KingLennon:

Seconded...


Am sorry if they tag me old fashioned but I wished I got married in the late 80's or early 90's. The women we have now lack wisdom....

By lack wisdom you mean they are not willing to tolerate oppression and shitty treatment in the name of being good wives?

Thank God times are changing. It will only get better for women.

domestic violence is very bad. If your best resolution is locking him up in the police station rather than threatening him with the force, reporting to his friends and family, starving him sexually or other ways then she should face whatever consequences. Would she have arrested him if he was the breadwinner?
Im sure she would find other alternatives.
My people say you dont do friends after a court case. Only a miracle can safe that marriage.
BTW Are you married?

UnfairLife7:
domestic violence is a No. It's a criminal offence

darealez:
I once slapped my sister many years ago in an attempt to correct her. Along that week, I agreed I could've corrected her without the slap. I decided never to since then.

My first question will be, do you still want to keep your home? If she says no, we can let hell lose. If she says yes, we have a struggle to win. With consideration for separation on desk.

the earlier you know a woman doesn't have a home once a man raises his hand on her the better for you.

Samantha124:
Well, what he did was unlawful and if you ask me, you did the right thing by getting him arrested.

Let it be a warning to him that next time you wouldn't be lenient on him.... You can apologize to him for getting him arrested, but let him know that you don't appreciate what he did to you and you're not going to stand for it if he continues with his behavior.

It's not your fault that he lost his job and can't find another one.

Is only on NL you see people like you yet married advising people about their homes what do you know about family? Stupid thing

KingLennon:

Seconded...


Am sorry if they tag me old fashioned but I wished I got married in the late 80's or early 90's. The women we have now lack wisdom....

I'm telling you, my brother. This is one of the reasons I'm not married yet and having my peace for along as I can.

It might shock una to know that the op's husband might have just simply shoved her aside as she blocked him from entering the house and she claimed she was beaten.

Women can exaggerate stories oh, I know this cos am a victim.

Matix222:


Money na man oo bro

e no get wetin that woman go fit do the husband that will make him lock her up in the the police cell….I’m not in support of domestic violence oh but there are better ways to handle things like that….what about moving out until the man comes to his senses?
That man pride has been punctured for life!!

UnfairLife7:
if you like beat your wife you go sleep for cell for days. If your wife is too naive to stand for herself your neighbours will do that for her

I wont end up with the type id ever lay my hands on. I'm too wise to make that mistake now.

braine:
■ Mend what exactly? Have you not been listening to your self asking me multiple times how the man is an animal, plus the woman's action of locking the animal up? What nonsense reconciliation is being suggested here?
■ The woman's actions has not reduced the tensions that induced the animalistic venture of the man, it rather exacerbated the whole thing, so how else will this be resolved? Abeg let everyone dey their dey.

You are wrong to assume that I subscribe to your suggestion that all men in that situation resort to animalistic behavior like OP's husband is reported to have done. And yes, a relationship can be mended if both parties are willing to make allowance for such to occur.

2. Why should her actions be to reduce tensions when the man is responsible for creating tension where there ought not to have been one to begin with?

Samantha124:
My question requires a yes or a no.

I'm asking about you, would you tolerate such behavior if your wife was doing the same thing to you?

You are deviating. Am not saying that what the man did was good (according to her side of the story) but am saying that she handled it wrongly. That man is depressed and broken. I've been down that road before and I know how it feels...

Connected1:

You are cheap liar for not saying what happened in between the bolded.

I don't even trust your words or submission here, My Dad will never beat anybody with his clear eyes, he was drunk once and beat my mum, it didn't end well that night, in the long run it turned out my mum used verbal insults on him and even some physical power though considered weak.

A Drunk Man will beat if you annoy him unless you are stronger, locking your husband up and starving him of sex show you are an evil woman, if he was completely useless in the past 2 years you wouldn't even create the thread, he still has a purpose in your life that you can't fill.

Well I don't wish you Good Luck but God knows best, after all Mason Greenwood got married to a woman who accused of rape.

no one is yet to detect that woman(op) is cheating on her husband.

shantti:
It might shock una to know that the op's husband might have just simply shoved her aside as she blocked him from entering the house and she claimed she was beaten.

Women can exaggerate stories oh, I know this cos am a victim.

Aswear.....she as she arrange the d story

A40:
He's a stupid man. If you have the liver to beat up your wife why are you now scared of cell?

Everybody should be able to keep their hands to themselves. Even me I no dey tolerate abusive woman whether verbally or physically so I don't expect a woman to do so either

Preach.

The extent they can go to justify their proclivities in others is an eyesore. Imagine where they feel he has a reason for beating her, yet they don't feel he should be imprisoned, because hurting another person against the law is not a big deal? Even if he killed her you would still read that type of daft comment.

The way some people have integrated into society is worrisome.

Emily22:


All she said is trash, a man came back home, entered kitchen, started beating you , broke your phone without anything triggering it.


I am sure she must have insulted the living daylight out of the man. Now she is playing the pity card.

Maybe she blocked him from entering his house and he simply pushed her aside, then she intentionally fell down and started yelling that he has killed her and then called the police on him.

thesicilian:
A man can feed his family for years and no one will hear about it. He's often proud to bear the responsibility. But the moment a woman starts bearing the responsibility, all hell must break loose, sooner or later

And he will also keep quiet when his wife refuses to do anything at home and instead goes out to drink and smoke. Stop deceiving yourself.

When I was living in ondo state. I stayed in a sef con but the neighbors living within were married and living in one and two beds.
The young couple living opposite me,the man would be beating the wife in the middle of the night. That's how she would be shouting our names in the middle of the night. The first time I noticed I was the only one the went out in the entire compound to knock but no one opened and the screams suddenly disappeared. The next morning i saw the lady going out with black eyes and all that. Later they were all nice and sweet again. Bottom line is before I moved out of that very compound I lost count of how many times this man beats his wife in the middle of the night,that I didn't bother coming out when they start or even care.
Another neighbor was doing it here in Ph. The man is even a pastor in the church they attend,he beats the shit out of the woman but they moved out shortly and am I not surprised to say I still see them coincidentally around riding as couples most times.
My own is those women cheering are husbandless and lonely who are so desperate to hang onto a man. Don't listen to them. You alone should know your man better,act accordingly without a third party interference. A man wants to be the boss of his home so any thing demeaning can be frustrating as a man. Probably he's beginning to feel worthless,you should help him find his worth if you truly care. Most women here three times out of three wouldn't restrain their spouses but would be here with their chattrap.

Kobojunkie:
1. Stop telling this lie! In saner climes, men use their egos to showcase their intelligence and ability to respect other humans. Nigerian men on the other hand use their egos as the format to bully women and others who they consider lesser beings -- unacceptable behavior.

If I flog you ehnnn.....

Not sure if the OP will get to read this, but I'll be blunt with the truth:

A man who drinks to overcome his family problems will eventually ruin that family. The wife and kids will also suffer and it will affect their future.

Life happens to everyone and I don't blame him at all for the financial challenges... However, he has 100% blame for a decision to start drinking to forget his problems.. it's a selfish and a lazy solution.
If he's truly depressed he should confide in you and take antidepressant drugs and counselling.... then start making attempt to bounce bounce while you stylishly cover his unclothedness financially without letting third parties, including the children, your friends or family know (This is where most women don't do well)

Most domestic violence and abuse are almost always linked to alcohol use. Almost always.
Apart from you being traumatized, your innocent children are already being condemned to grow up with serious psychological trauma, that may eventually affect their personalities, future relationships, self esteem and so on...

I'm not exonerating you too, especially if you are a nagging woman (I hope you are not, if so, stop it) which pushes most men, especially those with low self esteem to alcohol use which they now use to come and confront their wives and cause all sorts of domestic violence and abuse, usually in the presence of the children...

So.. my very blunt advice is for you to leave the marriage.
Let me repeat again. Leave the marriage very early.
Even if he makes it back again, he'll use it to punish you.

It's not because I like single parents or divorce.. but because leaving him now is a lesser evil. The foundation is already faulty.


I am a man, but for the sake of your young children, your sanity and if you want to enjoy your old age, start strategizing now on how to leave.. and leave once your plans are solid.

As for the man, don't hate him.. he's a victim of life plus his inborn personality.. stay in touch with him, send money to him when you can. And let your children have frequent and quality fatherly relationship with him to help their growth

Samantha124:
Personally speaking, I think gender based violence is very high in your country, but the law there doesn't take it seriously.

Even most of your women no longer bother to report it because you guys see it as a normal thing... You don't see anything wrong with a man beating up his wife or girlfriend.

Well, I see it as very wrong. Kindly do me the favour of sending ops message to the sister you got arrested and your mum. I'd love to hear from them.

If a hen spills my milk, I'll crush it's eggs... It's fine if I don't need those eggs anymore, I can have an eggless omelette then!!

Persephone1:
May we not marry a boy man

Dear Op, my people have an adage it is: Aiki lo kabo ile ejo , ka tun sore. It means we don't come back from court to become friends. Arresting your husband may be right or wrong but what happens when he is released?
If you were arrested as a wife, will you be happy with your husband and let everything go back to normal when you are released?
Especially in this part of the world.

If you still want a happy marriage after a dispute, police station should not be an option. In the sight of the law, you are right but culturally you are not.

Get elders to speak to him, I hope he listens. May God help you. This matter deep i can't think straight self

Please don't ever consider this comment because if you accept violence it will continue until you are no more

Just two days ?

I hope he signed an undertaking

Jobless, drunk, bad mouthing and wife beater, yet you locked him up for just two days.


Nonsense!

Him still see small money to drink ogogoro na him cause am.

DavidTech23:
■ Okay, wait until someone attempts to kill you first

So, her husband pummeling her— she probably fearing he might kill her— is an exception or what?

Verokeena:



It was more of a warning to him.. I didn't neglect him there.. he had access to his phone.. even though as first he wasn't taking my call but I kept texting him..

Now the thing is he was supposed to come out the next day but he refused. Said since I placed him there he'd wish to die there(emotional blackmail if you ask me)

I had to go with his friends to beg him the next day..

"I had to go with his friends to beg him the next"
You could have reported him to those his friends at first instead of taking such action. You must keep begging him, I pray God gives him forgiving spirit.
Try this logic, I pray it work

One weekend or your free work day, just pretend as if you are seriously sick, if possible, pretend for like that for two to three days and see how he's going to respond. I hope he react positively. After the whole drama, just go on your knees and thank him for how he reacted to your illness (God forbid illness lol) and beg him to let peace reign henceforth.
Keep praying for him and never sieze to encourage him. He will surely come back on his feet.
That man is going through a lot and he's not stable mentally for now. I've been in that situation before.
God bless your home 🙏

The question is not meant for you. It's beyond you for now.

Kobojunkie:
Why does it matter whether he has someone he regards? He violently assaulted his own family members. If he does not know how utterly terrible an act that is— if his own conscience has yet to click on the horribleness of what he did—, then nobody can make him truly see it.

TheMostComplex1:
■ Please don't ever consider this comment because if you accept violence it will continue until you are no more

Precisely! Violence is unacceptable, no matter what excuse is offered.

Kobojunkie:
Persevere in what sense? Stay in the same home with a man who let his frustrations led him to use her as a punching bad? He still doesn't have a job so he is still frustrated.

Are you suggesting the man has no understanding even after 2 whole years that the person who has been housing and feeding him is a human being?

2. Prayer for what exactly? That the man doesn't come back and break her head next time? Do you know how long Osinachi must have prayed only to end up wormfood after it all? Why una dey like prescribe prayer where commonsense supposed be the best option?

Lol @point 1.

They will say anything to justify and perpetuate their proclivities. It is professional courtesy in the battery club.

UnfairLife7:
domestic violence is a No. I do not care what led to that.

I don’t remember quoting you to disagree or argue views with you. I want you to stay out of my mentions and debate with folks who disagrees with you. Again, every man is not an idiot like you.

Verokeena:
Good afternoon Nl family
Please pardon my epistle

My husband lost his job two years ago and ever since he has been so reluctant on getting another.. not to brag but I can say I have been the one keeping the family going ever since the job incidence (not like I ever complained) .

What I noticed about him is he now drinks and smokes and he is always hissing (obviously he is not happy and I try to always console him just to elate his Spirit)

Fast forward to last two months.. I got back from work and I was very tired.. I had to go pick the kids from school , bathe them, feed them and to make matters worst I wasn't feeling too alright .. (when I got home he (my husband) wasn't at home)

When I was done with the kids and fixing the house I was so tired I thought to myself to take a lil nap that was how I slept off (and this was around 9pm) ..

He got back around 10pm obviously drunk and smelling like a skunk.. he went straight to the kitchen. That was how the whole problem started.. first was insult.. then my phone, smashed it on the ground later my clothes he started tearing them .. saying all those things he was destroying was why I was feeling untouchable that he knows I have male friends sleeping with me..

I tried securing my items so he doesn't destroy more things that was how he pounced on me..

The next day I got him arrested he spent two days there.. but now I feel so guilty... He doesn't talk to me anymore.. I have apologized times without number

I don't just know what to do...


Nb: even while he was there I was still taking food to him

Your husband needed help and instead of getting one for him you decided to get the police involved to arrest him due to his misbehaviours in his drunken State. He did wrong yes but there are ways you should have handled that instead of getting him arrested. It's not really about what we feel here but the impression you have created in his head. You knew he was drunk and he did all those damages not that he was in the right frame of mind to him you have betrayed him and to make matters worst you did that in his most darkest period (while unemployed). Believe it or not, that man will never forgive you for what you did, imagine sleeping in the cell for two days, your own husband? You get mind sha. I am not saying you should have endured the abuse or anything else neither am I supporting him for pouncing on you but common there are 101 ways you should have handled this as a grown woman and mother without involving the police.

I read where you listed out the things you now do and all, weren't you doing all these while your husband was still working? Dont you take care of your kids? Feed them? Why trying to paint it as though it's because your husband is now unemployed, everything is now on you. This is life, you people should learn how to handle issues and accommodate others ills while helping them find a solution. This is your husband for goodness sakes. You bleeped up seriously. You need serious counselling as a woman, a wife and a mother. Do you know what people pass through a night in police cell not to talk about 2 nights. Only God fit Help you, your husband will have lots of reservation about you henceforth.

The west is a standard and will always be a standard. Between being a supporter of LGBT and being a supporter of your corrupt, impoverished*, backward* religious extremist nation, who burn* humans in the name of religion, plus insecurity problems, which is better? Only a foool would support the latter.

capnies:


YES I LIKE THE ADJECTIVE CORRUPT, THIS SAME PEOPLE THINK LIKE YOU, DEVELOPED COUNTRIES, WITH ALL THE VICES UNIMAGINABLE SINCE MAN STEPPED FOOT ON THIS PLANET. ARE YOU NOT SEEING PICTURES OF YOUR LIKE JOINING THE LGBTQ COMMUNITY JUST TO BELONG. THE WEST CAN NEVER BE A STANDARD TO ANY WELL THINKING HUMAN AT PRESENT

Kobojunkie:
You are wrong to assume that I subscribe to your suggestion that all men in that situation resort to animalistic behavior like OP's husband is reported to have done. And yes, a relationship can be mended if both parties are willing to make allowance for such to occur.

2. Why should her actions be to reduce tensions when the man is responsible for creating tension where there ought not to have been one to begin with?

There are some lines that must not be crossed, raising your hand to beat a spouse is one, the other is arresting the spouse (at least in Africa).

Abroad, the man would have suffered more for this. You cannot tell me this is repairable.

Again you're not answering my question.

I want a yes or a no.

KingLennon:

You are deviating. Am not saying that what the man did was good (according to her side of the story) but am saying that she handled it wrongly. That man is depressed and broken. I've been down that road before and I know how it feels...

Emily22:


All she said is trash, a man came back home, entered kitchen, started beating you , broke your phone without anything triggering it.


I am sure she must have insulted the living daylight out of the man. Now she is playing the pity card.

A man came home drunk after his wife went to work, took care of the kids and the house. I don`t feel sorry for him. He should have stayed longer where he was to sober up. He is of no use to anyone outside.