Verysmart101:
■ Madam i hope u don't nag or insult him because of his condition? Cos women broke shaming or nagging at their husbands mostly pushes them into taking alcohol to avoid over-thinking. Well Ur husband will be more desperate to make it than ever before because the line was crossed.U need patience cos he will never forget wat happend trust me.I pray he will forgive you if he gets back to his feet because this thing really hurts his ego.Keep showing him u are truely remoseful so he would calm down.He would be fine it's just time

fxexperts:
Their is no other solution, better divorce is sorry ass. good women don't last, na where una for dey say all this kind fish brain men dey marry self. I am sure you saw his character earlier and decided to marry the idiot you call a husband. See i am a man and i can tell you categorically that man you call your husband is seeing you as the witch that made him to loose his job and a man like that can never, i repeat never ever make it in live again. what kind of a man that can never pick himself up, he is a lazy dull brain idiot.
And for your information life is too short for you to come and use it to experiment one one idiot who doesn't appreciate your effort in trying to support him one bit.


Let the idiot not forget it, you all supporting the lazy simp should all have your heads examine, i pray your sisters and daughter get married to a man who will treat them the way OP husband is treating her and let us see if you all will still support idiot,,, Ndiala lots.

Kobojunkie:
Na reason why your policemen dey use una as punching bag every chance they get.

Kobojunkiee:
Clearly, you did not grasp my response at all.

Again, you keep insinuating that OP's desire to have her marriage back means she now has to live as a punching bag in the marriage. I obviously disagree as I don't believe there exists any reality — or cultural excuse for that matter — where a sane woman who knows to call the cops when attacked, would consider settling into a toxic relationship as her only option.

Verokeena:
Good afternoon Nl family
Please pardon my epistle

My husband lost his job two years ago and ever since he has been so reluctant on getting another.. not to brag but I can say I have been the one keeping the family going ever since the job incidence (not like I ever complained) .

What I noticed about him is he now drinks and smokes and he is always hissing (obviously he is not happy and I try to always console him just to elate his Spirit)

Fast forward to last two months.. I got back from work and I was very tired.. I had to go pick the kids from school , bathe them, feed them and to make matters worst I wasn't feeling too alright .. (when I got home he (my husband) wasn't at home)

When I was done with the kids and fixing the house I was so tired I thought to myself to take a lil nap that was how I slept off (and this was around 9pm) ..

He got back around 10pm obviously drunk and smelling like a skunk.. he went straight to the kitchen. That was how the whole problem started.. first was insult.. then my phone, smashed it on the ground later my clothes he started tearing them .. saying all those things he was destroying was why I was feeling untouchable that he knows I have male friends sleeping with me..

I tried securing my items so he doesn't destroy more things that was how he pounced on me..

The next day I got him arrested he spent two days there.. but now I feel so guilty... He doesn't talk to me anymore.. I have apologized times without number

I don't just know what to do...


Nb: even while he was there I was still taking food to him

thesicilian:
A man can feed his family for years and no one will hear about it. He's often proud to bear the responsibility. But the moment a woman starts bearing the responsibility, all hell must break loose, sooner or later

Morbeta11:
You did no wrong, he is very lucky he is still staying under same roof with you. If its here where the system is very active, they would have given him perimeters until he proves otherwise.....he should be the one apologising to you for his irresponsible behaviour. I have gone through hardship and depression and my wife was the one providing, I appreciated her everyday and took life one step at a time then. Luckily I was able to paddle through and got back to my feet. Her deficiencies in temperament in those days doesn't not count cos she is human first of all and also a woman. What matters is that am back 100% stronger financially. I appreciate her for covering my unclothedness in those days.

jackcanfield:


Eyaa so you haven't hear the latest update, whenever he get drunk , organize with some guys that work in the morgue to take him there, when he wakes up , trust me his brain will reset .

Samantha124:
Femicide cases are low there because your families see reporting them as a thing of shame... The same way you guys are bashing the op for reporting her husband for GBV.

If you guys are not killers, then how come I see cases of Nigerian women being killed by their boyfriends and husbands on this forum almost everyday?

In your country it's even worse because even single ladies get used for rituals, while others get abducted and forced into marriages.

Samantha124:
But that's not an excuse to inflict pain on someone that's been by his side since he lost his job two years ago.

She could've left him, but she stayed in the marriage.

Verokeena:



I have never ever nortured such thought.. I have endured countless insults and provocations..

What else could I have done.. ? Like I said I regret my actions but I just wished he had never touched me or raising his hands to the kids.. saying he doesn't even know if the kids were his.. since he lost his job it has been one issue to another.. but I try to see through his eyes .. to understand what he is going through..

I do not have excuse for my actions.. I just need a solution

Thanks for your contributions anyways

Styluss:
This is a country of 220 million people dear. Thats almost quadruple S.A. Population cases you see are from one particular region, my tribe are not women beaters

KingLennon:

So you're justifying the arrest abi?

Verokeena:



It was more of a warning to him.. I didn't neglect him there.. he had access to his phone.. even though as first he wasn't taking my call but I kept texting him..

Now the thing is he was supposed to come out the next day but he refused. Said since I placed him there he'd wish to die there(emotional blackmail if you ask me)

I had to go with his friends to beg him the next day..

Dogalmighty17:
You arrested and lucked up your husband for 2 days? No one is dumb here ma. No right thinking woman just suddenly locks up her husband. Was there food in the kitchen for him when he came home? Did you cook for yourself and just the children?

There are other crises resolution and mediation channels available to resolve issues within spouses. Did you explore any of them?

You most probably had nurtured this thought of locking your husband up for a while. You also most probably have mocked him in your actions and your words.

Madam, you don buy market o! I assure you of this, your husband will never forgive you. The day that man gets a job and finds his feet you will be the one begging for divorce.

I am not making excuses for him. Your husband is going through serious depression. No man wants to not be able to provide for his family. The present economy doesn't help at all. You could have handled the situation better.

Samantha124:
This is not about tribe or population... It's about your country seeing women reporting cases of GBV as a thing of shame and therefore, dying in silence.

Kobojunkiee:
This attempt at a tale by moonlight reminds me of Osinachi

Osinachi is an example to all women out there in Nigeria land who thinks to rationalize violence and foolishness in marriage. That woman must have
● prayed and fasted her brains out
● asked every third-party her husband respected, including pastors, to intervene
● persevered for so long under very violent conditions yet all the while submitting
● sung her brains out to God to get Him to come down and fix the relationship
● taken on the role of breadwinner so she could be superwoman in her marriage
● made certain her family was aware of the problem in the marriage
● had in-laws who were aware of the conditions in the marriage, even though they did not care to do anything about it

where is she today? She did not do anything to her man as she was busy being the "good woman" yet where is she today? Wormfood and she was made that by that same man she did all that to keep.

Persephone1:
■ Kobo, I have made more than 5 posts on this topic and none of them suggest what you think I meant. No one is telling Op to remain as a punching bag in her marriage. If you read well, you will know my stance here is : Separation.
Unfortunately I'm not Op who wants to remain married, I can only tailor my advice towards her decision. In Nigeria culture you don't arrest your partner, they don't use law to settle right but put an end to a marriage, Op did that but regrets it. That's what my submission is all about.
■ On choosing to remain in marriage as a punching bag, I really don't know where you read that from.

Verokeena:
Good afternoon Nl family
Please pardon my epistle

My husband lost his job two years ago and ever since he has been so reluctant on getting another.. not to brag but I can say I have been the one keeping the family going ever since the job incidence (not like I ever complained) .

What I noticed about him is he now drinks and smokes and he is always hissing (obviously he is not happy and I try to always console him just to elate his Spirit)

Fast forward to last two months.. I got back from work and I was very tired.. I had to go pick the kids from school , bathe them, feed them and to make matters worst I wasn't feeling too alright .. (when I got home he (my husband) wasn't at home)

When I was done with the kids and fixing the house I was so tired I thought to myself to take a lil nap that was how I slept off (and this was around 9pm) ..

He got back around 10pm obviously drunk and smelling like a skunk.. he went straight to the kitchen. That was how the whole problem started.. first was insult.. then my phone, smashed it on the ground later my clothes he started tearing them .. saying all those things he was destroying was why I was feeling untouchable that he knows I have male friends sleeping with me..

I tried securing my items so he doesn't destroy more things that was how he pounced on me..

The next day I got him arrested he spent two days there.. but now I feel so guilty... He doesn't talk to me anymore.. I have apologized times without number

I don't just know what to do...


Nb: even while he was there I was still taking food to him

Samantha124:
If she leaves that house, the husband would have nowhere else to go because she's the one paying for rent.

Would you prefer that she leaves the house so that the husband will end up living under the bridge?

Samantha124:
This is not about tribe or population... It's about your country seeing women reporting cases of GBV as a thing of shame and therefore, dying in silence.

Verysmart101:


And who told u the man would not get back to his feet once again? All of Una dey always form God all the time

Verysmart101:
■ Auntie I asked her a simple question and Ur here typing unnecessary things here.Before u ever call police on your husband,be prepared to leave the marriage period.Its as simple as that

Styluss:
Its about my country seeing diplomatic ways to solve domestic violence rather than methods that leads to an outright divorce.
There are socio-cultural values inherent among Nigerians. If you are a Nigerian, you will understand better!

capnies:


YOU JUMPED THE TRUTH, BECAUSE HE WAS JOBLESS YOU STARTED REFUSING HIM SEX; THAT'S WHAT LED TO THE DRINKING AND ERRATIC BEHAVIOUR. THIS IS THE MISTAKE 90% OF LADIES MAKE.

Styluss:
I talk about population because of the news you read, one or two people in 220 million population isnt alot.
I read the case of Thabo Besta, AKA shot point blank, thats horrible if you ask me!
Why are you so interested in Nigerian contents BTW?
Do you have any afflictions with us?

Samantha124:
What does Thabo and AKA have to do with the topic at hand?

Samantha124:
Okay, so tell me about those socio-cultural values.