drinks and smokes and he is always hissing (obviously he is not happy and I try to always console him just to elate his Spirit)

Fast forward to last two months.. I got back from work and I was very tired.. I had to go pick the kids from school , bathe them, feed them and to make matters worst I wasn't feeling too alright .. (when I got home he (my husband) wasn't at home)

When I was done with the kids and fixing the house I was so tired I thought to myself to take a lil nap that was how I slept off (and this was around 9pm) ..

He got back around 10pm obviously drunk and smelling like a skunk.. he went straight to the kitchen. That was how the whole problem started.. first was insult.. then my phone, smashed it on the ground later my clothes he started tearing them .. saying all those things he was destroying was why I was feeling untouchable that he knows I have male friends sleeping with me..

I tried securing my items so he doesn't destroy more things that was how he pounced on me..

The next day I got him arrested he spent two days there.. but now I feel so guilty... He doesn't talk to me anymore.. I have apologized times without number

I don't just know what to do...


Nb: even while he was there I was still taking food to him

Are you to blame for his job loss? If not I don't advise that you take sh'ts. You are even trying to be supportive but to no avail. Now he's making things worse by being a drunk and violent. You better give himm a space for the time being to sort himself out. But be careful, you never can tell the stuff people are made of. People can show different colors under different situations. Be strong. Even, men love strong women.

My question requires a yes or a no.

I'm asking about you, would you tolerate such behavior if your wife was doing the same thing to you?

KingLennon:

We haven't heard from both sides. What if he didn't literally do all what he has been accused of?

Kobojunkie:
OP played superwoman for 2 years so she probably has it in her to try to make the marriage work.

With the sort of comments here, it's not hard to see why she would stay. The good thing for her is that she knows he's committing a crime. Maybe she will get the wisdom to leave.

BRATISLAVA:


What else to expect from poor, angry men? Their only entertainment is sex and beating up their women.

He's a stupid man. If you have the liver to beat up your wife why are you now scared of cell?

Everybody should be able to keep their hands to themselves. Even me I no dey tolerate abusive woman whether verbally or physically so I don't expect a woman to do so either

UnfairLife7:
if paradventure you found a friend or sister in Op situation willing to sacrifice everything all in the name of marriage to an irresponsible man. I expected you to talk her out of it. She doesn't deserve to be in that mess called marriage

I once slapped my sister many years ago in an attempt to correct her. Along that week, I agreed I could've corrected her without the slap. I decided never to since then.

My first question will be, do you still want to keep your home? If she says no, we can let hell lose. If she says yes, we have a struggle to win. With consideration for separation on desk.

braine:


I agree.

The crop of women on this platform scares me.

To think this is a microcosm of what is obtainable out there is even more scary.

Seconded...


Am sorry if they tag me old fashioned but I wished I got married in the late 80's or early 90's. The women we have now lack wisdom....

You think it's different in Nigeria? If Nigeria do keep statistics of women who are abu$ed and killed* by their husbands, I am very sure that the number would be above a thousand.

capnies:


THE SAME DEVELOPED COUNTRIES THAT YOU CAN'T TELL WHO'S A MALE OR FEMALE ON THE STREETS, ABEG SPARE US THAT NEOCOLONIAL THINKING. DO YOU KNOW THAT IN AMERICA ABOUT FIFTY WOMEN ARE SHOT AND KILLED MONTHLY BY THEIR HUSBANDS, BECAUSE OF THE STUPID LAWS THAT HAS MADE THEM HEADY. . .

I am 101% sure you re not saying all what happened...

No sane man will just walked in, go into the kitchen ND come back to start hitting you, smashing your phone....


This should serve as a lesson to all men, try as much as possible to get a job when you lost one to avoid see finish....

Or leave the house often till you get a job...

I'm married and I don't pray to be in his shoe, but if my wife arrest me, I will never return to the house again

A40:
You're a fool. You can try it now and see how they will turn you to a mummy inside cell. What a m0ron.

From your connotations your just a boy. This conversation is beyond your comprehension. I think I've given you a maximum attention.

Hisincrease:

Everyone is not an idiot like you.

domestic violence is a No. I do not care what led to that.

cutesharon:
Any law against a man cooking his own food especially when the woman has gone out to work and fend for his sorry ass. Even if she is talking to a man, and so. Is there a law against that. Someone that should be massaging wife's back for even working for both of them instead of joining his pityful self drinking and complaining. Some women would have carried their bags and disappeared. Nonsense.

You sound like you are in the same shoe, respect is reciprocal. If you see nothing wrong in your partner ignoring you at that critical time then you are damaged beyond repair. If you are not married yet, make sure you don't swear any oath during your marriage at least your hubby will know exactly what he is going in for. Until I hear from the man, I don't believe this woman story however, i don't support any form of domestic violence.

UnfairLife7:
because i know how violence men are to women. Domestic violence, rapist, assault, robbery, cyber fraud, pick pocket, hooligans et al. All these are men handwork

Try dey talk true no matter how bitter it is

They will never admit it. They always play innocent victims when their deeds are their banner. A look at the news tells us that the man is very capable of what he's accused of.

Today they are acting like men don't beat their wives, like the man in question is a saint. They need to hear from him, because when they hear from him it will un-beat up his wife, justify everything and make it right. But just switch genders in the story and you'll see how they will react.

Nemesis0147:
Wetin poverty go do man for this life ba

Money na man oo bro

Am sure osinachi will have a rethink and rather stay alive. She did nothing wrong she is even nice.

Persephone1:
May we not marry a boy man

Dear Op, my people have an adage it is: Aiki lo kabo ile ejo , ka tun sore. It means we don't come back from court to become friends. Arresting your husband may be right or wrong but what happens when he is released?
If you were arrested as a wife, will you be happy with your husband and let everything go back to normal when you are released?
Especially in this part of the world.

If you still want a happy marriage after a dispute, police station should not be an option. In the sight of the law, you are right but culturally you are not.

Get elders to speak to him, I hope he listens. May God help you. This matter deep i can't think straight self

victorazy:


From your connotations your just a boy. This conversation is beyond your comprehension. I think I've given you a maximum attention.

You dey fear cell or cemetery? Beat your wife nau. Ahn ahn e hard?